WEBVTT

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So we're just going to play--

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How's everybody doing?

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Whoa, there's a lot
of people out there.

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Hey, what's happening?

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And so what's happening
is, I'm going to--

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so I have this memoir that
I wrote, and part of it

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is, it's in epistolary form.

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And there's these letters that
go back and forth between me

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and a woman that was
incarcerated at the time.

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Her name is Linda Perez.

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In the book she goes by Lxxxx.

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And so what I wanted to
do to pay homage to her

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and some of the women,
these silent voices,

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we just was talking
about this tonight,

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I want to start off with
her reading an excerpt.

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And I'll read just a
smidgen after that,

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and we'll begin with
some of these poems

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that Arts for Justice,
so graciously funded

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and supported, and with the
support of the Poetry Center,

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Tyler, and really
appreciate that.

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I received the books,
the Genealogy of Morals,

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and dictionary, and
thesaurus you sent,

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as well as your excerpt.

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I managed to read
about 20 pages and I

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can see how you got
sucked into the drug game.

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Money is everybody's mistress,
and yet this part of the drug

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game is something I cannot
relate to, because I

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didn't come up smoking crack.

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But I can relate
to chasing a dream.

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We all do that one
way or another.

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I always wondered what
went on at Howard.

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I never learned much
about Black colleges

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growing up in the Bronx.

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Sounds like a lot
of classism to me,

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that whole W.E.B. Du Bois,
double consciousness debate

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playing out among students.

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I wanted to be a painter,
so Margaret Boland

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can capture that with a brush.

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On Monday, I finished reading
Paula by Isabel Allende.

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It's a memoir written
in epistle form

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to her daughter Paula, who
became ill, fell into coma

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and never woke up.

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She died within a year.

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The story travels back
and forth to the time,

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as Isabel examines the
history of their family

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and the political
ties they had in Chile

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after it was taken over
by the military coup.

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I believe it's the best book
Allende has ever written.

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She has also
written In the House

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of Spirits, Eva Luna and a
few other works of fiction.

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However I am much fonder
of this biography,

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because it shows how
Allende developed

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the ideas to write these books.

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Paula shows the
journey of the writer

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and provides an inside look
on how novels are created.

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It's a very spiritual and
enlightened piece of work.

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You should definitely read it
when you have some downtime.

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Allende said
something interesting

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that has stayed with me.

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She was writing-- she
was teaching a writing

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class at a university
in California,

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and did not know how to
make the class interesting.

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She decided to tell the
students to write a bad book,

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an awful piece of writing.

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This allowed the
students the freedom

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to let their thoughts flow
without focusing on errors.

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The students edited throughout
the course, and by the end,

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one of them even got published.

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Any writer can
write a bad story.

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The objective is to
get the story out,

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and I agree with that concept.

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Allende also
mentioned how novels

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are born beyond the
thought process,

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that there is a deeper
connection with the divine

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that ordain stories to
come to life on paper.

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She would save
newspaper articles

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of tragedies for years at a
time without understanding why.

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Eventually Allende
used those clippings

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to support the ideas and
characters in her stories.

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Every writer has a
greater purpose to serve.

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Allende said people would often
tell her their life story.

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She would eventually
use these stories

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as characters in her books.

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Randall, we all go
through things in life

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and there are stories
to be told everywhere.

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I also discovered Don Quixote
was written by Miguel Cervantes

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while he was in prison.

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Very interesting.

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Sharing your story
with me lets me

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know almost anything
can be overcome.

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I want to take that
leap of faith you took.

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I want to believe in
my dreams and myself,

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and you are helping me.

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I spoke to my lawyer and
things are still up in the air.

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But I'm learning how to
make the most of my time.

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I have also been wrapped up in
Luis Rodriguez's memoir, Always

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Running.

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It is phenomenal, and I can't
believe I never heard of it

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before.

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Rodriguez moves swiftly
through the pages.

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I never considered any
writer a graceful gangster,

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but he earned that
title, for sure.

