WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.600 align:middle line:90% 00:00:00.600 --> 00:00:03.621 align:middle line:84% Thank you so much for that introduction, Lee Anne. 00:00:03.621 --> 00:00:07.800 align:middle line:84% This WG Sebald quote is going to make me cry. 00:00:07.800 --> 00:00:10.710 align:middle line:90% I love him so much. 00:00:10.710 --> 00:00:15.040 align:middle line:84% I'm so happy, like everyone else has said, to be here. 00:00:15.040 --> 00:00:17.880 align:middle line:84% Thank you to the Poetry Center, to the staff of the Poetry 00:00:17.880 --> 00:00:18.990 align:middle line:90% Center. 00:00:18.990 --> 00:00:23.610 align:middle line:84% I attended almost every class in the room just behind us. 00:00:23.610 --> 00:00:26.100 align:middle line:84% This book became fully realized here 00:00:26.100 --> 00:00:34.320 align:middle line:84% with the help of the faculty, so many mentors and friends. 00:00:34.320 --> 00:00:38.940 align:middle line:84% And I think you guys teach people to give ourselves 00:00:38.940 --> 00:00:39.930 align:middle line:90% permission to write. 00:00:39.930 --> 00:00:42.300 align:middle line:90% And I think that-- 00:00:42.300 --> 00:00:44.280 align:middle line:90% thank you for doing that. 00:00:44.280 --> 00:00:50.910 align:middle line:84% I want to read tonight from the third part of my book, 00:00:50.910 --> 00:00:53.250 align:middle line:84% which was the last part of the book to be written, 00:00:53.250 --> 00:00:56.970 align:middle line:84% and which was the only part of the book that unfolded 00:00:56.970 --> 00:01:00.900 align:middle line:90% while I was in the MFA program. 00:01:00.900 --> 00:01:03.840 align:middle line:84% This was all taking place while I was-- 00:01:03.840 --> 00:01:06.750 align:middle line:84% after I had already embarked on this project. 00:01:06.750 --> 00:01:11.740 align:middle line:84% And so, you know, I worked for a border patrol agent-- 00:01:11.740 --> 00:01:13.650 align:middle line:84% I worked as a border patrol agent. 00:01:13.650 --> 00:01:15.780 align:middle line:84% When I was in the MFA program, I think 00:01:15.780 --> 00:01:19.350 align:middle line:84% I was doing everything possible to distance myself 00:01:19.350 --> 00:01:22.232 align:middle line:90% from that job. 00:01:22.232 --> 00:01:23.940 align:middle line:84% When I was in grad school, I grew my hair 00:01:23.940 --> 00:01:26.232 align:middle line:84% out long because I wasn't allowed in the border patrol. 00:01:26.232 --> 00:01:28.410 align:middle line:90% I grew a beard. 00:01:28.410 --> 00:01:32.430 align:middle line:84% And I was a barista at a coffee shop. 00:01:32.430 --> 00:01:34.650 align:middle line:84% And that's where I met this man named José. 00:01:34.650 --> 00:01:37.770 align:middle line:84% And I'm going to read from the part of the book that 00:01:37.770 --> 00:01:39.060 align:middle line:90% really tells his story. 00:01:39.060 --> 00:01:43.080 align:middle line:84% And what I think is interesting here 00:01:43.080 --> 00:01:47.460 align:middle line:84% is that one other thing that made such a big impression 00:01:47.460 --> 00:01:50.700 align:middle line:84% on me was the freshman students that I was teaching 00:01:50.700 --> 00:01:53.100 align:middle line:90% for the first time in my life. 00:01:53.100 --> 00:01:55.170 align:middle line:84% Living in Tucson 45 minutes from the border, 00:01:55.170 --> 00:01:57.090 align:middle line:84% it seemed like the ends of the Earth to them. 00:01:57.090 --> 00:01:58.173 align:middle line:90% They had never been there. 00:01:58.173 --> 00:02:00.270 align:middle line:84% They had never thought about this place. 00:02:00.270 --> 00:02:03.630 align:middle line:84% And I was like, you should just go have lunch in Nogales. 00:02:03.630 --> 00:02:07.440 align:middle line:84% And so I think the border seems-- 00:02:07.440 --> 00:02:10.979 align:middle line:90% can seem very distant to us. 00:02:10.979 --> 00:02:12.900 align:middle line:84% And it can also seem distant, I think, 00:02:12.900 --> 00:02:15.420 align:middle line:84% to the people who've crossed the border, to their families. 00:02:15.420 --> 00:02:17.610 align:middle line:84% And what becomes interesting and tragic 00:02:17.610 --> 00:02:20.310 align:middle line:84% is the way that the border can be thrust into people's lives. 00:02:20.310 --> 00:02:23.040 align:middle line:84% And we see that now more than ever. 00:02:23.040 --> 00:02:25.725 align:middle line:84% It's being violently thrust back into people's lives. 00:02:25.725 --> 00:02:29.110 align:middle line:90% 00:02:29.110 --> 00:02:31.325 align:middle line:84% So I'll read of one of those thrustings. 00:02:31.325 --> 00:02:36.530 align:middle line:90% 00:02:36.530 --> 00:02:38.780 align:middle line:84% The coffee shop where I worked was 00:02:38.780 --> 00:02:42.800 align:middle line:84% one of many retail outlets in a shared marketplace, 00:02:42.800 --> 00:02:45.080 align:middle line:84% a small business complex situated 00:02:45.080 --> 00:02:47.150 align:middle line:84% around an open-air courtyard in the style 00:02:47.150 --> 00:02:49.990 align:middle line:90% of an old Spanish mercado. 