WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.540 align:middle line:90% 00:00:00.540 --> 00:00:04.243 align:middle line:84% I'm going to read from my second book, Natural Birth. 00:00:04.243 --> 00:00:07.700 align:middle line:90% 00:00:07.700 --> 00:00:10.350 align:middle line:84% I'm going to read the birth section. 00:00:10.350 --> 00:00:13.467 align:middle line:84% So you'll miss pregnancy, you'll miss labor. 00:00:13.467 --> 00:00:14.300 align:middle line:90% What can I tell you? 00:00:14.300 --> 00:00:15.290 align:middle line:90% Lucky ducks. 00:00:15.290 --> 00:00:19.280 align:middle line:84% Yeah, you get to the birth, the good part. 00:00:19.280 --> 00:00:25.876 align:middle line:90% 00:00:25.876 --> 00:00:30.370 align:middle line:84% In the '60s, you could read a book called Thank You, 00:00:30.370 --> 00:00:34.630 align:middle line:84% Dr. Lamaze, and you could read a book called Natural Birth. 00:00:34.630 --> 00:00:37.480 align:middle line:84% And they told you how you could now have 00:00:37.480 --> 00:00:40.840 align:middle line:90% a baby without pain or drugs. 00:00:40.840 --> 00:00:41.770 align:middle line:90% Do you remember that? 00:00:41.770 --> 00:00:43.850 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHS] 00:00:43.850 --> 00:00:47.350 align:middle line:84% And I thought, what a great thing? 00:00:47.350 --> 00:00:51.280 align:middle line:84% My mother told me many times how she almost died. 00:00:51.280 --> 00:00:55.810 align:middle line:84% And all the women had almost died. 00:00:55.810 --> 00:01:02.230 align:middle line:84% And I thought, well, they only died because they were afraid. 00:01:02.230 --> 00:01:04.780 align:middle line:84% They didn't do all these breathing techniques 00:01:04.780 --> 00:01:06.700 align:middle line:90% and whatever. 00:01:06.700 --> 00:01:13.090 align:middle line:84% So I did my breathing and my exercises, 00:01:13.090 --> 00:01:14.980 align:middle line:90% and it hurt like hell. 00:01:14.980 --> 00:01:16.510 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:01:16.510 --> 00:01:18.190 align:middle line:84% But it'll probably be great for you. 00:01:18.190 --> 00:01:21.340 align:middle line:84% If you haven't done this yet, no problem. 00:01:21.340 --> 00:01:22.060 align:middle line:90% No problem. 00:01:22.060 --> 00:01:29.890 align:middle line:84% [LAUGHS] But anyway, delivery, really, it really 00:01:29.890 --> 00:01:33.010 align:middle line:84% happened for me that in delivery, I 00:01:33.010 --> 00:01:34.660 align:middle line:90% did have a painless delivery. 00:01:34.660 --> 00:01:36.190 align:middle line:90% OK, I don't know why. 00:01:36.190 --> 00:01:40.290 align:middle line:84% But anyway, this is the delivery section. 00:01:40.290 --> 00:01:42.060 align:middle line:90% "I was in the delivery room. 00:01:42.060 --> 00:01:44.010 align:middle line:84% Put your feet up in the stirrups. 00:01:44.010 --> 00:01:46.560 align:middle line:84% I put them up, obedient, still humble, 00:01:46.560 --> 00:01:49.320 align:middle line:84% though the spirit was growing larger in me. 00:01:49.320 --> 00:01:53.580 align:middle line:84% That Black woman was in my throat, her thin song 00:01:53.580 --> 00:01:56.460 align:middle line:84% high-pitched like a lark, and all the muscles 00:01:56.460 --> 00:01:59.070 align:middle line:84% were starting to constrict around her. 00:01:59.070 --> 00:02:01.440 align:middle line:90% I tried to push just a little. 00:02:01.440 --> 00:02:02.400 align:middle line:90% It didn't hurt. 00:02:02.400 --> 00:02:03.900 align:middle line:90% I tried a little more. 00:02:03.900 --> 00:02:05.790 align:middle line:90% Roll up, Guzzo said. 00:02:05.790 --> 00:02:07.740 align:middle line:90% He wanted to give me a spinal. 