WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.954 align:middle line:90% [CLAPPING] 00:00:00.954 --> 00:00:05.730 align:middle line:90% 00:00:05.730 --> 00:00:07.620 align:middle line:90% Well, thanks a lot. 00:00:07.620 --> 00:00:10.080 align:middle line:90% I'm a huge fan of Tucson. 00:00:10.080 --> 00:00:12.900 align:middle line:84% And so to get to come here is a dream for me. 00:00:12.900 --> 00:00:15.430 align:middle line:90% 00:00:15.430 --> 00:00:18.310 align:middle line:84% One of the great gifts of falling in love with novels 00:00:18.310 --> 00:00:21.700 align:middle line:84% is being able to disappear into somewhere else, and same 00:00:21.700 --> 00:00:22.460 align:middle line:90% with records. 00:00:22.460 --> 00:00:25.720 align:middle line:90% And I think it was Calexico. 00:00:25.720 --> 00:00:29.530 align:middle line:84% Maybe it was Black Light, that record that I started 00:00:29.530 --> 00:00:30.340 align:middle line:90% dreaming about-- 00:00:30.340 --> 00:00:32.080 align:middle line:90% I want to live in Tucson. 00:00:32.080 --> 00:00:33.100 align:middle line:90% Can't I live in Tucson? 00:00:33.100 --> 00:00:35.500 align:middle line:84% And all day long, when I'd be working or doing 00:00:35.500 --> 00:00:38.980 align:middle line:84% whatever and listening to Calexico, I'd be in Tucson. 00:00:38.980 --> 00:00:40.875 align:middle line:84% And then I got to play gigs in Tucson. 00:00:40.875 --> 00:00:43.250 align:middle line:84% Then you're like, wow, I wanna live in that neighborhood. 00:00:43.250 --> 00:00:44.660 align:middle line:90% I want to live in that house. 00:00:44.660 --> 00:00:45.743 align:middle line:90% I want to live over there. 00:00:45.743 --> 00:00:49.150 align:middle line:84% I want to have the-- this town where I grew up in Reno has 00:00:49.150 --> 00:00:51.550 align:middle line:90% the grandmother-- 00:00:51.550 --> 00:00:54.310 align:middle line:84% unwanted mother-in-law shack in the back of every house. 00:00:54.310 --> 00:00:56.170 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:00:56.170 --> 00:00:57.240 align:middle line:90% And Reno has that, too. 00:00:57.240 --> 00:01:00.608 align:middle line:84% And I was like, Jesus, I want the unwanted mother-in-law 00:01:00.608 --> 00:01:01.275 align:middle line:90% shack somewhere. 00:01:01.275 --> 00:01:02.410 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:01:02.410 --> 00:01:04.810 align:middle line:84% So I feel always lucky to come here. 00:01:04.810 --> 00:01:08.320 align:middle line:84% And I'm really honored to be here because I just-- 00:01:08.320 --> 00:01:10.810 align:middle line:90% fuck, I just like being here. 00:01:10.810 --> 00:01:13.930 align:middle line:84% And I'll figure out somehow to live here, at least part time, 00:01:13.930 --> 00:01:14.710 align:middle line:90% someday. 00:01:14.710 --> 00:01:15.820 align:middle line:90% I'm not there yet. 00:01:15.820 --> 00:01:17.570 align:middle line:90% 00:01:17.570 --> 00:01:21.670 align:middle line:84% So thank you, Kate, and everyone here for letting me come. 00:01:21.670 --> 00:01:28.030 align:middle line:84% The Free is taken from the national anthem. 00:01:28.030 --> 00:01:33.630 align:middle line:84% The Free was a book I wrote, really, because of one night. 00:01:33.630 --> 00:01:35.380 align:middle line:84% It was all things I'd been thinking about. 00:01:35.380 --> 00:01:38.830 align:middle line:84% But one night, I went to a paint store. 00:01:38.830 --> 00:01:42.970 align:middle line:84% And I was a house painter for 13 years. 