WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.020 align:middle line:90% 00:00:02.020 --> 00:00:02.520 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:00:02.520 --> 00:00:04.560 align:middle line:84% Thank you so much for that introduction. 00:00:04.560 --> 00:00:05.310 align:middle line:90% Where are you now? 00:00:05.310 --> 00:00:07.293 align:middle line:90% Oh there you are. 00:00:07.293 --> 00:00:09.210 align:middle line:84% And I'm going to drink some water, which Jenny 00:00:09.210 --> 00:00:10.440 align:middle line:90% was strong enough not to do. 00:00:10.440 --> 00:00:15.750 align:middle line:90% 00:00:15.750 --> 00:00:17.120 align:middle line:90% I know her. 00:00:17.120 --> 00:00:18.580 align:middle line:90% It's not as weird as it looks. 00:00:18.580 --> 00:00:23.760 align:middle line:84% So I think that I will read from the story, 00:00:23.760 --> 00:00:28.410 align:middle line:84% also not yet published, also somewhat raw, that-- 00:00:28.410 --> 00:00:32.310 align:middle line:84% and are reproduced on this lovely broadside he made. 00:00:32.310 --> 00:00:34.920 align:middle line:84% This is from a collection coming out early next year called, 00:00:34.920 --> 00:00:36.870 align:middle line:90% I Knew You. 00:00:36.870 --> 00:00:37.432 align:middle line:90% I think. 00:00:37.432 --> 00:00:39.850 align:middle line:90% I think that's the name of it. 00:00:39.850 --> 00:00:44.250 align:middle line:84% This particular story is quite rude, quite profane, 00:00:44.250 --> 00:00:46.590 align:middle line:84% and so I tried to cut out the worst 00:00:46.590 --> 00:00:52.320 align:middle line:84% bits in case there were children or other innocents present. 00:00:52.320 --> 00:00:57.060 align:middle line:84% But it's still fairly rude, so cover your ears 00:00:57.060 --> 00:00:59.808 align:middle line:90% if you're frightened. 00:00:59.808 --> 00:01:02.100 align:middle line:84% And basically, it's just-- it's a story about this sort 00:01:02.100 --> 00:01:07.590 align:middle line:84% of angry teenager who masturbates a lot, 00:01:07.590 --> 00:01:11.040 align:middle line:84% likes old music from the-- well, I shouldn't say old. 00:01:11.040 --> 00:01:15.360 align:middle line:84% He likes music from the 70s and 80s and he calls it vintage. 00:01:15.360 --> 00:01:18.270 align:middle line:84% And his parents have recently gotten divorced, 00:01:18.270 --> 00:01:21.990 align:middle line:84% his father left his mother for a far younger woman. 00:01:21.990 --> 00:01:23.550 align:middle line:90% He also likes Latin. 00:01:23.550 --> 00:01:26.172 align:middle line:90% He's quite good at Latin. 00:01:26.172 --> 00:01:28.380 align:middle line:84% So I'll just sort of start in the middle of the story 00:01:28.380 --> 00:01:35.280 align:middle line:84% after the masturbation to preserve your innocence. 00:01:35.280 --> 00:01:37.650 align:middle line:84% He wandered toward the mamacita's lair. 00:01:37.650 --> 00:01:41.010 align:middle line:84% On her vanity, there were cosmetics by the score. 00:01:41.010 --> 00:01:43.830 align:middle line:84% Once, he'd seen a price tag on a pot of her face cream. 00:01:43.830 --> 00:01:45.480 align:middle line:90% 400 bucks. 00:01:45.480 --> 00:01:46.830 align:middle line:90% That was so desperate. 00:01:46.830 --> 00:01:49.530 align:middle line:84% The lotions and the powders hadn't helped. 00:01:49.530 --> 00:01:51.330 align:middle line:84% When he was little, sometimes they'd 00:01:51.330 --> 00:01:53.370 align:middle line:90% gone to parties without him. 00:01:53.370 --> 00:01:56.580 align:middle line:84% Beforehand she'd let him watch her dress, nothing too perv. 00:01:56.580 --> 00:01:59.790 align:middle line:84% She always had a lacy slip on by the time she let him in. 00:01:59.790 --> 00:02:02.340 align:middle line:84% He used to watch her put up her hair like in the movies. 00:02:02.340 --> 00:02:05.310 align:middle line:84% Rich kids watch their mothers get ready. 00:02:05.310 --> 00:02:06.450 align:middle line:90% Good feeling. 00:02:06.450 --> 00:02:08.550 align:middle line:84% Dinner parties in evening wear, she'd 00:02:08.550 --> 00:02:12.660 align:middle line:84% been so deft with bobby pins it looked like sleight of hand. 00:02:12.660 --> 00:02:14.220 align:middle line:90% Magic, he called it then. 00:02:14.220 --> 00:02:16.080 align:middle line:84% He flashed to one time when her long hair 00:02:16.080 --> 00:02:18.150 align:middle line:84% in the space of a few seconds was 00:02:18.150 --> 00:02:21.660 align:middle line:84% transformed into a great, shiny round atop her head. 00:02:21.660 --> 00:02:23.250 align:middle line:90% That should look elegant. 00:02:23.250 --> 00:02:25.170 align:middle line:90% Audrey Hepburn. 00:02:25.170 --> 00:02:26.820 align:middle line:90% Magic, mama. 00:02:26.820 --> 00:02:28.800 align:middle line:84% She picked him up and twirled him. 00:02:28.800 --> 00:02:30.180 align:middle line:90% He'd been so small. 00:02:30.180 --> 00:02:32.070 align:middle line:90% Hard to believe. 00:02:32.070 --> 00:02:33.780 align:middle line:84% He held one lipstick, then another. 00:02:33.780 --> 00:02:35.820 align:middle line:90% He sat down in her chair. 00:02:35.820 --> 00:02:37.320 align:middle line:84% If he were more cross-dressing, he'd 00:02:37.320 --> 00:02:41.850 align:middle line:84% cover his face in all her makeup shit, but that wasn't his bag. 00:02:41.850 --> 00:02:44.940 align:middle line:84% No, true, it'd be perfect maternal horror show. 00:02:44.940 --> 00:02:48.480 align:middle line:84% He'd freak her out when she came home if he was done up 00:02:48.480 --> 00:02:50.700 align:middle line:90% all clownish and faux femme. 