WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.460 align:middle line:84% I want to read from just a small piece from What Drowns 00:00:04.460 --> 00:00:06.010 align:middle line:90% the Flowers in your Mouth. 00:00:06.010 --> 00:00:09.690 align:middle line:84% This is a book that I wrote for my brother. 00:00:09.690 --> 00:00:11.890 align:middle line:84% When I wrote Butterfly Boy, my first memoir, 00:00:11.890 --> 00:00:14.310 align:middle line:90% which was published in 2006-- 00:00:14.310 --> 00:00:16.980 align:middle line:84% Those of you who write nonfiction or memoir 00:00:16.980 --> 00:00:21.210 align:middle line:84% know that sometimes it brings you a little bit of anxiety 00:00:21.210 --> 00:00:26.760 align:middle line:84% to know that perhaps your family members might read it, right? 00:00:26.760 --> 00:00:32.490 align:middle line:84% And so when I wrote Butterfly Boy, it was my story. 00:00:32.490 --> 00:00:35.730 align:middle line:84% Even though my brother was there with me the entire time 00:00:35.730 --> 00:00:37.990 align:middle line:90% during the journey of our youth. 00:00:37.990 --> 00:00:41.580 align:middle line:90% And so I kept them out of it. 00:00:41.580 --> 00:00:42.870 align:middle line:90% It really was really me. 00:00:42.870 --> 00:00:44.488 align:middle line:84% And I told them as I prepared them. 00:00:44.488 --> 00:00:46.530 align:middle line:84% Yeah, I wrote a story about us, about our father, 00:00:46.530 --> 00:00:47.617 align:middle line:90% about our mother. 00:00:47.617 --> 00:00:48.450 align:middle line:90% And you're in there. 00:00:48.450 --> 00:00:51.090 align:middle line:90% But I kept your story out of it. 00:00:51.090 --> 00:00:52.470 align:middle line:90% So you read it. 00:00:52.470 --> 00:00:55.890 align:middle line:84% And then after reading it, he didn't speak to me 00:00:55.890 --> 00:00:57.750 align:middle line:90% for like three weeks. 00:00:57.750 --> 00:00:59.640 align:middle line:84% And I thought it was because there 00:00:59.640 --> 00:01:02.460 align:middle line:84% was something about the book that had offended him. 00:01:02.460 --> 00:01:04.140 align:middle line:90% But I said, well, what happened? 00:01:04.140 --> 00:01:04.640 align:middle line:90% It's no. 00:01:04.640 --> 00:01:05.519 align:middle line:90% It's OK. 00:01:05.519 --> 00:01:06.630 align:middle line:90% It's not that. 00:01:06.630 --> 00:01:07.530 align:middle line:90% I'm not mad at you. 00:01:07.530 --> 00:01:09.870 align:middle line:90% It just made me cry. 00:01:09.870 --> 00:01:13.020 align:middle line:84% I said, well, I knew what happened for three days. 00:01:13.020 --> 00:01:13.950 align:middle line:90% I cried. 00:01:13.950 --> 00:01:14.950 align:middle line:90% I said, well, I'm sorry. 00:01:14.950 --> 00:01:15.450 align:middle line:90% I'm sorry. 00:01:15.450 --> 00:01:17.280 align:middle line:90% But it's my story, right? 00:01:17.280 --> 00:01:18.240 align:middle line:90% I kept you out of it. 00:01:18.240 --> 00:01:20.220 align:middle line:90% Well, that's the second reason. 00:01:20.220 --> 00:01:23.940 align:middle line:90% It's like I'm not in that book. 00:01:23.940 --> 00:01:28.890 align:middle line:84% So I decided to write an entire book about my brother and me. 00:01:28.890 --> 00:01:32.100 align:middle line:84% And this one, my brother doesn't play a prominent role. 00:01:32.100 --> 00:01:35.760 align:middle line:84% But I want to read it because it's one of the shortest ones. 00:01:35.760 --> 00:01:40.360 align:middle line:84% And I'm reminded a lot of how many of you would 00:01:40.360 --> 00:01:41.610 align:middle line:90% go to some of these carnivals. 00:01:41.610 --> 00:01:43.230 align:middle line:90% And you saw the guessers. 00:01:43.230 --> 00:01:45.360 align:middle line:84% The guesser, the people that would guess your age, 00:01:45.360 --> 00:01:47.490 align:middle line:90% or your weight, or you're right. 00:01:47.490 --> 00:01:50.610 align:middle line:84% Well, believe it or not, I was a guesser at the carnival. 00:01:50.610 --> 00:01:54.530 align:middle line:84% And I'm going to tell the story of happened. 00:01:54.530 --> 00:01:56.580 align:middle line:90% Yeah. 00:01:56.580 --> 00:02:01.740 align:middle line:84% So this piece is called Take A Guess. 00:02:01.740 --> 00:02:03.840 align:middle line:84% The highlight of living in Southern California, 00:02:03.840 --> 00:02:06.090 align:middle line:84% the Coachella Valley and the so-called date 00:02:06.090 --> 00:02:07.680 align:middle line:90% festival of the world. 00:02:07.680 --> 00:02:09.810 align:middle line:84% The so-called date capital of the world 00:02:09.810 --> 00:02:12.750 align:middle line:84% was attending the Riverside County fair and National Day 00:02:12.750 --> 00:02:14.760 align:middle line:90% festival on Arabia Street. 00:02:14.760 --> 00:02:17.890 align:middle line:84% The week long event took place in the month of February. 00:02:17.890 --> 00:02:20.010 align:middle line:84% And when we could afford it, the entire family 00:02:20.010 --> 00:02:22.140 align:middle line:84% went because it was just down the street. 00:02:22.140 --> 00:02:25.650 align:middle line:84% And-- from the low income housing project we called home. 00:02:25.650 --> 00:02:28.800 align:middle line:84% One year, one of my cousins was a member of the high school's 00:02:28.800 --> 00:02:30.550 align:middle line:90% Future Farmers of America. 00:02:30.550 --> 00:02:32.970 align:middle line:84% And so this was a big goodbye to the sheep 00:02:32.970 --> 00:02:36.370 align:middle line:84% he had been feeding and caring for all year. 00:02:36.370 --> 00:02:38.940 align:middle line:84% The fair offered more than a petting zoo. 00:02:38.940 --> 00:02:40.590 align:middle line:84% It was where professional farmers 00:02:40.590 --> 00:02:42.900 align:middle line:90% came to buy and sell livestock. 