WEBVTT

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That was splendid, Joseph.

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Thank you so much, and thank
you, Ander, for having me here.

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Can I invite the people who
are standing to sit down?

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There are plenty
of seats over here.

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Here, I'll set yours outside.

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OK.

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Good.

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All right.

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I'm going to read a few
pieces, and the first one

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is "Confessions of a Shusher."

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"I am a shusher, which is
to say a self-appointed

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sergeant-at-arms who tells
noisemakers in the theater

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to be quiet.

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You take your life in your
hands when you shush a stranger,

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since he may turn out to
be a touchy psychopath who

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is reminded of an admonishing
school teacher he detested.

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But having been in the past
a grade school teacher.

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I cannot shake the idea that
I am somehow responsible

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for the correction of these
breakdowns in the assembly.

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My usual procedure is to start
with a glare at the offender.

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Glares are unfortunately quite
ineffective when the noise

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makers sit in front of you.

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Even if they are to
the side or behind,

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a glare may be misinterpreted
as rubbernecking.

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I then proceed to
clear my throat

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hoping that this signal
of civilized discomfort

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will be understood as a
reproach, and almost never is.

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I then usually undergo
an internal struggle

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asking myself, 'Who
am I to set myself up

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as a policer of public behavior?

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Can't I simply
ignore the nuisance?

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Is it really worth it to omit
an ugly sound which grates

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on my ears as well, which may
distract others from the movie,

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and may draw on my head some
physical retaliation against

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which I am ill-prepared
to defend myself,

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or else some unpleasant curse?'

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These questions are merely a way
of biding my time in the hope

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that the problem will
disappear by itself.

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If it doesn't, I am compelled
to graduate to stage two--

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a good hearty Shhh.

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Much as I might want to
soften the aggressiveness

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of this susurration,
experience has taught me

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that a tentative shush is
a waste of time, too easily

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mistaken for some private sigh.

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But then even a lusty shush
is frequently ignored.

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Perhaps it is too
comic sounding,

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has too much of the sneeze about
it, the hyperactive radiator

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or the ready kettle.

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In any event, a shush does
not obligate its target

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to recognize that he or
she has been addressed

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the way normal speech does.

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What shushes do
have in their favor

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is that being such
a universal signal,

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they make the reprimand seem
less a personal confrontation

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and more of the bubbling
up of a communal superego.

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However, if the offenders
continue to talk after several

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shushes, perhaps even issuing
some derisive mimicking shush

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of their own as a witty
riposte, then there is no choice

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but to come out from behind
the anonymity of the shush,

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and heart and mouth
escalate to a crisp verbal,

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'Please stop talking.'

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This is somewhat followed by,
'You're not in your living

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room, you know,' if one
is feeling pedagogically

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self-righteous.

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Whatever statement one
makes is likely to produce

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a furious twisting in the
chair by the chief gabbler

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to see what puritanical nerd
has had the temerity to question

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his freedom of speech.

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It is necessary to
return the fellow's look

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with a cool, frowning
stare of one's own.

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Sometimes the shusher senses
a small ripple of curiosity

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among those nearby,
like schoolchildren

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drawn to a playground fight.

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Their lack of support
for law and order

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is not the least irritating
facet of the situation,

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since you had thought you
were intervening at least

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partly for everyone's sake, and
now realize that to them you

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are merely one more
lunatic releasing commands

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into the indifferent dark.

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By now the movie
spell has been broken.

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I sit boiling, feeling
helplessly angry

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and at the same time
frightened of the offender's

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potential rage.

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If he falls into a
resentful silence,

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I can calm my heartbeat
and tell myself

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that I have struck a blow
for moviegoers everywhere.

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The problem is that
the request to shut up

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is often taken
rather personally.

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It seems to touch a sore spot
in the requestee's dignity.

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Particularly, I've noticed if
the chief talker is showing off

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for his date or his
group of buddies,

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he may continue to jaw all
night as a point of machismo,

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so that what had started out as
unconscious rudeness graduates,

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via shushing, to defiant policy.

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At such turns I compose speeches
to myself along the lines

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of, 'We did not pay good money
to listen to your asinine

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conversation,' or 'How can
we expect to have a democracy

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if-- '

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But I usually spare
them the civics lesson

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because by this point, I decide
to write these people off

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as hopeless morons.

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I sweep up my coat and
belongings, ignoring

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the victorious hoots, and
allow myself a slow censorious

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abandonment of the row.

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Perhaps a grain of
guilt, I tell myself,

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will lodge itself in
their subconscious

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and come to ripening next time.

