WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.290 align:middle line:90% 00:00:01.290 --> 00:00:02.100 align:middle line:90% Hi. 00:00:02.100 --> 00:00:05.400 align:middle line:84% I'm so happy to be back in Tucson and to see all of you, 00:00:05.400 --> 00:00:08.310 align:middle line:84% and I'm so honored to be here reading at the Poetry Center 00:00:08.310 --> 00:00:09.660 align:middle line:90% this evening. 00:00:09.660 --> 00:00:13.570 align:middle line:84% It's such a joy to be here with all of you, 00:00:13.570 --> 00:00:17.265 align:middle line:84% so thanks for joining us this evening. 00:00:17.265 --> 00:00:19.390 align:middle line:84% I'm going to read from a couple of different pieces 00:00:19.390 --> 00:00:20.280 align:middle line:90% this evening. 00:00:20.280 --> 00:00:24.630 align:middle line:84% This first piece is excerpts from a chapter 00:00:24.630 --> 00:00:30.420 align:middle line:84% in Detailing Trauma called "This Suturing of Wounds or Words." 00:00:30.420 --> 00:00:33.150 align:middle line:84% And this is a project, I guess I will say, 00:00:33.150 --> 00:00:36.780 align:middle line:84% that I started when I took my EMT training years and years 00:00:36.780 --> 00:00:41.700 align:middle line:84% ago and discovered that medical language is amazing and really 00:00:41.700 --> 00:00:45.480 align:middle line:84% quirky and beautiful and poetic, and knew immediately 00:00:45.480 --> 00:00:47.550 align:middle line:84% that I was going to eventually write 00:00:47.550 --> 00:00:49.140 align:middle line:90% a project using that language. 00:00:49.140 --> 00:00:52.680 align:middle line:90% 00:00:52.680 --> 00:00:55.860 align:middle line:84% "This Suturing of Wounds or Words." 00:00:55.860 --> 00:00:58.800 align:middle line:90% "One, Skin. 00:00:58.800 --> 00:01:02.730 align:middle line:84% My friend Nina archives and restores old films. 00:01:02.730 --> 00:01:05.400 align:middle line:84% Their bodies accumulate everything from dust 00:01:05.400 --> 00:01:09.960 align:middle line:84% to mold to dirt, shrink and become brittle, crack 00:01:09.960 --> 00:01:12.000 align:middle line:90% or start to break apart. 00:01:12.000 --> 00:01:14.730 align:middle line:90% They're decaying from old age. 00:01:14.730 --> 00:01:18.690 align:middle line:84% The sprockets along the edges rip open. 00:01:18.690 --> 00:01:21.270 align:middle line:84% They store the old films in what basically amount 00:01:21.270 --> 00:01:24.390 align:middle line:90% to caverns in a cliff wall. 00:01:24.390 --> 00:01:28.950 align:middle line:84% The temperature is kept at 36 degrees and 10% moisture. 00:01:28.950 --> 00:01:31.950 align:middle line:84% The archive is buying time, trying 00:01:31.950 --> 00:01:34.260 align:middle line:84% to keep the film bodies from aging, 00:01:34.260 --> 00:01:37.170 align:middle line:84% from decaying any further before they can 00:01:37.170 --> 00:01:41.010 align:middle line:90% be copied onto another body. 00:01:41.010 --> 00:01:44.370 align:middle line:84% There are so many ways we try to buy time as well. 00:01:44.370 --> 00:01:47.640 align:middle line:84% Not caves at 36 degrees but almost everything 00:01:47.640 --> 00:01:51.360 align:middle line:84% else you can imagine has been attempted at some point-- 00:01:51.360 --> 00:01:55.320 align:middle line:84% serums made from placentas, cell injections 00:01:55.320 --> 00:01:59.370 align:middle line:84% from the tissues of fetal animals, elixirs, ointments, 00:01:59.370 --> 00:02:04.080 align:middle line:84% drugs, hormones, dietary supplements, cryonics, alchemy 00:02:04.080 --> 00:02:06.120 align:middle line:84% and the use of precious metals for eating 00:02:06.120 --> 00:02:11.009 align:middle line:84% utensils, monkey gall bladders, bathing in beer, 00:02:11.009 --> 00:02:16.500 align:middle line:84% bathing in special springs, injecting human growth hormone 00:02:16.500 --> 00:02:20.340 align:middle line:84% or injecting botulinum toxin into the skin, 00:02:20.340 --> 00:02:23.490 align:middle line:84% rubbing in honey or balm or ejaculate 00:02:23.490 --> 00:02:25.860 align:middle line:90% to keep the skin soft. 00:02:25.860 --> 00:02:30.630 align:middle line:84% The prospect of brittleness is terrifying. 