00:02:50.700 --> 00:02:53.220 align:middle line:84% That'd be a fast ride to prescribed counseling. 00:02:53.220 --> 00:02:55.650 align:middle line:84% Although his mother would also say 00:02:55.650 --> 00:02:57.990 align:middle line:84% like she'd said about that neighbor kid, 00:02:57.990 --> 00:03:01.050 align:middle line:84% gender fluidity is perfectly natural. 00:03:01.050 --> 00:03:04.180 align:middle line:84% Still, counseling would be called for, which he of course, 00:03:04.180 --> 00:03:05.700 align:middle line:90% would never attend. 00:03:05.700 --> 00:03:07.110 align:middle line:84% You don't want to hurt me, Jemmy. 00:03:07.110 --> 00:03:08.190 align:middle line:90% I know you don't. 00:03:08.190 --> 00:03:09.660 align:middle line:90% You know how much I love you. 00:03:09.660 --> 00:03:12.270 align:middle line:90% You're all I'm living for. 00:03:12.270 --> 00:03:15.090 align:middle line:84% There were also perfumes, bottles dusty. 00:03:15.090 --> 00:03:16.600 align:middle line:90% The deadbeat. 00:03:16.600 --> 00:03:17.910 align:middle line:90% I used to give her those. 00:03:17.910 --> 00:03:20.370 align:middle line:84% He picked up a bottle, spritzed here and there. 00:03:20.370 --> 00:03:22.230 align:middle line:84% You could watch the vapor descend. 00:03:22.230 --> 00:03:25.740 align:middle line:84% If he were high, he'd spritz them until they were all empty. 00:03:25.740 --> 00:03:26.460 align:middle line:90% She'd never know. 00:03:26.460 --> 00:03:27.450 align:middle line:90% Didn't use them. 00:03:27.450 --> 00:03:30.060 align:middle line:84% Just kept the bottles there, centuries. 00:03:30.060 --> 00:03:31.950 align:middle line:84% The bottles were like rows of soldiers 00:03:31.950 --> 00:03:34.260 align:middle line:90% keeping watch over her rest. 00:03:34.260 --> 00:03:36.420 align:middle line:90% Shit yes, like clouds. 00:03:36.420 --> 00:03:37.980 align:middle line:84% They settled on the vanities counter, 00:03:37.980 --> 00:03:40.830 align:middle line:84% dulling the brown shine, darkening the denim 00:03:40.830 --> 00:03:42.810 align:middle line:90% over his knees. 00:03:42.810 --> 00:03:43.800 align:middle line:90% That was the smell. 00:03:43.800 --> 00:03:47.340 align:middle line:84% One of the perfumes was the same the house-selling woman wore. 00:03:47.340 --> 00:03:51.570 align:middle line:84% He masturbated in front of this realtor in the previous scene. 00:03:51.570 --> 00:03:55.170 align:middle line:84% It made him remember, or no, it made him want to remember. 00:03:55.170 --> 00:03:56.430 align:middle line:90% He couldn't reach it. 00:03:56.430 --> 00:03:58.860 align:middle line:84% Back when he wasn't old enough to know himself, 00:03:58.860 --> 00:04:01.140 align:middle line:90% that was when it was from. 00:04:01.140 --> 00:04:04.800 align:middle line:84% Velut arbor, ita ramus, just like the tree, 00:04:04.800 --> 00:04:06.870 align:middle line:90% so was the branch. 00:04:06.870 --> 00:04:07.590 align:middle line:90% Never, never. 00:04:07.590 --> 00:04:09.540 align:middle line:84% She showed her sadness like a split bone 00:04:09.540 --> 00:04:11.280 align:middle line:90% poking out of her skin. 00:04:11.280 --> 00:04:13.260 align:middle line:90% Compound fracture. 00:04:13.260 --> 00:04:16.980 align:middle line:84% A form of nakedness that could never be attractive. 00:04:16.980 --> 00:04:18.600 align:middle line:90% Well, not him. 00:04:18.600 --> 00:04:23.040 align:middle line:90% I show no bones, he said aloud. 00:04:23.040 --> 00:04:24.060 align:middle line:90% He had to do something. 00:04:24.060 --> 00:04:27.660 align:middle line:84% Doing, never lately among preferred activities. 00:04:27.660 --> 00:04:29.670 align:middle line:90% And yet, if the shoe fit. 00:04:29.670 --> 00:04:31.800 align:middle line:90% But what could he even do? 00:04:31.800 --> 00:04:33.120 align:middle line:90% She liked flowers. 00:04:33.120 --> 00:04:34.770 align:middle line:90% Adored flowers, she once said. 00:04:34.770 --> 00:04:36.060 align:middle line:90% Simple, easy. 00:04:36.060 --> 00:04:37.710 align:middle line:90% Not asking so much, was it? 00:04:37.710 --> 00:04:38.910 align:middle line:90% But she never got them. 00:04:38.910 --> 00:04:40.680 align:middle line:90% Not anymore. 00:04:40.680 --> 00:04:42.450 align:middle line:84% She was a baby bird on the sidewalk, 00:04:42.450 --> 00:04:44.345 align:middle line:90% flapping with broken wings. 00:04:44.345 --> 00:04:45.720 align:middle line:84% When he thought about her, he was 00:04:45.720 --> 00:04:48.480 align:middle line:84% close to feeling that brittle snap himself. 00:04:48.480 --> 00:04:50.940 align:middle line:84% His own wrist, or a leg cracking. 00:04:50.940 --> 00:04:54.360 align:middle line:84% It wouldn't be the pain he minded, but the helplessness. 00:04:54.360 --> 00:04:55.680 align:middle line:90% Bullshit. 00:04:55.680 --> 00:04:57.420 align:middle line:90% He had a card. 00:04:57.420 --> 00:04:58.800 align:middle line:90% That shit, now he could do. 00:04:58.800 --> 00:04:59.580 align:middle line:90% Not one bunch. 00:04:59.580 --> 00:05:00.730 align:middle line:90% Not even 10. 00:05:00.730 --> 00:05:02.680 align:middle line:90% A house of flowers. 