00:02:42.900 --> 00:02:45.960 align:middle line:84% The Future Farmers of America enter their animal charges 00:02:45.960 --> 00:02:47.820 align:middle line:90% in a competition and auction. 00:02:47.820 --> 00:02:49.860 align:middle line:84% And when my cousin won a blue ribbon, 00:02:49.860 --> 00:02:52.590 align:middle line:84% the news was met with little enthusiasm 00:02:52.590 --> 00:02:55.260 align:middle line:84% since the sheep was carted off to a real farm. 00:02:55.260 --> 00:02:57.810 align:middle line:84% And all my cousin got was a college scholarship 00:02:57.810 --> 00:02:59.970 align:middle line:84% that his mother predicted he would never use. 00:02:59.970 --> 00:03:01.920 align:middle line:90% She was right. 00:03:01.920 --> 00:03:04.860 align:middle line:84% Like all her children before him, the future farmer 00:03:04.860 --> 00:03:08.190 align:middle line:84% would drop out of school by the age 16. 00:03:08.190 --> 00:03:10.770 align:middle line:84% But visiting the livestock quarters with my cousin 00:03:10.770 --> 00:03:14.730 align:middle line:84% offered me a glimpse part of the fair I never thought to use. 00:03:14.730 --> 00:03:18.210 align:middle line:84% Usually, we just beelined it to the carnival rides 00:03:18.210 --> 00:03:21.300 align:middle line:84% and stayed there until our parents hunted us down. 00:03:21.300 --> 00:03:23.910 align:middle line:84% I remember once my brother and I convinced our mother 00:03:23.910 --> 00:03:26.130 align:middle line:90% to enter the fun house with us. 00:03:26.130 --> 00:03:28.890 align:middle line:84% I think my father egged her on or even dared her. 00:03:28.890 --> 00:03:30.480 align:middle line:90% And she didn't back out. 00:03:30.480 --> 00:03:33.390 align:middle line:84% The journey was somewhat fun with floors shifting 00:03:33.390 --> 00:03:35.220 align:middle line:90% and spinning at slow speed. 00:03:35.220 --> 00:03:37.260 align:middle line:90% But the payoff was the exit. 00:03:37.260 --> 00:03:39.420 align:middle line:90% The only way out was a slide. 00:03:39.420 --> 00:03:42.300 align:middle line:84% My mother was mortified as my father waiting 00:03:42.300 --> 00:03:44.880 align:middle line:84% at the end of the shoot and called out to her. 00:03:44.880 --> 00:03:47.340 align:middle line:84% You're holding up the line of let's go. 00:03:47.340 --> 00:03:49.590 align:middle line:90% He was reveling in it. 00:03:49.590 --> 00:03:52.050 align:middle line:84% I wasn't sure how he was going to turn out 00:03:52.050 --> 00:03:55.450 align:middle line:84% because I never imagined my mother going down a slide. 00:03:55.450 --> 00:03:58.500 align:middle line:84% She was a short, but heavyset woman wearing a pretty blouse 00:03:58.500 --> 00:03:59.700 align:middle line:90% and a large purse. 00:03:59.700 --> 00:04:00.900 align:middle line:90% But she did it. 00:04:00.900 --> 00:04:02.860 align:middle line:90% Her purse flying up behind her. 00:04:02.860 --> 00:04:04.380 align:middle line:90% She was red with embarrassment. 00:04:04.380 --> 00:04:05.670 align:middle line:90% But she went laughing. 00:04:05.670 --> 00:04:07.860 align:middle line:84% And I knew it was a moment I had to hold 00:04:07.860 --> 00:04:10.350 align:middle line:84% on to because there were very few times I 00:04:10.350 --> 00:04:12.120 align:middle line:90% saw my mother happy. 00:04:12.120 --> 00:04:15.420 align:middle line:84% She was constantly ill or upset at my father's drinking. 00:04:15.420 --> 00:04:18.630 align:middle line:84% So I always remembered her sad tearing up because she 00:04:18.630 --> 00:04:20.730 align:middle line:90% was in pain or in distress. 00:04:20.730 --> 00:04:22.710 align:middle line:84% When I went down the slide after her, 00:04:22.710 --> 00:04:25.800 align:middle line:84% I didn't experience the same thrill or joy. 00:04:25.800 --> 00:04:29.670 align:middle line:84% But that's because nothing could beat the sight of my mom 00:04:29.670 --> 00:04:31.500 align:middle line:84% making her trip down a slide trying 00:04:31.500 --> 00:04:34.410 align:middle line:84% to look more ladylike with her legs up in the air, 00:04:34.410 --> 00:04:37.140 align:middle line:84% and then giggling at her failure. 00:04:37.140 --> 00:04:39.450 align:middle line:84% The grown-ups didn't participate in the rides 00:04:39.450 --> 00:04:41.130 align:middle line:84% and spent most of their carnival time 00:04:41.130 --> 00:04:44.580 align:middle line:84% in the exhibition halls that showcase student art or date 00:04:44.580 --> 00:04:45.510 align:middle line:90% products. 00:04:45.510 --> 00:04:47.850 align:middle line:84% They would sit at the outdoor performance spaces, 00:04:47.850 --> 00:04:50.700 align:middle line:84% and listen to folk music, or watch the annual pageant. 00:04:50.700 --> 00:04:53.790 align:middle line:84% A performance of Aladdin and the Magic Flute. 00:04:53.790 --> 00:04:55.740 align:middle line:84% It was always the same production. 00:04:55.740 --> 00:04:57.150 align:middle line:84% And although most of the audience 00:04:57.150 --> 00:05:00.660 align:middle line:84% didn't understand English, they picked up on the visual gags, 00:05:00.660 --> 00:05:03.060 align:middle line:84% like when the fat lady and the belly dancers outfit 00:05:03.060 --> 00:05:05.190 align:middle line:84% comes out to be weighed on the balance scale 00:05:05.190 --> 00:05:06.930 align:middle line:84% and proves to the sultan that she's 00:05:06.930 --> 00:05:10.380 align:middle line:84% worth more than a treasure chest of gold. 00:05:10.380 --> 00:05:13.020 align:middle line:84% As I walked with my brother and cousins, 00:05:13.020 --> 00:05:14.940 align:middle line:84% I was constantly surprised to bump 00:05:14.940 --> 00:05:16.530 align:middle line:90% into people I would recognize. 