WEBVTT

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"Desired Appreciation."

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"Until now, now that
I've reached my 30s,

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all my muse's poetry has
been harmless, American and

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diplomatic.

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A learned helplessness is
what psychologists call it,

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my docile desired state.

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I've been largely
well-behaved and gracious.

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I've learned the doctors
learned of learned helplessness

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by shocking dogs.

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Eventually, we things give up.

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Am I grateful to be here?

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Someone eventually asks
if I love this country.

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In between the
helplessness, the agents,

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the nation must
administer a bit of hope.

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Must meet basic dietary needs.

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Ensure by tube, by nose, by
throat, by other orifice.

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Must fistbump a janitor.

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Must muss up some
kid's hair and let him

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loose around the Oval office.

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Click click could be cameras,
or the teeth of handcuffs,

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closing to fix
the arms overhead.

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There must be a doctor on hand
to ensure the shoulders do not

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dislocate, and there must
be Prince's Raspberry Beret.

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Click click could be Morse code,
tapped out against a coffin

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wall to the neighboring coffin.

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Outside my window,
the snow lights

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cobalt for a bit
at dusk, and I'm

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surprised every second of it.

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I had never seen the
country like this.

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Somehow, I can't say yes.

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'This is a beautiful country.

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I have not cast my eyes
over it before, that is,

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in this direction,' is how John
Brown put it when he looked out

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from the scaffold.

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'I feel like I must
muzzle myself,' I told

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my psychiatrist.

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'So you feel
dangerous?' she said.

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Yes.

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'So you feel like a threat?'

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Yes.

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Why was I so
surprised to hear it?

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