00:02:07.740 --> 00:02:09.630 align:middle line:90% No, I don't want a spinal. 00:02:09.630 --> 00:02:14.250 align:middle line:84% Same doctor, his axe handle up my butt same as shaft or split 00:02:14.250 --> 00:02:17.760 align:middle line:84% wood, Dr. Spike driving the head home, 00:02:17.760 --> 00:02:21.900 align:middle line:84% where my soft animal cowed and prayed and cried 00:02:21.900 --> 00:02:24.100 align:middle line:90% for his mother. 00:02:24.100 --> 00:02:30.070 align:middle line:84% Or was the baby part of this whole damn conspiracy? 00:02:30.070 --> 00:02:32.920 align:middle line:84% In on it with Guzzo, the two of them 00:02:32.920 --> 00:02:37.600 align:middle line:84% wanting to shoot the wood up me for nothing, for playing music 00:02:37.600 --> 00:02:40.540 align:middle line:84% to him in the dark, for singing to my round, 00:02:40.540 --> 00:02:44.650 align:middle line:84% clasped belly, for filling up with pizza on a cold night, 00:02:44.650 --> 00:02:45.550 align:middle line:90% dough warm? 00:02:45.550 --> 00:02:47.260 align:middle line:90% Maybe he wanted out. 00:02:47.260 --> 00:02:50.200 align:middle line:84% Was saying, give her a needle and let me 00:02:50.200 --> 00:02:51.700 align:middle line:90% the hell out of here. 00:02:51.700 --> 00:02:53.500 align:middle line:90% Who cares what she wants? 00:02:53.500 --> 00:02:55.570 align:middle line:90% Put her to sleep. 00:02:55.570 --> 00:03:00.760 align:middle line:84% My baby pushing off with his Black feet from the dark shore, 00:03:00.760 --> 00:03:04.030 align:middle line:84% heading out not knowing which way 00:03:04.030 --> 00:03:08.440 align:middle line:84% and trusting odorless and eyeless, so hopeless 00:03:08.440 --> 00:03:09.910 align:middle line:90% it didn't matter. 00:03:09.910 --> 00:03:15.610 align:middle line:84% No, not my baby, this loved thing in and of myself. 00:03:15.610 --> 00:03:18.250 align:middle line:84% So I balled up and let him try to stick it in. 00:03:18.250 --> 00:03:19.960 align:middle line:90% Maybe something was wrong. 00:03:19.960 --> 00:03:21.820 align:middle line:90% Roll up, he said, roll up. 00:03:21.820 --> 00:03:22.900 align:middle line:90% But I don't want it. 00:03:22.900 --> 00:03:24.400 align:middle line:90% Roll up, roll up. 00:03:24.400 --> 00:03:25.970 align:middle line:90% But it doesn't hurt. 00:03:25.970 --> 00:03:29.950 align:middle line:84% We all stood nurses around the white light, hands 00:03:29.950 --> 00:03:31.930 align:middle line:90% hanging empty at our sides. 00:03:31.930 --> 00:03:33.550 align:middle line:90% Roll up in a ball. 00:03:33.550 --> 00:03:37.510 align:middle line:84% All of us not knowing how or if in such a world 00:03:37.510 --> 00:03:40.720 align:middle line:84% without false promises, we could say anything 00:03:40.720 --> 00:03:45.300 align:middle line:84% but yes, yes, come take it and be quick. 00:03:45.300 --> 00:03:50.550 align:middle line:84% I put my belly in my hand, gave him that thin side of my back, 00:03:50.550 --> 00:03:54.720 align:middle line:84% the bones intruding on the air in little knobs and joints. 00:03:54.720 --> 00:03:57.030 align:middle line:90% He might crack down my spine. 00:03:57.030 --> 00:04:00.390 align:middle line:84% His knuckles rap, each twisted symmetry. 00:04:00.390 --> 00:04:03.300 align:middle line:84% Put me on the rack, each nerve bright 00:04:03.300 --> 00:04:05.310 align:middle line:90% and stretched like canvas. 00:04:05.310 --> 00:04:06.690 align:middle line:90% He couldn't get it in. 00:04:06.690 --> 00:04:08.460 align:middle line:90% Three times he tried. 00:04:08.460 --> 00:04:10.320 align:middle line:90% Roll up, he cried, roll up. 00:04:10.320 --> 00:04:12.570 align:middle line:84% Three times he couldn't get it in. 00:04:12.570 --> 00:04:15.300 align:middle line:84% Dr. White, the head obstetrician came in. 00:04:15.300 --> 00:04:16.769 align:middle line:90% What are you doing, Guzzo? 