00:02:30.630 --> 00:02:33.300 align:middle line:84% Nature takes us from conception through our years 00:02:33.300 --> 00:02:36.960 align:middle line:84% of procreative possibility with robust vigor. 00:02:36.960 --> 00:02:42.420 align:middle line:84% After that, our body's role, in an evolutionary sense, is done. 00:02:42.420 --> 00:02:45.570 align:middle line:84% There are varying theories about aging. 00:02:45.570 --> 00:02:49.170 align:middle line:84% One holds that aging events are random, cumulative, 00:02:49.170 --> 00:02:54.030 align:middle line:84% and microscopic, that there is a slow accumulation of damage 00:02:54.030 --> 00:02:58.350 align:middle line:84% to cell membranes, that chemical reactions eventually 00:02:58.350 --> 00:03:01.620 align:middle line:84% bind together those molecular structures that work best 00:03:01.620 --> 00:03:02.820 align:middle line:90% when separate-- 00:03:02.820 --> 00:03:07.890 align:middle line:84% proteins, nucleic acid, and collagen. 00:03:07.890 --> 00:03:11.160 align:middle line:84% Another theory proposes that aging is simply genetically 00:03:11.160 --> 00:03:12.990 align:middle line:90% programmed into our cells. 00:03:12.990 --> 00:03:17.220 align:middle line:84% They have a set lifespan, a genetic timetable. 00:03:17.220 --> 00:03:21.390 align:middle line:84% When melanocytes, the cells that give our hair its melanin 00:03:21.390 --> 00:03:26.250 align:middle line:84% pigment, wear out during midlife, they are not replaced. 00:03:26.250 --> 00:03:27.330 align:middle line:90% Gray hairs ensue. 00:03:27.330 --> 00:03:30.120 align:middle line:90% 00:03:30.120 --> 00:03:33.690 align:middle line:84% The prospect of brittleness is terrifying. 00:03:33.690 --> 00:03:36.660 align:middle line:84% We pump tissues full of silicon, needles 00:03:36.660 --> 00:03:39.390 align:middle line:84% into lips to keep them plumped as though they 00:03:39.390 --> 00:03:42.330 align:middle line:90% were pillows to be propped up. 00:03:42.330 --> 00:03:44.520 align:middle line:84% Even after bodies are deanimated, 00:03:44.520 --> 00:03:46.275 align:middle line:84% we push fluids through the veins, 00:03:46.275 --> 00:03:52.050 align:middle line:84% for some reason trying to hold them plumped, inflated. 00:03:52.050 --> 00:03:54.960 align:middle line:90% Two, laceration." 00:03:54.960 --> 00:03:56.820 align:middle line:84% And I should say, and I apologize if this 00:03:56.820 --> 00:03:58.380 align:middle line:90% is a bit much for any of you. 00:03:58.380 --> 00:04:00.400 align:middle line:84% This is a little medically graphic, 00:04:00.400 --> 00:04:04.140 align:middle line:84% so if you're squeamish, maybe plug your ears. 00:04:04.140 --> 00:04:06.810 align:middle line:90% "Two, laceration. 00:04:06.810 --> 00:04:09.660 align:middle line:84% In older age, as our skin thins and becomes 00:04:09.660 --> 00:04:12.300 align:middle line:84% more delicate, more easily wounded, 00:04:12.300 --> 00:04:15.000 align:middle line:84% we may sustain wet tissue paper tears 00:04:15.000 --> 00:04:17.940 align:middle line:84% as a result of fairly minor trauma. 00:04:17.940 --> 00:04:21.390 align:middle line:84% But even before the skin thins and brittles with time, 00:04:21.390 --> 00:04:23.670 align:middle line:84% it is such a vulnerable body layer-- 00:04:23.670 --> 00:04:26.940 align:middle line:90% soft, pliable, thin. 00:04:26.940 --> 00:04:33.600 align:middle line:84% We wound like ripe fruit, bruised and leaking open. 00:04:33.600 --> 00:04:36.690 align:middle line:84% Lacerations to the skin may be clean and linear 00:04:36.690 --> 00:04:38.880 align:middle line:84% if they are caused by a knife, glass 00:04:38.880 --> 00:04:41.820 align:middle line:90% shard, or other sharp object. 