00:01:42.970 --> 00:01:46.420 align:middle line:84% And so you go to the same paint store maybe four days a week. 00:01:46.420 --> 00:01:49.478 align:middle line:84% And you become friends with the clerk, maybe, for 20 minutes. 00:01:49.478 --> 00:01:51.520 align:middle line:84% You always wait-- I always waited for the one guy 00:01:51.520 --> 00:01:52.270 align:middle line:90% that I like. 00:01:52.270 --> 00:01:53.740 align:middle line:90% 'Cause he could-- 00:01:53.740 --> 00:01:55.335 align:middle line:90% I chewed Copenhagen for years. 00:01:55.335 --> 00:01:57.460 align:middle line:84% And he was the only guy I ever met that could chew. 00:01:57.460 --> 00:01:59.650 align:middle line:84% And no one knew that he was chewing except me. 00:01:59.650 --> 00:02:01.653 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:02:01.653 --> 00:02:02.320 align:middle line:90% And I liked him. 00:02:02.320 --> 00:02:03.910 align:middle line:90% He was a pretty funny guy. 00:02:03.910 --> 00:02:06.760 align:middle line:84% And so luckily, I got to quit painting. 00:02:06.760 --> 00:02:10.090 align:middle line:84% And then I had to go back to it a couple of years later. 00:02:10.090 --> 00:02:12.760 align:middle line:84% And when I was there, the second time around, 00:02:12.760 --> 00:02:14.260 align:middle line:90% I waited for the same guy. 00:02:14.260 --> 00:02:16.000 align:middle line:90% And I caught up with him. 00:02:16.000 --> 00:02:21.970 align:middle line:84% And he'd had a kid that had autism, severe autism. 00:02:21.970 --> 00:02:25.265 align:middle line:84% Him and his wife were already fighting, 00:02:25.265 --> 00:02:26.830 align:middle line:90% and his life was falling apart. 00:02:26.830 --> 00:02:28.600 align:middle line:84% And you could tell it just on his face. 00:02:28.600 --> 00:02:33.640 align:middle line:84% He looked bad, gained weight, everything of a guy struggling. 00:02:33.640 --> 00:02:39.100 align:middle line:84% And then, there he was, selling paint in retail every day, 00:02:39.100 --> 00:02:41.470 align:middle line:90% all day. 00:02:41.470 --> 00:02:44.860 align:middle line:84% And I thought about that, and I was heartbroken for him. 00:02:44.860 --> 00:02:48.950 align:middle line:84% And then I left and I went to a party at a bar. 00:02:48.950 --> 00:02:53.230 align:middle line:84% And on the news, there was just this two-minute segment 00:02:53.230 --> 00:02:55.480 align:middle line:84% on soldiers coming home with brain injuries. 00:02:55.480 --> 00:02:58.360 align:middle line:84% And I realized that we'd been in Afghanistan and Iraq 00:02:58.360 --> 00:03:01.450 align:middle line:84% for seven years at that point, or something like that. 00:03:01.450 --> 00:03:02.890 align:middle line:90% It was around seven years. 00:03:02.890 --> 00:03:05.050 align:middle line:84% And I didn't even think about it at all. 00:03:05.050 --> 00:03:05.920 align:middle line:90% 00:03:05.920 --> 00:03:09.048 align:middle line:84% Portland, Oregon, isn't near a military base. 00:03:09.048 --> 00:03:11.340 align:middle line:84% You don't have to think about it, if you don't want to. 00:03:11.340 --> 00:03:17.650 align:middle line:84% Our local paper had marginal articles about it, if at all. 00:03:17.650 --> 00:03:20.570 align:middle line:84% The local radio stations never talked about it. 00:03:20.570 --> 00:03:22.360 align:middle line:90% And here I was, at this party. 00:03:22.360 --> 00:03:26.140 align:middle line:84% And there's all these stories about soldiers coming back, 00:03:26.140 --> 00:03:27.130 align:middle line:90% wrecked. 