00:05:16.530 --> 00:05:18.450 align:middle line:84% Other students from my high school. 00:05:18.450 --> 00:05:20.310 align:middle line:84% Most of them didn't talk to me at school. 00:05:20.310 --> 00:05:22.770 align:middle line:84% But there was something of a contagious good mood 00:05:22.770 --> 00:05:25.500 align:middle line:84% among the carnival games and mechanical rides that 00:05:25.500 --> 00:05:28.680 align:middle line:84% encouraged many of them to indulge me with a nod. 00:05:28.680 --> 00:05:31.470 align:middle line:84% It made me feel visible and it felt great. 00:05:31.470 --> 00:05:33.510 align:middle line:84% I wasn't one of the popular kids. 00:05:33.510 --> 00:05:35.970 align:middle line:84% I wasn't one of the popular kids at home either. 00:05:35.970 --> 00:05:38.400 align:middle line:84% I was a quiet one who preferred to read a book 00:05:38.400 --> 00:05:40.330 align:middle line:84% and hide in the back of the room. 00:05:40.330 --> 00:05:42.600 align:middle line:84% It was a way of achieving safety. 00:05:42.600 --> 00:05:44.580 align:middle line:84% I had seen how the different kids 00:05:44.580 --> 00:05:46.260 align:middle line:90% were bullied and ostracized. 00:05:46.260 --> 00:05:49.140 align:middle line:84% And I didn't want to be one of them. 00:05:49.140 --> 00:05:52.080 align:middle line:84% However, many of my schoolmates were showing up 00:05:52.080 --> 00:05:53.910 align:middle line:84% at the fairgrounds with their dates. 00:05:53.910 --> 00:05:56.640 align:middle line:84% So I made it a point to walk around my cousin Vero 00:05:56.640 --> 00:05:59.490 align:middle line:84% because I could pass her off as my girlfriend or something. 00:05:59.490 --> 00:06:00.510 align:middle line:90% She didn't care. 00:06:00.510 --> 00:06:02.940 align:middle line:84% She just thought it was wise to travel as a pair 00:06:02.940 --> 00:06:05.370 align:middle line:84% because no one wanted to ride alone. 00:06:05.370 --> 00:06:07.480 align:middle line:84% I had yet to come out of the closet. 00:06:07.480 --> 00:06:09.210 align:middle line:90% So this arrangement was perfect. 00:06:09.210 --> 00:06:11.910 align:middle line:84% Suddenly, the other guys nodded at me in approval. 00:06:11.910 --> 00:06:12.960 align:middle line:90% The girls smiled. 00:06:12.960 --> 00:06:15.630 align:middle line:84% All of us were complicit in the games couples play 00:06:15.630 --> 00:06:18.510 align:middle line:84% to show the rest of the crowd that we were spoken for, 00:06:18.510 --> 00:06:21.840 align:middle line:90% desired, maybe even mature. 00:06:21.840 --> 00:06:24.240 align:middle line:84% The only time this false impression backfired 00:06:24.240 --> 00:06:27.030 align:middle line:84% was when I ran into my other single acquaintances. 00:06:27.030 --> 00:06:28.860 align:middle line:90% The ones who were more like me. 00:06:28.860 --> 00:06:31.950 align:middle line:84% Nerdy outsiders years away from the first kiss. 00:06:31.950 --> 00:06:34.080 align:middle line:84% I tried to give them the acknowledging nod. 00:06:34.080 --> 00:06:36.300 align:middle line:90% But they refuse to nod back. 00:06:36.300 --> 00:06:37.650 align:middle line:90% I had betrayed them. 00:06:37.650 --> 00:06:39.540 align:middle line:84% And I knew then what a stupid thing 00:06:39.540 --> 00:06:41.490 align:middle line:84% I had done because come Monday morning, 00:06:41.490 --> 00:06:43.590 align:middle line:84% I would be back in the outsider pool, 00:06:43.590 --> 00:06:46.800 align:middle line:84% except that I had just alienated its members, the ones who 00:06:46.800 --> 00:06:49.710 align:middle line:84% sat in the back of the room with me. 00:06:49.710 --> 00:06:51.270 align:middle line:84% Though we never spoke to each other 00:06:51.270 --> 00:06:53.520 align:middle line:84% we felt somehow protected in our huddle. 00:06:53.520 --> 00:06:55.020 align:middle line:90% A chill ran down my spine. 00:06:55.020 --> 00:06:58.350 align:middle line:84% But I kept on making believe I was as confident as those who 00:06:58.350 --> 00:07:00.120 align:middle line:84% had always been cocky about their place 00:07:00.120 --> 00:07:04.380 align:middle line:84% among those who were there to be seen by those who would not. 00:07:04.380 --> 00:07:06.870 align:middle line:90% Hey, Vero, I said to my cousin. 00:07:06.870 --> 00:07:08.430 align:middle line:90% Can I get you a soda? 00:07:08.430 --> 00:07:10.710 align:middle line:90% Yeah, I'm thirsty, she said. 00:07:10.710 --> 00:07:13.290 align:middle line:84% I let her wait in line to the music express. 00:07:13.290 --> 00:07:16.470 align:middle line:84% So she didn't have any pockets I carried her cash with me. 00:07:16.470 --> 00:07:18.540 align:middle line:84% So I was able to fool anyone who might just 00:07:18.540 --> 00:07:21.330 align:middle line:84% happen to take notice or even care that I was buying 00:07:21.330 --> 00:07:23.190 align:middle line:90% two drinks with my own cash. 00:07:23.190 --> 00:07:26.430 align:middle line:84% When I returned, I saw two girls from the journalism class 00:07:26.430 --> 00:07:28.080 align:middle line:90% chatting it up in the line. 00:07:28.080 --> 00:07:30.270 align:middle line:90% Hey Rigo, one of them said. 00:07:30.270 --> 00:07:31.950 align:middle line:90% Are those sodas for us? 00:07:31.950 --> 00:07:33.990 align:middle line:84% I blushed and pointed to Vero who 00:07:33.990 --> 00:07:35.760 align:middle line:90% looked back with disinterest. 00:07:35.760 --> 00:07:37.290 align:middle line:90% Let me guess, the other said. 00:07:37.290 --> 00:07:40.710 align:middle line:84% Your girlfriend, she go to our school? 