00:05:02.680 --> 00:05:06.820 align:middle line:84% True, they were strapped for cash, ergo selling the house. 00:05:06.820 --> 00:05:09.190 align:middle line:84% But she said they were in bankruptcy. 00:05:09.190 --> 00:05:13.030 align:middle line:84% She said they were headed for Chapter 11, like volume at 11, 00:05:13.030 --> 00:05:16.780 align:middle line:84% just like that vintage Spinal Tap hilarity. 00:05:16.780 --> 00:05:18.610 align:middle line:90% Turn the volume up to 11? 00:05:18.610 --> 00:05:19.180 align:middle line:90% He googled. 00:05:19.180 --> 00:05:22.450 align:middle line:84% They forgave all debts in Chapter 11. 00:05:22.450 --> 00:05:23.770 align:middle line:90% So that was the plan. 00:05:23.770 --> 00:05:24.430 align:middle line:90% Nothing fancy. 00:05:24.430 --> 00:05:25.388 align:middle line:90% Plain and simple house. 00:05:25.388 --> 00:05:26.770 align:middle line:90% Full of flowers. 00:05:26.770 --> 00:05:28.870 align:middle line:84% Not cut flowers, because they died too fast. 00:05:28.870 --> 00:05:30.730 align:middle line:90% They'd die all at once. 00:05:30.730 --> 00:05:33.580 align:middle line:84% Turn the house into a brown forest of death. 00:05:33.580 --> 00:05:34.600 align:middle line:90% Too depressing. 00:05:34.600 --> 00:05:35.860 align:middle line:90% No, flowers in pots. 00:05:35.860 --> 00:05:39.190 align:middle line:84% That plant place she liked on Sunset, Silver Lake. 00:05:39.190 --> 00:05:41.193 align:middle line:84% He'd bring them back in truckloads. 00:05:41.193 --> 00:05:41.860 align:middle line:90% What do he have? 00:05:41.860 --> 00:05:42.670 align:middle line:90% Three hours? 00:05:42.670 --> 00:05:44.320 align:middle line:90% Or four if she worked late. 00:05:44.320 --> 00:05:45.730 align:middle line:90% Maybe he'd have them delivered. 00:05:45.730 --> 00:05:48.340 align:middle line:90% Money was no object. 00:05:48.340 --> 00:05:50.560 align:middle line:84% When she walked in, 1,000 blooms. 00:05:50.560 --> 00:05:51.730 align:middle line:90% No gray or brown there. 00:05:51.730 --> 00:05:57.010 align:middle line:84% Orange, yellow, and red, transit umbra looks permanent. 00:05:57.010 --> 00:06:00.450 align:middle line:84% Shadows pass, but the light remains. 00:06:00.450 --> 00:06:03.772 align:middle line:84% A part of her, sure, would be quite amply pissed. 00:06:03.772 --> 00:06:05.230 align:middle line:84% The rest of her would remember even 00:06:05.230 --> 00:06:08.950 align:middle line:84% when he was gone, he moved out, too old to live at home, 00:06:08.950 --> 00:06:12.970 align:middle line:84% for all the time after when she would have to be alone. 00:06:12.970 --> 00:06:15.220 align:middle line:84% He went down to the garage, took the keys off the hook 00:06:15.220 --> 00:06:18.370 align:middle line:84% and got into the work truck, the only solid thing Lord Vader 00:06:18.370 --> 00:06:19.990 align:middle line:90% had left them. 00:06:19.990 --> 00:06:22.930 align:middle line:84% Waited as the garage door cranked up, waited longer as 00:06:22.930 --> 00:06:25.660 align:middle line:84% a nanny passed on the sidewalk with a stroller in front of her 00:06:25.660 --> 00:06:28.060 align:middle line:84% and a little kid toddling behind. 00:06:28.060 --> 00:06:31.870 align:middle line:84% The rich parents were the only even half-smart ones. 00:06:31.870 --> 00:06:34.120 align:middle line:90% Outsourcing. 00:06:34.120 --> 00:06:35.920 align:middle line:84% He'd never got what was in it for parents. 00:06:35.920 --> 00:06:38.470 align:middle line:84% You saw them everywhere, fussing around their kids, 00:06:38.470 --> 00:06:40.460 align:middle line:90% doing dumb, small shit. 00:06:40.460 --> 00:06:43.180 align:middle line:84% Always bent over fastening things, unfastening them. 00:06:43.180 --> 00:06:44.410 align:middle line:90% Wiping the offspring. 00:06:44.410 --> 00:06:45.580 align:middle line:90% Pushing or pulling them. 00:06:45.580 --> 00:06:46.870 align:middle line:90% Sitting them in small chairs. 00:06:46.870 --> 00:06:50.350 align:middle line:84% Rolling them, swinging them, feeding them with small spoons. 00:06:50.350 --> 00:06:53.030 align:middle line:90% Servants, for no money. 00:06:53.030 --> 00:06:55.420 align:middle line:90% There was a word for that. 00:06:55.420 --> 00:06:58.780 align:middle line:84% Weird how everyone wanted to act wild, then, in the next breath, 00:06:58.780 --> 00:06:59.650 align:middle line:90% tame. 00:06:59.650 --> 00:07:00.790 align:middle line:90% It happened overnight. 00:07:00.790 --> 00:07:02.740 align:middle line:84% You partied, then you got married and turned 00:07:02.740 --> 00:07:03.490 align:middle line:90% in your balls. 00:07:03.490 --> 00:07:05.290 align:middle line:90% You lined up to turn them in. 00:07:05.290 --> 00:07:08.747 align:middle line:84% Eagerly packaged them, tying a bow on top. 00:07:08.747 --> 00:07:11.080 align:middle line:84% If you didn't have kids, there was still a chance maybe. 00:07:11.080 --> 00:07:14.140 align:middle line:84% Because even married, as long as you didn't have kids, 00:07:14.140 --> 00:07:18.250 align:middle line:84% you could keep doing drugs, go out a lot. 00:07:18.250 --> 00:07:20.710 align:middle line:84% Nursery, it said on the sign, like the little plants had 00:07:20.710 --> 00:07:22.840 align:middle line:90% their own rattles and cribs. 00:07:22.840 --> 00:07:24.760 align:middle line:84% But inside, it was disappointing. 