WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.180 align:middle line:84% And from my book out there somewhere, 00:00:03.180 --> 00:00:14.560 align:middle line:84% I was telling a friend the title of this book is Acoma. 00:00:14.560 --> 00:00:16.510 align:middle line:90% Hauchaw tyah haati. 00:00:16.510 --> 00:00:18.334 align:middle line:90% Out There Somewhere. 00:00:18.334 --> 00:00:21.000 align:middle line:90% 00:00:21.000 --> 00:00:23.400 align:middle line:90% "For now, it's enough. 00:00:23.400 --> 00:00:26.920 align:middle line:90% Late night at ARA House. 00:00:26.920 --> 00:00:29.010 align:middle line:90% Thank God. 00:00:29.010 --> 00:00:33.030 align:middle line:84% I'm a recovering alcoholic and have been for 20 years. 00:00:33.030 --> 00:00:36.600 align:middle line:84% And I celebrate every time I say that. 00:00:36.600 --> 00:00:39.310 align:middle line:90% 00:00:39.310 --> 00:00:46.170 align:middle line:90% Recovery is great. 00:00:46.170 --> 00:00:48.755 align:middle line:90% And it works, truly. 00:00:48.755 --> 00:00:51.370 align:middle line:90% 00:00:51.370 --> 00:00:56.230 align:middle line:84% After midnight, what else can a late night be but late? 00:00:56.230 --> 00:00:59.110 align:middle line:90% A question and not a question. 00:00:59.110 --> 00:01:00.730 align:middle line:90% Not much to know. 00:01:00.730 --> 00:01:03.790 align:middle line:90% Not sleepy though tired. 00:01:03.790 --> 00:01:07.420 align:middle line:84% A dull taste in the mouth and a tugging or pushing 00:01:07.420 --> 00:01:12.000 align:middle line:84% at something, something from within from inside. 00:01:12.000 --> 00:01:16.300 align:middle line:84% Not quite sure what it is, nerves or something, something. 00:01:16.300 --> 00:01:18.910 align:middle line:84% Not even remembering other late nights, 00:01:18.910 --> 00:01:22.180 align:middle line:84% maybe a security in not remembering, 00:01:22.180 --> 00:01:26.800 align:middle line:84% a security in not knowing anything for sure. 00:01:26.800 --> 00:01:30.790 align:middle line:84% It's OK not to remember as long as I don't expect anything. 00:01:30.790 --> 00:01:33.220 align:middle line:90% From time to time, it's OK. 00:01:33.220 --> 00:01:36.010 align:middle line:84% Worry some other time or let others 00:01:36.010 --> 00:01:39.380 align:middle line:84% worry about what I'm supposed to be doing. 00:01:39.380 --> 00:01:43.570 align:middle line:84% I'm just glad I'm alive, just glad I'm not dead. 00:01:43.570 --> 00:01:48.220 align:middle line:84% Like Jim Pepper sings in his song, just glad. 00:01:48.220 --> 00:01:51.430 align:middle line:84% I'd been looking forward to today 00:01:51.430 --> 00:01:53.980 align:middle line:84% and that I've been sober to this point. 00:01:53.980 --> 00:01:58.180 align:middle line:84% It's 12:39 AM, and I've made it this far. 00:01:58.180 --> 00:01:59.770 align:middle line:90% Yesterday is gone. 00:01:59.770 --> 00:02:02.950 align:middle line:90% I didn't drink, and I'm glad. 00:02:02.950 --> 00:02:04.730 align:middle line:90% For that gladness, be happy. 00:02:04.730 --> 00:02:05.830 align:middle line:90% Be happy. 00:02:05.830 --> 00:02:07.750 align:middle line:90% That's what I tell myself. 00:02:07.750 --> 00:02:10.479 align:middle line:84% But shit, I didn't do much today. 00:02:10.479 --> 00:02:13.120 align:middle line:84% And shitty job I've done tonight. 00:02:13.120 --> 00:02:14.500 align:middle line:90% Not much happened. 00:02:14.500 --> 00:02:16.540 align:middle line:84% Answered the phone several times. 00:02:16.540 --> 00:02:18.610 align:middle line:90% Sat down to write to Peg. 00:02:18.610 --> 00:02:19.660 align:middle line:90% Oh, love. 00:02:19.660 --> 00:02:22.570 align:middle line:84% Want to talk with her, hold her, love her. 00:02:22.570 --> 00:02:23.320 align:middle line:90% That's all. 00:02:23.320 --> 00:02:24.490 align:middle line:90% Not much. 00:02:24.490 --> 00:02:27.430 align:middle line:90% But more than I have right now. 00:02:27.430 --> 00:02:29.800 align:middle line:90% More than possible perhaps. 