00:02:49.990 --> 00:02:53.110 align:middle line:84% At 6:30 in the morning I encountered few other workers 00:02:53.110 --> 00:02:55.150 align:middle line:90% as I puttered about-- 00:02:55.150 --> 00:02:57.520 align:middle line:84% the pastry chefs at the Mexican bakery, 00:02:57.520 --> 00:03:01.330 align:middle line:84% the prep cooks at the taco shop, the maintenance man who 00:03:01.330 --> 00:03:05.590 align:middle line:84% maintained the Mercado grounds, a strong and clean and clean 00:03:05.590 --> 00:03:08.970 align:middle line:84% shaven man from Oaxaca named José. 00:03:08.970 --> 00:03:12.150 align:middle line:84% Dressed always in black baseball hat and a gray t-shirt 00:03:12.150 --> 00:03:14.520 align:middle line:84% stretched taut across his broad shoulders, 00:03:14.520 --> 00:03:20.000 align:middle line:84% and tucked neatly into a pair of black jeans. 00:03:20.000 --> 00:03:23.000 align:middle line:84% José and I often talk to each other across the counter 00:03:23.000 --> 00:03:27.010 align:middle line:84% of the coffee bar in the early hours before the morning rush. 00:03:27.010 --> 00:03:30.990 align:middle line:84% We spoke in Spanish, exchanging cordialities. 00:03:30.990 --> 00:03:34.920 align:middle line:84% He asked me about my graduate studies, about my travel plans, 00:03:34.920 --> 00:03:37.150 align:middle line:90% about my luck with women. 00:03:37.150 --> 00:03:41.420 align:middle line:84% He asked me about my family and I asked about his. 00:03:41.420 --> 00:03:44.300 align:middle line:84% He asked about my mother, about the health of her heart. 00:03:44.300 --> 00:03:46.820 align:middle line:84% And he would ask that I greet her on his behalf 00:03:46.820 --> 00:03:49.670 align:middle line:84% when I left the city to visit her. 00:03:49.670 --> 00:03:54.190 align:middle line:84% I asked him, in turn, about his wife and three boys. 00:03:54.190 --> 00:03:57.010 align:middle line:84% He stood proudly with his arm resting on the countertop 00:03:57.010 --> 00:03:59.680 align:middle line:84% the day his oldest son started high school, 00:03:59.680 --> 00:04:02.350 align:middle line:84% smiled broadly the day his youngest boy won 00:04:02.350 --> 00:04:06.040 align:middle line:84% his first soccer tournament, and leaned in firmly on a broom 00:04:06.040 --> 00:04:09.570 align:middle line:84% handle the day his middle son was hit by a car. 00:04:09.570 --> 00:04:11.550 align:middle line:84% He's getting better, he would say for months 00:04:11.550 --> 00:04:12.980 align:middle line:90% after the accident. 00:04:12.980 --> 00:04:13.755 align:middle line:90% Gracias a Dios. 00:04:13.755 --> 00:04:16.430 align:middle line:90% 00:04:16.430 --> 00:04:19.310 align:middle line:84% José knew I had spent several years in the border patrol. 00:04:19.310 --> 00:04:21.890 align:middle line:84% But he rarely questioned me about the work, 00:04:21.890 --> 00:04:25.320 align:middle line:84% almost as if there was not much to ask. 00:04:25.320 --> 00:04:27.870 align:middle line:84% Likewise, I relinquished certain questions 00:04:27.870 --> 00:04:30.880 align:middle line:90% about his arrival and status. 00:04:30.880 --> 00:04:34.180 align:middle line:84% In my day-to-day interactions with migrants, the customers 00:04:34.180 --> 00:04:36.520 align:middle line:84% at the coffee shop, the workers I encountered 00:04:36.520 --> 00:04:39.460 align:middle line:84% throughout the city, the day laborers who came to the park 00:04:39.460 --> 00:04:43.090 align:middle line:84% to play pickup soccer with my friends and me in the evenings, 00:04:43.090 --> 00:04:45.730 align:middle line:84% I often recognized subtle marks left 00:04:45.730 --> 00:04:48.520 align:middle line:84% by the crossing of the border, an understanding 00:04:48.520 --> 00:04:51.040 align:middle line:84% of its physical and abstract dimensions, 00:04:51.040 --> 00:04:53.720 align:middle line:84% a lingering impression of its weight. 00:04:53.720 --> 00:04:56.275 align:middle line:84% I sensed this knowledge in José as well. 00:04:56.275 --> 00:04:57.650 align:middle line:84% But there was little way to speak 00:04:57.650 --> 00:04:59.510 align:middle line:90% of something so imprecise. 00:04:59.510 --> 00:05:03.050 align:middle line:84% And so we regarded each other with nods and silences, 00:05:03.050 --> 00:05:05.930 align:middle line:84% with glances and gestures, with something 00:05:05.930 --> 00:05:07.400 align:middle line:90% that soon became friendship. 00:05:07.400 --> 00:05:10.130 align:middle line:90% 00:05:10.130 --> 00:05:13.760 align:middle line:84% José and I often spoke of the drug wars and of the disorder 00:05:13.760 --> 00:05:17.360 align:middle line:84% swirling in Mexico, the 43 students who disappeared 00:05:17.360 --> 00:05:20.360 align:middle line:84% in Ayotzinapa, the endless cartel shootings along 00:05:20.360 --> 00:05:23.150 align:middle line:84% the border, the persistent corruption of police 00:05:23.150 --> 00:05:25.750 align:middle line:90% and government officials. 00:05:25.750 --> 00:05:28.960 align:middle line:84% On the day the Mexican military captured El Chapo Guzmán 00:05:28.960 --> 00:05:34.080 align:middle line:84% in 2014, José asked me, do you think it's really him? 00:05:34.080 --> 00:05:35.430 align:middle line:90% I don't know, I replied. 00:05:35.430 --> 00:05:37.300 align:middle line:90% Do you? 00:05:37.300 --> 00:05:38.620 align:middle line:90% I'm not sure. 00:05:38.620 --> 00:05:41.640 align:middle line:90% He has body doubles, you know. 00:05:41.640 --> 00:05:44.590 align:middle line:90% José paused and looked up at me. 00:05:44.590 --> 00:05:48.820 align:middle line:84% When you were on the border, he asked, did you ever find drugs? 