00:07:40.710 --> 00:07:43.410 align:middle line:84% She goes to C V High, I said, aware that I 00:07:43.410 --> 00:07:46.020 align:middle line:84% had chosen to answer the second question only. 00:07:46.020 --> 00:07:48.480 align:middle line:84% Oh, kissy, kissy, said the first. 00:07:48.480 --> 00:07:50.160 align:middle line:90% I was so rattled by the teasing. 00:07:50.160 --> 00:07:51.840 align:middle line:90% I simply walked away. 00:07:51.840 --> 00:07:54.240 align:middle line:84% Don't let her crush you too hard, one called out. 00:07:54.240 --> 00:07:55.740 align:middle line:90% My face felt warm. 00:07:55.740 --> 00:07:58.860 align:middle line:84% That's why the music express was so popular with couples. 00:07:58.860 --> 00:08:01.230 align:middle line:84% That train spun around in such high speed 00:08:01.230 --> 00:08:04.890 align:middle line:84% that it pushed the bodies in the car even closer together. 00:08:04.890 --> 00:08:06.870 align:middle line:90% I handed Vero the soda. 00:08:06.870 --> 00:08:08.430 align:middle line:90% Let me guess, she said. 00:08:08.430 --> 00:08:11.070 align:middle line:90% The girls go to your school. 00:08:11.070 --> 00:08:13.080 align:middle line:84% I sucked at the straw to my drink. 00:08:13.080 --> 00:08:14.940 align:middle line:84% When we were finally on board the train, 00:08:14.940 --> 00:08:16.920 align:middle line:84% I was so self-conscious about the two girls 00:08:16.920 --> 00:08:19.890 align:middle line:84% staring at us from the sidelines as they waited for our turn 00:08:19.890 --> 00:08:23.280 align:middle line:84% to end that I tried to keep Vero's body off me, 00:08:23.280 --> 00:08:24.960 align:middle line:90% which was impossible. 00:08:24.960 --> 00:08:26.730 align:middle line:84% After a few times around, I saw the girls 00:08:26.730 --> 00:08:28.350 align:middle line:84% from the journalism class pointing out 00:08:28.350 --> 00:08:30.930 align:middle line:84% how silly I looked with my shoulder grinding into Vero. 00:08:30.930 --> 00:08:32.460 align:middle line:90% And Vero glaring at me. 00:08:32.460 --> 00:08:35.100 align:middle line:84% By the time the ride started to slow to a stop, 00:08:35.100 --> 00:08:37.380 align:middle line:84% Vero was so pissed off that she said, you know what? 00:08:37.380 --> 00:08:39.140 align:middle line:84% I'm going back to look for the others. 00:08:39.140 --> 00:08:39.720 align:middle line:90% Wait. 00:08:39.720 --> 00:08:41.220 align:middle line:84% Aren't we going to go to the Zipper? 00:08:41.220 --> 00:08:42.253 align:middle line:90% Vero rolled her eyes. 00:08:42.253 --> 00:08:44.670 align:middle line:84% Why don't you ask one of your dumb girlfriends over there? 00:08:44.670 --> 00:08:47.190 align:middle line:84% She pointed out the girls from the journalism class. 00:08:47.190 --> 00:08:49.470 align:middle line:84% And they covered their mouths to hide their laughter. 00:08:49.470 --> 00:08:52.830 align:middle line:84% And with that, Vero took off, leaving me standing there 00:08:52.830 --> 00:08:54.930 align:middle line:90% with my hands in my pockets. 00:08:54.930 --> 00:08:56.880 align:middle line:84% You can always ride with us, one of the girls 00:08:56.880 --> 00:08:59.430 align:middle line:84% called out while the other one blew a kiss. 00:08:59.430 --> 00:09:02.370 align:middle line:84% I was such an easy victim for this teasing. 00:09:02.370 --> 00:09:04.860 align:middle line:84% Even with my cousins at home, it seemed 00:09:04.860 --> 00:09:07.560 align:middle line:84% as if everyone knew I was hiding something that needed 00:09:07.560 --> 00:09:09.600 align:middle line:90% to be coaxed out to the open. 00:09:09.600 --> 00:09:10.620 align:middle line:90% What was it? 00:09:10.620 --> 00:09:13.860 align:middle line:84% I wasn't sure that I was a virgin, that I was gay. 00:09:13.860 --> 00:09:15.480 align:middle line:90% I suppose it didn't matter. 00:09:15.480 --> 00:09:18.120 align:middle line:84% Either one of those secrets made me a target. 00:09:18.120 --> 00:09:19.890 align:middle line:84% Since it wasn't quitting time yet, 00:09:19.890 --> 00:09:22.470 align:middle line:84% I decided to walk around on my own for a change. 00:09:22.470 --> 00:09:25.440 align:middle line:84% People watching instead of feeling watched. 00:09:25.440 --> 00:09:27.150 align:middle line:84% Around this time of year, I would 00:09:27.150 --> 00:09:29.790 align:middle line:84% hear about the so-called carnies, the white men 00:09:29.790 --> 00:09:31.890 align:middle line:84% with tattoos who worked at the carnival. 00:09:31.890 --> 00:09:34.050 align:middle line:84% It was the mostly Latino community. 00:09:34.050 --> 00:09:36.150 align:middle line:84% They were in the mostly Latino community. 00:09:36.150 --> 00:09:38.910 align:middle line:84% They were obviously different from us and stood out. 00:09:38.910 --> 00:09:42.300 align:middle line:84% I didn't know what to make of them, except that they looked 00:09:42.300 --> 00:09:44.670 align:middle line:84% like they were from another planet, especially 00:09:44.670 --> 00:09:47.490 align:middle line:84% the red headed ones with funny facial hair. 00:09:47.490 --> 00:09:49.080 align:middle line:84% I wouldn't have given it much notice, 00:09:49.080 --> 00:09:52.620 align:middle line:84% and I wouldn't have given them much notice 00:09:52.620 --> 00:09:55.350 align:middle line:84% in my people watching except that I ran into one of them 00:09:55.350 --> 00:09:56.940 align:middle line:90% testing out the Octopus. 00:09:56.940 --> 00:09:59.340 align:middle line:84% He climbed into one of the cars, and pulled along 00:09:59.340 --> 00:10:02.700 align:middle line:84% his squeeze whom I recognized as one of my neighbors 00:10:02.700 --> 00:10:04.290 align:middle line:90% from the housing project. 