00:03:27.130 --> 00:03:30.190 align:middle line:84% Even the ones that had both arms and both legs-- their minds, 00:03:30.190 --> 00:03:30.970 align:middle line:90% wrecked. 00:03:30.970 --> 00:03:33.490 align:middle line:84% And I just felt ashamed of myself 00:03:33.490 --> 00:03:37.870 align:middle line:84% for not worrying about it, and not doing more. 00:03:37.870 --> 00:03:41.150 align:middle line:84% Is it just one person, citizen to say, hey, 00:03:41.150 --> 00:03:44.500 align:middle line:84% why are all these kids getting messed up and no one 00:03:44.500 --> 00:03:45.220 align:middle line:90% really knows why. 00:03:45.220 --> 00:03:48.100 align:middle line:84% And the military in America, now, 00:03:48.100 --> 00:03:50.230 align:middle line:90% is almost like a second society. 00:03:50.230 --> 00:03:56.740 align:middle line:84% You don't have to see it if you don't want to. 00:03:56.740 --> 00:04:02.320 align:middle line:84% They take kids from towns where there's no other options. 00:04:02.320 --> 00:04:04.570 align:middle line:90% And it's a professional army. 00:04:04.570 --> 00:04:05.890 align:middle line:90% And I feel bad about that. 00:04:05.890 --> 00:04:10.270 align:middle line:84% And then at the same time, it's really hard to get health care. 00:04:10.270 --> 00:04:12.755 align:middle line:84% And this is right before Obamacare. 00:04:12.755 --> 00:04:14.380 align:middle line:84% And you can say what you will about it. 00:04:14.380 --> 00:04:17.769 align:middle line:84% But if you've ever been in your 40s trying 00:04:17.769 --> 00:04:20.260 align:middle line:84% to get health insurance, and no one will take you 00:04:20.260 --> 00:04:25.120 align:middle line:84% and you can't call up a doctor and get a physical-- 00:04:25.120 --> 00:04:26.890 align:middle line:90% you just have a form. 00:04:26.890 --> 00:04:29.500 align:middle line:84% You fill out a form and-- like a credit card form. 00:04:29.500 --> 00:04:31.420 align:middle line:84% And then you get it back, and they say, no. 00:04:31.420 --> 00:04:33.430 align:middle line:84% And the more times you get, no, then the worse 00:04:33.430 --> 00:04:35.080 align:middle line:90% it's off for you. 00:04:35.080 --> 00:04:37.750 align:middle line:84% I guess it was all that, and really, 00:04:37.750 --> 00:04:40.210 align:middle line:84% that one night that made me finally 00:04:40.210 --> 00:04:42.760 align:middle line:90% sit down and write The Free. 00:04:42.760 --> 00:04:44.140 align:middle line:90% And also, I've always-- 00:04:44.140 --> 00:04:46.435 align:middle line:84% I mean, I've always had a thing for nurses. 00:04:46.435 --> 00:04:49.450 align:middle line:90% 00:04:49.450 --> 00:04:51.700 align:middle line:84% I'm one of those lame people that 00:04:51.700 --> 00:04:53.830 align:middle line:84% love waitresses and nurses, and I 00:04:53.830 --> 00:04:56.050 align:middle line:90% have since I was a little kid. 00:04:56.050 --> 00:04:59.440 align:middle line:84% And I'm not smart enough to grow past it. 00:04:59.440 --> 00:05:01.150 align:middle line:90% But I just-- I love nurses. 