00:04:16.769 --> 00:04:18.420 align:middle line:90% I thought she wanted natural. 00:04:18.420 --> 00:04:20.110 align:middle line:90% To me, do you what a shot? 00:04:20.110 --> 00:04:20.610 align:middle line:90% No. 00:04:20.610 --> 00:04:23.820 align:middle line:84% Well, put your legs up, girl, and push. 00:04:23.820 --> 00:04:28.230 align:middle line:84% And suddenly, the light went out, the nurses laughed, 00:04:28.230 --> 00:04:32.640 align:middle line:84% and nothing mattered in this 10:00 AM sunshiny morning. 00:04:32.640 --> 00:04:37.200 align:middle line:84% We were well, the nurses and the doctors cheering, 00:04:37.200 --> 00:04:41.520 align:middle line:84% that girl combing hair all in one direction, 00:04:41.520 --> 00:04:43.990 align:middle line:90% shining bright as water. 00:04:43.990 --> 00:04:50.910 align:middle line:84% I grew deep in me like fist, and I grew deep in me like death, 00:04:50.910 --> 00:04:54.990 align:middle line:84% and I grew deep in me like hiding in the sea. 00:04:54.990 --> 00:04:59.970 align:middle line:84% And I was over me like sun, and I was under me like sky. 00:04:59.970 --> 00:05:05.580 align:middle line:84% And I could look into myself like one dark eye. 00:05:05.580 --> 00:05:08.550 align:middle line:84% I was her, and she was me, and we 00:05:08.550 --> 00:05:13.470 align:middle line:84% were scattered round like light, nurses, doctors cheering. 00:05:13.470 --> 00:05:15.240 align:middle line:90% Such waves. 00:05:15.240 --> 00:05:17.070 align:middle line:90% My face contorted. 00:05:17.070 --> 00:05:21.570 align:middle line:84% Never wore such mask, so rigid and so dark. 00:05:21.570 --> 00:05:26.340 align:middle line:84% So bright, uncompromising, brave, no turning back, 00:05:26.340 --> 00:05:30.510 align:middle line:90% no no's, I was so beautiful. 00:05:30.510 --> 00:05:33.090 align:middle line:84% I could look up in the light and see 00:05:33.090 --> 00:05:38.400 align:middle line:84% my hugeness arc, electric, heavy, fleshy living light. 00:05:38.400 --> 00:05:41.910 align:middle line:84% No wonder they praised me, a gesture one 00:05:41.910 --> 00:05:45.060 align:middle line:84% makes helpless and urgent, praising what 00:05:45.060 --> 00:05:48.000 align:middle line:90% goes on without our praise. 00:05:48.000 --> 00:05:50.190 align:middle line:84% When there was nowhere I could go, 00:05:50.190 --> 00:05:54.600 align:middle line:84% when I was so deep in myself, so large, I had to let it out. 00:05:54.600 --> 00:05:56.460 align:middle line:90% They said, drop back. 00:05:56.460 --> 00:05:59.160 align:middle line:84% I dropped back on the table, panting. 00:05:59.160 --> 00:06:05.070 align:middle line:84% They moved the head, swiveled it correctly, but I was losing. 00:06:05.070 --> 00:06:09.210 align:middle line:84% Heard something ahead coming through the door. 00:06:09.210 --> 00:06:10.920 align:middle line:90% Name, please. 00:06:10.920 --> 00:06:12.360 align:middle line:90% Please, name. 00:06:12.360 --> 00:06:13.410 align:middle line:90% Whose head? 00:06:13.410 --> 00:06:15.960 align:middle line:84% I don't know, some disconnection. 00:06:15.960 --> 00:06:17.490 align:middle line:90% Name, please? 00:06:17.490 --> 00:06:20.280 align:middle line:90% And I am not ready. 