WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.400 align:middle line:84% So "The Man Who Loved Birds" began literally 00:00:02.400 --> 00:00:04.973 align:middle line:90% when I was 17 years old. 00:00:04.973 --> 00:00:07.140 align:middle line:84% I was about to go on the great adventure of my life. 00:00:07.140 --> 00:00:10.680 align:middle line:84% I had gotten a scholarship from Seagram's, the employer 00:00:10.680 --> 00:00:11.520 align:middle line:90% of my father. 00:00:11.520 --> 00:00:14.640 align:middle line:84% A bourbon scholarship that paid everything anywhere 00:00:14.640 --> 00:00:15.930 align:middle line:90% that I got into school. 00:00:15.930 --> 00:00:19.380 align:middle line:84% And of course, I had seen there had been a Life 00:00:19.380 --> 00:00:25.330 align:middle line:84% magazine with a spread of the Santa Clara high school swim 00:00:25.330 --> 00:00:25.830 align:middle line:90% team. 00:00:25.830 --> 00:00:27.370 align:middle line:90% And all these guys in speedos. 00:00:27.370 --> 00:00:30.280 align:middle line:84% And I thought that's where I want to go to college. 00:00:30.280 --> 00:00:33.690 align:middle line:90% And so I went out to California. 00:00:33.690 --> 00:00:37.830 align:middle line:84% And just before I left, literally a few days before 00:00:37.830 --> 00:00:40.770 align:middle line:90% I left, two things happened. 00:00:40.770 --> 00:00:42.570 align:middle line:84% There was a local renegade storyteller 00:00:42.570 --> 00:00:43.750 align:middle line:90% named Charlie Styles. 00:00:43.750 --> 00:00:46.050 align:middle line:84% I like to bring him in this room. 00:00:46.050 --> 00:00:48.540 align:middle line:84% And the police couldn't get a conviction of him 00:00:48.540 --> 00:00:51.090 align:middle line:90% because he was-- 00:00:51.090 --> 00:00:52.630 align:middle line:84% he liked to make fun of the police. 00:00:52.630 --> 00:00:55.170 align:middle line:90% And he was related to everybody. 00:00:55.170 --> 00:00:58.320 align:middle line:84% Nobody would to-- the juries would never convict him. 00:00:58.320 --> 00:00:59.830 align:middle line:90% They always let him free. 00:00:59.830 --> 00:01:02.850 align:middle line:84% So about four days before I left for California, 00:01:02.850 --> 00:01:05.580 align:middle line:84% the state police kidnapped him, took him to a cornfield, 00:01:05.580 --> 00:01:08.190 align:middle line:90% and shot him, murdered him. 00:01:08.190 --> 00:01:11.490 align:middle line:84% And we all, I learned later, probably tortured him. 00:01:11.490 --> 00:01:17.490 align:middle line:84% And the community's collective silence around that 00:01:17.490 --> 00:01:21.062 align:middle line:84% was something that really struck me, because we all 00:01:21.062 --> 00:01:22.020 align:middle line:90% knew what had happened. 00:01:22.020 --> 00:01:24.660 align:middle line:84% There was no question about what had happened. 00:01:24.660 --> 00:01:27.420 align:middle line:90% And yet no one said anything. 00:01:27.420 --> 00:01:29.670 align:middle line:84% And at the same time my town which 00:01:29.670 --> 00:01:31.200 align:middle line:84% had not had a doctor for something 00:01:31.200 --> 00:01:37.260 align:middle line:84% like 10 years acquired a Muslim woman doctor under a program 00:01:37.260 --> 00:01:38.550 align:middle line:90% that I think still exists. 00:01:38.550 --> 00:01:44.190 align:middle line:84% A Muslim who came-- a woman who came to this solidly Catholic 00:01:44.190 --> 00:01:46.590 align:middle line:90% town in the hills of Kentucky. 00:01:46.590 --> 00:01:48.210 align:middle line:84% And I thought how extraordinary it 00:01:48.210 --> 00:01:52.350 align:middle line:84% would be to be a Muslim woman doctor setting up practice 00:01:52.350 --> 00:01:54.960 align:middle line:90% in this rural Kentucky town. 00:01:54.960 --> 00:01:56.940 align:middle line:84% I lived with that book for 40 years. 00:01:56.940 --> 00:01:59.490 align:middle line:84% I threw in a Trappist monk and that's 00:01:59.490 --> 00:02:02.640 align:middle line:90% "The Man Who Loved Birds." 00:02:02.640 --> 00:02:07.650 align:middle line:84% Looking back on it, it was really fun to write. 00:02:07.650 --> 00:02:09.900 align:middle line:84% And it gives me an excuse to bring Charles Styles back 00:02:09.900 --> 00:02:10.110 align:middle line:90% to life. 00:02:10.110 --> 00:02:11.652 align:middle line:84% I was going to read a different part. 00:02:11.652 --> 00:02:14.730 align:middle line:84% I was going to read from the Bengali woman 00:02:14.730 --> 00:02:18.840 align:middle line:84% doctor who I made her Bengali for reasons that you can ask me 00:02:18.840 --> 00:02:19.470 align:middle line:90% later on. 00:02:19.470 --> 00:02:23.900 align:middle line:90% 00:02:23.900 --> 00:02:26.870 align:middle line:84% I spent six weeks in Kolkata researching her. 00:02:26.870 --> 00:02:29.090 align:middle line:84% That was an extraordinary experience. 00:02:29.090 --> 00:02:35.270 align:middle line:84% But instead inspired by Ander, I'm going to read about sex. 00:02:35.270 --> 00:02:38.000 align:middle line:84% A writer known to us all, a Protestant writer, 00:02:38.000 --> 00:02:40.940 align:middle line:84% quite famous writer, is not particularly fond of this book. 00:02:40.940 --> 00:02:42.530 align:middle line:90% It's too Catholic for him. 00:02:42.530 --> 00:02:45.650 align:middle line:84% But he did write me a note and said, you write really 00:02:45.650 --> 00:02:47.600 align:middle line:90% well about sex. 00:02:47.600 --> 00:02:50.450 align:middle line:84% So I'll let you be the judge of that. 00:02:50.450 --> 00:02:53.060 align:middle line:84% In this scene, there are two, and I also 00:02:53.060 --> 00:02:57.710 align:middle line:84% wanted to write a book in which people fell in love very slowly 00:02:57.710 --> 00:03:00.290 align:middle line:90% over the course of the book. 00:03:00.290 --> 00:03:03.920 align:middle line:84% There's a Trappist monk named Brother Flavian. 00:03:03.920 --> 00:03:07.220 align:middle line:84% And the renegade whose name is Johnny Faye. 00:03:07.220 --> 00:03:09.770 align:middle line:90% And Johnny Faye's growing pot. 00:03:09.770 --> 00:03:12.020 align:middle line:84% You have to believe that I also wanted 00:03:12.020 --> 00:03:14.210 align:middle line:84% to write a book it's totally incredible 00:03:14.210 --> 00:03:17.810 align:middle line:84% and yet write it in a way that made it entirely credible. 00:03:17.810 --> 00:03:19.580 align:middle line:90% Johnny Faye is growing pot. 00:03:19.580 --> 00:03:21.860 align:middle line:84% The monk is teaching him how to read. 00:03:21.860 --> 00:03:23.570 align:middle line:90% He's functionally illiterate. 00:03:23.570 --> 00:03:25.340 align:middle line:84% And you have to believe that this 00:03:25.340 --> 00:03:29.480 align:middle line:84% is credible in the course of the book. 00:03:29.480 --> 00:03:32.120 align:middle line:84% The pot growers in my part of the world 00:03:32.120 --> 00:03:35.690 align:middle line:84% grew their pot on the Abbey of Gethsemani property. 00:03:35.690 --> 00:03:39.680 align:middle line:84% So that when if it was found, they wouldn't have their land 00:03:39.680 --> 00:03:42.290 align:middle line:90% confiscated. 00:03:42.290 --> 00:03:44.390 align:middle line:90% That's all set up in the book. 00:03:44.390 --> 00:03:46.640 align:middle line:90% So this is where-- 00:03:46.640 --> 00:03:49.790 align:middle line:84% what's happened is so the crop is, it's 00:03:49.790 --> 00:03:51.290 align:middle line:90% September the crop is right. 