00:07:24.760 --> 00:07:27.310 align:middle line:84% There weren't as many flowers as he'd expected. 00:07:27.310 --> 00:07:30.040 align:middle line:84% There were mostly leaves, and stems. 00:07:30.040 --> 00:07:31.600 align:middle line:90% Green parts. 00:07:31.600 --> 00:07:33.820 align:middle line:84% Even the flowers were mostly lame. 00:07:33.820 --> 00:07:37.390 align:middle line:84% Not like starbursts, not like glamor, they just sat there. 00:07:37.390 --> 00:07:40.730 align:middle line:84% God damn, nothing was ever fucking splendid! 00:07:40.730 --> 00:07:42.070 align:middle line:90% Never splendid. 00:07:42.070 --> 00:07:44.350 align:middle line:90% God damn? 00:07:44.350 --> 00:07:47.380 align:middle line:84% Was he supposed to go home with a bunch of ass bushes? 00:07:47.380 --> 00:07:49.480 align:middle line:90% Pots of ass dirt? 00:07:49.480 --> 00:07:52.030 align:middle line:90% Bullshit! 00:07:52.030 --> 00:07:52.870 align:middle line:90% He kicked a pot. 00:07:52.870 --> 00:07:54.790 align:middle line:90% It hurt his toe. 00:07:54.790 --> 00:07:55.780 align:middle line:90% Looked closer. 00:07:55.780 --> 00:07:58.240 align:middle line:84% The blooms on it were seedy and bluish. 00:07:58.240 --> 00:07:59.260 align:middle line:90% Agapanthus. 00:07:59.260 --> 00:08:00.700 align:middle line:90% Stevie's Wonder. 00:08:00.700 --> 00:08:02.020 align:middle line:90% Son to part-sun. 00:08:02.020 --> 00:08:03.040 align:middle line:90% Hybrid. 00:08:03.040 --> 00:08:04.150 align:middle line:90% Seriously? 00:08:04.150 --> 00:08:06.500 align:middle line:90% A plant named for Stevie Wonder? 00:08:06.500 --> 00:08:08.290 align:middle line:90% Sick! 00:08:08.290 --> 00:08:10.000 align:middle line:90% Jeremy? 00:08:10.000 --> 00:08:10.870 align:middle line:90% No way! 00:08:10.870 --> 00:08:12.010 align:middle line:90% Nuh-uh! 00:08:12.010 --> 00:08:13.810 align:middle line:90% The new wife, Laura. 00:08:13.810 --> 00:08:16.330 align:middle line:90% Pregnant as shit! 00:08:16.330 --> 00:08:19.840 align:middle line:90% Uh, he said, grunting ape-like. 00:08:19.840 --> 00:08:20.980 align:middle line:90% Jeremy, hey! 00:08:20.980 --> 00:08:23.020 align:middle line:90% It's so great to see you! 00:08:23.020 --> 00:08:24.730 align:middle line:84% You still haven't been by the house! 00:08:24.730 --> 00:08:27.460 align:middle line:84% What are you doing at a garden store? 00:08:27.460 --> 00:08:29.710 align:middle line:84% She reached out and hugged him, her bag sliding off 00:08:29.710 --> 00:08:31.810 align:middle line:84% her shoulder and hitting him as the baby bump 00:08:31.810 --> 00:08:36.039 align:middle line:90% nudged where it should never go. 00:08:36.039 --> 00:08:37.840 align:middle line:84% The floor was slanted down, plus she 00:08:37.840 --> 00:08:40.669 align:middle line:84% was just the wrong amount shorter than him. 00:08:40.669 --> 00:08:42.112 align:middle line:90% So wrong. 00:08:42.112 --> 00:08:43.570 align:middle line:84% Through a veil of skin and blubber, 00:08:43.570 --> 00:08:46.840 align:middle line:84% his fetal half-sister was barely three inches 00:08:46.840 --> 00:08:49.960 align:middle line:84% from his D. He looked past the new wife's shoulder 00:08:49.960 --> 00:08:51.910 align:middle line:90% at a fat frog. 00:08:51.910 --> 00:08:54.848 align:middle line:84% It was a planter thing made out of china or whatever, 00:08:54.848 --> 00:08:56.890 align:middle line:84% and out of it stuck a bunch of those ugly flowers 00:08:56.890 --> 00:08:59.590 align:middle line:90% you saw on cement doorsteps. 00:08:59.590 --> 00:09:02.230 align:middle line:90% Wrinkled, a pylon color orange. 00:09:02.230 --> 00:09:06.130 align:middle line:84% The frog's bulgy, heavy-lidded eyes made it look sly and evil, 00:09:06.130 --> 00:09:09.850 align:middle line:84% like it would slurp out a tongue and gulp your head. 00:09:09.850 --> 00:09:11.560 align:middle line:90% Nothing, he said, pulling back. 00:09:11.560 --> 00:09:13.870 align:middle line:90% Dad here? 00:09:13.870 --> 00:09:14.410 align:middle line:90% At work. 00:09:14.410 --> 00:09:16.695 align:middle line:84% I wanted to surprise him with some new plantings. 00:09:16.695 --> 00:09:18.070 align:middle line:84% I'm not actually putting them in. 00:09:18.070 --> 00:09:19.720 align:middle line:90% I can't even touch my toes! 00:09:19.720 --> 00:09:21.160 align:middle line:84% Just buying them for the gardener. 00:09:21.160 --> 00:09:21.940 align:middle line:90% How about you? 00:09:21.940 --> 00:09:23.710 align:middle line:90% Are you running an errand? 00:09:23.710 --> 00:09:24.880 align:middle line:90% It was wrecked anyway. 00:09:24.880 --> 00:09:26.260 align:middle line:90% Dumb idea. 00:09:26.260 --> 00:09:27.680 align:middle line:90% He shook his head. 00:09:27.680 --> 00:09:29.260 align:middle line:90% I should go. 00:09:29.260 --> 00:09:31.060 align:middle line:84% Hey will you do me a favor first? 00:09:31.060 --> 00:09:34.720 align:middle line:84% She asked, and winced like asking hurt a bit. 00:09:34.720 --> 00:09:36.550 align:middle line:84% Can you come with me, pull that cart 00:09:36.550 --> 00:09:39.010 align:middle line:84% and maybe load my plants into the car? 00:09:39.010 --> 00:09:39.640 align:middle line:90% Five minutes. 00:09:39.640 --> 00:09:42.850 align:middle line:90% That's it, I promise. 00:09:42.850 --> 00:09:44.740 align:middle line:84% He'd come for the sake of his mother. 