00:05:01.150 --> 00:05:05.500 align:middle line:84% And the older I get, I keep thinking, I'm gonna die. 00:05:05.500 --> 00:05:07.930 align:middle line:90% And I wanted to write a nurse-- 00:05:07.930 --> 00:05:09.910 align:middle line:84% a really good nurse before I died. 00:05:09.910 --> 00:05:12.700 align:middle line:90% And so I think The Free just-- 00:05:12.700 --> 00:05:14.587 align:middle line:84% during that time, made me so angry 00:05:14.587 --> 00:05:15.920 align:middle line:90% that I wanted to write The Free. 00:05:15.920 --> 00:05:18.780 align:middle line:84% But also, I was like, well, I can be as angry as I want, 00:05:18.780 --> 00:05:20.660 align:middle line:84% but I have my nurse with me the whole time. 00:05:20.660 --> 00:05:21.420 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:05:21.420 --> 00:05:25.160 align:middle line:84% And so the book really became about a working class 00:05:25.160 --> 00:05:27.560 align:middle line:84% guy at a paint store, and about a nurse, 00:05:27.560 --> 00:05:31.910 align:middle line:84% and about a National Guard electrician, who's 00:05:31.910 --> 00:05:34.430 align:middle line:84% in the wrong place in the wrong time in Iraq 00:05:34.430 --> 00:05:37.980 align:middle line:84% and comes home with a brain injury. 00:05:37.980 --> 00:05:40.670 align:middle line:84% I didn't plan or want-- oh, and it's not 00:05:40.670 --> 00:05:41.960 align:middle line:90% my place to write about war. 00:05:41.960 --> 00:05:46.100 align:middle line:84% But everybody knows what it's like to take care of someone 00:05:46.100 --> 00:05:47.420 align:middle line:90% with a long-term illness. 00:05:47.420 --> 00:05:50.622 align:middle line:84% They either are around it-- their family-- 00:05:50.622 --> 00:05:51.830 align:middle line:90% everyone has to deal with it. 00:05:51.830 --> 00:05:52.880 align:middle line:90% 00:05:52.880 --> 00:05:57.860 align:middle line:84% So that's my point with the character, Leroy, is-- 00:05:57.860 --> 00:05:59.060 align:middle line:90% we sent him over there. 00:05:59.060 --> 00:06:01.490 align:middle line:84% And now he's spending his whole life paying for it. 00:06:01.490 --> 00:06:04.400 align:middle line:84% And really, the only one that advocates for him-- 00:06:04.400 --> 00:06:07.160 align:middle line:84% all the weight is put on his mom's back. 00:06:07.160 --> 00:06:10.520 align:middle line:84% So, I guess I'll just start reading from three sections 00:06:10.520 --> 00:06:14.300 align:middle line:84% from-- to the three main characters. 00:06:14.300 --> 00:06:19.040 align:middle line:84% The first section I'll read about is Freddie McCall. 00:06:19.040 --> 00:06:21.890 align:middle line:84% And Freddie McCall is a working class guy 00:06:21.890 --> 00:06:25.160 align:middle line:84% whose kid was born with a severe disability. 00:06:25.160 --> 00:06:28.400 align:middle line:90% And his wife and him split up. 00:06:28.400 --> 00:06:29.510 align:middle line:90% His wife remarried. 00:06:29.510 --> 00:06:33.200 align:middle line:84% And now he's in his family home that he'd had-- 00:06:33.200 --> 00:06:35.010 align:middle line:90% that his grandfather had. 00:06:35.010 --> 00:06:37.970 align:middle line:84% And he'd mortgaged it to pay for his hospital bills. 00:06:37.970 --> 00:06:42.080 align:middle line:84% And now he's growing marijuana in the basement. 00:06:42.080 --> 00:06:44.420 align:middle line:84% This buddy of his said that it will make him extra money 00:06:44.420 --> 00:06:45.890 align:middle line:90% so he won't lose his house. 00:06:45.890 --> 00:06:49.280 align:middle line:84% And the idea behind it is, if you push in on this guy-- 00:06:49.280 --> 00:06:52.310 align:middle line:90% if you put him-- 00:06:52.310 --> 00:06:55.880 align:middle line:84% his back to the wall to the point where he's helpless, 00:06:55.880 --> 00:06:56.870 align:middle line:90% he'll break the law. 00:06:56.870 --> 00:06:58.860 align:middle line:84% He'll do something you don't want him to do. 00:06:58.860 --> 00:07:01.190 align:middle line:84% And Freddie's at the breaking point. 