00:03:51.290 --> 00:03:53.870 align:middle line:90% It's almost ready. 00:03:53.870 --> 00:03:56.058 align:middle line:84% Johnny Faye sets out to cut down ditch weed which 00:03:56.058 --> 00:03:58.100 align:middle line:84% grows everywhere because they grew pot everywhere 00:03:58.100 --> 00:03:59.210 align:middle line:90% in Kentucky. 00:03:59.210 --> 00:04:03.320 align:middle line:84% And it was a cash crop for many years, hemp. 00:04:03.320 --> 00:04:04.820 align:middle line:84% You've got to chop it out of the way 00:04:04.820 --> 00:04:07.040 align:middle line:84% because if the pollen gets to the real thing 00:04:07.040 --> 00:04:10.130 align:middle line:84% it impregnates the female buds and you 00:04:10.130 --> 00:04:11.610 align:middle line:90% don't want that to happen. 00:04:11.610 --> 00:04:13.220 align:middle line:84% So they're setting out down the creek 00:04:13.220 --> 00:04:15.815 align:middle line:84% to chop out the ditch weed, to kill the ditch 00:04:15.815 --> 00:04:20.378 align:middle line:90% weed so it won't be there. 00:04:20.378 --> 00:04:21.920 align:middle line:84% And that's what happens in the scene. 00:04:21.920 --> 00:04:23.128 align:middle line:90% That's a setup for the scene. 00:04:23.128 --> 00:04:28.183 align:middle line:90% 00:04:28.183 --> 00:04:30.350 align:middle line:84% "They rolled up their pants legs and made their ways 00:04:30.350 --> 00:04:31.330 align:middle line:90% down the creek. 00:04:31.330 --> 00:04:33.080 align:middle line:84% All the dense growth on the banks 00:04:33.080 --> 00:04:36.050 align:middle line:84% looked the same to Brother Flavian, one big wall of green. 00:04:36.050 --> 00:04:38.930 align:middle line:84% But in one or two places Johnny Faye waded into the green 00:04:38.930 --> 00:04:40.130 align:middle line:90% and swung the sickle. 00:04:40.130 --> 00:04:44.900 align:middle line:84% And Flavian feeling useless and dumb followed his example. 00:04:44.900 --> 00:04:46.700 align:middle line:84% Then the creek narrowed and grew deeper. 00:04:46.700 --> 00:04:48.620 align:middle line:84% And they came to a water maple that had fallen 00:04:48.620 --> 00:04:50.390 align:middle line:90% across the water bank to bank. 00:04:50.390 --> 00:04:52.640 align:middle line:84% Johnny Faye climbed to the bank and pulled off 00:04:52.640 --> 00:04:54.050 align:middle line:90% his jeans and underwear. 00:04:54.050 --> 00:04:56.090 align:middle line:84% "No way to get around this tree except climb 00:04:56.090 --> 00:04:58.670 align:middle line:84% up and over the bank", he said, "and I could do that early 00:04:58.670 --> 00:05:00.290 align:middle line:84% in the season but I tried it last week 00:05:00.290 --> 00:05:02.150 align:middle line:84% and got a butt full of smart weed. 00:05:02.150 --> 00:05:04.220 align:middle line:84% The creek gets deep on the other side. 00:05:04.220 --> 00:05:06.410 align:middle line:84% So you've got to get your pants wet or take them off 00:05:06.410 --> 00:05:07.490 align:middle line:90% and swim across. 00:05:07.490 --> 00:05:10.820 align:middle line:84% Best thing to do is just strip and duck under." 00:05:10.820 --> 00:05:13.370 align:middle line:84% Flavian hesitated a moment but what was the difference 00:05:13.370 --> 00:05:15.020 align:middle line:84% between stripping to swim in the lake." 00:05:15.020 --> 00:05:17.540 align:middle line:84% They've been swimming in the monastery lake this summer. 00:05:17.540 --> 00:05:19.220 align:middle line:84% "Or stripping to swim in the creek. 00:05:19.220 --> 00:05:20.930 align:middle line:84% By the time he pulled off his clothes 00:05:20.930 --> 00:05:23.360 align:middle line:84% and placed them on the back and ducked under the tree, 00:05:23.360 --> 00:05:25.310 align:middle line:90% Johnny Faye was far downstream. 00:05:25.310 --> 00:05:27.200 align:middle line:84% Only the whites of his untamed buttocks 00:05:27.200 --> 00:05:29.540 align:middle line:84% showed through the overhanging branches. 00:05:29.540 --> 00:05:31.940 align:middle line:84% And Flavian followed after flailing his sickle 00:05:31.940 --> 00:05:33.620 align:middle line:84% at random weeds that were probably 00:05:33.620 --> 00:05:35.240 align:middle line:90% just innocent bystanders. 00:05:35.240 --> 00:05:37.610 align:middle line:84% After all, the sharp eyed Johnny Faye had already 00:05:37.610 --> 00:05:41.000 align:middle line:84% passed by but doing something, anything made 00:05:41.000 --> 00:05:43.880 align:middle line:84% him feel this stupid, a naked middle aged 00:05:43.880 --> 00:05:48.800 align:middle line:84% monk wading in knee deep water, and swinging a sickle. 00:05:48.800 --> 00:05:51.500 align:middle line:84% They thrashed their ways down the creek." 00:05:51.500 --> 00:05:55.070 align:middle line:84% The hornets by the way are borrowed from Dante. 00:05:55.070 --> 00:05:56.930 align:middle line:84% "They thrash their way down the creek. 00:05:56.930 --> 00:06:00.620 align:middle line:84% To Flavian every branch seemed adorned with poison ivy. 00:06:00.620 --> 00:06:02.690 align:middle line:84% Every rock concealed a cottonmouth. 00:06:02.690 --> 00:06:05.240 align:middle line:84% So and so he anticipated the attack, 00:06:05.240 --> 00:06:08.150 align:middle line:84% maybe in some pheromonal way brought it on. 00:06:08.150 --> 00:06:10.850 align:middle line:84% All he knew was that in a single moment he went from a place 00:06:10.850 --> 00:06:14.120 align:middle line:84% where he was thrashing along in a fog of foolishness to a place 00:06:14.120 --> 00:06:17.870 align:middle line:84% where Johnny Faye was splashing past him yelling "run, run". 00:06:17.870 --> 00:06:20.900 align:middle line:84% And Flavian ignorant but aware of something gone wrong 00:06:20.900 --> 00:06:23.360 align:middle line:84% went splashing after him scraping and cutting 00:06:23.360 --> 00:06:26.120 align:middle line:84% his bare feet on gravel and the razor sharp shells 00:06:26.120 --> 00:06:28.040 align:middle line:90% of freshwater mussels. 00:06:28.040 --> 00:06:31.430 align:middle line:84% Spider webs filled his mouth and he had some dim worry of ticks 00:06:31.430 --> 00:06:32.870 align:middle line:90% amid the adrenaline rush. 00:06:32.870 --> 00:06:36.080 align:middle line:84% But Johnny Faye was crying, "to the hole, to the hole" 00:06:36.080 --> 00:06:39.440 align:middle line:84% and Flavian realized he meant the deep pool where they first 00:06:39.440 --> 00:06:42.110 align:middle line:84% ducked under the fallen water maple. 00:06:42.110 --> 00:06:45.380 align:middle line:84% And then he felt a hot white brand of fire on one arm 00:06:45.380 --> 00:06:46.580 align:middle line:90% and he got the picture. 00:06:46.580 --> 00:06:49.190 align:middle line:84% He went double time the last 20 yards 00:06:49.190 --> 00:06:51.290 align:middle line:84% and dove into the pool of water even 00:06:51.290 --> 00:06:53.100 align:middle line:90% before Johnny Faye got there. 00:06:53.100 --> 00:06:55.640 align:middle line:84% Though later it occurred to him that Johnny Faye hung back 00:06:55.640 --> 00:06:58.730 align:middle line:84% so as to present a diversionary target. 00:06:58.730 --> 00:07:01.790 align:middle line:84% Unbelievably the hornets followed them in the water. 00:07:01.790 --> 00:07:04.430 align:middle line:84% Flavian would stop thrashing to catch his breath 00:07:04.430 --> 00:07:07.760 align:middle line:84% and there they'd be dive bombing his head. 00:07:07.760 --> 00:07:11.810 align:middle line:90% 00:07:11.810 --> 00:07:13.460 align:middle line:90% "Duck, and swim under. 