00:09:44.740 --> 00:09:48.517 align:middle line:84% Now here he was serving public enemy number one. 00:09:48.517 --> 00:09:50.350 align:middle line:84% Normally he didn't say much to the new wife. 00:09:50.350 --> 00:09:51.550 align:middle line:90% Safer that way. 00:09:51.550 --> 00:09:54.790 align:middle line:84% She acted nicey-nice, plus she actually seemed to mean it, 00:09:54.790 --> 00:09:56.290 align:middle line:84% so it was hard to hate her guts when 00:09:56.290 --> 00:09:58.510 align:middle line:90% she got all up in your grill. 00:09:58.510 --> 00:10:01.400 align:middle line:90% Ergo, he kept his trap shut. 00:10:01.400 --> 00:10:04.170 align:middle line:90% Vir sapit, qui pauca loquitur. 00:10:04.170 --> 00:10:07.770 align:middle line:90% He is wise, who talks little. 00:10:07.770 --> 00:10:09.210 align:middle line:90% But now she cornered him. 00:10:09.210 --> 00:10:10.950 align:middle line:84% He grabbed the handle of the plant wagon, 00:10:10.950 --> 00:10:12.810 align:middle line:84% walking behind her to the parking lot. 00:10:12.810 --> 00:10:14.430 align:middle line:84% It reminded him of the old Radio Flyer 00:10:14.430 --> 00:10:16.710 align:middle line:84% he used to pull around his stuffed animals in. 00:10:16.710 --> 00:10:18.360 align:middle line:84% His favorite was a camel that smelled 00:10:18.360 --> 00:10:20.970 align:middle line:90% bad from having its foot sucked. 00:10:20.970 --> 00:10:23.093 align:middle line:90% Where had the camel gone? 00:10:23.093 --> 00:10:24.510 align:middle line:84% Of course you got too old for toys 00:10:24.510 --> 00:10:25.677 align:middle line:90% and didn't use them anymore. 00:10:25.677 --> 00:10:26.580 align:middle line:90% All that was fine. 00:10:26.580 --> 00:10:29.220 align:middle line:90% But where was the camel? 00:10:29.220 --> 00:10:31.380 align:middle line:90% In a landfill somewhere. 00:10:31.380 --> 00:10:33.210 align:middle line:90% He loaded the plants for her. 00:10:33.210 --> 00:10:36.050 align:middle line:90% They were boring. 00:10:36.050 --> 00:10:39.060 align:middle line:90% Just a sip. 00:10:39.060 --> 00:10:40.650 align:middle line:84% In the background, the child bride 00:10:40.650 --> 00:10:42.780 align:middle line:84% had chatted on about him coming to dinner, 00:10:42.780 --> 00:10:45.870 align:middle line:84% how the dadster would be over the moon to see him. 00:10:45.870 --> 00:10:47.250 align:middle line:90% Total bullshit. 00:10:47.250 --> 00:10:49.680 align:middle line:84% His father hadn't been over the moon in his life. 00:10:49.680 --> 00:10:52.410 align:middle line:90% Over a slut's ass cheeks, maybe. 00:10:52.410 --> 00:10:54.777 align:middle line:84% His eyes were dead, like a shark's. 00:10:54.777 --> 00:10:55.860 align:middle line:90% Flowers filling the house. 00:10:55.860 --> 00:10:58.440 align:middle line:84% What a cheesy idea that had been. 00:10:58.440 --> 00:11:00.060 align:middle line:90% Before, it had seemed kickass. 00:11:00.060 --> 00:11:01.800 align:middle line:90% Now cheesy and stupid. 00:11:01.800 --> 00:11:04.590 align:middle line:90% Clearly a Mary Jane moment. 00:11:04.590 --> 00:11:07.260 align:middle line:84% Slamming down the SUV hatch, he saw a blur of movement 00:11:07.260 --> 00:11:09.300 align:middle line:90% along some bushes near his feet. 00:11:09.300 --> 00:11:09.810 align:middle line:90% A cat. 00:11:09.810 --> 00:11:12.900 align:middle line:90% Small, gray with patchy fur. 00:11:12.900 --> 00:11:13.730 align:middle line:90% Looked homeless. 00:11:13.730 --> 00:11:15.150 align:middle line:90% Did it smell homeless? 00:11:15.150 --> 00:11:17.070 align:middle line:90% Could a cat get BO? 00:11:17.070 --> 00:11:19.230 align:middle line:90% Oh my God, is that a kitten? 00:11:19.230 --> 00:11:20.790 align:middle line:84% She went scrambling after it, but she 00:11:20.790 --> 00:11:23.160 align:middle line:90% couldn't bend over far enough. 00:11:23.160 --> 00:11:25.350 align:middle line:84% Chick was basically a human water balloon, dangling, 00:11:25.350 --> 00:11:26.970 align:middle line:90% wobbling on a stick. 00:11:26.970 --> 00:11:29.310 align:middle line:84% Stand back, that thing could burst! 00:11:29.310 --> 00:11:31.530 align:middle line:84% She made a wheezing noise, then staggered sideways 00:11:31.530 --> 00:11:33.600 align:middle line:90% against her car door. 00:11:33.600 --> 00:11:37.080 align:middle line:84% He'd ask if she was OK, but it wasn't in the bylaws. 00:11:37.080 --> 00:11:40.470 align:middle line:84% Whenever it randomly occurred to him to act normal/human to her, 00:11:40.470 --> 00:11:42.630 align:middle line:84% he thought of the dadster hitting that. 00:11:42.630 --> 00:11:46.140 align:middle line:84% Made him wish he had the talent of spontaneous puking. 00:11:46.140 --> 00:11:49.128 align:middle line:84% Slowly, she righted herself, mouth breathing. 00:11:49.128 --> 00:11:52.200 align:middle line:90% 00:11:52.200 --> 00:11:54.840 align:middle line:84% That poor little guy is going to get run over, she said. 00:11:54.840 --> 00:11:55.680 align:middle line:90% Don't you think? 00:11:55.680 --> 00:11:58.230 align:middle line:84% All that traffic, like 20 feet from here? 00:11:58.230 --> 00:11:58.950 align:middle line:90% Oh my God! 00:11:58.950 --> 00:12:00.600 align:middle line:90% It's just a kitten! 00:12:00.600 --> 00:12:02.340 align:middle line:84% It was small, sure, but looked ancient. 00:12:02.340 --> 00:12:03.930 align:middle line:90% A cat Gandalf. 