WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.540 align:middle line:90% 00:00:00.540 --> 00:00:03.960 align:middle line:84% I'll finish with another basketball one, actually. 00:00:03.960 --> 00:00:09.870 align:middle line:84% The top-- people love to make lists, right, so. 00:00:09.870 --> 00:00:12.330 align:middle line:84% "Top Ten Reasons why Indians are Good at Basketball." 00:00:12.330 --> 00:00:16.079 align:middle line:90% 00:00:16.079 --> 00:00:17.760 align:middle line:90% "1. 00:00:17.760 --> 00:00:20.720 align:middle line:84% The same reason we are good in bed. 00:00:20.720 --> 00:00:21.220 align:middle line:90% 2.--" 00:00:21.220 --> 00:00:23.010 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:00:23.010 --> 00:00:25.320 align:middle line:90% Everyone likes that one. 00:00:25.320 --> 00:00:27.840 align:middle line:84% At about 11 o'clock tonight, some of you natives in here 00:00:27.840 --> 00:00:29.730 align:middle line:84% are going to be remembering that one. 00:00:29.730 --> 00:00:33.510 align:middle line:84% Retelling it-- you ever hear that one? 00:00:33.510 --> 00:00:34.350 align:middle line:90% "2. 00:00:34.350 --> 00:00:37.630 align:middle line:84% Because a long time ago, Creator gave us a choice. 00:00:37.630 --> 00:00:39.840 align:middle line:84% You can write like an Indian god, 00:00:39.840 --> 00:00:43.350 align:middle line:84% or you can have a jump shot sweeter than a 44-ounce can 00:00:43.350 --> 00:00:44.880 align:middle line:90% of commodity grape juice-- 00:00:44.880 --> 00:00:46.810 align:middle line:90% one or the other. 00:00:46.810 --> 00:00:49.620 align:middle line:84% Everyone but Sherman Alexie chose the jump shot." 00:00:49.620 --> 00:00:51.870 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:00:51.870 --> 00:00:52.620 align:middle line:90% "3. 00:00:52.620 --> 00:00:56.490 align:middle line:84% We know how to block shots, how to stuff them down your throat, 00:00:56.490 --> 00:00:58.470 align:middle line:84% because when you say, "Shoot," we 00:00:58.470 --> 00:01:04.330 align:middle line:84% hear howitzer and Hotchkiss and Springfield Model 1873. 00:01:04.330 --> 00:01:05.400 align:middle line:90% 4. 00:01:05.400 --> 00:01:08.250 align:middle line:84% When Indian ballers sweat, we emit a perfume 00:01:08.250 --> 00:01:10.830 align:middle line:84% of tortillas and Pine Sol floor cleaner 00:01:10.830 --> 00:01:14.160 align:middle line:84% that works like a potion to disorient our opponents 00:01:14.160 --> 00:01:16.005 align:middle line:84% and make them forget their plays." 00:01:16.005 --> 00:01:17.670 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:01:17.670 --> 00:01:18.480 align:middle line:90% "5. 00:01:18.480 --> 00:01:20.760 align:middle line:84% We grew up knowing that there is no difference 00:01:20.760 --> 00:01:23.430 align:middle line:84% between a basketball court and church. 00:01:23.430 --> 00:01:25.710 align:middle line:84% Really, the Nazarene's hold church 00:01:25.710 --> 00:01:29.370 align:middle line:84% in the tribal gym on Sunday afternoons-- the choir belts 00:01:29.370 --> 00:01:32.970 align:middle line:84% out "In the Sweet By and By" from the low block. 00:01:32.970 --> 00:01:34.020 align:middle line:90% 6. 00:01:34.020 --> 00:01:36.360 align:middle line:84% When Walt Whitman wrote, "The half breed 00:01:36.360 --> 00:01:39.450 align:middle line:84% straps on his light boots to compete in the race," 00:01:39.450 --> 00:01:42.540 align:middle line:84% he really meant that all Indian men over age 40 00:01:42.540 --> 00:01:45.510 align:middle line:84% have a pair of vintage Air Jordan's in their closets 00:01:45.510 --> 00:01:48.330 align:middle line:84% and believe they are still magic-enough to make 00:01:48.330 --> 00:01:52.320 align:middle line:84% even the largest commod bod able to go coast to coast 00:01:52.320 --> 00:01:53.430 align:middle line:90% and finish a layup." 