00:05:48.820 --> 00:05:52.820 align:middle line:84% Sure, I told him, more than you can imagine. 00:05:52.820 --> 00:05:56.030 align:middle line:84% He nodded slowly, his eyes unblinking. 00:05:56.030 --> 00:05:59.250 align:middle line:90% Did you ever arrest a narco? 00:05:59.250 --> 00:06:03.480 align:middle line:84% Sure, I said, but not like El Chapo. 00:06:03.480 --> 00:06:06.120 align:middle line:90% José listened intently. 00:06:06.120 --> 00:06:08.430 align:middle line:84% We mostly arrested the little people-- 00:06:08.430 --> 00:06:12.700 align:middle line:84% smugglers, scouts, mules, coyotes. 00:06:12.700 --> 00:06:16.780 align:middle line:84% I watched as a knowing look spread across his face. 00:06:16.780 --> 00:06:21.000 align:middle line:84% His eyes met mine and held them until I turned to look away. 00:06:21.000 --> 00:06:23.100 align:middle line:84% But mostly, I arrested migrants, I 00:06:23.100 --> 00:06:25.990 align:middle line:84% confessed, people looking for a better life. 00:06:25.990 --> 00:06:28.620 align:middle line:90% 00:06:28.620 --> 00:06:31.240 align:middle line:84% I'm going to skip around in this section. 00:06:31.240 --> 00:06:34.740 align:middle line:84% So José sort of disappears from work. 00:06:34.740 --> 00:06:37.670 align:middle line:90% 00:06:37.670 --> 00:06:41.210 align:middle line:84% And nobody really knows where he is. 00:06:41.210 --> 00:06:43.850 align:middle line:84% And then I sort of find out after getting 00:06:43.850 --> 00:06:48.080 align:middle line:84% in contact with his family that he's in court. 00:06:48.080 --> 00:06:49.760 align:middle line:84% And I figure out where that court is. 00:06:49.760 --> 00:06:52.630 align:middle line:90% 00:06:52.630 --> 00:06:54.505 align:middle line:84% And that's where this next scene takes place. 00:06:54.505 --> 00:07:10.120 align:middle line:90% 00:07:10.120 --> 00:07:13.570 align:middle line:84% I met José's wife, Lupe, for the first time outside 00:07:13.570 --> 00:07:15.320 align:middle line:90% the courtroom. 00:07:15.320 --> 00:07:18.680 align:middle line:84% She came with the pastor from her church and her three boys-- 00:07:18.680 --> 00:07:21.922 align:middle line:84% 15, 10, and 8 years old, all of them 00:07:21.922 --> 00:07:23.630 align:middle line:84% called out from school in hopes of seeing 00:07:23.630 --> 00:07:26.000 align:middle line:90% their father in court. 00:07:26.000 --> 00:07:28.280 align:middle line:84% I held the door of the courtroom open for the family 00:07:28.280 --> 00:07:31.370 align:middle line:84% and gestured toward the benches against the right wall. 00:07:31.370 --> 00:07:33.960 align:middle line:90% The front rows, I whispered. 00:07:33.960 --> 00:07:36.720 align:middle line:84% The proceedings had begun just as we entered the courtroom. 00:07:36.720 --> 00:07:39.860 align:middle line:84% And I immediately noticed the smell, 00:07:39.860 --> 00:07:42.020 align:middle line:84% a smell I had not encountered in years, 00:07:42.020 --> 00:07:45.080 align:middle line:84% the sharp scent of dozens of unwashed bodies that had, 00:07:45.080 --> 00:07:47.090 align:middle line:84% for days, struggled through the desert-- 00:07:47.090 --> 00:07:50.550 align:middle line:90% skin, sweating and sun-baked. 00:07:50.550 --> 00:07:53.010 align:middle line:84% The courtroom was cathedral-like, 00:07:53.010 --> 00:07:56.160 align:middle line:84% with towering ceilings of brightly colored beams painted 00:07:56.160 --> 00:07:58.440 align:middle line:90% in turquoise and coral. 00:07:58.440 --> 00:08:01.590 align:middle line:84% From his bench, the judge loomed above the room, 00:08:01.590 --> 00:08:04.530 align:middle line:84% a small, white face emerging from black robes, 00:08:04.530 --> 00:08:07.260 align:middle line:84% and seated beneath the massive seal of the United 00:08:07.260 --> 00:08:10.980 align:middle line:84% States of America-- a giant eagle, with its head turned, as 00:08:10.980 --> 00:08:13.620 align:middle line:90% if to look away. 00:08:13.620 --> 00:08:17.100 align:middle line:84% I sat next to Lupe, who held her youngest son close to her body 00:08:17.100 --> 00:08:20.130 align:middle line:84% with her oldest son, seated beside him. 00:08:20.130 --> 00:08:23.880 align:middle line:84% Behind us, the pastor set with the middle son. 00:08:23.880 --> 00:08:26.070 align:middle line:84% The judge addressed the 40-some defendants 00:08:26.070 --> 00:08:29.130 align:middle line:84% seated before him, most of them all male, most 00:08:29.130 --> 00:08:31.410 align:middle line:84% of them wearing black headsets, listening 00:08:31.410 --> 00:08:33.820 align:middle line:90% to the words of an interpreter. 00:08:33.820 --> 00:08:35.860 align:middle line:84% All of you have been charged with two crimes, 00:08:35.860 --> 00:08:37.450 align:middle line:90% the judge began. 00:08:37.450 --> 00:08:39.159 align:middle line:84% I understand that each of you instead 00:08:39.159 --> 00:08:43.090 align:middle line:84% intends to plead guilty to the petty offense of illegal entry 00:08:43.090 --> 00:08:44.950 align:middle line:84% at a place other than one designated 00:08:44.950 --> 00:08:47.990 align:middle line:90% for entry by US immigration. 00:08:47.990 --> 00:08:50.000 align:middle line:84% In exchange for your plea, the government 00:08:50.000 --> 00:08:52.490 align:middle line:84% has agreed to dismiss the felony offense of reentry 00:08:52.490 --> 00:08:54.880 align:middle line:90% after removal. 