00:02:29.800 --> 00:02:35.140 align:middle line:84% Though anything may happen any time again, give it time. 00:02:35.140 --> 00:02:36.310 align:middle line:90% No, it won't. 00:02:36.310 --> 00:02:38.080 align:middle line:90% Give it time anyway. 00:02:38.080 --> 00:02:39.070 align:middle line:90% It's all right. 00:02:39.070 --> 00:02:44.080 align:middle line:84% I have only these feelings and not much more than that. 00:02:44.080 --> 00:02:47.500 align:middle line:84% Be glad you're thankful for being glad. 00:02:47.500 --> 00:02:50.920 align:middle line:90% Thank God you're not dead. 00:02:50.920 --> 00:02:53.200 align:middle line:90% Put out 9:30 snacks. 00:02:53.200 --> 00:02:54.880 align:middle line:90% Not much there either. 00:02:54.880 --> 00:03:00.640 align:middle line:84% Cheese, bagels, stale white bread, peanut butter and jam. 00:03:00.640 --> 00:03:05.590 align:middle line:84% Slice off moldy cheese edge and bread pudding. 00:03:05.590 --> 00:03:06.790 align:middle line:90% That's all. 00:03:06.790 --> 00:03:08.140 align:middle line:90% Put coffee on. 00:03:08.140 --> 00:03:10.450 align:middle line:90% Nobody touches much of anything. 00:03:10.450 --> 00:03:14.260 align:middle line:84% Cook made the bread pudding and served it at supper. 00:03:14.260 --> 00:03:16.510 align:middle line:90% Nobody touched it then. 00:03:16.510 --> 00:03:18.850 align:middle line:90% Nobody touched it tonight. 00:03:18.850 --> 00:03:21.280 align:middle line:90% It's that way with everything. 00:03:21.280 --> 00:03:24.500 align:middle line:90% There just isn't much happening. 00:03:24.500 --> 00:03:27.320 align:middle line:90% There's just not much to expect. 00:03:27.320 --> 00:03:30.460 align:middle line:90% Thank God you're not dead. 00:03:30.460 --> 00:03:36.040 align:middle line:84% I'm glad that's all there is, these measly little things. 00:03:36.040 --> 00:03:39.430 align:middle line:84% If there were more, I don't know what I would do. 00:03:39.430 --> 00:03:43.300 align:middle line:84% I'll have to make choices, take chances, decide, 00:03:43.300 --> 00:03:46.390 align:middle line:84% and I really don't want to do that tonight. 00:03:46.390 --> 00:03:48.970 align:middle line:90% For now, my life is enough. 00:03:48.970 --> 00:03:51.760 align:middle line:90% There's not much more to expect. 00:03:51.760 --> 00:03:55.840 align:middle line:84% I laid down on my bed for a while 00:03:55.840 --> 00:03:58.630 align:middle line:84% this afternoon after I got back from Oakland 00:03:58.630 --> 00:04:00.850 align:middle line:90% and started to take a short nap. 00:04:00.850 --> 00:04:03.700 align:middle line:84% But then, I wanted to run, just run. 00:04:03.700 --> 00:04:07.300 align:middle line:84% So I put on my jogging outfit and shoes. 00:04:07.300 --> 00:04:11.710 align:middle line:84% But by the time I was ready to go out, it started to rain. 00:04:11.710 --> 00:04:13.210 align:middle line:90% So I didn't run much. 00:04:13.210 --> 00:04:15.760 align:middle line:84% Just down the hill to the drugstore 00:04:15.760 --> 00:04:18.220 align:middle line:84% and got some envelopes I've been meaning 00:04:18.220 --> 00:04:20.390 align:middle line:90% to get for several days. 00:04:20.390 --> 00:04:22.160 align:middle line:90% It was cold out too. 00:04:22.160 --> 00:04:24.520 align:middle line:84% And I wanted to run for just a bit. 00:04:24.520 --> 00:04:25.540 align:middle line:90% Not far. 00:04:25.540 --> 00:04:28.180 align:middle line:90% Just a bit farther. 00:04:28.180 --> 00:04:30.370 align:middle line:90% But that was OK too. 00:04:30.370 --> 00:04:32.260 align:middle line:90% It's like everything else. 00:04:32.260 --> 00:04:36.330 align:middle line:84% I don't want a lot, just enough." 00:04:36.330 --> 00:04:38.000 align:middle line:90%