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It would be agreeable to report
that the problem ends there,

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but many times my
newly chosen section

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is also contaminated
with talkers,

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so that I may be forced to
move three times in the course

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of a feature film.

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In doing so, I incur the
risk of being mistaken

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for a restless flasher,
but it is a small price

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to pay for cinematic
peace of mind.

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The crux of the
problem is that I

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want to watch movies
in movie theaters

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as they were
designed to be seen,

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and I like having the company of
other bodies, other spectators,

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around me.

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But at the same time, I've
become preternaturally

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sensitive, during years
of devoted film going,

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to distractions.

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Not just to the
conversationalists,

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but to the foot kickers or those
who nervously cross and uncross

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their legs behind me,
each time pressing

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into the back of my
seat, the latecomer who

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compounds the first fault
by making what seems

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like a deliberately
elaborate coming to rest,

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removing her coat slowly and
rearranging her department

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store bags, the
doting parent who

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keeps feeding his child
sourball candy wrapped

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in maximally
crackling cellophane.

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I don't even like to sit
behind bald-headed men

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because their domes
reflect too much light

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and detract from the
screen's luminescence.

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The fact that my own hairline
has receded at a rapid pace

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makes me hope that others are
not so pathologically picky.

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The truth is I can live
with the kickers, the candy

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unwrappers, the
baldies, et cetera,

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but I draw the
line at prattlers.

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Is it just my luck to attract
them, or have today's movie

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audiences declined across
the board in their capacity

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to keep silent.

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We can always blame television
for altering movie viewing

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habits.

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A good many people who
attend movies today do

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seem convinced that they are
sitting in their couch at home.

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Others must believe
they are in the bedroom,

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as they snore or make love.

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You would expect that young
people who have grown up

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in the channel-hopping,
short-attention-span era

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would be the worst
offenders, but the noisiest

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from my observation
are elderly couples who

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keep comparing notes on
what is happening and why.

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Maybe hearing loss
makes them talk louder

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but it is also as if submission
to the film experience

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were a threat to
their couple bond.

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And in the end they choose
togetherness over immersion.

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Audiences of the 1920s
and 30s were famous,

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indeed, they were
criticized for such

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by intellectuals for
their mass somnambulism

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as the lights dimmed.

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Today's audiences are like
patients hard to hypnotize.

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They resist the oneiric plunge.

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Accustomed to seeing
modest sized images

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and the convivial, lamp-lit
surround of family life,

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they do not fully participate in
the ritual of sudden engulfing

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nightfall.

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And today's theater owners
further dilute the darkness

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by letting in considerably
more ambient light,

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usually for security reasons,
and scaling down the grandeur

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with smaller multiplex screens.

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The result is an
uneasy suspension

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above the film narrative, the
equivalent of a light sleep.

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Audience chatter has
also been affected

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by a shifting perception of
when a movie actually begins.

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I was sitting in the
movie house recently

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waiting for the show to start.

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I like to get there early
to absorb the atmosphere

00:09:15.510 --> 00:09:19.110 align:middle line:84%
and compose myself for the
descent, and in front of me

00:09:19.110 --> 00:09:23.130 align:middle line:84%
were two women having a
discussion about apples,

00:09:23.130 --> 00:09:27.715 align:middle line:84%
Granny Smith versus
Macintosh, fresh versus baked.

00:09:27.715 --> 00:09:30.090 align:middle line:84%
It was one of those tedious
conversations you cannot help

00:09:30.090 --> 00:09:31.800 align:middle line:90%
but eavesdrop in on.

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The lights lowered, the
coming attractions started,

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the women chatted on.

00:09:36.600 --> 00:09:39.240 align:middle line:84%
Now, they were discussing which
restaurant they would go to

00:09:39.240 --> 00:09:41.270 align:middle line:90%
after the show.

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While coming attractions can be
fascinating cultural artifacts

00:09:44.020 --> 00:09:47.030 align:middle line:84%
and, in any case, I have a
fondness for that tantalizing

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promise, but I recognize
that they are in a sense only

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advertisements, and so the
audience has the right to talk

00:09:52.970 --> 00:09:56.420 align:middle line:84%
through them, resisting these
solicitations with skeptical

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remarks such as, 'They couldn't
pay me to see that one.'

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However, the titles of the
feature film started to appear

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and the women
continued conversing.

00:10:05.840 --> 00:10:09.150 align:middle line:84%
'Should they go to a French
bistro or eat Chinese?'

00:10:09.150 --> 00:10:12.840 align:middle line:84%
But you will say, it was
only doing the titles.

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Only the titles?

