WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.470 align:middle line:84% I am usually like a lot livelier. 00:00:04.470 --> 00:00:05.460 align:middle line:90% I feel so heavy. 00:00:05.460 --> 00:00:09.150 align:middle line:90% 00:00:09.150 --> 00:00:17.730 align:middle line:84% I feel like watching and listening to Angel. 00:00:17.730 --> 00:00:22.080 align:middle line:84% I feel there are hundreds of voices in the room. 00:00:22.080 --> 00:00:31.710 align:middle line:84% Our fathers and our sons and our brothers and those damn kids 00:00:31.710 --> 00:00:34.330 align:middle line:90% we saw today. 00:00:34.330 --> 00:00:44.850 align:middle line:84% So my son, when he was released for the final time, 00:00:44.850 --> 00:00:46.410 align:middle line:90% he came out. 00:00:46.410 --> 00:00:48.660 align:middle line:90% And I went to hug him. 00:00:48.660 --> 00:00:52.950 align:middle line:84% And I realized that I was really, really thinking 00:00:52.950 --> 00:00:57.750 align:middle line:90% about how to do that hug. 00:00:57.750 --> 00:00:58.920 align:middle line:90% You don't do that. 00:00:58.920 --> 00:01:00.930 align:middle line:84% I mean, it should be a natural thing. 00:01:00.930 --> 00:01:03.660 align:middle line:90% But he was not the same person. 00:01:03.660 --> 00:01:06.325 align:middle line:90% 00:01:06.325 --> 00:01:11.190 align:middle line:84% And so this is kind of about that. 00:01:11.190 --> 00:01:13.570 align:middle line:90% And thank you all. 00:01:13.570 --> 00:01:16.710 align:middle line:84% I've had an absolutely amazing time here. 00:01:16.710 --> 00:01:22.870 align:middle line:84% It's been wonderful meeting and talking to everyone. 00:01:22.870 --> 00:01:25.350 align:middle line:84% This project is absolutely astounding. 00:01:25.350 --> 00:01:27.990 align:middle line:84% And I'm really thrilled to be part of it 00:01:27.990 --> 00:01:30.280 align:middle line:84% and doubly thrilled to be part of it 00:01:30.280 --> 00:01:32.205 align:middle line:90% and here reading with Angel. 00:01:32.205 --> 00:01:35.190 align:middle line:90% 00:01:35.190 --> 00:01:36.580 align:middle line:90% She's my daughter. 00:01:36.580 --> 00:01:38.860 align:middle line:90% OK. 00:01:38.860 --> 00:01:43.030 align:middle line:90% "Attempt of the Arms Around." 00:01:43.030 --> 00:01:47.980 align:middle line:84% "1, who was that smoldering child with bumpy crown and drip 00:01:47.980 --> 00:01:52.420 align:middle line:84% sex walk, slouching denims with airy ass back in his knees, 00:01:52.420 --> 00:01:56.110 align:middle line:84% unlaced Adidas flopping, swallowing his socks? 00:01:56.110 --> 00:01:59.920 align:middle line:84% Who was that rumbling speak silverfish smile, cocked arm 00:01:59.920 --> 00:02:04.060 align:middle line:84% with the witless burn of white street riding the high muscle? 00:02:04.060 --> 00:02:07.240 align:middle line:84% Who was that bobbing Adam's Apple, that uncorked 00:02:07.240 --> 00:02:09.850 align:middle line:90% steam, chiseled chest wall? 00:02:09.850 --> 00:02:14.590 align:middle line:84% Who shoved my son into this thing? 00:02:14.590 --> 00:02:18.230 align:middle line:90% 2, the coolest mom ever. 00:02:18.230 --> 00:02:20.410 align:middle line:84% I whipped Transformers into semis 00:02:20.410 --> 00:02:23.620 align:middle line:84% with flash fingers, memorized their campy names, 00:02:23.620 --> 00:02:27.040 align:middle line:84% spent hours playing soar and whoosh with an 8 and 1/2 00:02:27.040 --> 00:02:29.770 align:middle line:84% foot GI Joe aircraft carrier that I 00:02:29.770 --> 00:02:31.990 align:middle line:90% can't remember affording. 