00:06:20.280 --> 00:06:26.580 align:middle line:84% The sudden visibility, his body, his curly wet hair, 00:06:26.580 --> 00:06:31.980 align:middle line:84% his arms abandoned in the air, his skin must be so cold, 00:06:31.980 --> 00:06:35.250 align:middle line:84% but there is nothing I can do to warm him. 00:06:35.250 --> 00:06:40.280 align:middle line:84% His body clutches in a wretched way. 00:06:40.280 --> 00:06:46.610 align:middle line:84% They expect me to sing joy, joy, a son is born, child is given, 00:06:46.610 --> 00:06:50.600 align:middle line:84% my tongue curled in my head, my tears, cheeks 00:06:50.600 --> 00:06:52.430 align:middle line:90% stringy with damp hair. 00:06:52.430 --> 00:06:57.920 align:middle line:84% This lump of flesh, lump of steamy viscera, 00:06:57.920 --> 00:07:00.620 align:middle line:90% who is this child? 00:07:00.620 --> 00:07:05.690 align:middle line:84% A child never having been seen before without credentials, 00:07:05.690 --> 00:07:09.590 align:middle line:84% credit cards, without employee reference, or high school 00:07:09.590 --> 00:07:14.180 align:middle line:84% grades, or anything to make him human make him mine, 00:07:14.180 --> 00:07:18.800 align:middle line:84% but skin of pain to chop off at the navel. 00:07:18.800 --> 00:07:23.450 align:middle line:84% While they could, they held him down and chopped him, 00:07:23.450 --> 00:07:26.030 align:middle line:90% held him up, my little fish. 00:07:26.030 --> 00:07:29.540 align:middle line:84% My blueness, swallowed in the air, 00:07:29.540 --> 00:07:34.370 align:middle line:90% turned pink and wailed, no more. 00:07:34.370 --> 00:07:35.870 align:middle line:90% Enough. 00:07:35.870 --> 00:07:37.440 align:middle line:90% I looked. 00:07:37.440 --> 00:07:45.620 align:middle line:84% I lay there speechless, looking for something to say to myself. 00:07:45.620 --> 00:07:52.400 align:middle line:84% After you have touched the brain, that squirmy lust 00:07:52.400 --> 00:07:59.880 align:middle line:84% of maggots, after you have pumped the heart, that thief, 00:07:59.880 --> 00:08:05.790 align:middle line:84% that comic, they throw you in the trash. 00:08:05.790 --> 00:08:15.260 align:middle line:84% And the little one in the case of glass, he is not I, 00:08:15.260 --> 00:08:17.780 align:middle line:90% I am not him. 00:08:17.780 --> 00:08:21.776 align:middle line:90% He is not I. A stranger. 00:08:21.776 --> 00:08:24.310 align:middle line:90% 00:08:24.310 --> 00:08:29.790 align:middle line:84% Blue air protects us from each other. 00:08:29.790 --> 00:08:32.780 align:middle line:90% Here is the note he brings. 00:08:32.780 --> 00:08:35.390 align:middle line:90% It says, mother. 00:08:35.390 --> 00:08:38.780 align:middle line:90% 00:08:38.780 --> 00:08:44.400 align:middle line:84% But I do not even know this man." 00:08:44.400 --> 00:08:49.380 align:middle line:90% 00:08:49.380 --> 00:08:51.870 align:middle line:90% [CLAPPING] 00:08:51.870 --> 00:08:52.866 align:middle line:90% [WHISTLE] 00:08:52.866 --> 00:08:54.370 align:middle line:90% 00:08:54.370 --> 00:08:57.370 align:middle line:90% Oh, that's wonderful. 00:08:57.370 --> 00:09:01.390 align:middle line:84% I have never heard anybody whistle 00:09:01.390 --> 00:09:05.390 align:middle line:90% at a reading in my life. 00:09:05.390 --> 00:09:07.210 align:middle line:90% I will never forget that. 00:09:07.210 --> 00:09:09.320 align:middle line:90% I don't know who did it. 00:09:09.320 --> 00:09:12.090 align:middle line:90% I will never forget it. 00:09:12.090 --> 00:09:14.186 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:09:14.186 --> 00:09:18.380 align:middle line:90% I really appreciate that. 00:09:18.380 --> 00:09:19.970 align:middle line:84% I feel like I should [CHUCKLES] do it. 00:09:19.970 --> 00:09:20.778 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:09:20.778 --> 00:09:21.320 align:middle line:90% I don't know. 00:09:21.320 --> 00:09:31.760 align:middle line:84% [LAUGHS] I guess, poetry can be beautiful in that way, 00:09:31.760 --> 00:09:35.110 align:middle line:90% the body of poetry. 00:09:35.110 --> 00:09:37.140 align:middle line:90% Oh, thank you.