00:07:01.190 --> 00:07:05.055 align:middle line:84% And here's just a small segment of an honest guy getting 00:07:05.055 --> 00:07:05.555 align:middle line:90% derailed. 00:07:05.555 --> 00:07:08.425 align:middle line:90% 00:07:08.425 --> 00:07:10.300 align:middle line:84% The other thing to know is he works two jobs. 00:07:10.300 --> 00:07:12.430 align:middle line:84% He works at a group home for disabled men 00:07:12.430 --> 00:07:14.320 align:middle line:90% at night, where the soldier is. 00:07:14.320 --> 00:07:18.330 align:middle line:84% And then he works at a paint store during the day. 00:07:18.330 --> 00:07:21.030 align:middle line:84% "At 6:00 the next morning, he left the group home 00:07:21.030 --> 00:07:23.340 align:middle line:90% and drove to his house. 00:07:23.340 --> 00:07:25.740 align:middle line:84% Even in the freezing cold, the smell of the plants 00:07:25.740 --> 00:07:27.480 align:middle line:90% drifted up from the basement. 00:07:27.480 --> 00:07:29.100 align:middle line:90% Would the smell travel? 00:07:29.100 --> 00:07:30.750 align:middle line:90% Would his neighbors smell it? 00:07:30.750 --> 00:07:32.850 align:middle line:84% He'd been avoiding them for almost two years, 00:07:32.850 --> 00:07:34.648 align:middle line:84% since his wife and daughters left. 00:07:34.648 --> 00:07:35.940 align:middle line:90% What did they think of him now? 00:07:35.940 --> 00:07:36.840 align:middle line:90% 00:07:36.840 --> 00:07:39.120 align:middle line:84% And if they smelled the marijuana, 00:07:39.120 --> 00:07:40.650 align:middle line:90% would they know what it was? 00:07:40.650 --> 00:07:43.680 align:middle line:84% Mr. and Mrs. Hughes were old, and they didn't worry him. 00:07:43.680 --> 00:07:45.060 align:middle line:90% But the Jacksons weren't. 00:07:45.060 --> 00:07:48.180 align:middle line:84% Richard Jackson worked for the fire department. 00:07:48.180 --> 00:07:50.880 align:middle line:84% Maybe he suspected something already. 00:07:50.880 --> 00:07:53.910 align:middle line:84% He started the shower and turned on the box heater. 00:07:53.910 --> 00:07:56.520 align:middle line:84% He put his paint store clothes next to it, 00:07:56.520 --> 00:07:59.340 align:middle line:84% set the kitchen timer for 10 minutes, and got in. 00:07:59.340 --> 00:08:00.870 align:middle line:84% As he stood under the hot water, he 00:08:00.870 --> 00:08:02.640 align:middle line:84% looked at the old white shower tile 00:08:02.640 --> 00:08:05.280 align:middle line:84% and remembered his grandfather installing it, 00:08:05.280 --> 00:08:08.310 align:middle line:84% his grandfather smoking cigarette after cigarette, 00:08:08.310 --> 00:08:11.670 align:middle line:84% with greased back hair, making sure each line was straight. 00:08:11.670 --> 00:08:13.410 align:middle line:90% He'd been a perfectionist. 00:08:13.410 --> 00:08:16.140 align:middle line:84% It was his bathroom, and it was his house, 00:08:16.140 --> 00:08:18.970 align:middle line:90% and now Freddie was losing it. 00:08:18.970 --> 00:08:22.220 align:middle line:84% He dressed and drove to Heaven's Door Donuts and parked." 00:08:22.220 --> 00:08:24.220 align:middle line:84% The other thing about writing that's really fun, 00:08:24.220 --> 00:08:28.510 align:middle line:84% is you get to invent things that you wish had happened. 00:08:28.510 --> 00:08:32.350 align:middle line:84% Speaking of Copenhagen, which I don't recommend for anybody, 00:08:32.350 --> 00:08:35.500 align:middle line:84% but I worked for Copenhagen for a while. 