00:02:31.990 --> 00:02:34.000 align:middle line:84% I was tickle monster, boogie bear, 00:02:34.000 --> 00:02:36.910 align:middle line:84% crafter of fantastic bedtime stories, 00:02:36.910 --> 00:02:40.240 align:middle line:84% and your first stumbling dance partner while little Stevie 00:02:40.240 --> 00:02:41.500 align:middle line:90% Wonder bounced us. 00:02:41.500 --> 00:02:44.860 align:middle line:84% Where in your life did your rhythm get lost? 00:02:44.860 --> 00:02:47.290 align:middle line:84% You still dance like a white boy trying 00:02:47.290 --> 00:02:51.160 align:middle line:84% to dance like a Black boy when he's making fun of white boys. 00:02:51.160 --> 00:02:52.990 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHING] 00:02:52.990 --> 00:02:56.410 align:middle line:84% And you were the most beautiful son. 00:02:56.410 --> 00:02:59.080 align:middle line:84% Riotous snaps and loopy grin sailing 00:02:59.080 --> 00:03:02.410 align:middle line:84% through numbers and vowels, conquering that book. 00:03:02.410 --> 00:03:05.830 align:middle line:84% City, fun-- bellowing it over and over at three, 00:03:05.830 --> 00:03:10.420 align:middle line:84% way before little colored boys were supposed to know words. 00:03:10.420 --> 00:03:13.390 align:middle line:90% Look at us go. 00:03:13.390 --> 00:03:15.850 align:middle line:90% We have to work at this. 00:03:15.850 --> 00:03:18.160 align:middle line:90% Here is something to look at. 00:03:18.160 --> 00:03:20.050 align:middle line:90% See it go up-- 00:03:20.050 --> 00:03:21.880 align:middle line:90% up, up, up. 00:03:21.880 --> 00:03:23.350 align:middle line:90% And look at this. 00:03:23.350 --> 00:03:25.400 align:middle line:90% It will come down-- 00:03:25.400 --> 00:03:28.960 align:middle line:90% down, down, down. 00:03:28.960 --> 00:03:31.990 align:middle line:84% I was so hard willing you strength, so busy 00:03:31.990 --> 00:03:34.600 align:middle line:84% standing at your side that I couldn't catch you 00:03:34.600 --> 00:03:36.640 align:middle line:90% when you fell. 00:03:36.640 --> 00:03:39.700 align:middle line:90% I didn't even hear Chicago. 00:03:39.700 --> 00:03:43.960 align:middle line:84% Go ahead, let her be your sister. 00:03:43.960 --> 00:03:46.900 align:middle line:90% I'll be your mama. 00:03:46.900 --> 00:03:51.670 align:middle line:84% 3, my house is on fire and my baby is in the house. 00:03:51.670 --> 00:03:54.310 align:middle line:84% My house is on fire and my baby is in the house. 00:03:54.310 --> 00:03:56.590 align:middle line:84% My house is on fire and my children 00:03:56.590 --> 00:04:03.880 align:middle line:84% are in the house of correction being corrected. 00:04:03.880 --> 00:04:06.850 align:middle line:84% During visits, I touched my mouth to the glass separating 00:04:06.850 --> 00:04:10.960 align:middle line:84% us by a man blurred beneath heels of manufactured muscle. 00:04:10.960 --> 00:04:13.210 align:middle line:84% Mama, I think they're going to kill me in here. 00:04:13.210 --> 00:04:16.029 align:middle line:84% My house is on fire and my children in the house. 00:04:16.029 --> 00:04:17.140 align:middle line:90% What's that smell? 00:04:17.140 --> 00:04:19.870 align:middle line:84% My house is on fire and my children are in the house. 00:04:19.870 --> 00:04:22.960 align:middle line:90% My womb is prepared for this. 00:04:22.960 --> 00:04:26.950 align:middle line:84% If my son is killed in his cell, I will simply birth him again, 00:04:26.950 --> 00:04:28.990 align:middle line:84% already equipped with ankle cuffs 00:04:28.990 --> 00:04:31.480 align:middle line:84% ready to be chained to something, anything-- 00:04:31.480 --> 00:04:35.230 align:middle line:84% an idea, a wall, even a man who could be his twin. 00:04:35.230 --> 00:04:38.320 align:middle line:84% I am a huge excuse, a resolution machine, a 00:04:38.320 --> 00:04:41.500 align:middle line:84% shackled a poet with my past chained to my hands. 00:04:41.500 --> 00:04:42.970 align:middle line:90% What she know? 00:04:42.970 --> 00:04:45.820 align:middle line:90% Her boy in jail anyway. 