00:12:03.930 --> 00:12:05.490 align:middle line:90% Merlin. 00:12:05.490 --> 00:12:06.660 align:middle line:90% A wrinkled Graybeard. 00:12:06.660 --> 00:12:08.220 align:middle line:84% If it was human, it'd be bent over 00:12:08.220 --> 00:12:11.430 align:middle line:84% and carrying some kind of gnarled staff, 00:12:11.430 --> 00:12:13.650 align:middle line:90% gumming and mumbling. 00:12:13.650 --> 00:12:15.450 align:middle line:90% Luckily, it wasn't. 00:12:15.450 --> 00:12:17.250 align:middle line:84% Say what you like about a decrepit cat, 00:12:17.250 --> 00:12:20.260 align:middle line:84% it was still better than a decrepit human. 00:12:20.260 --> 00:12:23.400 align:middle line:84% It faced away from them, tail waving, head under a bush, 00:12:23.400 --> 00:12:26.230 align:middle line:84% and then turned around with something in its mouth. 00:12:26.230 --> 00:12:27.270 align:middle line:90% Oh, said Laura. 00:12:27.270 --> 00:12:30.000 align:middle line:90% Oh no, is that a little mouse? 00:12:30.000 --> 00:12:33.270 align:middle line:84% Child bride thought fleabag feral cats were cute kittens. 00:12:33.270 --> 00:12:36.570 align:middle line:84% She thought moldy hot dogs were itty-bitty mice. 00:12:36.570 --> 00:12:38.606 align:middle line:84% She thought his father was a great guy. 00:12:38.606 --> 00:12:40.988 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:12:40.988 --> 00:12:42.030 align:middle line:90% He could see the package. 00:12:42.030 --> 00:12:44.130 align:middle line:90% Greasy litter under the hedge. 00:12:44.130 --> 00:12:48.780 align:middle line:84% It's like a Hebrew National, he said. 00:12:48.780 --> 00:12:49.800 align:middle line:90% She looked relieved. 00:12:49.800 --> 00:12:51.850 align:middle line:84% Hey, but won't you come over later, please? 00:12:51.850 --> 00:12:53.100 align:middle line:90% Just come have dinner with us. 00:12:53.100 --> 00:12:55.710 align:middle line:90% It'd be so great. 00:12:55.710 --> 00:12:56.310 align:middle line:90% He shrugged. 00:12:56.310 --> 00:12:58.410 align:middle line:84% She kept staring at him and smiling, 00:12:58.410 --> 00:13:01.440 align:middle line:84% all hopeful like she was hanging on his answer. 00:13:01.440 --> 00:13:04.470 align:middle line:84% Finally, he did a half nod, grudging. 00:13:04.470 --> 00:13:07.240 align:middle line:84% That way, if she tried to hold him to it, he had a way out. 00:13:07.240 --> 00:13:08.940 align:middle line:84% What did they call it in the CIA? 00:13:08.940 --> 00:13:10.680 align:middle line:90% Deniability. 00:13:10.680 --> 00:13:13.770 align:middle line:90% Yeah, plausible deniability. 00:13:13.770 --> 00:13:16.520 align:middle line:84% On the way home, he saw a billboard with a puppy on it. 00:13:16.520 --> 00:13:18.270 align:middle line:84% Maybe that was what he should have gotten. 00:13:18.270 --> 00:13:19.230 align:middle line:90% A puppy. 00:13:19.230 --> 00:13:22.052 align:middle line:84% His mother was allergic to cats, but not to dogs. 00:13:22.052 --> 00:13:24.510 align:middle line:84% His father never let her have a dog when they were married, 00:13:24.510 --> 00:13:26.880 align:middle line:84% but she was always drawn to other people's. 00:13:26.880 --> 00:13:28.740 align:middle line:84% Scratch them behind the ears obsessively, 00:13:28.740 --> 00:13:30.870 align:middle line:90% bought gourmet treats for them. 00:13:30.870 --> 00:13:33.240 align:middle line:84% Once she'd driven a platter of beef stroganoff 00:13:33.240 --> 00:13:36.570 align:middle line:84% leftovers to the pound to give to the homeless pit bulls 00:13:36.570 --> 00:13:38.807 align:middle line:90% waiting to be put to sleep. 00:13:38.807 --> 00:13:40.140 align:middle line:90% The pound didn't want it though. 00:13:40.140 --> 00:13:43.010 align:middle line:90% Something about sour cream. 00:13:43.010 --> 00:13:44.670 align:middle line:84% She had to throw out the whole platter. 00:13:44.670 --> 00:13:46.860 align:middle line:84% After, she said to him, I mean, this 00:13:46.860 --> 00:13:49.035 align:middle line:84% is exactly what's wrong with the world. 00:13:49.035 --> 00:13:52.980 align:middle line:90% 00:13:52.980 --> 00:13:55.320 align:middle line:84% Maybe what she needed wasn't anything like flowers. 00:13:55.320 --> 00:13:56.940 align:middle line:90% Maybe that was like a Band-Aid. 00:13:56.940 --> 00:13:58.860 align:middle line:84% Some people let their babies cry for hours 00:13:58.860 --> 00:14:01.530 align:middle line:84% just to teach them to shut the fuck up. 00:14:01.530 --> 00:14:03.060 align:middle line:84% Probably worked, but then the babies 00:14:03.060 --> 00:14:04.393 align:middle line:90% grew up and turned into psychos. 00:14:04.393 --> 00:14:07.410 align:middle line:90% 00:14:07.410 --> 00:14:10.080 align:middle line:84% Still, maybe what she needed was tough love. 00:14:10.080 --> 00:14:12.060 align:middle line:84% It was too late for her to turn psycho anyway. 00:14:12.060 --> 00:14:15.720 align:middle line:84% Late-onset psycho wasn't a thing. 00:14:15.720 --> 00:14:18.150 align:middle line:84% Her shrink didn't do shit, was what it sounded like to him 00:14:18.150 --> 00:14:20.400 align:middle line:84% whenever she told him the stuff the shrink had said. 00:14:20.400 --> 00:14:23.340 align:middle line:84% Her shrink just basically agreed with her. 00:14:23.340 --> 00:14:25.290 align:middle line:84% He drove the truck into the garage again. 00:14:25.290 --> 00:14:26.160 align:middle line:90% Her car was there. 