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I am curious who
is in the cast, who

00:10:16.260 --> 00:10:20.123 align:middle line:84%
wrote the screenplay, produced
it, and even if I were not,

00:10:20.123 --> 00:10:22.290 align:middle line:84%
I would still think the
labor of these collaborators

00:10:22.290 --> 00:10:25.530 align:middle line:84%
deserved a respectful
silence as their names pass

00:10:25.530 --> 00:10:26.970 align:middle line:90%
before my eyes.

00:10:26.970 --> 00:10:31.230 align:middle line:84%
Then there was a choice of
typeface, no small matter.

00:10:31.230 --> 00:10:32.730 align:middle line:84%
Above all, the
title sequence often

00:10:32.730 --> 00:10:36.150 align:middle line:84%
introduces the key visual and
musical leitmotifs in the film.

00:10:36.150 --> 00:10:39.360 align:middle line:84%
One school of criticism even
argues that the title sequence

00:10:39.360 --> 00:10:44.450 align:middle line:84%
is a miniature model, encoded of
course, of the movie to follow.

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All right.

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I see I haven't convinced
you about the significance

00:10:47.870 --> 00:10:50.890 align:middle line:84%
of the title sequence,
but surely you

00:10:50.890 --> 00:10:52.640 align:middle line:84%
will agree that the
first shot of the film

00:10:52.640 --> 00:10:55.550 align:middle line:84%
is highly important in
arousing your expectations,

00:10:55.550 --> 00:10:58.580 align:middle line:84%
as important, say, as the
first sentence of a novel.

00:10:58.580 --> 00:11:00.620 align:middle line:90%
Yet the women kept talking.

00:11:00.620 --> 00:11:02.630 align:middle line:84%
This particular
opening shot panned

00:11:02.630 --> 00:11:05.000 align:middle line:84%
across the rooftops
of a Sicilian city,

00:11:05.000 --> 00:11:07.310 align:middle line:84%
huddled in the
landscape, establishing

00:11:07.310 --> 00:11:09.650 align:middle line:84%
the drama's largest
social context,

00:11:09.650 --> 00:11:11.690 align:middle line:84%
while at the same
time, expressing

00:11:11.690 --> 00:11:14.600 align:middle line:84%
certain aesthetic choices,
camera movement, angle,

00:11:14.600 --> 00:11:16.520 align:middle line:84%
lighting, that
allowed us to sense

00:11:16.520 --> 00:11:20.600 align:middle line:84%
the tempo at which fate would be
distributed to the characters.

00:11:20.600 --> 00:11:23.360 align:middle line:84%
It was a particularly
engrossing, well-composed,

00:11:23.360 --> 00:11:27.500 align:middle line:84%
mood-setting shot undermined
by the chatter of my neighbors,

00:11:27.500 --> 00:11:31.620 align:middle line:84%
and I felt I had no
option but to shush.

00:11:31.620 --> 00:11:34.860 align:middle line:84%
One of the women replied,
'Nothing's happening yet.'

00:11:34.860 --> 00:11:39.300 align:middle line:84%
Mood, location--
this was nothing?

00:11:39.300 --> 00:11:41.262 align:middle line:84%
It was only during the
first dialogue sequence

00:11:41.262 --> 00:11:42.970 align:middle line:84%
that they decided
something was happening

00:11:42.970 --> 00:11:45.402 align:middle line:90%
and finally fell silent.

00:11:45.402 --> 00:11:46.860 align:middle line:84%
I want to make the
distinction here

00:11:46.860 --> 00:11:49.140 align:middle line:84%
between what I regard
as justifiable audience

00:11:49.140 --> 00:11:52.670 align:middle line:84%
noise and the kind of
chatter I am describing.

00:11:52.670 --> 00:11:55.220 align:middle line:84%
I did not expect utter
silence in a theater,

00:11:55.220 --> 00:11:57.590 align:middle line:90%
nor do I necessarily want it.

00:11:57.590 --> 00:11:59.630 align:middle line:84%
Comedies obviously
gain from being seen

00:11:59.630 --> 00:12:02.270 align:middle line:90%
in a packed, roaring house.

00:12:02.270 --> 00:12:04.790 align:middle line:84%
If I am at a horror movie and
during a frightening sequence,

00:12:04.790 --> 00:12:07.910 align:middle line:84%
some teenagers start yelling,
'Watch out!' or 'Oh, gross!'

00:12:07.910 --> 00:12:10.770 align:middle line:84%
it's in the spirit
of the occasion.