00:04:45.820 --> 00:04:47.920 align:middle line:84% We introduced our children to the heat. 00:04:47.920 --> 00:04:50.470 align:middle line:84% We left them in the house behind locked doors, 00:04:50.470 --> 00:04:52.630 align:middle line:84% mistook their first screams for singing, 00:04:52.630 --> 00:04:55.060 align:middle line:84% popped our hips in the club while television 00:04:55.060 --> 00:04:57.790 align:middle line:84% slapped the blur on their souls and taught them 00:04:57.790 --> 00:04:59.890 align:middle line:90% fuck, shame, and firepower. 00:04:59.890 --> 00:05:01.330 align:middle line:90% Escape was improbable. 00:05:01.330 --> 00:05:05.350 align:middle line:84% They were chained to each other and every link was on fire. 00:05:05.350 --> 00:05:06.790 align:middle line:90% What sparked the flame? 00:05:06.790 --> 00:05:07.870 align:middle line:90% Who lit the match? 00:05:07.870 --> 00:05:09.310 align:middle line:90% What sparked the flame? 00:05:09.310 --> 00:05:10.450 align:middle line:90% Who lit the match? 00:05:10.450 --> 00:05:13.570 align:middle line:84% My house is on fire and my children are in the house. 00:05:13.570 --> 00:05:16.810 align:middle line:84% My house is on fire and my children are in the house. 00:05:16.810 --> 00:05:19.930 align:middle line:84% My house is on fire and my children are in the house. 00:05:19.930 --> 00:05:23.320 align:middle line:90% I do not care. 00:05:23.320 --> 00:05:26.500 align:middle line:90% Who brings the water? 00:05:26.500 --> 00:05:31.360 align:middle line:90% 4, they call it jail muscle. 00:05:31.360 --> 00:05:33.940 align:middle line:90% You are impossibly huge on top. 00:05:33.940 --> 00:05:35.680 align:middle line:90% Your biceps balloons. 00:05:35.680 --> 00:05:39.280 align:middle line:84% Your head looks so wrong teetering on your neck. 00:05:39.280 --> 00:05:41.290 align:middle line:84% I have to pull in a breath before I 00:05:41.290 --> 00:05:43.420 align:middle line:90% can attempt my arms around you. 00:05:43.420 --> 00:05:46.990 align:middle line:84% But I cannot link my fingers behind your back. 00:05:46.990 --> 00:05:51.640 align:middle line:84% I wonder what lives there in that small span I cannot reach. 00:05:51.640 --> 00:05:57.460 align:middle line:84% I wonder if that's where yesterday is or was. 00:05:57.460 --> 00:06:01.150 align:middle line:84% Upon closer inspection, I see the sloppiness in all of you, 00:06:01.150 --> 00:06:03.730 align:middle line:84% the construction that was ignored or abandoned, 00:06:03.730 --> 00:06:06.940 align:middle line:84% the petulant put of your belly, stringy calves, 00:06:06.940 --> 00:06:09.820 align:middle line:84% a tooth that aches because it is empty inside. 00:06:09.820 --> 00:06:12.700 align:middle line:84% You are huff and puff, repetitions and iron. 00:06:12.700 --> 00:06:15.070 align:middle line:84% All of you is the result of boredom. 00:06:15.070 --> 00:06:18.730 align:middle line:84% After two years of separate cages, I stand across a room 00:06:18.730 --> 00:06:21.910 align:middle line:84% from you, weighing the option to touch or not touch. 00:06:21.910 --> 00:06:24.880 align:middle line:84% And that first hug is awkward, difficult, 00:06:24.880 --> 00:06:27.970 align:middle line:84% an utter mess because you have so boldly outgrown 00:06:27.970 --> 00:06:30.340 align:middle line:90% the arc of my arms. 00:06:30.340 --> 00:06:34.090 align:middle line:84% You speak in uncertain solos as if you are learning language 00:06:34.090 --> 00:06:37.880 align:middle line:90% from its very first page. 00:06:37.880 --> 00:06:41.060 align:middle line:90% Yeah, I guess so. 00:06:41.060 --> 00:06:49.070 align:middle line:84% No, I-- you see how big my arms are? 00:06:49.070 --> 00:06:51.380 align:middle line:90% I am a fool to your fool. 00:06:51.380 --> 00:06:56.780 align:middle line:90% Yes, I see you are so big. 