00:10:04.290 --> 00:10:06.960 align:middle line:84% Patricia was rumored to be a lesbian. 00:10:06.960 --> 00:10:09.480 align:middle line:84% She wore tracksuits, and kept her hair very short, 00:10:09.480 --> 00:10:10.650 align:middle line:90% and wore no makeup. 00:10:10.650 --> 00:10:12.510 align:middle line:84% But that also described my grandmother. 00:10:12.510 --> 00:10:14.640 align:middle line:84% So I wasn't sure how this was evidence of anything. 00:10:14.640 --> 00:10:17.160 align:middle line:90% 00:10:17.160 --> 00:10:19.890 align:middle line:84% Patricia rarely rode the bus with the rest of us, which 00:10:19.890 --> 00:10:21.330 align:middle line:90% meant she had her own ride. 00:10:21.330 --> 00:10:24.300 align:middle line:84% It didn't dawn on me until much later that most of those days, 00:10:24.300 --> 00:10:26.320 align:middle line:90% she just never went to school. 00:10:26.320 --> 00:10:30.510 align:middle line:84% The few times I did see her, she was looked at with derision. 00:10:30.510 --> 00:10:33.270 align:middle line:84% But if that bothered her, she never let on. 00:10:33.270 --> 00:10:35.542 align:middle line:84% As the cowardly teenage nerd that I was, 00:10:35.542 --> 00:10:37.800 align:middle line:84% I didn't call further attention to myself 00:10:37.800 --> 00:10:40.920 align:middle line:84% by talking to her on the bus or at school. 00:10:40.920 --> 00:10:42.600 align:middle line:84% I watched Patricia and her carnie 00:10:42.600 --> 00:10:46.050 align:middle line:84% for a few octopus revolutions, and was 00:10:46.050 --> 00:10:48.930 align:middle line:84% shocked when she finally made eye contact and smiled. 00:10:48.930 --> 00:10:50.500 align:middle line:90% My body froze. 00:10:50.500 --> 00:10:53.310 align:middle line:84% I wasn't sure if I should wave or not, or what. 00:10:53.310 --> 00:10:55.620 align:middle line:84% So the next time their car shot out of sight, 00:10:55.620 --> 00:10:58.350 align:middle line:84% I wandered away and felt like an idiot. 00:10:58.350 --> 00:11:03.000 align:middle line:84% Still, I shrugged it off and didn't think about it, again, 00:11:03.000 --> 00:11:05.070 align:middle line:84% until I made my way back to the same spot 00:11:05.070 --> 00:11:08.190 align:middle line:84% and saw Patricia sitting next to a large sign that read, 00:11:08.190 --> 00:11:09.840 align:middle line:90% let me guess. 00:11:09.840 --> 00:11:12.150 align:middle line:84% It was an odd feature among the booths. 00:11:12.150 --> 00:11:14.790 align:middle line:84% It was simply a chair next to a long narrow plaque 00:11:14.790 --> 00:11:17.100 align:middle line:84% with lettering that announced it for $1. 00:11:17.100 --> 00:11:20.590 align:middle line:84% This person would guess your age, or weight, or birthday. 00:11:20.590 --> 00:11:23.640 align:middle line:84% And if they guessed incorrectly, you would win a prize. 00:11:23.640 --> 00:11:25.110 align:middle line:90% Wow, I thought. 00:11:25.110 --> 00:11:26.940 align:middle line:90% Patricia is like a psychic. 00:11:26.940 --> 00:11:28.050 align:middle line:90% No wonder she was weird. 00:11:28.050 --> 00:11:30.240 align:middle line:84% I stood for a few moments expecting people 00:11:30.240 --> 00:11:31.260 align:middle line:90% to accept the offer. 00:11:31.260 --> 00:11:32.740 align:middle line:90% But no one came around. 00:11:32.740 --> 00:11:35.560 align:middle line:84% And then our eyes locked and she waved me over I panicked. 00:11:35.560 --> 00:11:38.070 align:middle line:84% I wanted to run away again and pretend I hadn't seen her. 00:11:38.070 --> 00:11:39.850 align:middle line:84% But she gave me that smile again. 00:11:39.850 --> 00:11:42.480 align:middle line:84% So I thought it would be rude not to go up to her. 00:11:42.480 --> 00:11:44.790 align:middle line:90% Hey, Rigoberto, she said. 00:11:44.790 --> 00:11:46.110 align:middle line:90% Hey, I said. 00:11:46.110 --> 00:11:47.432 align:middle line:90% I don't have any money. 00:11:47.432 --> 00:11:49.140 align:middle line:84% I don't want your money for it, she said. 00:11:49.140 --> 00:11:51.120 align:middle line:90% I want a favor, I hesitated. 00:11:51.120 --> 00:11:52.200 align:middle line:90% What? 00:11:52.200 --> 00:11:53.940 align:middle line:90% Can you man the joint for a few? 00:11:53.940 --> 00:11:55.590 align:middle line:90% I have an errand to run. 00:11:55.590 --> 00:11:56.880 align:middle line:90% My eyes widened. 00:11:56.880 --> 00:11:59.520 align:middle line:84% The only experience I ever had in manning booths 00:11:59.520 --> 00:12:02.190 align:middle line:84% was a cotton candy machine at the journalism club's yearbook 00:12:02.190 --> 00:12:03.240 align:middle line:90% fundraiser. 00:12:03.240 --> 00:12:04.410 align:middle line:90% $0.25 a pop. 00:12:04.410 --> 00:12:06.780 align:middle line:84% And all I had to do was drop a sugar, 00:12:06.780 --> 00:12:09.510 align:middle line:84% drop the sugar and food coloring in the center of the gadget 00:12:09.510 --> 00:12:11.850 align:middle line:84% while my coworker spun a cone around to brush 00:12:11.850 --> 00:12:13.890 align:middle line:90% and collect the fuzzy threads. 00:12:13.890 --> 00:12:15.540 align:middle line:90% How does it work, I asked? 00:12:15.540 --> 00:12:16.800 align:middle line:90% How does what work? 00:12:16.800 --> 00:12:18.180 align:middle line:90% The psychic thing. 00:12:18.180 --> 00:12:19.320 align:middle line:90% Patricia rolled her eyes. 00:12:19.320 --> 00:12:20.700 align:middle line:90% Psychic thing? 00:12:20.700 --> 00:12:22.200 align:middle line:90% Oh, you just guess. 