00:08:35.500 --> 00:08:37.690 align:middle line:84% So, I just drove around from store to store. 00:08:37.690 --> 00:08:40.028 align:middle line:84% But they had a lot of paperwork-- two hours 00:08:40.028 --> 00:08:40.570 align:middle line:90% of paperwork. 00:08:40.570 --> 00:08:42.580 align:middle line:84% And I messed up the paperwork every day. 00:08:42.580 --> 00:08:44.420 align:middle line:90% So, I always had to do it again. 00:08:44.420 --> 00:08:46.810 align:middle line:84% And so I did it at this donut shop called 00:08:46.810 --> 00:08:48.490 align:middle line:90% Annie's Donuts in Portland. 00:08:48.490 --> 00:08:50.350 align:middle line:84% And it's the best donut shop that I 00:08:50.350 --> 00:08:54.040 align:middle line:84% think has ever been invented, except the lady was nuts, 00:08:54.040 --> 00:08:54.820 align:middle line:90% and she was mean. 00:08:54.820 --> 00:08:58.420 align:middle line:84% And I kissed her ass every day, hoping she would like me, 00:08:58.420 --> 00:08:59.800 align:middle line:90% 'cause I went there every day. 00:08:59.800 --> 00:09:00.967 align:middle line:90% And she never liked me and-- 00:09:00.967 --> 00:09:02.125 align:middle line:90% 00:09:02.125 --> 00:09:03.910 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:09:03.910 --> 00:09:07.240 align:middle line:84% I'm not the most likable guy, but shit, come on. 00:09:07.240 --> 00:09:08.410 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:09:08.410 --> 00:09:11.030 align:middle line:84% So, in this story, the donut lady's 00:09:11.030 --> 00:09:12.280 align:middle line:90% the greatest lady of all time. 00:09:12.280 --> 00:09:13.110 align:middle line:90% So-- 00:09:13.110 --> 00:09:15.550 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:09:15.550 --> 00:09:18.910 align:middle line:84% "He dressed and drove to Heaven's Door Donut and parked. 00:09:18.910 --> 00:09:21.400 align:middle line:84% He walked inside to see Maura leaning 00:09:21.400 --> 00:09:24.910 align:middle line:84% against the glass counter in red sweats and a white apron. 00:09:24.910 --> 00:09:28.750 align:middle line:84% She was watching the news on a portable TV that sat on a shelf 00:09:28.750 --> 00:09:30.750 align:middle line:90% in the corner of the room. 00:09:30.750 --> 00:09:33.000 align:middle line:84% 'Hey, you're 10 minutes early,' she said. 00:09:33.000 --> 00:09:36.500 align:middle line:84% 'Well, Dale was late on time, for a change,' Freddie said. 00:09:36.500 --> 00:09:39.110 align:middle line:84% Maura moved her large body back and bent down 00:09:39.110 --> 00:09:41.180 align:middle line:90% and sighed from the effort. 00:09:41.180 --> 00:09:44.210 align:middle line:84% She took five donut holes from the lowest shelf, 00:09:44.210 --> 00:09:46.730 align:middle line:84% and put them in a plastic basket. 00:09:46.730 --> 00:09:48.230 align:middle line:90% And set it in front of him. 00:09:48.230 --> 00:09:51.350 align:middle line:84% She poured him half a cup of coffee. 00:09:51.350 --> 00:09:54.020 align:middle line:84% Freddie drank from it and took an old hockey puck 00:09:54.020 --> 00:09:57.055 align:middle line:84% from his coat pocket and set it on the counter. 00:09:57.055 --> 00:09:59.180 align:middle line:84% 'Well, I was looking through some boxes last night, 00:09:59.180 --> 00:10:00.200 align:middle line:90% and I found this. 00:10:00.200 --> 00:10:03.230 align:middle line:84% It's from the '82 season when the Winter Hawks won the WHL 00:10:03.230 --> 00:10:04.550 align:middle line:90% Championship. 