00:07:13.460 --> 00:07:16.370 align:middle line:84% And head for the shade, they don't much like the shade." 00:07:16.370 --> 00:07:19.460 align:middle line:84% And Flavian ducked into the cool green wet 00:07:19.460 --> 00:07:21.590 align:middle line:84% and did not emerge until he found a place 00:07:21.590 --> 00:07:24.230 align:middle line:84% under the trunk of the fallen water maple that was sheltered 00:07:24.230 --> 00:07:27.020 align:middle line:84% from the sun and with an underwater limestone 00:07:27.020 --> 00:07:29.900 align:middle line:84% ledge at the right height for him to sit, 00:07:29.900 --> 00:07:33.020 align:middle line:84% leaving only his face exposed from the lips up. 00:07:33.020 --> 00:07:35.540 align:middle line:84% After a moment, Johnny Faye's wet stringy head 00:07:35.540 --> 00:07:38.960 align:middle line:84% bobbed up beside him and last but not JC. 00:07:38.960 --> 00:07:42.020 align:middle line:84% The dog climbed up the maple's trunk 00:07:42.020 --> 00:07:44.330 align:middle line:84% and shook sending a little shower over their heads 00:07:44.330 --> 00:07:46.340 align:middle line:84% that could only help, or so Flavian 00:07:46.340 --> 00:07:48.620 align:middle line:90% hoped, drive away the hornets. 00:07:48.620 --> 00:07:50.780 align:middle line:90% So they sat there for a while. 00:07:50.780 --> 00:07:53.930 align:middle line:84% "You think they'd gotten off for today? " Johnny Faye said. 00:07:53.930 --> 00:07:55.400 align:middle line:90% "You mean the hornets?" 00:07:55.400 --> 00:07:58.140 align:middle line:84% "No, Sherlock, I mean the flying cows." 00:07:58.140 --> 00:07:59.810 align:middle line:84% "Well, I don't see any more of them." 00:07:59.810 --> 00:08:01.250 align:middle line:90% "Did they get you?" 00:08:01.250 --> 00:08:02.210 align:middle line:90% "Only once. 00:08:02.210 --> 00:08:03.380 align:middle line:90% How about you?" 00:08:03.380 --> 00:08:06.230 align:middle line:84% "One on my arm, another on my back." 00:08:06.230 --> 00:08:08.180 align:middle line:90% "Let me see." 00:08:08.180 --> 00:08:09.890 align:middle line:90% They compared war wounds. 00:08:09.890 --> 00:08:13.490 align:middle line:84% Flavian had one, Johnny Faye had two bright little nips of flesh 00:08:13.490 --> 00:08:15.830 align:middle line:90% surrounded by scarlet aureoles. 00:08:15.830 --> 00:08:17.210 align:middle line:90% "Damn, sorry. 00:08:17.210 --> 00:08:18.605 align:middle line:90% Must have swung into a nest." 00:08:18.605 --> 00:08:22.370 align:middle line:90% 00:08:22.370 --> 00:08:24.710 align:middle line:84% Johnny Faye took Flavian's arm and raised the wound 00:08:24.710 --> 00:08:25.710 align:middle line:90% to his mouth. 00:08:25.710 --> 00:08:30.140 align:middle line:84% "Hold steady, the spit does it good, neutralizes the poison." 00:08:30.140 --> 00:08:33.049 align:middle line:84% "It's OK, I'll live," Flavian said. 00:08:33.049 --> 00:08:35.870 align:middle line:84% "OK, your turn," and Johnny Faye held up his arm. 00:08:35.870 --> 00:08:38.179 align:middle line:84% And Flavian wrapped his lip around the meaty hunk 00:08:38.179 --> 00:08:39.650 align:middle line:90% of Johnny Faye's biceps. 00:08:39.650 --> 00:08:42.350 align:middle line:84% And he was very, very grateful that the water 00:08:42.350 --> 00:08:45.620 align:middle line:84% hid that part of his body with a mind of its own. 00:08:45.620 --> 00:08:46.790 align:middle line:90% "Sit still. 00:08:46.790 --> 00:08:48.770 align:middle line:84% They come after anything that moves. 00:08:48.770 --> 00:08:51.290 align:middle line:84% We'd better hang out here for a little bit." 00:08:51.290 --> 00:08:54.240 align:middle line:84% Oh sure, yes," Flavian said, "let's stay in the water. 00:08:54.240 --> 00:08:56.060 align:middle line:90% Absolutely". 00:08:56.060 --> 00:08:58.340 align:middle line:84% The canopy of green arched overhead, 00:08:58.340 --> 00:09:03.320 align:middle line:84% enlivened by the grating of cicadas and the panting of JC, 00:09:03.320 --> 00:09:06.890 align:middle line:84% now sprawled on a wet ledge above the bank. 00:09:06.890 --> 00:09:08.990 align:middle line:84% "So what made you become a monk, anyway? 00:09:08.990 --> 00:09:12.050 align:middle line:84% I mean there must have been something besides the war." 00:09:12.050 --> 00:09:14.630 align:middle line:84% "Well, you're right," Flavian said, 00:09:14.630 --> 00:09:17.210 align:middle line:84% "not at first, at first I was just hiding out." 00:09:17.210 --> 00:09:19.560 align:middle line:90% He was a draft dodger. 00:09:19.560 --> 00:09:21.630 align:middle line:84% "But then I spent more time at the monastery 00:09:21.630 --> 00:09:23.550 align:middle line:84% and I came to like the place, you know. 00:09:23.550 --> 00:09:25.230 align:middle line:90% It just made so much sense. 00:09:25.230 --> 00:09:26.790 align:middle line:90% I don't have to tell you that. 00:09:26.790 --> 00:09:29.010 align:middle line:84% Living with the brothers and trying to make something 00:09:29.010 --> 00:09:33.270 align:middle line:84% in a community as a community rather than this idiot notion 00:09:33.270 --> 00:09:35.220 align:middle line:84% that somehow magically a good world 00:09:35.220 --> 00:09:38.160 align:middle line:84% can come out of everybody being selfish. 00:09:38.160 --> 00:09:39.720 align:middle line:84% You drive along the highway and you 00:09:39.720 --> 00:09:42.120 align:middle line:84% can tell the second you come on to monastery land. 00:09:42.120 --> 00:09:44.160 align:middle line:84% There's something sacred about the place. 00:09:44.160 --> 00:09:46.470 align:middle line:84% It's like the land belongs to God, which 00:09:46.470 --> 00:09:48.000 align:middle line:90% is who it belongs to anyway. 00:09:48.000 --> 00:09:52.680 align:middle line:84% And our job is to take care of it for him, her, it. 00:09:52.680 --> 00:09:55.020 align:middle line:84% All that God stuff, it comes out of people 00:09:55.020 --> 00:09:58.210 align:middle line:90% wanting not to be so alone." 00:09:58.210 --> 00:10:00.330 align:middle line:84% "I can see that," Johnny Faye said. 00:10:00.330 --> 00:10:03.630 align:middle line:84% "When we're not really alone in the first place," Flavian said. 00:10:03.630 --> 00:10:05.920 align:middle line:84% "I can see that too," Johnny Faye said, 00:10:05.920 --> 00:10:09.270 align:middle line:84% "that's what people are looking for and ain't finding in sex." 00:10:09.270 --> 00:10:11.560 align:middle line:84% "I wouldn't know about that, Flavian said, 00:10:11.560 --> 00:10:14.700 align:middle line:84% "all I know is that people want to be one with the one, one 00:10:14.700 --> 00:10:15.915 align:middle line:90% with the whole." 00:10:15.915 --> 00:10:18.340 align:middle line:84% "You don't say," Johnny Faye said, 00:10:18.340 --> 00:10:22.530 align:middle line:84% I have always said that sex was about being one with the hole. 00:10:22.530 --> 00:10:25.740 align:middle line:84% Flavian leaned over to cuff him on the ear. 00:10:25.740 --> 00:10:27.870 align:middle line:90% "Sorry, I got a smart mouth. 00:10:27.870 --> 00:10:29.880 align:middle line:84% In the army they tried beating it out of me 00:10:29.880 --> 00:10:33.240 align:middle line:84% but might as well try to beat the kick out of a mule." 00:10:33.240 --> 00:10:34.410 align:middle line:90% "It's OK. 00:10:34.410 --> 00:10:37.530 align:middle line:84% Maybe it's the same whole, for you anyway." 