WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.240 align:middle line:90% 00:00:06.240 --> 00:00:09.130 align:middle line:90% The Gun. 00:00:09.130 --> 00:00:13.610 align:middle line:84% Late afternoon light slices to the dormer window 00:00:13.610 --> 00:00:17.410 align:middle line:84% to your place on the floor next to a stack of comics. 00:00:17.410 --> 00:00:22.930 align:middle line:84% Across from you is a boy who at 11 is three years older. 00:00:22.930 --> 00:00:25.870 align:middle line:84% He's telling you to pull down your pants. 00:00:25.870 --> 00:00:28.240 align:middle line:90% You tell him you don't want to. 00:00:28.240 --> 00:00:32.178 align:middle line:84% His mother is out and you're alone in the house. 00:00:32.178 --> 00:00:34.720 align:middle line:84% He has given you a Coke and let you smoke two of his mother's 00:00:34.720 --> 00:00:38.770 align:middle line:84% nonfilter Pall Malls, and years later you 00:00:38.770 --> 00:00:41.650 align:middle line:84% can still picture the red packet on the dark finish 00:00:41.650 --> 00:00:43.480 align:middle line:90% of the phonograph. 00:00:43.480 --> 00:00:46.510 align:middle line:84% You stand up and say you have to go home. 00:00:46.510 --> 00:00:49.510 align:middle line:84% You live across the street and only see him in summer 00:00:49.510 --> 00:00:52.450 align:middle line:90% when he returns from school. 00:00:52.450 --> 00:00:54.850 align:middle line:84% As you step around the comics toward the stairs, 00:00:54.850 --> 00:00:57.100 align:middle line:84% the boy gives you a shove, sends you stumbling back. 00:00:57.100 --> 00:00:58.390 align:middle line:90% Wait, he says. 00:00:58.390 --> 00:01:01.250 align:middle line:90% I want to show you something. 00:01:01.250 --> 00:01:02.840 align:middle line:90% He goes to a drawer. 00:01:02.840 --> 00:01:05.000 align:middle line:84% And when he turns around, you see 00:01:05.000 --> 00:01:08.630 align:middle line:84% he is holding a small gun by the barrel. 00:01:08.630 --> 00:01:11.780 align:middle line:90% You feel your breathing glass. 00:01:11.780 --> 00:01:14.450 align:middle line:84% You ask if it is loaded and he says, sure it is. 00:01:14.450 --> 00:01:17.060 align:middle line:90% And you say, show me. 00:01:17.060 --> 00:01:19.700 align:middle line:84% He removes the clip, takes a bullet from his pocket. 00:01:19.700 --> 00:01:23.120 align:middle line:84% See this, he says, then puts the bullet into the clip, 00:01:23.120 --> 00:01:27.260 align:middle line:84% slides the clip into the butt of the gun with a snap. 00:01:27.260 --> 00:01:30.320 align:middle line:84% The boy sits on the beds and pretends to study the gun. 00:01:30.320 --> 00:01:32.450 align:middle line:84% He has a round fat face and black hair. 00:01:32.450 --> 00:01:35.480 align:middle line:90% Take off your pants, he says. 00:01:35.480 --> 00:01:38.195 align:middle line:84% Again you say you have to go home. 00:01:38.195 --> 00:01:40.070 align:middle line:84% He stands up and points the gun at your legs. 00:01:40.070 --> 00:01:42.680 align:middle line:84% Slowly, you unhook your cowboy belt, 00:01:42.680 --> 00:01:45.500 align:middle line:84% undo the metal buttons of your jeans. 00:01:45.500 --> 00:01:48.195 align:middle line:90% They slide down past your knees. 00:01:48.195 --> 00:01:49.820 align:middle line:84% Pull down your underwear, he tells you. 00:01:49.820 --> 00:01:52.250 align:middle line:90% You tell him you don't want to. 00:01:52.250 --> 00:01:54.350 align:middle line:90% He points the gun to your head. 00:01:54.350 --> 00:01:57.060 align:middle line:84% You crouch on the floor, cover your head of your hands. 00:01:57.060 --> 00:01:58.790 align:middle line:84% You don't want him to see you cry. 00:01:58.790 --> 00:02:01.460 align:middle line:84% You feel you're pulling yourself into yourself 00:02:01.460 --> 00:02:04.070 align:middle line:84% and soon you'll be no bigger than a pebble. 00:02:04.070 --> 00:02:06.620 align:middle line:84% You think back to the time you saw a friend's cocker 00:02:06.620 --> 00:02:08.990 align:middle line:84% spaniel hit by a car and you remember 00:02:08.990 --> 00:02:11.780 align:middle line:84% how its face-- you remember how its stomach was split open. 00:02:11.780 --> 00:02:14.180 align:middle line:84% And you imagine your face split open and blood 00:02:14.180 --> 00:02:16.100 align:middle line:90% and gray stuff escaping. 00:02:16.100 --> 00:02:19.520 align:middle line:84% You've hardly ever thought of dying, seriously dying, 00:02:19.520 --> 00:02:22.280 align:middle line:84% and as you grow more scared you have to go to the bathroom 00:02:22.280 --> 00:02:25.620 align:middle line:84% more and more badly before you can stop yourself. 00:02:25.620 --> 00:02:27.890 align:middle line:84% You feel yourself pissing into your underwear. 00:02:27.890 --> 00:02:30.620 align:middle line:84% The boy with a gun sees the spreading pool of urine. 00:02:30.620 --> 00:02:33.950 align:middle line:84% You baby, he shouts, you baby, you're disgusting. 00:02:33.950 --> 00:02:36.560 align:middle line:84% You want to apologize but the words jumble 00:02:36.560 --> 00:02:37.640 align:middle line:90% and choke in your throat. 00:02:37.640 --> 00:02:39.050 align:middle line:90% Get out, the boy shouts. 00:02:39.050 --> 00:02:41.150 align:middle line:84% You drag your pants up over your wet underwear 00:02:41.150 --> 00:02:42.710 align:middle line:90% and run down the stairs. 00:02:42.710 --> 00:02:44.570 align:middle line:84% As you slam out of his house, you 00:02:44.570 --> 00:02:46.850 align:middle line:84% know you died up there among the comic books 00:02:46.850 --> 00:02:49.670 align:middle line:84% and football pennants, died as sure as your friend's cocker 00:02:49.670 --> 00:02:53.000 align:middle line:84% spaniel, as sure as if the boy had shot your face off, 00:02:53.000 --> 00:02:54.410 align:middle line:90% shot the very piss out of you. 00:02:54.410 --> 00:02:57.170 align:middle line:84% Standing in the street with urine soaking your pants, 00:02:57.170 --> 00:02:58.970 align:middle line:84% you watch your neighbors pursuing 00:02:58.970 --> 00:03:01.520 align:middle line:84% the orderly occupations of summer afternoon, 00:03:01.520 --> 00:03:03.350 align:middle line:84% mowing the lawn, trimming a hedge. 00:03:03.350 --> 00:03:06.080 align:middle line:84% Where is that sense of the world you woke with this morning? 00:03:06.080 --> 00:03:07.340 align:middle line:90% Now it is smaller. 00:03:07.340 --> 00:03:10.310 align:middle line:90% Now it has gone away. 00:03:10.310 --> 00:03:13.660 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:03:13.660 --> 00:03:17.000 align:middle line:90%