WEBVTT

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That was by far the
best introduction

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I have ever received in all
my years on this planet.

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And I'm sitting there
thinking, who is this woman?

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She's so cool.

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But I am genuinely really--

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I feel very welcomed here.

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And thank you so
much for to everyone

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that Manuel thanked,
because it's

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been an honor and
a privilege to be

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a part of this entire
program, organization,

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especially with such acclaimed
people in the lineup to come.

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So to sort of be one of the
kicker-offers for this is,

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it's pretty incredible.

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So thank you.

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And I'm going to read
maybe three or four,

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or one or five stories.

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I'm not sure what's
going to happen.

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So we're going to read
a few, or hear a few

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from the actual collection.

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I'm going to read one--

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some of the later things that
I've written this year, just

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because I like to sort of show
people what's happening right

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now in my thought process.

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But since we did start with a
little bit of the title story,

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"Black Jesus," I think I'll
read that one for you guys.

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OK.

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"Black Jesus."

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"After school I arrived at home,
took off my shoes at the door,

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kissed the 8 by 10 photo
of Black Jesus in the hall,

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ate Fruit Loops over
the sink so Nana

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wouldn't scream if I
spilled milk on the carpet,

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and then watched TV.

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I used to watch this
cartoon with beasts

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that turned to
stone in the daytime

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and came alive at night.

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This was my ritual, my
afternoon ceremony of duty,

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love, and magic.

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The previous
Christmas, my Nana came

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to live with us,
my mother and me.

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In Los Angeles, Christmas
can be deceiving,

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but I loved it anyway.

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I dreamed of cotton snow and
the oily smell of plastic holly.

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Authenticity never made
much sense, really.

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All that is real is
what is in front of us

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if the satisfaction is absolute.

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Aluminum icicles over the
porch satisfied me deeply.

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Nana, not so much.

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I killed her, so she says.

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But she says everything
killed her, even though she's

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alive as a dog bite.

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Nana was smaller
than me even then.

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A granddaughter of
slaves, a new life

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without electricity
and frozen waffles.

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She knew other things too,
especially about cows.

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Not just milking them.

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I'd done that at
the LA County Fair.

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She could deliver their babies
and cure their sicknesses.

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When Nana first
entered the house,

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she had nothing but her
long, strapped leather purse,

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and a brick-thick Bible, and
that photo of the darkest

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Christ I'd ever seen.

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She didn't have a
suitcase or anything.

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I asked my mother, 'Why
did Nana have to come?'

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She said, 'Your grandmother
lived with my sister and now

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she lives with me.'

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That was that.

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Mama really is God in
the mouth of a child.

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To her I often prayed on
bent knees in the kitchen

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with knuckles under my chin.

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'Please, please, can I have
money for the ice cream truck?'

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The delicious music of sweet,
dairy bliss grew louder.

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She told me she'd given me
enough change the day before,

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which was true, but I denied it.

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I pleaded.

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'No,' she said.

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'I don't want you buying
anything from that musky

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albino.'

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God stirred her pot
and the song passed.

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When Nana caught me
prostrate on the floor,

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as she pulled me up and
told me to honor my mother.

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Nana and I spent a lot of
time together while my mother

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worked, while I spent a lot
of time with Nana's rules.

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One morning she
caught me kissing

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the photo of Black Jesus
on my way to the bus stop.

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With her wet, bony palm,
she slapped me downward

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on the left temple.

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I didn't know that much pain
existed in all the world.

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She cursed me dizzy with
words I didn't know yet,

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then she sat me down and read
the Ten Commandments to me

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in more words I didn't know yet.

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I did understand that they
were primarily just ten.

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Just ten laws not to be broken.

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That finite sensibility
meant everything to me.

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I may not have made it
through the school day

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without that number,
having been poked

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with such an emotional ice
pick as only my Nana could.

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In class I stared at my
teacher and wondered.

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Electricity crackled in
my blood and out my ears.

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She had skin like fabric.

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A suede eel with
really great breasts.

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Then I knew what I had to do.

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When I got home, I found
Nana's mammoth Bible,

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and turned to the Book of Exodus
and skimmed the Commandments.

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I had to choose
one, so I picked.

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'Thou shalt not bear
false witness against thy

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neighbor.' my
Wite-Out pen in hand,

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I blotted out that Commandment
and taped another over it.

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'Thou shalt not
kiss Black Jesus.'

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It was specific.

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I was contented.

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In exchange for
the freedom to lie,

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I would no longer kiss
Nana's Black Jesus.

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Several weeks passed
before the alterations

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of this particular
holy text went noticed.

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Christmas left reluctantly, and
the Southern California rains

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came in lackluster sprinkles
or vigorous downpours.

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I also discovered a
few more transgressions

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that needed to be included
in the Commandments.

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Now I was free to lie at
will, covet my neighbor's ass,

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and completely ignore the
Sabbath day as needed.

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The day Nana found the
post-it note that read,

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'Thou shalt not drip milk on the
carpet,' she roared like a car

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crash.

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'The Bible is God's
word,' she said.

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'And God is his word.

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That's like trying to
cover up the Lord himself.

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You can't put Wite-Out on God.'

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'Then they shouldn't have put
God on paper,' I told her.

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Nana belongs to the generation
of obedience as success

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and atonement as failure.

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I belong to the generation
of choose your own adventure.

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Life means adaptation
and renewal.

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I may convert to
new faiths, I may

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travel to foreign
communities, my arm

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may end up in some
witch doctor's stew,

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I may taste like
soy sauce and tears.

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Each cell of the planet
may be lovely and terrible,

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but we aren't afraid
to look and see.

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Nana calmed a little,
and we spoke like women.

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She told me Jesus
had copper skin

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and hair of wool, which sounds
a lot like my uncle Sheldon.

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I confess my reason for
kissing Nana's Jesus.

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'For good luck,' I said.

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I lied.

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The truth, I didn't
know how to say then.

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I never kissed a
man yet, of course.

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Not a father, or a
brother, or a lover.

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Kissing that photo meant
kissing the best of all men,

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because the best of all men
is the one very carefully

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imagined.

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Nana made me fix her
Bible for the most part.

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So the Commandments
were returned to stone,

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and I had my ritual.

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Several winters later, Nana
isn't able to walk on her own

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anymore, so I stay by her
most afternoons and read.

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She says I killed
her with my defiance.

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I think I might be
stealing her size.

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I grow bigger and
she grows smaller.

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When morticians remove
organs and weigh them,

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does anyone measure
the tare of the body?

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What does one weigh
without the heart?

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I guess as much as the dead.

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Almost nothing.

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I read to her from the Bible or
magazines or Christmas stories

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that Nana approves
of, but they're never

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the same when I say them.

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My mood changes
and so does hers.

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Tonight I tell her, 'The
crucifix hung from the chimney

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with care, and Santa's
reindeer stood on two hooves

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with hip studded to the side
and the universal manner

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of disbelief.

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Jingle your bells for me, baby.

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We are all angels.'

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When she is gone, I
will miss her forever."

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Right.

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That's "Black Jesus."

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[APPLAUSE]