00:10:37.530 --> 00:10:39.840 align:middle line:84% "Wow," Johnny Faye said, "all those years 00:10:39.840 --> 00:10:42.690 align:middle line:84% I thought what I was doing was fucking when it turns out 00:10:42.690 --> 00:10:45.260 align:middle line:90% I was communing with God." 00:10:45.260 --> 00:10:46.620 align:middle line:90% Flavian sighed. 00:10:46.620 --> 00:10:49.300 align:middle line:84% "It's not like that's the only kind of desire. 00:10:49.300 --> 00:10:51.450 align:middle line:84% There are lots of kinds of desire." 00:10:51.450 --> 00:10:52.440 align:middle line:90% "Such as? 00:10:52.440 --> 00:10:54.210 align:middle line:90% I'm listening." 00:10:54.210 --> 00:10:56.550 align:middle line:90% Well, you know desire." 00:10:56.550 --> 00:10:59.760 align:middle line:84% Johnny Faye made a little circle with his thumb and forefinger 00:10:59.760 --> 00:11:02.050 align:middle line:84% then poked his other finger in and out. 00:11:02.050 --> 00:11:04.230 align:middle line:90% Color rose to Flavian's cheeks. 00:11:04.230 --> 00:11:06.180 align:middle line:84% "Well, I don't mean that kind of desire. 00:11:06.180 --> 00:11:08.760 align:middle line:90% Or at least not only that kind." 00:11:08.760 --> 00:11:11.910 align:middle line:84% "Oh?", Johnny Faye asked, "what other kind is there? 00:11:11.910 --> 00:11:14.970 align:middle line:84% There's only one kind of I ever known and it drives me crazy 00:11:14.970 --> 00:11:17.040 align:middle line:84% and makes me alive at the same time. 00:11:17.040 --> 00:11:19.170 align:middle line:84% Can't do with it, that's for sure, 00:11:19.170 --> 00:11:21.120 align:middle line:84% but can't do without it, neither. 00:11:21.120 --> 00:11:22.680 align:middle line:90% Sex is this funny thing. 00:11:22.680 --> 00:11:25.740 align:middle line:84% You've got to have it, you can't think of anything but it. 00:11:25.740 --> 00:11:27.533 align:middle line:90% It makes you toss and turn. 00:11:27.533 --> 00:11:28.950 align:middle line:84% It's like knowing the next morning 00:11:28.950 --> 00:11:30.540 align:middle line:84% you're going to start on a long trip 00:11:30.540 --> 00:11:32.310 align:middle line:90% to someplace you never seen. 00:11:32.310 --> 00:11:34.120 align:middle line:90% You think about it all the time. 00:11:34.120 --> 00:11:35.880 align:middle line:84% And then finally you get it and you 00:11:35.880 --> 00:11:37.740 align:middle line:84% go to that place for a few minutes. 00:11:37.740 --> 00:11:40.590 align:middle line:84% Maybe it's the place the animals live in all the time. 00:11:40.590 --> 00:11:42.133 align:middle line:84% I thought about that, a place where 00:11:42.133 --> 00:11:43.800 align:middle line:84% the only thing that matters in the world 00:11:43.800 --> 00:11:47.760 align:middle line:84% is what you're doing right here, right now." 00:11:47.760 --> 00:11:51.660 align:middle line:84% "A monk would call that perfect prayer," Flavian said. 00:11:51.660 --> 00:11:54.300 align:middle line:84% Johnny Faye gave Brother Flavian a funny look. 00:11:54.300 --> 00:11:55.500 align:middle line:90% "Is that a fact? 00:11:55.500 --> 00:11:57.640 align:middle line:84% You don't start out that way of course. 00:11:57.640 --> 00:12:00.060 align:middle line:84% Most people have to be warmed into it a little, 00:12:00.060 --> 00:12:01.140 align:middle line:90% even most guys. 00:12:01.140 --> 00:12:02.700 align:middle line:90% Even though they won't admit it. 00:12:02.700 --> 00:12:03.960 align:middle line:90% And then you get hot. 00:12:03.960 --> 00:12:06.270 align:middle line:84% And then it takes you over and you belong to it 00:12:06.270 --> 00:12:07.420 align:middle line:90% for a few minutes. 00:12:07.420 --> 00:12:09.450 align:middle line:84% And you're alive, nothing dead about you. 00:12:09.450 --> 00:12:12.570 align:middle line:84% Everything says go, go, go, live, live, live. 00:12:12.570 --> 00:12:15.060 align:middle line:84% And then it's over and done with and all you want to do 00:12:15.060 --> 00:12:16.380 align:middle line:90% is smoke a joint. 00:12:16.380 --> 00:12:18.030 align:middle line:90% You're a stranger to yourself. 00:12:18.030 --> 00:12:19.527 align:middle line:84% You have to lie there a few minutes 00:12:19.527 --> 00:12:21.360 align:middle line:84% to find your way back to the person you left 00:12:21.360 --> 00:12:23.040 align:middle line:90% behind a few minutes before. 00:12:23.040 --> 00:12:25.410 align:middle line:84% And the other person, the person you're with, 00:12:25.410 --> 00:12:28.320 align:middle line:84% you want to be tangled up with them and away from them 00:12:28.320 --> 00:12:29.550 align:middle line:90% at the same time. 00:12:29.550 --> 00:12:31.410 align:middle line:84% At least that's how it is with me. 00:12:31.410 --> 00:12:33.722 align:middle line:84% I heard a guy say once that people 00:12:33.722 --> 00:12:35.430 align:middle line:84% used to think that a man could only do it 00:12:35.430 --> 00:12:38.760 align:middle line:84% so many times in his life, could only--" 00:12:38.760 --> 00:12:40.890 align:middle line:84% He stopped here to search for word in the search 00:12:40.890 --> 00:12:42.630 align:middle line:90% and grew too long. 00:12:42.630 --> 00:12:45.510 align:middle line:90% "Come," Brother Flavian said. 00:12:45.510 --> 00:12:46.380 align:middle line:90% "Yeah." 00:12:46.380 --> 00:12:48.750 align:middle line:84% He stretch his neck a little and dropped his shoulders. 00:12:48.750 --> 00:12:50.220 align:middle line:90% "Like you say. 00:12:50.220 --> 00:12:53.320 align:middle line:84% And when I first heard that, I thought no that can't be true. 00:12:53.320 --> 00:12:55.290 align:middle line:84% And then another part of me, the smart part 00:12:55.290 --> 00:12:59.230 align:middle line:84% said but you know I can see how you think that way, 00:12:59.230 --> 00:13:00.510 align:middle line:90% if you didn't know no better. 00:13:00.510 --> 00:13:03.390 align:middle line:84% Because it takes something out of you, it surely does. 00:13:03.390 --> 00:13:05.400 align:middle line:84% Religion ought to be all about it, you know. 00:13:05.400 --> 00:13:07.440 align:middle line:84% It's like the place I go to in church 00:13:07.440 --> 00:13:09.120 align:middle line:90% but where it's not the place. 00:13:09.120 --> 00:13:11.160 align:middle line:84% It's not like the place I get to in church 00:13:11.160 --> 00:13:13.608 align:middle line:90% but it's where I'd like to go." 00:13:13.608 --> 00:13:14.400 align:middle line:90% "You go to church?" 00:13:14.400 --> 00:13:15.570 align:middle line:90% Flavian asked. 00:13:15.570 --> 00:13:18.390 align:middle line:84% Johnny Faye's eyes narrowed and he gave a little laugh that 00:13:18.390 --> 00:13:20.070 align:middle line:90% came from some secret place. 00:13:20.070 --> 00:13:22.170 align:middle line:90% "You act like you're surprised." 00:13:22.170 --> 00:13:24.160 align:middle line:90% "Well, I am surprised." 00:13:24.160 --> 00:13:26.682 align:middle line:84% "I always like it when people trip themselves up. 00:13:26.682 --> 00:13:28.140 align:middle line:84% They think they got somebody pegged 00:13:28.140 --> 00:13:29.610 align:middle line:90% and they ain't got a clue. 00:13:29.610 --> 00:13:32.640 align:middle line:84% I'd never darken the door of that church in town, no way. 00:13:32.640 --> 00:13:35.190 align:middle line:84% Father Poppelreiter would have a cow, for one. 00:13:35.190 --> 00:13:37.350 align:middle line:84% Besides, I don't want to go giving people 00:13:37.350 --> 00:13:39.120 align:middle line:90% the wrong impression. 