00:08:54.880 --> 00:08:58.300 align:middle line:84% Some of the men hunched over, holding the headsets close 00:08:58.300 --> 00:09:00.440 align:middle line:90% to their ears. 00:09:00.440 --> 00:09:02.270 align:middle line:84% It is important that you understand this, 00:09:02.270 --> 00:09:03.650 align:middle line:90% the judge continued. 00:09:03.650 --> 00:09:07.580 align:middle line:84% If you understand, please indicate so by standing. 00:09:07.580 --> 00:09:09.020 align:middle line:90% He paused. 00:09:09.020 --> 00:09:12.860 align:middle line:84% All of the men stood, some rising from their chairs 00:09:12.860 --> 00:09:14.750 align:middle line:84% with those shoulders back and their heads 00:09:14.750 --> 00:09:18.590 align:middle line:84% held high, as if in defiance, while others seemed barely 00:09:18.590 --> 00:09:21.500 align:middle line:84% able to get up from their seats, their bodies slumped, 00:09:21.500 --> 00:09:25.060 align:middle line:90% their faces downcast. 00:09:25.060 --> 00:09:26.860 align:middle line:90% I leaned over to Lupe. 00:09:26.860 --> 00:09:27.640 align:middle line:90% Do you see José? 00:09:27.640 --> 00:09:28.990 align:middle line:90% I asked. 00:09:28.990 --> 00:09:30.220 align:middle line:90% I don't know, she said. 00:09:30.220 --> 00:09:33.220 align:middle line:90% I can't see their faces. 00:09:33.220 --> 00:09:35.260 align:middle line:84% Next to her, her youngest son nervously 00:09:35.260 --> 00:09:38.020 align:middle line:84% kicked his dangling legs back and forth. 00:09:38.020 --> 00:09:41.920 align:middle line:84% She placed her hand gently on his thigh. 00:09:41.920 --> 00:09:45.130 align:middle line:84% Tranquilo, she whispered into his ear. 00:09:45.130 --> 00:09:47.080 align:middle line:84% On the floor of the courtroom the defendants 00:09:47.080 --> 00:09:49.990 align:middle line:84% began to file out of their chairs, five at a time. 00:09:49.990 --> 00:09:52.510 align:middle line:84% Their ankles were chained to one another. 00:09:52.510 --> 00:09:55.700 align:middle line:84% And their wrists were bound at the waist. 00:09:55.700 --> 00:09:58.750 align:middle line:84% They stood before the judge, flanked by court appointed 00:09:58.750 --> 00:10:02.080 align:middle line:84% attorneys, dizzied men and women darting from one client 00:10:02.080 --> 00:10:04.610 align:middle line:90% to another in pale suits. 00:10:04.610 --> 00:10:07.990 align:middle line:84% The judge began with the person standing to his left. 00:10:07.990 --> 00:10:11.230 align:middle line:84% Mr. Amaya, he read, as if from a script, 00:10:11.230 --> 00:10:13.540 align:middle line:90% are you a citizen of Mexico? 00:10:13.540 --> 00:10:14.890 align:middle line:90% Sí. 00:10:14.890 --> 00:10:18.370 align:middle line:84% On or about August 31, 2015, did you 00:10:18.370 --> 00:10:21.470 align:middle line:84% enter the United States near Lukeville, Arizona? 00:10:21.470 --> 00:10:22.630 align:middle line:90% Sí. 00:10:22.630 --> 00:10:25.090 align:middle line:84% Did you come through a designated port of entry? 00:10:25.090 --> 00:10:26.290 align:middle line:90% No. 00:10:26.290 --> 00:10:29.470 align:middle line:84% How do you plead in the charge of illegal entry? 00:10:29.470 --> 00:10:32.600 align:middle line:90% Culpable, senor. 00:10:32.600 --> 00:10:34.700 align:middle line:84% Watching these defendants shuffle 00:10:34.700 --> 00:10:37.490 align:middle line:84% to the front of the room to stand before the bench, 00:10:37.490 --> 00:10:40.160 align:middle line:84% I realized that I had never before seen 00:10:40.160 --> 00:10:42.650 align:middle line:84% so many men and women in shackles, 00:10:42.650 --> 00:10:46.340 align:middle line:84% that I had never laid I'd laid eyes upon a group of people 00:10:46.340 --> 00:10:48.610 align:middle line:90% so diminished. 00:10:48.610 --> 00:10:51.400 align:middle line:84% I had apprehended and processed countless men and women 00:10:51.400 --> 00:10:54.040 align:middle line:84% for deportation, many of whom I sent, 00:10:54.040 --> 00:10:56.950 align:middle line:84% without thinking, to pass through this very same room. 00:10:56.950 --> 00:10:59.080 align:middle line:84% But there was something dreadfully altered 00:10:59.080 --> 00:11:01.180 align:middle line:84% in their presence here between towering 00:11:01.180 --> 00:11:04.270 align:middle line:84% and cavernous walls lorded over by foreign men 00:11:04.270 --> 00:11:06.550 align:middle line:84% in colored suits and black robes, 00:11:06.550 --> 00:11:09.730 align:middle line:84% men with little notion of the dark desert nights 00:11:09.730 --> 00:11:13.330 align:middle line:90% or the hard glare of the sun. 00:11:13.330 --> 00:11:15.730 align:middle line:84% It dawned on me that in my countless encounters 00:11:15.730 --> 00:11:19.030 align:middle line:84% with migrants at the hard end of their road through the desert, 00:11:19.030 --> 00:11:21.820 align:middle line:84% there was always the closeness of the failed journey-- 00:11:21.820 --> 00:11:25.510 align:middle line:84% the fading, but still hot spark from that last flame 00:11:25.510 --> 00:11:27.040 align:middle line:90% of the crossing. 00:11:27.040 --> 00:11:30.730 align:middle line:84% But here, in the stale, swirling air of the courthouse, 00:11:30.730 --> 00:11:32.530 align:middle line:84% it was clear that something vital 00:11:32.530 --> 00:11:35.230 align:middle line:84% had gone missing in the days since apprehension. 