00:12:22.200 --> 00:12:24.060 align:middle line:84% The point is to get the dollar and give them 00:12:24.060 --> 00:12:26.102 align:middle line:84% one of those creepy toys from the box behind you. 00:12:26.102 --> 00:12:27.450 align:middle line:90% That's it. 00:12:27.450 --> 00:12:30.250 align:middle line:84% I looked at the carnival game slightly differently. 00:12:30.250 --> 00:12:32.370 align:middle line:84% There was one in which people tossed dimes. 00:12:32.370 --> 00:12:35.940 align:middle line:84% And whenever a dime landed, that's what the player got. 00:12:35.940 --> 00:12:38.130 align:middle line:84% Over the years only one person in my family 00:12:38.130 --> 00:12:39.570 align:middle line:90% ever took something home. 00:12:39.570 --> 00:12:42.600 align:middle line:84% A mirror with a slogan on it that read, drink whiskey. 00:12:42.600 --> 00:12:46.440 align:middle line:84% It cures-- it cures what ails you. 00:12:46.440 --> 00:12:48.720 align:middle line:84% I once tried to ring toss and wasted my money 00:12:48.720 --> 00:12:50.910 align:middle line:84% trying to land the rings on the neck of the bottle. 00:12:50.910 --> 00:12:52.860 align:middle line:84% The more rings, the bigger the prize. 00:12:52.860 --> 00:12:55.350 align:middle line:84% And then there was a time my father tried to impress us 00:12:55.350 --> 00:12:58.740 align:middle line:84% with a BB rifle aiming at the conveyor belt of metal baby 00:12:58.740 --> 00:12:59.490 align:middle line:90% chicks. 00:12:59.490 --> 00:13:01.093 align:middle line:90% But I did see people win prizes. 00:13:01.093 --> 00:13:03.510 align:middle line:84% And the girls carrying the stuffed animals around as proof 00:13:03.510 --> 00:13:05.140 align:middle line:84% that their boyfriends loved them. 00:13:05.140 --> 00:13:07.530 align:middle line:84% So most of those who played did not win. 00:13:07.530 --> 00:13:09.960 align:middle line:84% The joy of playing had to be its own reward. 00:13:09.960 --> 00:13:12.090 align:middle line:84% Though that did nothing to assuage my father's 00:13:12.090 --> 00:13:15.690 align:middle line:84% bruised ego when he totally bombed the target gallery. 00:13:15.690 --> 00:13:17.370 align:middle line:84% Nobody really comes around anyway. 00:13:17.370 --> 00:13:20.100 align:middle line:84% Patricia said, so don't worry about it. 00:13:20.100 --> 00:13:22.290 align:middle line:90% How do you guess anyway? 00:13:22.290 --> 00:13:23.190 align:middle line:90% A snap. 00:13:23.190 --> 00:13:25.230 align:middle line:84% If you're going to guess a person's age, 00:13:25.230 --> 00:13:26.520 align:middle line:90% just guess younger. 00:13:26.520 --> 00:13:28.470 align:middle line:84% If you're going to guess a person's weight, 00:13:28.470 --> 00:13:30.060 align:middle line:90% just get lighter. 00:13:30.060 --> 00:13:32.210 align:middle line:84% The point is not to offend anyone. 00:13:32.210 --> 00:13:36.480 align:middle line:84% Flatter them and they stupidly give you $1. 00:13:36.480 --> 00:13:39.480 align:middle line:84% I looked at the language on the plank. 00:13:39.480 --> 00:13:42.180 align:middle line:84% What if they want me to guess their birth month? 00:13:42.180 --> 00:13:44.730 align:middle line:84% That's easy, Patricia said pulling a notebook out 00:13:44.730 --> 00:13:45.720 align:middle line:90% of her pocket. 00:13:45.720 --> 00:13:48.840 align:middle line:84% I pretend I'm writing on this page and show them this. 00:13:48.840 --> 00:13:51.120 align:middle line:84% The scribble was a strange looking three letter 00:13:51.120 --> 00:13:53.010 align:middle line:90% word that began with Jane. 00:13:53.010 --> 00:13:55.590 align:middle line:84% Does it stand for June or January, I asked? 00:13:55.590 --> 00:13:56.670 align:middle line:90% Exactly. 00:13:56.670 --> 00:13:59.170 align:middle line:84% I'm allowed to guess within two months of their actual birth 00:13:59.170 --> 00:13:59.670 align:middle line:90% month. 00:13:59.670 --> 00:14:01.980 align:middle line:90% So this evens out the odds. 00:14:01.980 --> 00:14:04.350 align:middle line:90% Patricia said, look, who cares? 00:14:04.350 --> 00:14:05.610 align:middle line:90% No one's going to come. 00:14:05.610 --> 00:14:08.968 align:middle line:84% And if they do, tell them the guesser's on a break. 00:14:08.968 --> 00:14:11.010 align:middle line:84% Then, why did you explain all this to me, I said. 00:14:11.010 --> 00:14:11.850 align:middle line:90% You asked. 00:14:11.850 --> 00:14:13.110 align:middle line:90% Anyway, well, can I do it? 00:14:13.110 --> 00:14:14.430 align:middle line:90% Or you can do it or not? 00:14:14.430 --> 00:14:15.510 align:middle line:90% I looked around me. 00:14:15.510 --> 00:14:21.090 align:middle line:84% Well, what were the chances of anyone coming over anyway. 00:14:21.090 --> 00:14:21.810 align:middle line:90% OK. 00:14:21.810 --> 00:14:22.920 align:middle line:90% But won't take too long. 00:14:22.920 --> 00:14:24.930 align:middle line:90% I have to go home soon. 00:14:24.930 --> 00:14:27.810 align:middle line:84% As soon as Patricia left, I studied the warning 00:14:27.810 --> 00:14:28.650 align:middle line:90% on the plank. 00:14:28.650 --> 00:14:30.810 align:middle line:84% The fine print did state that the guessers 00:14:30.810 --> 00:14:32.950 align:middle line:84% could guess the birth month within two months. 00:14:32.950 --> 00:14:36.630 align:middle line:84% Age within two years, or weight within five pounds. 00:14:36.630 --> 00:14:38.490 align:middle line:90% It was a strange scam. 00:14:38.490 --> 00:14:41.520 align:middle line:84% I simply sat on the chair and watches people pass by. 00:14:41.520 --> 00:14:43.710 align:middle line:84% Many of them curious for about two seconds 00:14:43.710 --> 00:14:46.830 align:middle line:84% before they moved on to more interesting sights. 