00:13:39.120 --> 00:13:40.740 align:middle line:84% "And what impression might that be?" 00:13:40.740 --> 00:13:41.910 align:middle line:90% Flavian asked. 00:13:41.910 --> 00:13:44.970 align:middle line:84% "Oh, you know, like I was getting their kind of religion, 00:13:44.970 --> 00:13:47.880 align:middle line:84% all that kissy-padres-ring-assed stuff. 00:13:47.880 --> 00:13:50.760 align:middle line:84% No, I go to mass at Calvary when the mood strikes. 00:13:50.760 --> 00:13:53.310 align:middle line:84% Good friends with the priests there. 00:13:53.310 --> 00:13:55.890 align:middle line:84% He's happy to see me, if you get my drift." 00:13:55.890 --> 00:13:58.500 align:middle line:84% Johnny Faye pinched his forefinger and thumb together 00:13:58.500 --> 00:14:01.560 align:middle line:84% and put them to his lips and made a subtle noise. 00:14:01.560 --> 00:14:03.060 align:middle line:90% "Don't ask much where I've been. 00:14:03.060 --> 00:14:06.210 align:middle line:84% Pretty little church and that priest, he's been around. 00:14:06.210 --> 00:14:07.380 align:middle line:90% He served in Nam. 00:14:07.380 --> 00:14:09.060 align:middle line:90% He don't ask questions. 00:14:09.060 --> 00:14:11.430 align:middle line:84% Most of these priests, they don't know jack. 00:14:11.430 --> 00:14:13.110 align:middle line:84% The church is just like the army. 00:14:13.110 --> 00:14:16.113 align:middle line:84% The more ignorant they are, the higher up they rise. 00:14:16.113 --> 00:14:18.030 align:middle line:84% Hell, if you're dumb enough and willing enough 00:14:18.030 --> 00:14:19.890 align:middle line:84% to stab enough backs, you just might 00:14:19.890 --> 00:14:23.770 align:middle line:84% make general, or Pope, same thing more or less. 00:14:23.770 --> 00:14:26.040 align:middle line:84% You take a guy at 20 years old, stick him 00:14:26.040 --> 00:14:28.740 align:middle line:84% in a room with a bunch of other guys for four or six years, 00:14:28.740 --> 00:14:31.500 align:middle line:84% tell him he can't even put his hands on his own dick, 00:14:31.500 --> 00:14:33.760 align:middle line:84% then you send him out in the world all of a sudden, 00:14:33.760 --> 00:14:36.150 align:middle line:84% everybody's calling him Father and kissing his ass 00:14:36.150 --> 00:14:38.820 align:middle line:84% and buying him supper at nice restaurants. 00:14:38.820 --> 00:14:41.640 align:middle line:84% And he don't know a thing about sex and life, except how 00:14:41.640 --> 00:14:43.500 align:middle line:90% to feel bad about having it. 00:14:43.500 --> 00:14:45.570 align:middle line:84% Now how in the hell can he help people 00:14:45.570 --> 00:14:47.970 align:middle line:84% be better than they are when most of the time 00:14:47.970 --> 00:14:50.610 align:middle line:84% their problem is sex, or something coming out of it. 00:14:50.610 --> 00:14:51.660 align:middle line:90% You tell me that." 00:14:51.660 --> 00:14:54.270 align:middle line:90% 00:14:54.270 --> 00:14:56.640 align:middle line:84% "Because when I'm alone and in silence, 00:14:56.640 --> 00:14:58.500 align:middle line:84% some things reveal themselves to me 00:14:58.500 --> 00:15:02.400 align:middle line:84% that otherwise I can't see or understand," Flavian said. 00:15:02.400 --> 00:15:03.960 align:middle line:90% "Is that a fact?" 00:15:03.960 --> 00:15:06.510 align:middle line:84% "Like the birds," Flavian said, "you can't order-- 00:15:06.510 --> 00:15:09.090 align:middle line:84% you can't order the Spirit to show up when you want to. 00:15:09.090 --> 00:15:11.340 align:middle line:84% Instead you have to sit in patience and in silence 00:15:11.340 --> 00:15:12.253 align:middle line:90% and look around. 00:15:12.253 --> 00:15:13.920 align:middle line:84% You walk through the fields in the woods 00:15:13.920 --> 00:15:15.537 align:middle line:84% making noise, talking with somebody, 00:15:15.537 --> 00:15:17.370 align:middle line:84% or just shuffling through the leaves the way 00:15:17.370 --> 00:15:19.080 align:middle line:84% we do when we're with somebody else, 00:15:19.080 --> 00:15:21.390 align:middle line:84% and you think the birds are all flown to Mexico. 00:15:21.390 --> 00:15:24.160 align:middle line:84% But then you go someplace and sit long and in silence, 00:15:24.160 --> 00:15:26.670 align:middle line:84% and after a while they were all around you." 00:15:26.670 --> 00:15:30.460 align:middle line:84% "Well, you got that right," Johnny Faye said, 00:15:30.460 --> 00:15:32.580 align:middle line:90% "let me think about that one." 00:15:32.580 --> 00:15:35.430 align:middle line:84% "Yeah, well, I'll think about it too," Flavian said. 00:15:35.430 --> 00:15:39.060 align:middle line:84% "I never thought of being a monk like that before now." 00:15:39.060 --> 00:15:40.890 align:middle line:84% For a while they said stand still 00:15:40.890 --> 00:15:42.600 align:middle line:90% until Flavian relaxed a little. 00:15:42.600 --> 00:15:44.460 align:middle line:84% And his tongue got the better of him. 00:15:44.460 --> 00:15:47.087 align:middle line:84% "So why did you go for a soldier?" 00:15:47.087 --> 00:15:49.170 align:middle line:84% "Because I wanted to be a monk," Johnny Faye said, 00:15:49.170 --> 00:15:51.090 align:middle line:84% "but I can't stand the religion." 00:15:51.090 --> 00:15:52.290 align:middle line:90% "Oh, come on." 00:15:52.290 --> 00:15:52.980 align:middle line:90% "I mean it. 00:15:52.980 --> 00:15:55.020 align:middle line:84% I wasn't so dumb as to believe all that shit 00:15:55.020 --> 00:15:57.660 align:middle line:84% about how we had to go save the world for democracy. 00:15:57.660 --> 00:16:00.330 align:middle line:84% I mean, follow the money as some wise guy said 00:16:00.330 --> 00:16:02.730 align:middle line:84% and any idiot could see who stood 00:16:02.730 --> 00:16:04.170 align:middle line:90% to make money on this business. 00:16:04.170 --> 00:16:07.110 align:middle line:84% And it was definitely not the guys in my platoon. 00:16:07.110 --> 00:16:10.170 align:middle line:84% But I wanted to join up with a brotherhood of men, 00:16:10.170 --> 00:16:11.190 align:middle line:90% like you say. 00:16:11.190 --> 00:16:13.960 align:middle line:84% And they promised me they would teach me how to read and write. 00:16:13.960 --> 00:16:16.350 align:middle line:84% And then I could find a good job when I came back. 00:16:16.350 --> 00:16:18.000 align:middle line:84% So I made my mark because I thought 00:16:18.000 --> 00:16:20.970 align:middle line:84% if anybody could teach me how to read, it was-- read and write, 00:16:20.970 --> 00:16:22.800 align:middle line:90% it was a United States Army. 00:16:22.800 --> 00:16:25.897 align:middle line:84% And that was pretty much the last time it got mentioned." 00:16:25.897 --> 00:16:27.480 align:middle line:84% "I'm sorry you had to go through that, 00:16:27.480 --> 00:16:30.630 align:middle line:84% Flavian said, "I guess it's one reason to believe in paradise. 00:16:30.630 --> 00:16:33.750 align:middle line:84% Surely, all those guys who died got more out of life 00:16:33.750 --> 00:16:36.450 align:middle line:90% than just those 20 years." 00:16:36.450 --> 00:16:39.540 align:middle line:84% Johnny Faye spread his hands flat on the creek's mirror. 00:16:39.540 --> 00:16:41.603 align:middle line:90% "I don't believe in death." 