00:11:35.230 --> 00:11:37.420 align:middle line:84% Some final essence of the spirit had 00:11:37.420 --> 00:11:42.610 align:middle line:84% been stamped out or lost in the slow crush of confinement. 00:11:42.610 --> 00:11:44.760 align:middle line:84% The pastor leaned forward and pointed 00:11:44.760 --> 00:11:46.710 align:middle line:84% towards a gray-haired man who had just 00:11:46.710 --> 00:11:49.470 align:middle line:84% stood to walk in front of the courtroom. 00:11:49.470 --> 00:11:52.100 align:middle line:84% It's your dad, he whispered to the boys. 00:11:52.100 --> 00:11:56.900 align:middle line:84% They looked at the man and then at each other, wide-eyed. 00:11:56.900 --> 00:12:00.320 align:middle line:84% Es él, the pastor said, gesturing again and again, 00:12:00.320 --> 00:12:02.120 align:middle line:90% es él. 00:12:02.120 --> 00:12:05.600 align:middle line:84% The boys sat forward in their seats to get closer. 00:12:05.600 --> 00:12:09.980 align:middle line:84% No está, the boys confirmed with each other, no-- no está. 00:12:09.980 --> 00:12:12.200 align:middle line:84% Yes, the pastor said emphatically. 00:12:12.200 --> 00:12:13.520 align:middle line:90% That's your father. 00:12:13.520 --> 00:12:16.280 align:middle line:84% You don't recognize him because he shaves his head. 00:12:16.280 --> 00:12:19.100 align:middle line:84% But his hair has grown out and he has stubble now. 00:12:19.100 --> 00:12:21.520 align:middle line:90% And you can see his bald spot. 00:12:21.520 --> 00:12:23.464 align:middle line:90% Se ve diferente. 00:12:23.464 --> 00:12:26.000 align:middle line:90% The boys looked at each other. 00:12:26.000 --> 00:12:27.860 align:middle line:90% Él es, Lupe finally said. 00:12:27.860 --> 00:12:29.720 align:middle line:90% It's him. 00:12:29.720 --> 00:12:34.510 align:middle line:84% The boys sat on their hands, dumbstruck, their mouths agape. 00:12:34.510 --> 00:12:36.940 align:middle line:84% Beside me, Lupe slowly doubled over, 00:12:36.940 --> 00:12:39.340 align:middle line:84% placing her forearms on her thighs, 00:12:39.340 --> 00:12:43.360 align:middle line:84% her palms open at the knees, her head sinking into her hands 00:12:43.360 --> 00:12:46.240 align:middle line:84% as she gently rocked in place, cradling herself 00:12:46.240 --> 00:12:48.990 align:middle line:90% in her own embrace. 00:12:48.990 --> 00:12:51.660 align:middle line:84% As José shuffled through a row of chairs, 00:12:51.660 --> 00:12:54.450 align:middle line:84% the soft tinkling of his shackles seemed to fill 00:12:54.450 --> 00:12:56.040 align:middle line:90% the room. 00:12:56.040 --> 00:12:58.380 align:middle line:84% When I finally caught glimpse of his profile, 00:12:58.380 --> 00:13:01.390 align:middle line:84% I saw the face of a man adrift at sea-- 00:13:01.390 --> 00:13:04.500 align:middle line:84% his eyes scanning the horizon, as if out of habit, 00:13:04.500 --> 00:13:08.470 align:middle line:84% with little actual hope of sighting land. 00:13:08.470 --> 00:13:11.740 align:middle line:84% He wore a sweat-stained t-shirt that seemed to swallow him. 00:13:11.740 --> 00:13:16.240 align:middle line:84% And his body appeared small and gaunt, and slumped inward. 00:13:16.240 --> 00:13:21.130 align:middle line:84% His face and head, leathered and speckled with gray hair. 00:13:21.130 --> 00:13:23.260 align:middle line:84% As he turned, he caught sight of his three 00:13:23.260 --> 00:13:25.750 align:middle line:84% sons with their mouths open, and their arms 00:13:25.750 --> 00:13:29.600 align:middle line:84% draped around their mother, who had finally lifted her head. 00:13:29.600 --> 00:13:34.670 align:middle line:84% He gasped audibly, his eyes dilating in disbelief. 00:13:34.670 --> 00:13:37.040 align:middle line:84% He looked away and then back again, 00:13:37.040 --> 00:13:41.450 align:middle line:84% focusing and unfocusing his vision in confirmation. 00:13:41.450 --> 00:13:43.850 align:middle line:90% Quiet sobs seized his children. 00:13:43.850 --> 00:13:46.070 align:middle line:84% And I wondered if I had done something terrible 00:13:46.070 --> 00:13:48.330 align:middle line:90% by bringing them here. 00:13:48.330 --> 00:13:50.910 align:middle line:84% José took one last look at his family, 00:13:50.910 --> 00:13:54.870 align:middle line:84% his mouth slack and twisted, his eyes wide with longing. 00:13:54.870 --> 00:13:57.300 align:middle line:84% And then with great force he began 00:13:57.300 --> 00:14:00.030 align:middle line:84% to thrash his head downward, to and fro, 00:14:00.030 --> 00:14:02.505 align:middle line:84% as if trying to shake a nightmare upon waking. 00:14:02.505 --> 00:14:07.250 align:middle line:90% 00:14:07.250 --> 00:14:09.110 align:middle line:90% I'll skip forward again. 00:14:09.110 --> 00:14:12.070 align:middle line:90% 00:14:12.070 --> 00:14:16.810 align:middle line:84% And what's happening now is that José's case has been taken up 00:14:16.810 --> 00:14:22.570 align:middle line:84% by an immigration attorney, who has asked the family to collect 00:14:22.570 --> 00:14:26.890 align:middle line:84% testimonies, character testimonies, 00:14:26.890 --> 00:14:30.025 align:middle line:84% in hopes of assuaging an immigration judge. 