00:12:10.770 --> 00:12:14.490 align:middle line:84%
If my fellow moviegoers rejoice
at the chainsaw dismemberment

00:12:14.490 --> 00:12:18.150 align:middle line:84%
or its so-called street slime
being blown away in Death Wish

00:12:18.150 --> 00:12:23.100 align:middle line:84%
11, I may fear for their
souls and their politics,

00:12:23.100 --> 00:12:26.610 align:middle line:84%
but I do not fault them for
improper audience behavior.

00:12:26.610 --> 00:12:30.030 align:middle line:84%
They are still reacting as a
public to the events on screen,

00:12:30.030 --> 00:12:31.950 align:middle line:90%
and are swept up in the drama.

00:12:31.950 --> 00:12:34.500 align:middle line:84%
What I cannot accept is
the selfishness of private

00:12:34.500 --> 00:12:36.210 align:middle line:90%
conversation.

00:12:36.210 --> 00:12:39.780 align:middle line:84%
Even when nothing is audible,
from a nearby tete-a-tete,

00:12:39.780 --> 00:12:42.150 align:middle line:84%
but a whispering buzz,
the mere knowledge

00:12:42.150 --> 00:12:43.680 align:middle line:84%
that my neighbors
are not watching

00:12:43.680 --> 00:12:45.825 align:middle line:84%
with their full attention
dilutes and spoils

00:12:45.825 --> 00:12:48.570 align:middle line:90%
my own concentration.

00:12:48.570 --> 00:12:50.730 align:middle line:84%
For all that one is
still a crowd member,

00:12:50.730 --> 00:12:54.240 align:middle line:84%
moviegoing is essentially
a solitary process.

00:12:54.240 --> 00:12:57.180 align:middle line:84%
To refuse that
solitude is to violate

00:12:57.180 --> 00:13:01.370 align:middle line:84%
the social contract that should
be written on each ticket stub.

00:13:01.370 --> 00:13:03.710 align:middle line:84%
If indeed movie audiences
of today chatter

00:13:03.710 --> 00:13:05.600 align:middle line:84%
more during films
than they used to,

00:13:05.600 --> 00:13:07.850 align:middle line:84%
I can only surmise
that it is something

00:13:07.850 --> 00:13:10.535 align:middle line:84%
to do with, on one hand a
spreading fear of solitude,

00:13:10.535 --> 00:13:13.010 align:middle line:84%
and on the other, an
erosion of what it means

00:13:13.010 --> 00:13:15.820 align:middle line:90%
to be a member of the public.

00:13:15.820 --> 00:13:17.470 align:middle line:84%
There have been
times over the years

00:13:17.470 --> 00:13:21.820 align:middle line:84%
when my role as a cinephile and
swain have come into conflict.

00:13:21.820 --> 00:13:23.960 align:middle line:84%
I've had to make it
clear to my date,

00:13:23.960 --> 00:13:26.620 align:middle line:84%
however much I may have
doted on her, that I actually

00:13:26.620 --> 00:13:29.040 align:middle line:90%
did want to watch the movie.

00:13:29.040 --> 00:13:32.420 align:middle line:84%
I have made it clear to the
gabblers around us as well.

00:13:32.420 --> 00:13:34.610 align:middle line:84%
Although one woman who
was a perfect lady,

00:13:34.610 --> 00:13:36.620 align:middle line:84%
and to whom I was
especially devoted,

00:13:36.620 --> 00:13:39.350 align:middle line:84%
hated my shushing which
she found an embarrassment

00:13:39.350 --> 00:13:41.360 align:middle line:90%
and a breach of manners.

00:13:41.360 --> 00:13:43.520 align:middle line:84%
One time I went so
far as to shush her

00:13:43.520 --> 00:13:46.040 align:middle line:84%
when she was talking
to a friend who

00:13:46.040 --> 00:13:49.100 align:middle line:84%
had come with us to the
movies, and afterwards she

00:13:49.100 --> 00:13:51.500 align:middle line:84%
let me know with
uncharacteristic directness,

00:13:51.500 --> 00:13:56.400 align:middle line:84%
that if I ever did that to her
again, she would break my arm.

00:13:56.400 --> 00:13:58.093 align:middle line:84%
She was right, of
course, or at least I

00:13:58.093 --> 00:13:59.510 align:middle line:84%
pretended she was
right, because I

00:13:59.510 --> 00:14:02.750 align:middle line:84%
knew that if I attempted to
defend my quixotic position,

00:14:02.750 --> 00:14:04.400 align:middle line:90%
it would only make things worse.

00:14:04.400 --> 00:14:06.910 align:middle line:90%
Nobody loves a shusher."

00:14:06.910 --> 00:14:08.000 align:middle line:90%