00:16:41.603 --> 00:16:43.020 align:middle line:84% "What do you mean?", Flavian said, 00:16:43.020 --> 00:16:45.080 align:middle line:90% "you don't believe in death." 00:16:45.080 --> 00:16:47.580 align:middle line:84% Johnny Faye grabbed Flavian head and ducked him under. 00:16:47.580 --> 00:16:49.080 align:middle line:90% He came up sputtering. 00:16:49.080 --> 00:16:50.940 align:middle line:84% "Don't you get it?", Johnny Faye cried. 00:16:50.940 --> 00:16:53.010 align:middle line:84% "Ain't you been paying attention to nothing? 00:16:53.010 --> 00:16:55.110 align:middle line:84% Dying is just a dream the devil cooked up 00:16:55.110 --> 00:16:58.800 align:middle line:84% to make us scared so that then he could have his way. 00:16:58.800 --> 00:17:00.180 align:middle line:90% Get with the program, man. 00:17:00.180 --> 00:17:02.460 align:middle line:90% You're a monk, act like one." 00:17:02.460 --> 00:17:04.500 align:middle line:84% Johnny Faye pointed around the creek bank. 00:17:04.500 --> 00:17:06.089 align:middle line:84% "You show me where there's death. 00:17:06.089 --> 00:17:07.560 align:middle line:84% You could climb all over the banks 00:17:07.560 --> 00:17:09.720 align:middle line:84% to find a dead bird or a turtle but you'd 00:17:09.720 --> 00:17:11.369 align:middle line:90% be a long time looking. 00:17:11.369 --> 00:17:12.599 align:middle line:90% Ever think about that? 00:17:12.599 --> 00:17:14.640 align:middle line:84% All that dying going on, at least 00:17:14.640 --> 00:17:15.930 align:middle line:90% if you see things your way. 00:17:15.930 --> 00:17:18.359 align:middle line:84% But we don't see a single dead thing. 00:17:18.359 --> 00:17:20.369 align:middle line:84% I look around and all I see is life. 00:17:20.369 --> 00:17:22.530 align:middle line:90% Life turning into life." 00:17:22.530 --> 00:17:24.180 align:middle line:84% He slapped the surface of the water. 00:17:24.180 --> 00:17:27.270 align:middle line:84% "And this is my paradise, right here, right now. 00:17:27.270 --> 00:17:30.270 align:middle line:84% And hell is all those people who don't know theirselves. 00:17:30.270 --> 00:17:33.090 align:middle line:84% Where are the damn wild places anymore is what I wonder. 00:17:33.090 --> 00:17:37.290 align:middle line:84% A place a misfit like me can go home." 00:17:37.290 --> 00:17:39.400 align:middle line:90% Flavian touched his heart. 00:17:39.400 --> 00:17:41.390 align:middle line:90% "Maybe it's in here." 00:17:41.390 --> 00:17:43.670 align:middle line:84% They sat for a moment in silence. 00:17:43.670 --> 00:17:46.220 align:middle line:84% "I'll be damned," Johnny Faye said, "something else 00:17:46.220 --> 00:17:47.570 align:middle line:90% to think about." 00:17:47.570 --> 00:17:49.670 align:middle line:90% "For you and me both." 00:17:49.670 --> 00:17:52.250 align:middle line:84% A long burr from a cicada stationed in the water maple 00:17:52.250 --> 00:17:53.240 align:middle line:90% over their heads. 00:17:53.240 --> 00:17:54.560 align:middle line:90% Johnny looked up. 00:17:54.560 --> 00:17:56.450 align:middle line:90% "I think the hornets are gone." 00:17:56.450 --> 00:17:58.145 align:middle line:90% "I think you're right." 00:17:58.145 --> 00:17:59.520 align:middle line:84% They ducked under the water maple 00:17:59.520 --> 00:18:01.228 align:middle line:84% and retrieved their clothes from the bank 00:18:01.228 --> 00:18:03.320 align:middle line:84% and waded wordlessly up the creek. 00:18:03.320 --> 00:18:05.480 align:middle line:84% JC trotted after, tongue lolling. 00:18:05.480 --> 00:18:08.270 align:middle line:84% When they reached the oxbow bend they waded out of the creek. 00:18:08.270 --> 00:18:09.770 align:middle line:90% Their hands brushed. 00:18:09.770 --> 00:18:11.720 align:middle line:84% Flavian stiffened like a flagpole 00:18:11.720 --> 00:18:13.820 align:middle line:84% and turned away and worked his way up the bank 00:18:13.820 --> 00:18:17.810 align:middle line:84% in an awkward crabwise step trying to conceal his privates. 00:18:17.810 --> 00:18:19.790 align:middle line:84% He pulled on a shirt and grabbed his jeans 00:18:19.790 --> 00:18:21.450 align:middle line:84% and tried to get one leg into them. 00:18:21.450 --> 00:18:24.050 align:middle line:84% But in this haste he caught his foot in his pants leg 00:18:24.050 --> 00:18:26.960 align:middle line:84% and fell down, his cock pointing at the sky. 00:18:26.960 --> 00:18:29.570 align:middle line:84% And then Johnny Faye had his mouth around the thing. 00:18:29.570 --> 00:18:31.220 align:middle line:90% That is what happened. 00:18:31.220 --> 00:18:34.400 align:middle line:84% Flavian opened his eyes wide and took it all in and for a second 00:18:34.400 --> 00:18:36.200 align:middle line:84% he tried to think of something to say. 00:18:36.200 --> 00:18:38.510 align:middle line:84% But then another part of him took hold and spoke 00:18:38.510 --> 00:18:40.550 align:middle line:90% and a deep calm voice. 00:18:40.550 --> 00:18:43.280 align:middle line:90% "Suffer the consequences." 00:18:43.280 --> 00:18:45.470 align:middle line:84% Then Johnny Faye stood and took his hand. 00:18:45.470 --> 00:18:46.850 align:middle line:90% "Come on, come here. 00:18:46.850 --> 00:18:48.620 align:middle line:84% I ain't lived 40 years for nothing. 00:18:48.620 --> 00:18:50.720 align:middle line:84% If you're going to do a thing, you might as well do it right 00:18:50.720 --> 00:18:52.095 align:middle line:84% and it ain't going to be paradise 00:18:52.095 --> 00:18:54.110 align:middle line:90% lying here in the mud." 00:18:54.110 --> 00:18:56.450 align:middle line:84% He took Flavian's hand and led him to the great sycamore 00:18:56.450 --> 00:18:59.060 align:middle line:84% and climbed up first and pulled Flavian up after. 00:18:59.060 --> 00:19:02.420 align:middle line:84% And all the while Flavian's mind saying no, no, no. 00:19:02.420 --> 00:19:05.690 align:middle line:84% And every other cell in his body saying yes, yes, yes. 00:19:05.690 --> 00:19:08.600 align:middle line:84% Until Johnny Faye sat him down on sycamore throne and knelt 00:19:08.600 --> 00:19:09.800 align:middle line:90% in front of him. 00:19:09.800 --> 00:19:11.600 align:middle line:84% He tucked his hand behind Flavian's neck 00:19:11.600 --> 00:19:13.220 align:middle line:84% to pull him forward, so that he could 00:19:13.220 --> 00:19:15.800 align:middle line:84% shrug the shirt off his long shoulders and arms. 00:19:15.800 --> 00:19:17.300 align:middle line:84% And then Johnny Faye took the shirt 00:19:17.300 --> 00:19:21.680 align:middle line:84% and fold it tenderly and used it to cover the tree scaly trunk. 00:19:21.680 --> 00:19:24.260 align:middle line:84% He placed one hand in the small of Flavian's back 00:19:24.260 --> 00:19:26.090 align:middle line:84% and the other in the center of his chest, 00:19:26.090 --> 00:19:28.010 align:middle line:84% and leaned him back until he was resting 00:19:28.010 --> 00:19:30.500 align:middle line:84% against the sycamores cloth covered arm. 00:19:30.500 --> 00:19:33.320 align:middle line:84% He tucked a hand under each of Flavian's knees 00:19:33.320 --> 00:19:36.950 align:middle line:84% and lifted them and propped his feet on the tree's other arms. 00:19:36.950 --> 00:19:39.770 align:middle line:84% Then he took Flavian's hands, one in each of his, 00:19:39.770 --> 00:19:41.750 align:middle line:84% and raised and locked them over his head. 00:19:41.750 --> 00:19:44.730 align:middle line:84% He buried his mouth in Flavian's open armpit. 