00:14:30.025 --> 00:14:32.630 align:middle line:90% 00:14:32.630 --> 00:14:36.650 align:middle line:84% And I've been given this packet of letters to bring 00:14:36.650 --> 00:14:41.110 align:middle line:84% to the lawyer's office by José's wife. 00:14:41.110 --> 00:14:44.440 align:middle line:84% At the end of my shift, I drove to the lawyer's office 00:14:44.440 --> 00:14:48.030 align:middle line:84% and sat with my engine running in the parking lot. 00:14:48.030 --> 00:14:50.820 align:middle line:84% I opened the envelope that contained José's letters 00:14:50.820 --> 00:14:53.420 align:middle line:90% and began to flip through them. 00:14:53.420 --> 00:14:55.570 align:middle line:84% Some were typed but most were handwritten, 00:14:55.570 --> 00:14:57.940 align:middle line:90% many of them in Spanish. 00:14:57.940 --> 00:15:00.120 align:middle line:84% They all began with some variation of 00:15:00.120 --> 00:15:02.530 align:middle line:90% "to whom it may concern." 00:15:02.530 --> 00:15:05.320 align:middle line:84% They referred to José as a brother in Christ, 00:15:05.320 --> 00:15:08.800 align:middle line:84% a family man, a good father, a responsible husband, 00:15:08.800 --> 00:15:11.500 align:middle line:84% a reliable person, always working hard, 00:15:11.500 --> 00:15:14.800 align:middle line:84% always giving his best, always offering to help with a smile 00:15:14.800 --> 00:15:17.930 align:middle line:90% on his face, always laughing. 00:15:17.930 --> 00:15:21.350 align:middle line:90% To whom this may concern-- 00:15:21.350 --> 00:15:24.150 align:middle line:90% oh, sorry. 00:15:24.150 --> 00:15:26.520 align:middle line:84% Many friends and family members made an effort 00:15:26.520 --> 00:15:28.020 align:middle line:84% to write their letters in a way that 00:15:28.020 --> 00:15:30.840 align:middle line:84% echoed the language of official documents. 00:15:30.840 --> 00:15:34.890 align:middle line:84% I, Leticia Martínez, declare under penalty of perjury, 00:15:34.890 --> 00:15:37.590 align:middle line:84% that the following statement is true and correct to the best 00:15:37.590 --> 00:15:40.050 align:middle line:84% of my knowledge and recollection. 00:15:40.050 --> 00:15:43.170 align:middle line:84% To whom it may concern, I'm Leticia Martínez. 00:15:43.170 --> 00:15:44.550 align:middle line:90% I'm José's niece. 00:15:44.550 --> 00:15:46.930 align:middle line:84% He's been living in this country for many years. 00:15:46.930 --> 00:15:48.430 align:middle line:90% He's a very nice person. 00:15:48.430 --> 00:15:51.210 align:middle line:84% He does not drink, or smoke, or use any drugs. 00:15:51.210 --> 00:15:54.420 align:middle line:84% He is very responsible and a hardworking person. 00:15:54.420 --> 00:15:57.180 align:middle line:84% I wish that he had a chance to let him stay with his children 00:15:57.180 --> 00:15:58.387 align:middle line:90% in this country. 00:15:58.387 --> 00:16:00.345 align:middle line:84% Thanks for taking the time to read this letter. 00:16:00.345 --> 00:16:03.170 align:middle line:90% 00:16:03.170 --> 00:16:07.640 align:middle line:84% José's wife, Lupe, wrote in Spanish on lined school paper, 00:16:07.640 --> 00:16:10.750 align:middle line:90% borrowed from her children. 00:16:10.750 --> 00:16:14.920 align:middle line:84% I, Lupe Balderas, declare that José Martínez-Cruz is 00:16:14.920 --> 00:16:17.920 align:middle line:90% my husband since the year 1999. 00:16:17.920 --> 00:16:21.980 align:middle line:84% We have three boys, aged 15, 10, and 8. 00:16:21.980 --> 00:16:25.240 align:middle line:84% We were always a very exemplary family. 00:16:25.240 --> 00:16:28.330 align:middle line:84% We would go out when my husband was off work. 00:16:28.330 --> 00:16:30.000 align:middle line:84% He was always the one who worked. 00:16:30.000 --> 00:16:34.020 align:middle line:84% He had two jobs and his free time was dedicated to us. 00:16:34.020 --> 00:16:37.560 align:middle line:84% My husband is an exemplary father and a caring spouse. 00:16:37.560 --> 00:16:38.610 align:middle line:90% He doesn't drink. 00:16:38.610 --> 00:16:39.630 align:middle line:90% He doesn't smoke. 00:16:39.630 --> 00:16:40.920 align:middle line:90% He doesn't use drugs. 00:16:40.920 --> 00:16:43.740 align:middle line:84% He only dedicates himself to making his family happy. 00:16:43.740 --> 00:16:46.650 align:middle line:90% But now we miss him very much. 00:16:46.650 --> 00:16:50.520 align:middle line:84% Because I, Lupe, cannot take my boys to the park because lately 00:16:50.520 --> 00:16:54.360 align:middle line:84% I have been unwell, my husband took my boys to play soccer 00:16:54.360 --> 00:16:55.380 align:middle line:90% every Wednesday. 00:16:55.380 --> 00:16:57.990 align:middle line:84% And on weekends, he dedicated his time to us, 00:16:57.990 --> 00:16:59.490 align:middle line:90% to eat and go out. 00:16:59.490 --> 00:17:01.230 align:middle line:90% And now we miss him. 00:17:01.230 --> 00:17:05.235 align:middle line:84% My husband has given 16 years of happiness and love to my sons-- 00:17:05.235 --> 00:17:08.640 align:middle line:90% 00:17:08.640 --> 00:17:09.960 align:middle line:90% to my sons and me. 00:17:09.960 --> 00:17:12.810 align:middle line:84% But we won't return to Mexico because my boys don't 00:17:12.810 --> 00:17:15.540 align:middle line:84% know anyone there, and they speak very little Spanish, 00:17:15.540 --> 00:17:18.690 align:middle line:84% and it's very difficult to adapt to another country 00:17:18.690 --> 00:17:20.700 align:middle line:84% when their whole life has been here. 00:17:20.700 --> 00:17:25.609 align:middle line:84% They were born here and they are growing here. 00:17:25.609 --> 00:17:28.550 align:middle line:84% Vicente Martínez, José's youngest boy, 00:17:28.550 --> 00:17:31.970 align:middle line:84% wrote his own name at the top of a letter scrawled in pencil 00:17:31.970 --> 00:17:34.330 align:middle line:90% on ruled school paper. 