00:10:04.550 --> 00:10:06.110 align:middle line:84% I'm not sure what game it's from, 00:10:06.110 --> 00:10:07.580 align:middle line:90% but there's writing on it. 00:10:07.580 --> 00:10:08.990 align:middle line:90% It's my dad's handwriting. 00:10:08.990 --> 00:10:10.700 align:middle line:90% It says, '82 Hawks. 00:10:10.700 --> 00:10:13.300 align:middle line:84% It's my after-Christmas Christmas present to ya.' 00:10:13.300 --> 00:10:16.760 align:middle line:84% Maura picked it up and flipped it over and read the writing. 00:10:16.760 --> 00:10:18.380 align:middle line:84% She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. 00:10:18.380 --> 00:10:20.780 align:middle line:84% 'Thank you,' she said. 'Maybe it's from the championship 00:10:20.780 --> 00:10:21.530 align:middle line:90% game.' 00:10:21.530 --> 00:10:22.560 align:middle line:90% 'Maybe' he said. 00:10:22.560 --> 00:10:24.020 align:middle line:90% "Well, let's just say it is." 00:10:24.020 --> 00:10:27.040 align:middle line:90% "All right," she said. 00:10:27.040 --> 00:10:29.800 align:middle line:84% She took her purse from the shelf below the register 00:10:29.800 --> 00:10:32.560 align:middle line:84% and put the puck inside it and leaned down on the counter 00:10:32.560 --> 00:10:33.490 align:middle line:90% again. 00:10:33.490 --> 00:10:36.550 align:middle line:84% 'Boy, you really do look beat this morning, Freddie.' 00:10:36.550 --> 00:10:39.560 align:middle line:84% 'I know, but I'm OK,' he said. 'Are you sure? 00:10:39.560 --> 00:10:41.590 align:middle line:84% Maybe you should go see a doctor.' 00:10:41.590 --> 00:10:42.370 align:middle line:90% 'I'm OK. 00:10:42.370 --> 00:10:43.600 align:middle line:90% I really am.' 00:10:43.600 --> 00:10:45.893 align:middle line:84% He ate a donut hole and washed it down with coffee. 00:10:45.893 --> 00:10:48.310 align:middle line:84% 'Well, did you get a chance to talk to your daughters last 00:10:48.310 --> 00:10:49.860 align:middle line:90% night?' 00:10:49.860 --> 00:10:52.110 align:middle line:84% 'Well, I did what you told me, and I wrote down 00:10:52.110 --> 00:10:53.400 align:middle line:90% a list of questions. 00:10:53.400 --> 00:10:54.810 align:middle line:90% And that seemed to work better. 00:10:54.810 --> 00:10:57.330 align:middle line:90% 00:10:57.330 --> 00:10:59.430 align:middle line:84% We were on the phone twice as long that way. 00:10:59.430 --> 00:11:01.470 align:middle line:84% But you can tell they get bored.' 00:11:01.470 --> 00:11:03.480 align:middle line:84% 'Well, kids have no attention span," she said. 00:11:03.480 --> 00:11:04.770 align:middle line:90% 'You know that." 00:11:04.770 --> 00:11:06.780 align:middle line:84% Freddie nodded and picked up another donut hole 00:11:06.780 --> 00:11:07.770 align:middle line:90% and set it down. 00:11:07.770 --> 00:11:11.730 align:middle line:84% He looked at Maura, and suddenly tears flooded his eyes. 00:11:11.730 --> 00:11:13.980 align:middle line:84% He couldn't explain why it happened right then. 00:11:13.980 --> 00:11:16.920 align:middle line:84% But he began to sob right in front of her. 00:11:16.920 --> 00:11:19.080 align:middle line:84% 'What's wrong Freddie?" she asked. 00:11:19.080 --> 00:11:22.140 align:middle line:84% He stared at the rows of donuts below the glass counter. 