00:14:26.160 --> 00:14:27.600 align:middle line:90% She was home. 00:14:27.600 --> 00:14:29.520 align:middle line:84% In the kitchen, she stood by the sink. 00:14:29.520 --> 00:14:31.920 align:middle line:84% She had cooking stuff out, a pan and some noodles, 00:14:31.920 --> 00:14:33.565 align:middle line:90% but she wasn't cooking yet. 00:14:33.565 --> 00:14:35.190 align:middle line:84% The water was running and running, just 00:14:35.190 --> 00:14:36.900 align:middle line:90% flowing right down the drain. 00:14:36.900 --> 00:14:39.010 align:middle line:84% But all she did was stand, staring out the window, 00:14:39.010 --> 00:14:41.220 align:middle line:90% her hand frozen on the tap. 00:14:41.220 --> 00:14:45.090 align:middle line:84% You'd think something amazing was happening outside. 00:14:45.090 --> 00:14:47.850 align:middle line:90% A naked marathon. 00:14:47.850 --> 00:14:50.820 align:middle line:84% I'm going over there, he said abruptly. 00:14:50.820 --> 00:14:52.830 align:middle line:84% He opened the fridge, peered around for sodas. 00:14:52.830 --> 00:14:54.580 align:middle line:84% She always said they were bad for his skin 00:14:54.580 --> 00:14:57.030 align:middle line:84% but he'd stashed a couple of cans. 00:14:57.030 --> 00:14:57.900 align:middle line:90% Go? 00:14:57.900 --> 00:15:01.550 align:middle line:84% She asked, her little girl voice distant. 00:15:01.550 --> 00:15:04.160 align:middle line:90% To his house for dinner. 00:15:04.160 --> 00:15:07.010 align:middle line:84% The tap was still running and she didn't turn around. 00:15:07.010 --> 00:15:09.470 align:middle line:84% He caught a glimpse of the telltale red and white logo, 00:15:09.470 --> 00:15:13.520 align:middle line:84% pushed aside a lead burrito in tinfoil. 00:15:13.520 --> 00:15:16.010 align:middle line:84% Closed the fridge door, popped the tab. 00:15:16.010 --> 00:15:18.500 align:middle line:84% The dadster was an asshole, fully certified, 00:15:18.500 --> 00:15:19.990 align:middle line:90% but life went on. 00:15:19.990 --> 00:15:22.490 align:middle line:84% Actually it could be funny to watch his dickhead personality 00:15:22.490 --> 00:15:24.543 align:middle line:90% play out like comedy. 00:15:24.543 --> 00:15:26.210 align:middle line:84% If you put yourself outside it, like you 00:15:26.210 --> 00:15:27.830 align:middle line:84% were watching a movie, then shit, 00:15:27.830 --> 00:15:29.630 align:middle line:90% it could really crack you up. 00:15:29.630 --> 00:15:32.840 align:middle line:84% Step outside homes, then laugh like a hyena. 00:15:32.840 --> 00:15:35.540 align:middle line:84% Plus, the child bride tried to be nice to him 24/7. 00:15:35.540 --> 00:15:37.610 align:middle line:90% That baby mama worked hard. 00:15:37.610 --> 00:15:40.490 align:middle line:84% She had fresh skin, a peaches and cream complexion. 00:15:40.490 --> 00:15:44.330 align:middle line:84% Even fat with the fetal intruder she was a yummy mummy, 00:15:44.330 --> 00:15:46.083 align:middle line:90% no one could deny it. 00:15:46.083 --> 00:15:47.750 align:middle line:84% He could step outside himself and laugh, 00:15:47.750 --> 00:15:49.310 align:middle line:90% but his mother could never. 00:15:49.310 --> 00:15:50.720 align:middle line:90% She didn't know how. 00:15:50.720 --> 00:15:52.970 align:middle line:84% He went up behind her, reached out with his left hand 00:15:52.970 --> 00:15:54.290 align:middle line:90% and turned the water off. 00:15:54.290 --> 00:15:55.850 align:middle line:84% She was still staring out the window. 00:15:55.850 --> 00:15:57.260 align:middle line:90% Any second she'd start crying. 00:15:57.260 --> 00:15:59.270 align:middle line:90% He knew the signs. 00:15:59.270 --> 00:16:02.533 align:middle line:84% I went out to get you flowers, he said. 00:16:02.533 --> 00:16:03.950 align:middle line:84% It made him nervous to say it now. 00:16:03.950 --> 00:16:06.288 align:middle line:84% It was so hokey, but he forced himself. 00:16:06.288 --> 00:16:08.580 align:middle line:84% But none of them were good enough, so I didn't get any. 00:16:08.580 --> 00:16:10.200 align:middle line:90% Sorry. 00:16:10.200 --> 00:16:11.810 align:middle line:84% Anyway, then that Laura girl showed up 00:16:11.810 --> 00:16:13.625 align:middle line:84% and made me carry plants into her car, 00:16:13.625 --> 00:16:15.500 align:middle line:84% and nagged at me for like 10 straight minutes 00:16:15.500 --> 00:16:17.030 align:middle line:90% to come to their house tonight. 00:16:17.030 --> 00:16:17.750 align:middle line:90% I had to say yes. 00:16:17.750 --> 00:16:19.910 align:middle line:90% She basically tricked me. 00:16:19.910 --> 00:16:21.980 align:middle line:90% It was a lie, but a white lie. 00:16:21.980 --> 00:16:23.930 align:middle line:84% Still, enough tough love for now. 00:16:23.930 --> 00:16:26.420 align:middle line:84% Just going over there was bad enough. 00:16:26.420 --> 00:16:28.700 align:middle line:84% No, it's good honey, she whispered, nodding. 00:16:28.700 --> 00:16:29.960 align:middle line:90% No, you should go. 00:16:29.960 --> 00:16:31.710 align:middle line:90% It's healthy. 00:16:31.710 --> 00:16:33.650 align:middle line:84% But he was supposed to be angry, wasn't he? 00:16:33.650 --> 00:16:34.670 align:middle line:90% He did the angry. 00:16:34.670 --> 00:16:35.930 align:middle line:90% She did the sad. 00:16:35.930 --> 00:16:38.430 align:middle line:90% Division of labor. 