00:06:56.780 --> 00:07:03.290 align:middle line:90% I don't know how to hold you. 00:07:03.290 --> 00:07:05.330 align:middle line:84% Veins have burst beneath your skin. 00:07:05.330 --> 00:07:07.880 align:middle line:84% You have exploded, gotten so wide. 00:07:07.880 --> 00:07:11.450 align:middle line:84% You look as if you are straining to become a wall. 00:07:11.450 --> 00:07:15.230 align:middle line:84% I imagine under it, my son, flailing screaming for me, 00:07:15.230 --> 00:07:17.720 align:middle line:84% struggling through blood and fat and gristle 00:07:17.720 --> 00:07:20.690 align:middle line:84% toward my failed embrace, needing me as much 00:07:20.690 --> 00:07:23.030 align:middle line:90% as I need him-- 00:07:23.030 --> 00:07:25.370 align:middle line:90% you. 00:07:25.370 --> 00:07:27.845 align:middle line:84% Now I recognize only sections of you, 00:07:27.845 --> 00:07:31.670 align:middle line:84% smile cast downward, reddish brown skin, history's mark 00:07:31.670 --> 00:07:34.370 align:middle line:84% in your blood, half steps instead of whole ones, 00:07:34.370 --> 00:07:37.400 align:middle line:90% clipped laugh remembering ma. 00:07:37.400 --> 00:07:39.620 align:middle line:84% Remember what we used to watch the Transformers? 00:07:39.620 --> 00:07:41.270 align:middle line:84% Remember the first book I ever read? 00:07:41.270 --> 00:07:42.170 align:middle line:90% You still have it. 00:07:42.170 --> 00:07:44.390 align:middle line:84% Remember how hard it used to be to comb my hair? 00:07:44.390 --> 00:07:46.670 align:middle line:84% Remember how I used to have to wear a jacket 00:07:46.670 --> 00:07:47.460 align:middle line:90% and tie to school? 00:07:47.460 --> 00:07:50.270 align:middle line:84% Remember that time I went skiing when that famous man took 00:07:50.270 --> 00:07:51.060 align:middle line:90% my picture? 00:07:51.060 --> 00:07:52.850 align:middle line:84% Remember when I got beat up that time? 00:07:52.850 --> 00:07:57.350 align:middle line:84% Remember, remember, remember, remember? 00:07:57.350 --> 00:07:59.870 align:middle line:90% You remember, right? 00:07:59.870 --> 00:08:02.180 align:middle line:90% Let me in somewhere. 00:08:02.180 --> 00:08:05.360 align:middle line:84% Ask me to shave your head, to sweep on hot lather 00:08:05.360 --> 00:08:07.760 align:middle line:84% and hear the blade scrape you clean. 00:08:07.760 --> 00:08:11.060 align:middle line:84% Let me touch my lips to the explosions on your skin. 00:08:11.060 --> 00:08:13.190 align:middle line:84% (CRYING) Make me read you our story, 00:08:13.190 --> 00:08:16.460 align:middle line:84% pretend triumphs and back alleys and Transformers 00:08:16.460 --> 00:08:19.300 align:middle line:84% and stumbled dance and coughing and dead batteries 00:08:19.300 --> 00:08:21.050 align:middle line:84% and the girl who wanted to be your sister. 00:08:21.050 --> 00:08:24.320 align:middle line:90% 00:08:24.320 --> 00:08:26.690 align:middle line:90% And look at this. 00:08:26.690 --> 00:08:29.190 align:middle line:90% It will come down-- 00:08:29.190 --> 00:08:33.530 align:middle line:90% down, down, down. 00:08:33.530 --> 00:08:35.690 align:middle line:84% And at the end of our story, let us 00:08:35.690 --> 00:08:38.720 align:middle line:84% be standing here, my arms around you, 00:08:38.720 --> 00:08:42.140 align:middle line:84% my fingers straining to meet behind your back. 00:08:42.140 --> 00:08:45.590 align:middle line:84% I will never stop trying to complete this holding. 00:08:45.590 --> 00:08:49.220 align:middle line:84% I need to be completely around you, Damon, so that all of you 00:08:49.220 --> 00:08:52.190 align:middle line:84% is within the mother circle of me. 00:08:52.190 --> 00:08:59.200 align:middle line:84% And giving you up to this world is a choice I have yet to make. 00:08:59.200 --> 00:09:00.000 align:middle line:90%