00:17:34.330 --> 00:17:36.430 align:middle line:84% There were no spaces between his words 00:17:36.430 --> 00:17:39.040 align:middle line:84% and his writing was riddled with misspellings 00:17:39.040 --> 00:17:41.140 align:middle line:90% and backwards letters. 00:17:41.140 --> 00:17:43.900 align:middle line:84% Hi, daddy, I love you because you take us to the park 00:17:43.900 --> 00:17:44.950 align:middle line:90% and to play soccer. 00:17:44.950 --> 00:17:46.960 align:middle line:84% I miss you because you take us to the stores, 00:17:46.960 --> 00:17:49.390 align:middle line:84% and you take us to go to work, and to get money, 00:17:49.390 --> 00:17:51.550 align:middle line:90% and to feed us. 00:17:51.550 --> 00:17:55.450 align:middle line:84% The final two lines of Vicente's letter were incomprehensible-- 00:17:55.450 --> 00:17:57.940 align:middle line:84% a jumble of letters that sometimes approximated 00:17:57.940 --> 00:18:00.430 align:middle line:90% words and sounds in Spanish. 00:18:00.430 --> 00:18:05.200 align:middle line:84% The Spanish word for God, Dios, could be discerned, and perhaps 00:18:05.200 --> 00:18:08.120 align:middle line:90% the word for church, iglesia. 00:18:08.120 --> 00:18:11.450 align:middle line:84% I miss you very much, Vicente wrote clearly at the end. 00:18:11.450 --> 00:18:14.430 align:middle line:90% Te extraño mucho. 00:18:14.430 --> 00:18:18.000 align:middle line:84% José, Jr. had written on two sheets of paper. 00:18:18.000 --> 00:18:20.820 align:middle line:84% On one of them he wrote a brief letter addressed to his father, 00:18:20.820 --> 00:18:23.250 align:middle line:84% much like that of his younger brother. 00:18:23.250 --> 00:18:25.890 align:middle line:84% At the bottom of the message, he taped a wallet-sized picture 00:18:25.890 --> 00:18:28.650 align:middle line:90% of himself with tattered edges. 00:18:28.650 --> 00:18:31.020 align:middle line:84% On the second sheet of paper, José, Jr. 00:18:31.020 --> 00:18:34.230 align:middle line:84% drew his family on a soccer field with frowning faces. 00:18:34.230 --> 00:18:38.160 align:middle line:84% The stick figures, labeled mom, brother, big brother. 00:18:38.160 --> 00:18:41.160 align:middle line:84% Below it was another drawing, almost identical. 00:18:41.160 --> 00:18:42.810 align:middle line:84% Except this time, the stick figures 00:18:42.810 --> 00:18:45.810 align:middle line:84% had smiles on their faces and an extra figure drawn 00:18:45.810 --> 00:18:47.370 align:middle line:90% next to them, labeled dad. 00:18:47.370 --> 00:18:52.860 align:middle line:90% 00:18:52.860 --> 00:18:55.440 align:middle line:84% Diego wrote a letter that continued 00:18:55.440 --> 00:18:57.940 align:middle line:90% across several sheets of paper. 00:18:57.940 --> 00:19:00.070 align:middle line:84% At two and a half pages, it was the longest 00:19:00.070 --> 00:19:02.220 align:middle line:90% of any in the packet. 00:19:02.220 --> 00:19:04.740 align:middle line:84% In its opening paragraphs, Diego seemed 00:19:04.740 --> 00:19:08.130 align:middle line:84% to realize that his father would likely not see or read 00:19:08.130 --> 00:19:09.180 align:middle line:90% his words. 00:19:09.180 --> 00:19:12.740 align:middle line:84% And he did his best to maintain a formal tone. 00:19:12.740 --> 00:19:16.610 align:middle line:84% Dear, to whom it may concern, the letter began. 00:19:16.610 --> 00:19:18.920 align:middle line:90% Hi, I'm Diego Martínez. 00:19:18.920 --> 00:19:20.810 align:middle line:90% I'm the son of José Martínez. 00:19:20.810 --> 00:19:21.980 align:middle line:90% I'm his oldest son. 00:19:21.980 --> 00:19:24.060 align:middle line:90% I'm 15 years old. 00:19:24.060 --> 00:19:25.490 align:middle line:90% I have two younger brothers. 00:19:25.490 --> 00:19:28.040 align:middle line:90% One is 10 and the other is 8. 00:19:28.040 --> 00:19:30.080 align:middle line:84% I'm working to keep my brothers happy, 00:19:30.080 --> 00:19:32.990 align:middle line:84% to buy them what they want to keep them happy. 00:19:32.990 --> 00:19:35.960 align:middle line:84% Well, my dad, José, is the nicest guy I know. 00:19:35.960 --> 00:19:39.950 align:middle line:84% My dad is like my best friend and my father. 00:19:39.950 --> 00:19:42.080 align:middle line:84% I treat my dad with so much respect. 00:19:42.080 --> 00:19:44.840 align:middle line:84% He's the father any kid would want to have. 00:19:44.840 --> 00:19:47.330 align:middle line:84% My mom and my whole family broke down 00:19:47.330 --> 00:19:50.180 align:middle line:84% when we saw him at court, on the first court he had. 00:19:50.180 --> 00:19:52.730 align:middle line:90% And everyone started crying. 00:19:52.730 --> 00:19:55.010 align:middle line:84% I broke down so much when I heard his voice 00:19:55.010 --> 00:19:57.750 align:middle line:90% it got me into so much tears. 00:19:57.750 --> 00:20:00.210 align:middle line:84% I miss my dad because he knew how to cheer us up 00:20:00.210 --> 00:20:01.770 align:middle line:90% when we were down. 00:20:01.770 --> 00:20:04.500 align:middle line:84% He took us to the park on Monday and Wednesday 00:20:04.500 --> 00:20:06.810 align:middle line:84% to play soccer with our church friends. 