00:11:22.140 --> 00:11:24.300 align:middle line:84% He leaned across to her and whispered, 00:11:24.300 --> 00:11:27.680 align:middle line:84% 'Well, I just can't keep going like this.' 00:11:27.680 --> 00:11:30.320 align:middle line:84% Maura reached over and put her hand on his arms. 00:11:30.320 --> 00:11:31.220 align:middle line:90% 'I know,' she said. 00:11:31.220 --> 00:11:32.000 align:middle line:90% "How could you?' 00:11:32.000 --> 00:11:33.490 align:middle line:90% 00:11:33.490 --> 00:11:35.770 align:middle line:84% 'I'm sorry,' he whispered and wiped his eyes. 00:11:35.770 --> 00:11:37.060 align:middle line:90% 'Well, don't be sorry. 00:11:37.060 --> 00:11:38.500 align:middle line:90% It's OK,' she told him. 00:11:38.500 --> 00:11:40.750 align:middle line:84% 'Tell me what's going on, Freddie.' 00:11:40.750 --> 00:11:43.180 align:middle line:84% When he finally spoke, his voice was raw and so 00:11:43.180 --> 00:11:45.250 align:middle line:90% quiet it was barely audible. 00:11:45.250 --> 00:11:47.540 align:middle line:84% He couldn't look at her when he spoke. 00:11:47.540 --> 00:11:49.330 align:middle line:84% 'Well, I keep making bad decisions. 00:11:49.330 --> 00:11:51.160 align:middle line:84% Why are all the decisions I make-- why 00:11:51.160 --> 00:11:53.370 align:middle line:90% do they always turn out bad? 00:11:53.370 --> 00:11:54.900 align:middle line:90% I'm gonna lose my house. 00:11:54.900 --> 00:11:56.820 align:middle line:90% I'm gonna lose everything.' 00:11:56.820 --> 00:11:58.890 align:middle line:84% He wiped his eyes on his coat sleeve. 00:11:58.890 --> 00:12:01.180 align:middle line:90% 'And I've failed everybody.' 00:12:01.180 --> 00:12:03.430 align:middle line:84% 'Now, don't say that, Freddie.' 'But it's true.' 00:12:03.430 --> 00:12:04.510 align:middle line:90% 'It's not. 00:12:04.510 --> 00:12:07.390 align:middle line:84% You've known me here, for what, 13 years, right?' 00:12:07.390 --> 00:12:08.740 align:middle line:90% He nodded. 00:12:08.740 --> 00:12:11.080 align:middle line:84% 'Think of all the nice things you've done for me. 00:12:11.080 --> 00:12:13.750 align:middle line:84% When Raymond left me, you'd come in here every morning. 00:12:13.750 --> 00:12:15.250 align:middle line:84% And you could tell just by looking 00:12:15.250 --> 00:12:16.970 align:middle line:90% at me that I needed help. 00:12:16.970 --> 00:12:18.460 align:middle line:84% I didn't even have to say anything, 00:12:18.460 --> 00:12:20.710 align:middle line:84% and you'd invite me over for dinner. 00:12:20.710 --> 00:12:22.120 align:middle line:90% Your family took care of me. 00:12:22.120 --> 00:12:23.620 align:middle line:90% And you listen to me, Freddie. 00:12:23.620 --> 00:12:25.930 align:middle line:90% And no one listens to me. 00:12:25.930 --> 00:12:28.640 align:middle line:84% You made me want to keep going when I didn't want to. 00:12:28.640 --> 00:12:30.280 align:middle line:90% So don't say you're a failure. 00:12:30.280 --> 00:12:32.530 align:middle line:90% You've never failed me.' 00:12:32.530 --> 00:12:35.410 align:middle line:84% She walked out from behind the counter and went to him 00:12:35.410 --> 00:12:37.180 align:middle line:90% and put her arms around him. 00:12:37.180 --> 00:12:39.670 align:middle line:90% She smelled of donuts and soap. 00:12:39.670 --> 00:12:41.920 align:middle line:90% And she was soft and warm. 00:12:41.920 --> 00:12:44.590 align:middle line:84% He collapsed into her and closed his eyes, 00:12:44.590 --> 00:12:46.900 align:middle line:84% as two white work vans pulled in front 00:12:46.900 --> 00:12:50.500 align:middle line:84% of the donut shop with their headlights shining in on them." 00:12:50.500 --> 00:12:51.000 align:middle line:90%