00:14:46.830 --> 00:14:48.690 align:middle line:84% As a lark, I actually started guessing 00:14:48.690 --> 00:14:50.520 align:middle line:84% in my head what people's weights, ages, 00:14:50.520 --> 00:14:51.690 align:middle line:90% and birth months were. 00:14:51.690 --> 00:14:53.970 align:middle line:84% But all of that flew right out of my head 00:14:53.970 --> 00:14:56.220 align:middle line:84% when a middle aged couple stopped in front of me 00:14:56.220 --> 00:14:58.510 align:middle line:90% to take stock of the setup. 00:14:58.510 --> 00:15:00.140 align:middle line:90% Howdy, the man said. 00:15:00.140 --> 00:15:02.300 align:middle line:84% He had a white beard and wore a cowboy hat. 00:15:02.300 --> 00:15:04.910 align:middle line:84% His companion was dressed in all black with so much 00:15:04.910 --> 00:15:06.470 align:middle line:90% silver jewelry on her arms. 00:15:06.470 --> 00:15:09.260 align:middle line:84% I was surprised it wasn't wearing her down. 00:15:09.260 --> 00:15:10.490 align:middle line:90% Hi, I said. 00:15:10.490 --> 00:15:13.550 align:middle line:84% That fantasy I had been-- had of me trying to actually guess 00:15:13.550 --> 00:15:14.550 align:middle line:90% was short lived. 00:15:14.550 --> 00:15:16.670 align:middle line:84% So I decided to take the easy way out. 00:15:16.670 --> 00:15:17.940 align:middle line:90% The guesser is on a break. 00:15:17.940 --> 00:15:19.060 align:middle line:90% I added. 00:15:19.060 --> 00:15:20.750 align:middle line:90% Oh, the woman said. 00:15:20.750 --> 00:15:24.132 align:middle line:84% The guesser is on a break, the man echoed mockingly. 00:15:24.132 --> 00:15:26.465 align:middle line:84% The woman pulled the dollar out of her small black purse 00:15:26.465 --> 00:15:27.920 align:middle line:90% and held it out. 00:15:27.920 --> 00:15:29.150 align:middle line:90% I started to sweat. 00:15:29.150 --> 00:15:33.410 align:middle line:84% This whole day was a terrible series of awkward moments. 00:15:33.410 --> 00:15:35.780 align:middle line:84% I don't think he wants to take your dollar sweetie, 00:15:35.780 --> 00:15:38.890 align:middle line:84% the man said, maybe we should let it be. 00:15:38.890 --> 00:15:41.390 align:middle line:84% No, the woman said with conviction. 00:15:41.390 --> 00:15:44.630 align:middle line:90% He's going to take my dollar. 00:15:44.630 --> 00:15:46.760 align:middle line:84% The woman had this severe look on her face 00:15:46.760 --> 00:15:49.650 align:middle line:84% that made me realize there was no way out. 00:15:49.650 --> 00:15:51.350 align:middle line:90% You better take the dollar son. 00:15:51.350 --> 00:15:54.260 align:middle line:84% Marguerite doesn't take no for an answer. 00:15:54.260 --> 00:15:59.000 align:middle line:84% Reluctantly, I took the dollar dreading what would come next. 00:15:59.000 --> 00:16:02.750 align:middle line:84% Can I guess your birth month, I said, painfully aware Patricia 00:16:02.750 --> 00:16:04.400 align:middle line:84% hadn't left me her little scribble. 00:16:04.400 --> 00:16:06.380 align:middle line:84% But I couldn't imagine this lady wanted me 00:16:06.380 --> 00:16:08.780 align:middle line:90% to guess her age or her weight. 00:16:08.780 --> 00:16:10.340 align:middle line:90% No. 00:16:10.340 --> 00:16:15.740 align:middle line:84% I want you to guess how long I have to live, she said. 00:16:15.740 --> 00:16:17.990 align:middle line:90% Marguerite, the man protested. 00:16:17.990 --> 00:16:21.050 align:middle line:84% I remained motionless, staring into her eyes. 00:16:21.050 --> 00:16:23.930 align:middle line:84% There was something vaguely familiar about that look. 00:16:23.930 --> 00:16:26.030 align:middle line:90% It wasn't fear or fury. 00:16:26.030 --> 00:16:27.680 align:middle line:90% It was more like pain. 00:16:27.680 --> 00:16:29.540 align:middle line:84% I had seen that look in my mother 00:16:29.540 --> 00:16:31.100 align:middle line:90% many times before her death. 00:16:31.100 --> 00:16:33.230 align:middle line:84% She had been dead only two years. 00:16:33.230 --> 00:16:35.450 align:middle line:84% My father, devastated by the loss, 00:16:35.450 --> 00:16:37.670 align:middle line:84% decided to start over with a new family 00:16:37.670 --> 00:16:40.130 align:middle line:84% and left my brother and me with our grandparents. 00:16:40.130 --> 00:16:42.380 align:middle line:84% Being orphaned and abandoned during puberty 00:16:42.380 --> 00:16:44.930 align:middle line:84% left me wallowing in unanswered questions, 00:16:44.930 --> 00:16:47.750 align:middle line:84% wobbling into adolescence without guidance. 00:16:47.750 --> 00:16:49.640 align:middle line:84% I didn't want to blame my parents. 00:16:49.640 --> 00:16:52.940 align:middle line:84% But their absence left me without an important resource. 00:16:52.940 --> 00:16:55.380 align:middle line:84% I would have to stumble through my teenage years. 00:16:55.380 --> 00:16:57.470 align:middle line:84% I suppose that everyone feels that way 00:16:57.470 --> 00:16:59.360 align:middle line:90% even with parents within reach. 00:16:59.360 --> 00:17:02.000 align:middle line:84% Yet mine was a certainty that my mistakes 00:17:02.000 --> 00:17:06.020 align:middle line:84% would be committed without the possibility of parental rescue. 00:17:06.020 --> 00:17:08.210 align:middle line:90% Marguerite, the man said again. 00:17:08.210 --> 00:17:11.930 align:middle line:84% He tugged delicately at her arm, but wouldn't budge. 00:17:11.930 --> 00:17:15.319 align:middle line:84% At that moment, everything around us disappeared. 00:17:15.319 --> 00:17:17.869 align:middle line:84% The music, the shouting, the laughing, the lights, 00:17:17.869 --> 00:17:20.359 align:middle line:84% the energy of bodies, and mechanical beasts. 