00:19:44.730 --> 00:19:46.952 align:middle line:84% Then he covered Flavian's mouth with his mouth. 00:19:46.952 --> 00:19:48.410 align:middle line:84% And for the first time in his life, 00:19:48.410 --> 00:19:51.380 align:middle line:84% Flavian tasted that most familiar of smells, 00:19:51.380 --> 00:19:54.020 align:middle line:90% the smell of his own sweat. 00:19:54.020 --> 00:19:56.420 align:middle line:84% Then Johnny Faye took Flavian's root in his hands 00:19:56.420 --> 00:19:58.230 align:middle line:84% like it was some kind of scepter. 00:19:58.230 --> 00:20:00.290 align:middle line:84% A timeless while of this and then Johnny Faye 00:20:00.290 --> 00:20:02.540 align:middle line:84% took his mouth to the sweet and other places. 00:20:02.540 --> 00:20:04.310 align:middle line:84% And the next thing Flavian could remember 00:20:04.310 --> 00:20:07.520 align:middle line:84% was a loud cry, "Jesus," that echoed 00:20:07.520 --> 00:20:09.350 align:middle line:90% in the pantheon of green. 00:20:09.350 --> 00:20:10.820 align:middle line:84% He would never believed any human 00:20:10.820 --> 00:20:13.670 align:middle line:84% being capable of making such a sound except that when 00:20:13.670 --> 00:20:15.560 align:middle line:84% he finally opened his eyes, he kept 00:20:15.560 --> 00:20:18.230 align:middle line:84% them closed very long because as long as they were closed 00:20:18.230 --> 00:20:21.140 align:middle line:84% he was in some other timeless universe, where actions 00:20:21.140 --> 00:20:22.670 align:middle line:90% had no consequences. 00:20:22.670 --> 00:20:25.190 align:middle line:84% Maybe that's what they meant by paradise, a place 00:20:25.190 --> 00:20:27.993 align:middle line:84% where actions have no consequences. 00:20:27.993 --> 00:20:29.660 align:middle line:84% And when he opened them he would be back 00:20:29.660 --> 00:20:32.180 align:middle line:84% in this ordinary world of telephones, and mail orders, 00:20:32.180 --> 00:20:33.200 align:middle line:90% and benediction. 00:20:33.200 --> 00:20:35.563 align:middle line:90% What about benediction, my God. 00:20:35.563 --> 00:20:36.980 align:middle line:84% And then he opened his eyes to see 00:20:36.980 --> 00:20:39.950 align:middle line:84% Johnny Faye grinning his crazy, chipped tooth grinning 00:20:39.950 --> 00:20:41.060 align:middle line:90% from ear to ear. 00:20:41.060 --> 00:20:45.260 align:middle line:84% And he had been waiting, Flavian could read it in his eyes, 00:20:45.260 --> 00:20:48.380 align:middle line:84% for Flavian to open his eyes so that the first thing he saw 00:20:48.380 --> 00:20:50.480 align:middle line:84% was Johnny Faye lifting his arm and wiping 00:20:50.480 --> 00:20:53.510 align:middle line:84% his hand across his mouth, like the lanky stringy haired 00:20:53.510 --> 00:20:54.830 align:middle line:90% tempter that he was. 00:20:54.830 --> 00:20:57.440 align:middle line:84% And Flavian understood that he, Brother Flavian 00:20:57.440 --> 00:21:00.770 align:middle line:84% of the order of Cistercian of the Strict Observance, 00:21:00.770 --> 00:21:02.900 align:middle line:84% which familiarly known as Trappist, 00:21:02.900 --> 00:21:05.360 align:middle line:84% had been the one to shout at the top of his lungs 00:21:05.360 --> 00:21:09.500 align:middle line:84% and on the sycamore throne, the name of the Lord. 00:21:09.500 --> 00:21:13.160 align:middle line:84% "Shh," Johnny Faye pointed out a kingfisher. 00:21:13.160 --> 00:21:14.843 align:middle line:84% But Flavian's glasses were cockeyed 00:21:14.843 --> 00:21:16.760 align:middle line:84% and when he lifted his hand to straighten them 00:21:16.760 --> 00:21:19.550 align:middle line:84% the bird took off into the September sky. 00:21:19.550 --> 00:21:21.650 align:middle line:84% "Now ain't that something, Johnny Faye said. 00:21:21.650 --> 00:21:23.240 align:middle line:84% "He sits there through all that racket 00:21:23.240 --> 00:21:26.090 align:middle line:84% but then flaps away when you so much as make a move. 00:21:26.090 --> 00:21:26.900 align:middle line:90% Whatever. 00:21:26.900 --> 00:21:28.100 align:middle line:90% Now it's your turn. 00:21:28.100 --> 00:21:29.330 align:middle line:90% You don't have to swallow. 00:21:29.330 --> 00:21:32.030 align:middle line:84% That ain't in the rules but you got to at least give it a try 00:21:32.030 --> 00:21:33.230 align:middle line:90% and see how you like it. 00:21:33.230 --> 00:21:35.330 align:middle line:90% That is in the rules." 00:21:35.330 --> 00:21:38.090 align:middle line:84% Johnny Faye stood in the tree's crotch and Flavian knelt 00:21:38.090 --> 00:21:40.460 align:middle line:84% before him and closed his eyes against slipping 00:21:40.460 --> 00:21:43.160 align:middle line:84% sliding late summer light, and felt 00:21:43.160 --> 00:21:45.680 align:middle line:84% Johnny Faye place his hands tender as the setting 00:21:45.680 --> 00:21:48.200 align:middle line:84% sun on Flavian's head so that they guided him 00:21:48.200 --> 00:21:49.850 align:middle line:84% in an act for which he was amazed 00:21:49.850 --> 00:21:51.650 align:middle line:90% to find he needed no guidance. 00:21:51.650 --> 00:21:55.230 align:middle line:84% Because he loved this man, every part of him he loved. 00:21:55.230 --> 00:21:58.670 align:middle line:84% And when Johnny Faye said in a low humble voice, "Excuse me, 00:21:58.670 --> 00:22:01.310 align:middle line:84% Brother Tom, but I'm about to come." 00:22:01.310 --> 00:22:04.400 align:middle line:84% Flavian raised his hands and guided Johnny Faye's hands back 00:22:04.400 --> 00:22:07.400 align:middle line:84% to his temples, and kept his hands over Johnny Faye's hands 00:22:07.400 --> 00:22:09.110 align:middle line:90% until he heard a guttural moan. 00:22:09.110 --> 00:22:12.230 align:middle line:84% And his mouth was filled with something like life. 00:22:12.230 --> 00:22:15.110 align:middle line:84% And Flavian was seriously present to the cause. 00:22:15.110 --> 00:22:16.850 align:middle line:84% He had never once in his life been 00:22:16.850 --> 00:22:20.540 align:middle line:84% so present to his own reality, perfect prayer. 00:22:20.540 --> 00:22:24.140 align:middle line:84% Then Johnny Faye gently tipped up Flavian's head and pressed 00:22:24.140 --> 00:22:26.930 align:middle line:84% his thick lipped mouth over Flavian's. 00:22:26.930 --> 00:22:29.360 align:middle line:84% For a very long while they stay that way. 00:22:29.360 --> 00:22:32.240 align:middle line:84% Flavian kneeling in the sycamore throne, 00:22:32.240 --> 00:22:33.920 align:middle line:84% Johnny Faye bending to his mouth, 00:22:33.920 --> 00:22:36.170 align:middle line:84% and gradually the twittering of the evening birds 00:22:36.170 --> 00:22:39.050 align:middle line:84% and the grinding of the cicadas coming back to consciousness 00:22:39.050 --> 00:22:41.660 align:middle line:84% until Johnny Faye stretched his hands to the sky 00:22:41.660 --> 00:22:44.780 align:middle line:84% and leaned back against the sycamore's branch. 00:22:44.780 --> 00:22:47.450 align:middle line:84% And in that moment, all of history, all the past 00:22:47.450 --> 00:22:49.760 align:middle line:84% and future, all the memory, and responsibility 00:22:49.760 --> 00:22:52.850 align:middle line:84% and his vows to his brothers and to God came rushing back. 00:22:52.850 --> 00:22:57.410 align:middle line:84% And Flavian opened his mouth to say, "I'm sorry, I am so sorry. 