WEBVTT

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[CLEARS THROAT]

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OK, this is a little bit longer.

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It's called "Postcards to my
Sister on my Wedding Day."

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"OK so, I don't know how
the accident happened.

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But I know the table in
the corner is egg yellow.

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The lilies and the blue vase
have cast off their arms.

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It's heartbreaking how
children lose their bodies

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to themselves.

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To small silver crosses shining
at the pulses of so many

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pale girls' throats.

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I've loved them my whole life.

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I've draped sarees
within the pages of poems

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as if I had the right.

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I guess I'm still trying
to keep you alive.

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Is it you who moves my hands
and what arcs over bar tops,

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while the invisible suburban
keeps spinning, keeps spinning,

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keeps spinning, keeps
spinning, keeps spinning around

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until my shoulders
fucked and you die?

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I've looked for you all day
in the likeliest places.

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Pages of photo albums,
gluey with disuse.

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Photos of your girlfriends.

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Did you know Lauren
has grown up?

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Married?

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Yesterday she took her
daughter to your tree,

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the one they planted
only because you died.

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I've never seen your headstone,
just the plastic box someone

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scribbled your name
and age too quickly on.

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What should I say?

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Happy Death-iversary?

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I'm so pissed at you
for leaving that one

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black hair on the towel they
used to dry your corpse.

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Plus the lilac dress,
the one I had too,

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which is still
hanging in the room 

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[? Ammu and Abbu call ?] your room.

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I'm so pissed at
you for leaving.

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If you want to play the
shade pulled over the window,

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I guess I'll play the sister
who slapped you beside it.

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If absence wants to play
a father quiet with guilt,

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I'll play the bride-to-be
awake in your room

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the night before my wedding.

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Breaking open the wide
eyed dolls facing eastward,

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still pristine on their shelves.

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Play the shade sister,
that snaps open.

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You're never going to
call me aapa again.

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The hem has got
to be dry by dawn,

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and I can't stand to
rub it away without you

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for my promised poems."

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