00:17:20.359 --> 00:17:23.119 align:middle line:84% All of it faded into a haze as the stale air 00:17:23.119 --> 00:17:24.950 align:middle line:90% thickened over my eyes. 00:17:24.950 --> 00:17:28.160 align:middle line:84% Perhaps, the woman's purpose was to hand over something 00:17:28.160 --> 00:17:30.020 align:middle line:90% she didn't want anymore. 00:17:30.020 --> 00:17:33.380 align:middle line:84% And the only way to do that was to teach some life lesson I 00:17:33.380 --> 00:17:35.090 align:middle line:90% was still too green to handle. 00:17:35.090 --> 00:17:38.450 align:middle line:84% A kind of cruelty I had been subjected to all day. 00:17:38.450 --> 00:17:43.070 align:middle line:84% At 14 years old, I didn't know very much about sex or love. 00:17:43.070 --> 00:17:46.340 align:middle line:84% But I did already know something about death. 00:17:46.340 --> 00:17:49.160 align:middle line:84% Marguerite had picked on the wrong kid for that. 00:17:49.160 --> 00:17:50.150 align:middle line:90% That's for sure. 00:17:50.150 --> 00:17:53.870 align:middle line:84% And I was about to let her know, get back to her what 00:17:53.870 --> 00:17:55.790 align:middle line:90% she had forced on me. 00:17:55.790 --> 00:17:59.930 align:middle line:84% And so the following words bubbled out of my mouth 00:17:59.930 --> 00:18:01.190 align:middle line:90% with surprise. 00:18:01.190 --> 00:18:07.370 align:middle line:84% All of us, no more than a year, maybe two. 00:18:07.370 --> 00:18:09.500 align:middle line:84% If there had been some possibility of persuading 00:18:09.500 --> 00:18:11.810 align:middle line:84% Marguerite to take pity on me and back off, 00:18:11.810 --> 00:18:13.760 align:middle line:90% I had just spoiled it. 00:18:13.760 --> 00:18:15.650 align:middle line:90% Her pained look turned to anger. 00:18:15.650 --> 00:18:16.510 align:middle line:90% What? 00:18:16.510 --> 00:18:17.970 align:middle line:90% What do you mean by that? 00:18:17.970 --> 00:18:19.640 align:middle line:84% What do you know that I don't know? 00:18:19.640 --> 00:18:20.990 align:middle line:90% How dare you say that to me? 00:18:20.990 --> 00:18:23.630 align:middle line:84% Are you hearing this little shit? 00:18:23.630 --> 00:18:26.270 align:middle line:84% The man took hold of Marguerite more forcibly this time 00:18:26.270 --> 00:18:28.820 align:middle line:84% and led me away, and led her away. 00:18:28.820 --> 00:18:30.380 align:middle line:84% He looked back at me suspiciously. 00:18:30.380 --> 00:18:32.930 align:middle line:84% And I didn't know how to interpret that expression. 00:18:32.930 --> 00:18:34.790 align:middle line:84% All I had to say in my defense was 00:18:34.790 --> 00:18:37.160 align:middle line:84% that I knew what a dying woman looked like. 00:18:37.160 --> 00:18:39.650 align:middle line:90% I had seen one before. 00:18:39.650 --> 00:18:42.440 align:middle line:84% The noise of my surroundings became audible again. 00:18:42.440 --> 00:18:45.200 align:middle line:84% As if someone had turned the volume back up. 00:18:45.200 --> 00:18:47.810 align:middle line:84% A few seconds later, Patricia came back 00:18:47.810 --> 00:18:50.360 align:middle line:84% flaunting a flesh-- a fresh hickey 00:18:50.360 --> 00:18:52.220 align:middle line:90% bright as a wound on her neck. 00:18:52.220 --> 00:18:54.950 align:middle line:84% She knew right away that something had gone down. 00:18:54.950 --> 00:18:56.690 align:middle line:90% Hey, what happened? 00:18:56.690 --> 00:18:59.030 align:middle line:84% Let me guess, you pissed somebody off. 00:18:59.030 --> 00:19:00.140 align:middle line:90% I didn't answer. 00:19:00.140 --> 00:19:03.560 align:middle line:84% Instead, I ran into the crowd losing myself 00:19:03.560 --> 00:19:04.970 align:middle line:90% in other people's revelry. 00:19:04.970 --> 00:19:06.620 align:middle line:84% The river of bodies that were here 00:19:06.620 --> 00:19:09.920 align:middle line:84% to have a good time while the carnival was in town before it 00:19:09.920 --> 00:19:12.410 align:middle line:84% packed up and shipped off to another county 00:19:12.410 --> 00:19:15.950 align:middle line:84% leaving everyone to their small everyday lives. 00:19:15.950 --> 00:19:18.050 align:middle line:84% I wanted the comfort of familiar faces. 00:19:18.050 --> 00:19:20.280 align:middle line:84% So I went to look for the others, 00:19:20.280 --> 00:19:23.690 align:middle line:84% including my cousin Vero who would die in her early 30s 00:19:23.690 --> 00:19:26.720 align:middle line:84% just months after the death of my cousin, the future farmer 00:19:26.720 --> 00:19:27.530 align:middle line:90% of America. 00:19:27.530 --> 00:19:30.380 align:middle line:84% Just a few years after the death of my grandmother, 00:19:30.380 --> 00:19:32.930 align:middle line:84% my grandfather, my father, my uncle. 00:19:32.930 --> 00:19:34.550 align:middle line:90% I didn't know this then. 00:19:34.550 --> 00:19:36.560 align:middle line:84% But I knew I would outlive them all. 00:19:36.560 --> 00:19:39.830 align:middle line:84% Leaving them leaving me all alone to tell the tale about 00:19:39.830 --> 00:19:42.650 align:middle line:84% how all our paths converge at the national date festival with 00:19:42.650 --> 00:19:43.970 align:middle line:90% Marguerite's. 00:19:43.970 --> 00:19:47.000 align:middle line:84% The dollar flew out of my hand during my run. 00:19:47.000 --> 00:19:51.050 align:middle line:84% Just like a ticket stub that was still good for a single ride. 00:19:51.050 --> 00:19:53.000 align:middle line:90% Somebody must have picked it up. 00:19:53.000 --> 00:19:56.740 align:middle line:84% Somebody must have spent it I guess. 00:19:56.740 --> 00:20:05.000 align:middle line:90%