00:01:53.430 --> 00:01:54.360 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:01:54.360 --> 00:01:55.500 align:middle line:90% "7. 00:01:55.500 --> 00:01:59.460 align:middle line:84% Indians are not afraid to try sky hooks in real games, 00:01:59.460 --> 00:02:01.500 align:middle line:84% even though no Indian has ever made 00:02:01.500 --> 00:02:05.340 align:middle line:84% a sky hook, no Indian from a federally recognized tribe, 00:02:05.340 --> 00:02:06.210 align:middle line:90% anyway. 00:02:06.210 --> 00:02:09.360 align:middle line:84% But still, our shamelessness to attempt sky hooks 00:02:09.360 --> 00:02:12.030 align:middle line:84% in warm-up strikes fear in our opponents, 00:02:12.030 --> 00:02:14.850 align:middle line:90% thus giving us a mental edge. 00:02:14.850 --> 00:02:15.690 align:middle line:90% 8. 00:02:15.690 --> 00:02:19.170 align:middle line:84% On the court is the one place we will never be hungry-- 00:02:19.170 --> 00:02:24.060 align:middle line:84% that net is an emptiness we can fill up all day long. 00:02:24.060 --> 00:02:25.020 align:middle line:90% 9. 00:02:25.020 --> 00:02:28.470 align:middle line:84% We pretend we are playing every game for a Pendleton blanket, 00:02:28.470 --> 00:02:32.475 align:middle line:84% and the MVP gets a Mashantucket Peqot-sized per capita check." 00:02:32.475 --> 00:02:35.250 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:02:35.250 --> 00:02:38.580 align:middle line:84% Because the one from Gila River is tiny. 00:02:38.580 --> 00:02:42.330 align:middle line:84% Right, this is-- everyone's like, yep, 00:02:42.330 --> 00:02:45.150 align:middle line:84% got to marry someone from Foxwoods. 00:02:45.150 --> 00:02:46.380 align:middle line:90% "10. 00:02:46.380 --> 00:02:49.080 align:middle line:84% Really, though, all Indians are good at basketball 00:02:49.080 --> 00:02:52.950 align:middle line:84% because a basketball has never been just a basketball-- it 00:02:52.950 --> 00:02:56.670 align:middle line:84% has always been a full moon in this terminal darkness, 00:02:56.670 --> 00:03:00.780 align:middle line:84% the one tail light in Jimmy Jack Tall Can's gray Granada 00:03:00.780 --> 00:03:03.900 align:middle line:84% cutting along the back dirt roads on a beer run, 00:03:03.900 --> 00:03:07.830 align:middle line:84% the Creator's heart that Coyote stole from the funeral pyre 00:03:07.830 --> 00:03:11.790 align:middle line:84% cursing him to walk alone through every coral dusk. 00:03:11.790 --> 00:03:15.240 align:middle line:84% It has always been a fat gourd we sing to, 00:03:15.240 --> 00:03:18.540 align:middle line:84% the left breast of a Mojave woman three Budweisers 00:03:18.540 --> 00:03:19.920 align:middle line:90% into Saturday night. 00:03:19.920 --> 00:03:22.830 align:middle line:84% It will always be a slick, bright bullet 00:03:22.830 --> 00:03:24.900 align:middle line:84% we can sling from the 3-point arc 00:03:24.900 --> 00:03:29.280 align:middle line:84% with 5 seconds left on a clock in the year 1492, 00:03:29.280 --> 00:03:31.620 align:middle line:84% and as it rips down through the net, 00:03:31.620 --> 00:03:37.560 align:middle line:84% our enemies will fall to their wounded knees, with torn ACLs." 00:03:37.560 --> 00:03:39.800 align:middle line:84% Thank you guys so much for listening.