00:22:57.410 --> 00:22:59.630 align:middle line:84% When Johnny Faye took his head in his hands 00:22:59.630 --> 00:23:02.000 align:middle line:84% and looked him in his eyes and did not let him 00:23:02.000 --> 00:23:04.580 align:middle line:84% turn his head to one side, or look down. 00:23:04.580 --> 00:23:07.640 align:middle line:84% And his eyes were deep brown and full of love. 00:23:07.640 --> 00:23:09.650 align:middle line:90% "Ain't it glorious?", he said. 00:23:09.650 --> 00:23:12.110 align:middle line:84% A $3 word he would have learned in church. 00:23:12.110 --> 00:23:14.090 align:middle line:84% And Flavian held his tongue and looked up 00:23:14.090 --> 00:23:16.130 align:middle line:84% through the dense canopy of leaves, 00:23:16.130 --> 00:23:18.380 align:middle line:84% the sycamore leaves so broad and shapely, 00:23:18.380 --> 00:23:20.833 align:middle line:84% all of a piece, whole unto itself. 00:23:20.833 --> 00:23:22.250 align:middle line:84% And for the first time the thought 00:23:22.250 --> 00:23:25.820 align:middle line:84% occurred to him that he too might become all of a piece, 00:23:25.820 --> 00:23:27.980 align:middle line:90% whole unto himself. 00:23:27.980 --> 00:23:31.400 align:middle line:84% "Ain't it glorious?", Johnny Faye said a second time. 00:23:31.400 --> 00:23:32.630 align:middle line:90% Now that is what I call-- 00:23:32.630 --> 00:23:36.320 align:middle line:90% 00:23:36.320 --> 00:23:39.200 align:middle line:84% "Now that is what I call a conversation with God. 00:23:39.200 --> 00:23:42.050 align:middle line:84% Or beauty, if you've got to be so high falutin about it 00:23:42.050 --> 00:23:43.820 align:middle line:90% and you do, I know that. 00:23:43.820 --> 00:23:45.680 align:middle line:84% It's part of what I like about you. 00:23:45.680 --> 00:23:47.870 align:middle line:90% You know why I got brown eyes?" 00:23:47.870 --> 00:23:48.650 align:middle line:90% "No." 00:23:48.650 --> 00:23:51.920 align:middle line:84% Johnny Faye held a hand flat at his forehead. 00:23:51.920 --> 00:23:53.840 align:middle line:84% "Because I'm full of shit up to here. 00:23:53.840 --> 00:23:56.450 align:middle line:84% And you, you with your barely blue eyes, 00:23:56.450 --> 00:23:57.930 align:middle line:90% you're a quart short. 00:23:57.930 --> 00:24:00.170 align:middle line:84% Which is why you take everything so serious 00:24:00.170 --> 00:24:04.700 align:middle line:84% and why you ever been, are now, and ever will be a monk." 00:24:04.700 --> 00:24:08.330 align:middle line:84% And after he said this first, for a space of a few seconds, 00:24:08.330 --> 00:24:11.630 align:middle line:84% Flavian forgot everything he had promised, all the vows he made, 00:24:11.630 --> 00:24:14.210 align:middle line:84% his place in the world, everything but right here, 00:24:14.210 --> 00:24:17.720 align:middle line:84% right now, and the thought I will follow this man wherever 00:24:17.720 --> 00:24:18.500 align:middle line:90% he goes. 00:24:18.500 --> 00:24:21.890 align:middle line:84% Only say the word and I shall be healed. 00:24:21.890 --> 00:24:23.810 align:middle line:84% Johnny Faye worked his way around Flavian 00:24:23.810 --> 00:24:26.510 align:middle line:84% and slid down the sycamore trunk to JC who'd 00:24:26.510 --> 00:24:28.580 align:middle line:90% been biding his doggy time. 00:24:28.580 --> 00:24:30.270 align:middle line:84% He picked up Flavian's shirt from where 00:24:30.270 --> 00:24:32.420 align:middle line:90% it had fallen from the tree. 00:24:32.420 --> 00:24:34.760 align:middle line:84% "I'm a liberal minded man but I have 00:24:34.760 --> 00:24:37.100 align:middle line:84% to say that, when it comes right down to it, 00:24:37.100 --> 00:24:41.600 align:middle line:84% I'm better at hard and sharp than I am at soft and round." 00:24:41.600 --> 00:24:44.030 align:middle line:84% Something in Johnny Faye's voice and what he said 00:24:44.030 --> 00:24:46.400 align:middle line:84% lodged the little dagger in Flavian's side, 00:24:46.400 --> 00:24:48.290 align:middle line:90% somewhere just below his heart. 00:24:48.290 --> 00:24:50.420 align:middle line:90% Maybe it lodged in his heart. 00:24:50.420 --> 00:24:52.253 align:middle line:84% He didn't want to put a name to the feeling. 00:24:52.253 --> 00:24:54.920 align:middle line:84% He'd never thought of before and he would have been hard pressed 00:24:54.920 --> 00:24:55.650 align:middle line:90% to name it. 00:24:55.650 --> 00:24:58.820 align:middle line:84% But it was there all right, not a sharp quick pain 00:24:58.820 --> 00:25:03.200 align:middle line:84% like a pinprick but more like a splinter, barely noticeable. 00:25:03.200 --> 00:25:06.260 align:middle line:84% The kind of injury that he was innocent enough to think 00:25:06.260 --> 00:25:10.820 align:middle line:84% would go away on its own instead of suppurating into poison. 00:25:10.820 --> 00:25:13.502 align:middle line:84% Johnny Faye held up Flavian's shirt and jeans. 00:25:13.502 --> 00:25:15.710 align:middle line:84% Flavian jumped down from the tree and grabbed at them 00:25:15.710 --> 00:25:17.750 align:middle line:84% but Johnny Faye stepped out of reach. 00:25:17.750 --> 00:25:20.270 align:middle line:84% "Maybe I'll just disappear with these," he said, 00:25:20.270 --> 00:25:22.310 align:middle line:90% "explain that to the abbot." 00:25:22.310 --> 00:25:24.560 align:middle line:84% But then he held up Flavian's shirt with the arms 00:25:24.560 --> 00:25:27.050 align:middle line:90% out while Flavian slipped it on. 00:25:27.050 --> 00:25:29.280 align:middle line:84% Flavian pulled on his pants in silence. 00:25:29.280 --> 00:25:31.280 align:middle line:84% With every moment the weight of what he had done 00:25:31.280 --> 00:25:34.250 align:middle line:84% grew until he was nearly choking with remorse. 00:25:34.250 --> 00:25:38.840 align:middle line:84% "See you next week," Johnny Faye said, "same time, same place." 00:25:38.840 --> 00:25:40.340 align:middle line:90% I won't-- I can't promise-- 00:25:40.340 --> 00:25:42.060 align:middle line:90% I can't promise that." 00:25:42.060 --> 00:25:43.760 align:middle line:90% "I ain't asking for promises." 00:25:43.760 --> 00:25:45.840 align:middle line:84% "I ain't much on promises, you know that. 00:25:45.840 --> 00:25:48.100 align:middle line:84% Just letting you know where I'm planning on being. 00:25:48.100 --> 00:25:50.600 align:middle line:84% Now let's get out of here before they send out that dumb ass 00:25:50.600 --> 00:25:52.653 align:middle line:90% cop in a search party." 00:25:52.653 --> 00:25:54.320 align:middle line:84% And then they were out of the creek bed, 00:25:54.320 --> 00:25:56.403 align:middle line:84% and through the parted cedars, and into the field, 00:25:56.403 --> 00:25:59.600 align:middle line:84% and onto bittersweet, whom Johnny Faye sent 00:25:59.600 --> 00:26:02.930 align:middle line:84% cantering through the early September evening light, no sun 00:26:02.930 --> 00:26:03.590 align:middle line:90% by now. 00:26:03.590 --> 00:26:05.900 align:middle line:84% The sun had said set, the world was still filled 00:26:05.900 --> 00:26:09.830 align:middle line:84% with light, fading every moment but everywhere at once. 00:26:09.830 --> 00:26:10.970 align:middle line:90% The light of love. 00:26:10.970 --> 00:26:12.920 align:middle line:90% The light of God." 00:26:12.920 --> 00:26:13.730 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:26:13.730 --> 00:26:15.580 align:middle line:90% [CLAPPING]