00:20:06.810 --> 00:20:08.850 align:middle line:84% He got along with everyone at church. 00:20:08.850 --> 00:20:10.620 align:middle line:90% My dad was the coolest person-- 00:20:10.620 --> 00:20:14.250 align:middle line:84% most nicest, most religious, most caring person. 00:20:14.250 --> 00:20:17.010 align:middle line:84% Always made my mom happy, always putting a smile 00:20:17.010 --> 00:20:19.620 align:middle line:90% on our faces every single day. 00:20:19.620 --> 00:20:22.230 align:middle line:84% He's also very smart and very funny. 00:20:22.230 --> 00:20:24.660 align:middle line:84% My dad always has a smile on his face, 00:20:24.660 --> 00:20:28.480 align:middle line:84% trying always to help people who are in need. 00:20:28.480 --> 00:20:31.630 align:middle line:84% How I feel right now about my dad being in jail 00:20:31.630 --> 00:20:34.700 align:middle line:84% and seeing him like this makes me really sad, 00:20:34.700 --> 00:20:37.420 align:middle line:84% depressed my father isn't here with us. 00:20:37.420 --> 00:20:39.460 align:middle line:84% Everyone that asks me about my dad 00:20:39.460 --> 00:20:42.370 align:middle line:84% makes me sad to say he's in jail. 00:20:42.370 --> 00:20:46.240 align:middle line:84% My heart kind of stops, pauses, and breaks down 00:20:46.240 --> 00:20:48.010 align:middle line:90% on every letter they send him. 00:20:48.010 --> 00:20:51.310 align:middle line:84% He was a man with three children and one woman. 00:20:51.310 --> 00:20:53.980 align:middle line:84% Each one of my friends I've had for many years loved 00:20:53.980 --> 00:20:56.860 align:middle line:84% my dad because he took us to places like any place 00:20:56.860 --> 00:21:00.760 align:middle line:84% appropriate, to mountains in the West, to parks, to many places 00:21:00.760 --> 00:21:01.960 align:middle line:90% in the city. 00:21:01.960 --> 00:21:04.720 align:middle line:84% My dad did anything to make us happy. 00:21:04.720 --> 00:21:07.240 align:middle line:84% Now my life is depressing, hollow. 00:21:07.240 --> 00:21:08.950 align:middle line:90% My dad's not here. 00:21:08.950 --> 00:21:12.360 align:middle line:84% A missing place for him, here waits. 00:21:12.360 --> 00:21:15.390 align:middle line:90% My dad's a very responsible man. 00:21:15.390 --> 00:21:18.000 align:middle line:84% When I was little, my dad was always by my side 00:21:18.000 --> 00:21:21.160 align:middle line:84% and always will still be by my side. 00:21:21.160 --> 00:21:24.280 align:middle line:84% I pray to God that my dad is always OK. 00:21:24.280 --> 00:21:26.140 align:middle line:90% I miss my dad so much. 00:21:26.140 --> 00:21:29.240 align:middle line:84% It's really hard to express and write. 00:21:29.240 --> 00:21:30.890 align:middle line:90% I miss you so much, dad. 00:21:30.890 --> 00:21:32.810 align:middle line:84% You always told us to never look back 00:21:32.810 --> 00:21:34.710 align:middle line:90% and to always look forward. 00:21:34.710 --> 00:21:36.500 align:middle line:84% Thanks for always being there for us 00:21:36.500 --> 00:21:39.330 align:middle line:84% and for never letting us go, dad. 00:21:39.330 --> 00:21:40.620 align:middle line:90% We miss you so much. 00:21:40.620 --> 00:21:45.310 align:middle line:84% Just remember, God has always by our side, never letting us go. 00:21:45.310 --> 00:21:47.590 align:middle line:84% We all want them to set you free here. 00:21:47.590 --> 00:21:51.370 align:middle line:84% Everyone at church and his two works misses him a lot. 00:21:51.370 --> 00:21:52.930 align:middle line:90% Everyone misses my dad. 00:21:52.930 --> 00:21:55.330 align:middle line:84% Nobody wants him to get sent back to Mexico. 00:21:55.330 --> 00:21:59.380 align:middle line:84% Everyone's praying for you, to let you out safely and still 00:21:59.380 --> 00:22:01.420 align:middle line:90% the same house we know. 00:22:01.420 --> 00:22:04.390 align:middle line:84% Dad, we have a tournament for soccer for church 00:22:04.390 --> 00:22:06.520 align:middle line:90% on the 26th of this month. 00:22:06.520 --> 00:22:08.050 align:middle line:90% I'll be making goals for you. 00:22:08.050 --> 00:22:10.270 align:middle line:90% The goals will be for you. 00:22:10.270 --> 00:22:13.210 align:middle line:84% You taught me how to play soccer and told me never to give up. 00:22:13.210 --> 00:22:16.005 align:middle line:84% Dad, I'm going to win that trophy for us. 00:22:16.005 --> 00:22:17.380 align:middle line:84% I'm training with everything I've 00:22:17.380 --> 00:22:20.090 align:middle line:90% got to get better each day. 00:22:20.090 --> 00:22:23.140 align:middle line:84% Thank you to whoever got the time to read this. 00:22:23.140 --> 00:22:24.640 align:middle line:90% I'm sorry it's so long. 00:22:24.640 --> 00:22:26.530 align:middle line:84% It's because I really love my dad-- 00:22:26.530 --> 00:22:27.580 align:middle line:90% we all do. 00:22:27.580 --> 00:22:30.040 align:middle line:84% And we're all sad to know he's in jail. 00:22:30.040 --> 00:22:34.760 align:middle line:84% Sincerely, his oldest son, Diego Martínez. 00:22:34.760 --> 00:22:35.260 align:middle line:90% That's it. 00:22:35.260 --> 00:22:37.080 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:22:37.080 --> 00:22:40.000 align:middle line:90%