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I'm going to get into
the Genealogy of Morality

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soon because I'm eager to see
the parallelisms regarding

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the fallacy of color and on skin
construction, as you put it.

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It's interesting how
Rodriguez touches on race

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issues, but really
focuses on class struggle

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and how we, meaning all
of us people of color,

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deal with being the
underdog in America.

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But these issues
always make me wonder

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about America's majority.

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I mean the White America
no one dialogues on.

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The ones Dorothy
Allison depicted

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in Bastard out of Carolina.

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Class struggle
should be an issue

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involving all of us who live
below the invisible medium.

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These labels and divisions
and subdivisions only

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further cloud the real issues.

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These problems are older
than both of us put together.

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So how can literature
tackle these issues?

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How do we touch
the average person

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who doesn't care to read books
because they are too busy

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trying to work and survive?

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How can short stories
address serious issues

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without losing significance?

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That's why I like
House on Mango Street

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so much because Sandra
Cisneros managed

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to do this with her vignettes.

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I think I was drawn
to you as a friend

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because we shared a
common difference.

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Not too many people in the
Writing Center at SUNY Albany

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understood.

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It was our secret, our past.

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And we were the only
two people of color.

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I was cool with the other
folks, but it wasn't the same.

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I felt connected to you because
we spoke the same language.

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I loved how you didn't
try to assimilate.

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You wore your difference
and celebrated it.

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Those people in
the Writing Center

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were all blown
away by your swag.

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You really impressed
me, and still do.

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You're doing everything
I dreamed of doing.

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You made it happen.

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Having tunnel vision only
helped speed your progress

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and get you close to your goals.

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Nothing and no one
got in your way.

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I couldn't do that.

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I stumbled and fell.

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And now I'm back at square one.

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The funny thing is, it wasn't
that I wasn't smart enough.

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I just couldn't like all
the dumb shit like you did.

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I felt drawn to
the life, compelled

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to straddle two worlds, because
only then did I feel normal.

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If I gave up that
side 100%, I always

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found myself feeling displaced.

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Does that make any sense?

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You always make me think,
and I love you for it.

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I finally got a chance
to read Nietzsche,

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although the first
half is interesting,

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I jumped to the second and
I'm amazed at how easily

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this guy confuses me.

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I love it.

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He takes reading
and interpretations

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to a whole other level.

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Nietzsche makes me question the
morals imposed by Christianity,

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society, and the difference
between the moral values

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throughout the Americas.

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You know, White America, Latin
America and the Caribbean,

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as well in contrast
with Europe and the rest

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of the Christian world.

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I've never been more certain
of my own curiosities,

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and now the questions
I've been pondering

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make a lot more sense.

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Everything I have read
throughout this period

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of my life has led
to the same question.

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What is man's search for
meaning and life's purpose,

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which is guided by the divine?

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It is amazing how
even mistakes can

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help map and shape
who we are, and who

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we are destined to become.

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Randall, each of
us has a mission

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that we are uncertain of.

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How often do we really
get to understand and know

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our true selves?

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I know I kind of rushed that,
let up on my past, et cetera,

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but didn't explain much.

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Those things are
hard to talk about,

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but I'm trying to get them out.

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I've been waiting for a reason
to write about them for years.

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Actually I've never been able to
write about my suicide attempt,

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and 20 years later
I'm telling you.

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I don't feel so
vulnerable now that you

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are sharing your story with me.

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You got me all in.

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Send me more when you can.

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Thank you for helping
me find my voice again,

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by bringing the darkness out.

00:07:08.358 --> 00:07:10.490 align:middle line:84%
It's helping me heal,
and somehow your story

00:07:10.490 --> 00:07:12.240 align:middle line:84%
is shining a light on
the past and helping

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me see things clearly.

00:07:13.823 --> 00:07:15.990 align:middle line:84%
I'm figuring out answers
to a question I didn't even

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understand back then.

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Tonight I finished the excerpt.

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I'm sorry about Jesse.

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That's got to be some hard shit.

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Lxxxx.

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