WEBVTT

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I would love to end
on a longish thing.

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What is time like?

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Can I do both longish things?

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Yes.

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Will you guys be fine?

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Yes.

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Are you sure?

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Yes!

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Because that's the fun
one that just sat down.

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This poem is called "Matt."

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I think you'll be fine.

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And I think it's the beginning
of a college school year

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and it must be read.

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"For all intents and purposes,
and because the rule applies

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more often than it doesn't,
every white man or boy

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who has entered and fallen away
from my particular moderate

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life has been called Matt.

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Not Dan.

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Rarely Ben.

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Never Matthew.

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Matt smokes
unfiltered Pall Malls

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because Kurt Vonnegut did.

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We talk on Myspace
because he goes

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to a different high school.

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Matt's in love
with someone else,

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but I can tell he's
still interested in me.

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Matt and his girlfriend
aren't really together.

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Matt doesn't have a
condom, so we can't.

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Matt also doesn't have
a condom, so we can't.

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Matt loves Modest Mouse.

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Matt loves Kanye.

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He loves whiskey.

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He brings a flask to the park.

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He tells me I'm beautiful.

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He likes me.

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He follows me into the
bathroom where I once

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found a bag of coke.

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I tipped sideways
onto the tile trying

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to steady myself on top
of him while his legs are

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spread on the toilet lid.

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I say, 'What about
you and Anna?'

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He says, 'Hold your ankles.'

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I made Matt a
really good mix CD.

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Matt's writing a novel.

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Matt's also writing a novel."

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Girls, are you listening to me?

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Just say yes.

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[LAUGHS]

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"Matt says I'm a good kisser.

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My friends say I'm
too good for Matt.

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Matt loves his mom.

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Matt's moving to Berlin.

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Matt's moving to California.

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Matt's quitting smoking again.

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Matt rolls his own cigarettes.

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Matt has depression.

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He listens to sad songs.

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Matt wants a big family.

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He seems like he
would be a good dad.

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His family is so white.

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His favorite
novelists are white.

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His ex-girlfriends are white.

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He said he would call me.

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His ex-girlfriends
are really skinny.

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He has this thing
where he seems like he

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doesn't care about anything.

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Matt's in love
with someone else.

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He thought I was
way older than him.

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He got a new tattoo.

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He has bad dreams.

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I miss him.

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He goes to foreign movies.

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He's stoned all the time.

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He pulls me into another room.

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He has a beard, and
he also has a beard.

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He kisses me in the other room.

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He loves my dog.

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He flirts with me all the
time, I think just for fun.

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Oh, Matt.

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He knows he's a white man,
but doesn't think of himself

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as a white man.

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He doesn't know what
to do with his life.

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He floats.

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He is young.

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He can afford to be cool.

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He wears a lot of flannel.

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We're just friends.

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He's nervous about commitment.

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He's nervous in the
elevator when he

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touches the small of my back.

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He's nervous on the roof.

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I'm nervous taking his hand
because people can see us.

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His roommate walks in on us
and then gives us shots of gin.

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We all sip in silence.

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After that, we smoke on his
fire escape and make out.

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We smoke in front of
a bar and make out.

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We make out on an
empty subway train,

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and my back slips around
on the hard plastic seat.

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He pays for my brunch.

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He texts me all the time,
even at the airport.

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He's breaking up
with his girlfriend.

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He and his friends are drunk in
someone's apartment in Queens.

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What am I up to?

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He hates his job, but
he's truly a genius.

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He lost his phone, so
he has a new number.

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He hates his job, and
what he really wants to do

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is make art and be happy.

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He needs to live
abroad for a while.

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He used to be really dumb.

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He swats his hair
from his forehead

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and says, of course he'll call.

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I always ask, but I'm
going to stop asking.

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I'm nervous he
doesn't understand.

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He didn't grow up with
many Black people.

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He knows he's part
of the problem,

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but he just believes
in love and knowledge.

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Matt, Matt, Matt,
Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt.

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Each one more beautiful
than the last.

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Each one with more
intricate ennui.

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I can never love him.

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He floats.

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I can't stop loving him.

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Matt knows the bartender.

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Matt studied
comparative literature."

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[LAUGHS] Sorry, guys.

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But not.

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"He still loves his
ex, I just know it.

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He says, 'I like
talking to you.'

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He says 'Watch your head' as I
ride him in his dorm room bunk

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bed.

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He's so sorry he didn't
call, it just that things

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have been busy and weird.

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Matt and I sneak out of a
movie to hook up in his car.

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He is afraid of me.

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He and I are hanging
out this week,

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I think, to watch
movies or something.

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I guess.

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Maybe.

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He's never met anyone like me.

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Things are just
super casual with us.

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Neither of us is looking
for a relationship.

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Matt loves relationships.

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He slept with my friend.

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I can't tell if he's into
me because I'm Black,

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or because I'm not that Black.

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And either way, I feel bad.

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I feel it in my
stomach's basement.

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Matt can't want me.

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I am not forever.

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Matt has kissed me
hundreds of times,

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and he kissed my ancestors too.

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He held them down and
kissed them real good.

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He was young, and
he could afford it.

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When he touched
them, they always

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smiled, almost as if
it had been rehearsed."

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Thank you.

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[APPLAUSE]

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