I would love to end on a longish thing.
What is time like?
Can I do both longish things?
Yes.
Will you guys be fine?
Yes.
Are you sure?
Yes!
Because that's the fun one that just sat down.
This poem is called "Matt."
I think you'll be fine.
And I think it's the beginning of a college school year
and it must be read.
"For all intents and purposes, and because the rule applies
more often than it doesn't, every white man or boy
who has entered and fallen away from my particular moderate
life has been called Matt.
Not Dan.
Rarely Ben.
Never Matthew.
Matt smokes unfiltered Pall Malls
because Kurt Vonnegut did.
We talk on Myspace because he goes
to a different high school.
Matt's in love with someone else,
but I can tell he's still interested in me.
Matt and his girlfriend aren't really together.
Matt doesn't have a condom, so we can't.
Matt also doesn't have a condom, so we can't.
Matt loves Modest Mouse.
Matt loves Kanye.
He loves whiskey.
He brings a flask to the park.
He tells me I'm beautiful.
He likes me.
He follows me into the bathroom where I once
found a bag of coke.
I tipped sideways onto the tile trying
to steady myself on top of him while his legs are
spread on the toilet lid.
I say, 'What about you and Anna?'
He says, 'Hold your ankles.'
I made Matt a really good mix CD.
Matt's writing a novel.
Matt's also writing a novel."
Girls, are you listening to me?
Just say yes.
[LAUGHS]
"Matt says I'm a good kisser.
My friends say I'm too good for Matt.
Matt loves his mom.
Matt's moving to Berlin.
Matt's moving to California.
Matt's quitting smoking again.
Matt rolls his own cigarettes.
Matt has depression.
He listens to sad songs.
Matt wants a big family.
He seems like he would be a good dad.
His family is so white.
His favorite novelists are white.
His ex-girlfriends are white.
He said he would call me.
His ex-girlfriends are really skinny.
He has this thing where he seems like he
doesn't care about anything.
Matt's in love with someone else.
He thought I was way older than him.
He got a new tattoo.
He has bad dreams.
I miss him.
He goes to foreign movies.
He's stoned all the time.
He pulls me into another room.
He has a beard, and he also has a beard.
He kisses me in the other room.
He loves my dog.
He flirts with me all the time, I think just for fun.
Oh, Matt.
He knows he's a white man, but doesn't think of himself
as a white man.
He doesn't know what to do with his life.
He floats.
He is young.
He can afford to be cool.
He wears a lot of flannel.
We're just friends.
He's nervous about commitment.
He's nervous in the elevator when he
touches the small of my back.
He's nervous on the roof.
I'm nervous taking his hand because people can see us.
His roommate walks in on us and then gives us shots of gin.
We all sip in silence.
After that, we smoke on his fire escape and make out.
We smoke in front of a bar and make out.
We make out on an empty subway train,
and my back slips around on the hard plastic seat.
He pays for my brunch.
He texts me all the time, even at the airport.
He's breaking up with his girlfriend.
He and his friends are drunk in someone's apartment in Queens.
What am I up to?
He hates his job, but he's truly a genius.
He lost his phone, so he has a new number.
He hates his job, and what he really wants to do
is make art and be happy.
He needs to live abroad for a while.
He used to be really dumb.
He swats his hair from his forehead
and says, of course he'll call.
I always ask, but I'm going to stop asking.
I'm nervous he doesn't understand.
He didn't grow up with many Black people.
He knows he's part of the problem,
but he just believes in love and knowledge.
Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt.
Each one more beautiful than the last.
Each one with more intricate ennui.
I can never love him.
He floats.
I can't stop loving him.
Matt knows the bartender.
Matt studied comparative literature."
[LAUGHS] Sorry, guys.
But not.
"He still loves his ex, I just know it.
He says, 'I like talking to you.'
He says 'Watch your head' as I ride him in his dorm room bunk
bed.
He's so sorry he didn't call, it just that things
have been busy and weird.
Matt and I sneak out of a movie to hook up in his car.
He is afraid of me.
He and I are hanging out this week,
I think, to watch movies or something.
I guess.
Maybe.
He's never met anyone like me.
Things are just super casual with us.
Neither of us is looking for a relationship.
Matt loves relationships.
He slept with my friend.
I can't tell if he's into me because I'm Black,
or because I'm not that Black.
And either way, I feel bad.
I feel it in my stomach's basement.
Matt can't want me.
I am not forever.
Matt has kissed me hundreds of times,
and he kissed my ancestors too.
He held them down and kissed them real good.
He was young, and he could afford it.
When he touched them, they always
smiled, almost as if it had been rehearsed."
Thank you.
[APPLAUSE]