00:16:38.430 --> 00:16:41.030 align:middle line:84% It's good for you to spend time with your father, she said. 00:16:41.030 --> 00:16:43.580 align:middle line:84% Turning away, she lifted the back of a hand to her face, 00:16:43.580 --> 00:16:45.260 align:middle line:90% maybe wiping a tear, maybe not. 00:16:45.260 --> 00:16:46.940 align:middle line:90% Couldn't see. 00:16:46.940 --> 00:16:49.975 align:middle line:84% I will, but I don't want to, he said. 00:16:49.975 --> 00:16:51.350 align:middle line:84% That, at least he could give her. 00:16:51.350 --> 00:16:55.520 align:middle line:84% Wasn't a house full of flowers, but better than nothing. 00:16:55.520 --> 00:16:58.160 align:middle line:84% You're sweet, but you don't have to hate him to be loyal to me. 00:16:58.160 --> 00:16:59.340 align:middle line:90% Go have a nice meal. 00:16:59.340 --> 00:17:02.840 align:middle line:84% And if you have to get stoned, wait till you get home. 00:17:02.840 --> 00:17:04.912 align:middle line:90% I will, he promised. 00:17:04.912 --> 00:17:06.829 align:middle line:84% The dadster typically smelled it on his breath 00:17:06.829 --> 00:17:10.155 align:middle line:84% and went Republican, droned on about how stoners would never 00:17:10.155 --> 00:17:11.780 align:middle line:84% bring home the big bucks, did he always 00:17:11.780 --> 00:17:13.250 align:middle line:90% plan to be an underachiever? 00:17:13.250 --> 00:17:14.720 align:middle line:84% How many spare brain cells did he 00:17:14.720 --> 00:17:16.520 align:middle line:90% have to waste by killing them? 00:17:16.520 --> 00:17:18.950 align:middle line:90% He would 100% wait. 00:17:18.950 --> 00:17:25.010 align:middle line:84% He thought the words a solemn dignity, like a bolt 00:17:25.010 --> 00:17:26.359 align:middle line:90% from the blue. 00:17:26.359 --> 00:17:28.250 align:middle line:90% Inspiration. 00:17:28.250 --> 00:17:31.040 align:middle line:84% He would be dignified from now on. 00:17:31.040 --> 00:17:34.540 align:middle line:84% His earlier midday self, first jacking off then flaunting it, 00:17:34.540 --> 00:17:36.890 align:middle line:90% was hereby dismissed. 00:17:36.890 --> 00:17:38.330 align:middle line:90% That was the old him. 00:17:38.330 --> 00:17:39.200 align:middle line:90% This was the new. 00:17:39.200 --> 00:17:43.330 align:middle line:90% A solemn dignity. 00:17:43.330 --> 00:17:45.080 align:middle line:84% A second cousin of hers with Down syndrome 00:17:45.080 --> 00:17:46.857 align:middle line:84% had gotten baptized as an adult, if you 00:17:46.857 --> 00:17:48.440 align:middle line:84% could call her that, when her mind was 00:17:48.440 --> 00:17:50.150 align:middle line:90% eight years old till death. 00:17:50.150 --> 00:17:52.460 align:middle line:84% Point was, she wanted to be a Catholic, 00:17:52.460 --> 00:17:55.040 align:middle line:84% though her whole family was regular WASPs, 00:17:55.040 --> 00:17:58.340 align:middle line:84% because she liked the saints, the stained glass windows, 00:17:58.340 --> 00:18:03.097 align:middle line:84% and as his mother said, gruesome depictions of the crucifixion. 00:18:03.097 --> 00:18:05.180 align:middle line:84% So she worked hard to learn the lines of whatever, 00:18:05.180 --> 00:18:07.100 align:middle line:84% and the parents sent out fancy invitations 00:18:07.100 --> 00:18:09.950 align:middle line:84% with gold letters stamped on them, and he had to go. 00:18:09.950 --> 00:18:12.170 align:middle line:90% His mother made him wear a suit. 00:18:12.170 --> 00:18:14.270 align:middle line:84% At the time, he'd been pissed before they went. 00:18:14.270 --> 00:18:16.490 align:middle line:84% Because if the cousin hadn't had Down syndrome, 00:18:16.490 --> 00:18:18.140 align:middle line:90% he could have stayed at home. 00:18:18.140 --> 00:18:20.000 align:middle line:90% Nobody would have given a crap. 00:18:20.000 --> 00:18:22.400 align:middle line:84% Baptism, teenage whim, they would have said. 00:18:22.400 --> 00:18:23.900 align:middle line:90% You could bet on it. 00:18:23.900 --> 00:18:26.390 align:middle line:84% But she did have Down syndrome so on 00:18:26.390 --> 00:18:28.430 align:middle line:84% went the tie that felt like it was choking him, 00:18:28.430 --> 00:18:31.010 align:middle line:90% and the gay shoes that pinched. 00:18:31.010 --> 00:18:33.380 align:middle line:84% In the church, she was dressed in a snow white robe 00:18:33.380 --> 00:18:35.630 align:middle line:90% and smiled without end. 00:18:35.630 --> 00:18:36.992 align:middle line:90% She beamed. 00:18:36.992 --> 00:18:38.450 align:middle line:84% His whole life, he could swear he'd 00:18:38.450 --> 00:18:42.290 align:middle line:84% never seen anyone look that happy. 00:18:42.290 --> 00:18:45.660 align:middle line:84% Do you renounce Satan, the author and prince of sin? 00:18:45.660 --> 00:18:47.600 align:middle line:90% I do. 00:18:47.600 --> 00:18:50.870 align:middle line:84% I renounce him, he muttered under his breath, 00:18:50.870 --> 00:18:54.110 align:middle line:84% exiting the kitchen with this soda in his grip. 00:18:54.110 --> 00:18:56.090 align:middle line:90% What sweetie? 00:18:56.090 --> 00:18:57.800 align:middle line:90% Nothing. 00:18:57.800 --> 00:18:59.840 align:middle line:90% And all his works? 00:18:59.840 --> 00:19:01.340 align:middle line:90% I do. 00:19:01.340 --> 00:19:02.500 align:middle line:90% Thanks. 00:19:02.500 --> 00:19:03.000 align:middle line:90%