00:04:41.820 --> 00:04:44.430 align:middle line:84% They may be caused by slicing at an angle, 00:04:44.430 --> 00:04:48.870 align:middle line:84% separating an entire flap of skin like a peninsula. 00:04:48.870 --> 00:04:52.590 align:middle line:84% Crushing injuries, caused by a direct blow or impact, 00:04:52.590 --> 00:04:57.490 align:middle line:84% may cause a stellate laceration, irregular in its course. 00:04:57.490 --> 00:05:01.810 align:middle line:84% If deep enough, a laceration may reveal underlying tissues, 00:05:01.810 --> 00:05:06.580 align:middle line:90% fat, muscle, tendon, or bone. 00:05:06.580 --> 00:05:10.720 align:middle line:84% Deep wounds sometimes accompany underlying bone fracture. 00:05:10.720 --> 00:05:12.700 align:middle line:84% It's even possible for the broken bone 00:05:12.700 --> 00:05:17.320 align:middle line:84% to cause the laceration to the skin, sharp splintered ends 00:05:17.320 --> 00:05:21.100 align:middle line:90% jutting through what was intact. 00:05:21.100 --> 00:05:25.720 align:middle line:84% But broken bone is not the only way we are shattered or sliced. 00:05:25.720 --> 00:05:28.750 align:middle line:84% Whole worlds can fracture in an instant, 00:05:28.750 --> 00:05:32.290 align:middle line:84% leaving us reeling with lacerated ribbons of flesh 00:05:32.290 --> 00:05:34.000 align:middle line:90% or self. 00:05:34.000 --> 00:05:39.850 align:middle line:84% Whole worlds can fracture without a word of warning. 00:05:39.850 --> 00:05:44.020 align:middle line:84% The most striking thing about fracture is the way it arrives. 00:05:44.020 --> 00:05:46.870 align:middle line:84% You can be going about the most mundane day you've ever 00:05:46.870 --> 00:05:50.500 align:middle line:84% experienced in your life, nothing unusual, 00:05:50.500 --> 00:05:52.930 align:middle line:90% nothing to give you pause. 00:05:52.930 --> 00:05:55.390 align:middle line:84% Indeed, it's like every single other time 00:05:55.390 --> 00:05:58.720 align:middle line:84% you've ever done this particular thing you are doing-- 00:05:58.720 --> 00:06:01.270 align:middle line:84% walking home in the evening, biking 00:06:01.270 --> 00:06:05.680 align:middle line:84% to work on a sunny morning, stepping into the car. 00:06:05.680 --> 00:06:08.250 align:middle line:84% You are thinking about other things. 00:06:08.250 --> 00:06:10.600 align:middle line:84% You are smiling at something your students said 00:06:10.600 --> 00:06:13.810 align:middle line:84% this afternoon, or you are feeling your legs 00:06:13.810 --> 00:06:16.840 align:middle line:84% as they push against the pedals and extend, 00:06:16.840 --> 00:06:20.890 align:middle line:84% feeling your bike soar as you coast downhill. 00:06:20.890 --> 00:06:27.460 align:middle line:84% And then suddenly, like a dropped fruit splitting open, 00:06:27.460 --> 00:06:30.520 align:middle line:84% a rough voice on the sidewalk behind you 00:06:30.520 --> 00:06:34.660 align:middle line:84% or this shrieking scrape of metal against metal 00:06:34.660 --> 00:06:37.540 align:middle line:84% or the unexpected thud of something heavy hitting 00:06:37.540 --> 00:06:40.330 align:middle line:90% the sidewalk. 00:06:40.330 --> 00:06:43.270 align:middle line:84% Once, I was biking home through a grocery's parking lot 00:06:43.270 --> 00:06:45.400 align:middle line:90% in New Mexico. 00:06:45.400 --> 00:06:48.400 align:middle line:84% A large pickup truck hit me from behind. 00:06:48.400 --> 00:06:51.400 align:middle line:84% What I remember was the disorientation-- 00:06:51.400 --> 00:06:55.960 align:middle line:84% an inexplicable physical impact, the instantaneous rupture 00:06:55.960 --> 00:06:59.050 align:middle line:84% of normal, the sense of being violently 00:06:59.050 --> 00:07:04.180 align:middle line:84% jolted apart from everything that I thought I was doing. 00:07:04.180 --> 00:07:07.810 align:middle line:84% Trauma is a shear in ordinary blacktop, 00:07:07.810 --> 00:07:10.930 align:middle line:84% a fissure in the everyday fabric, 00:07:10.930 --> 00:07:14.350 align:middle line:84% like flannel being ripped, the shredding 00:07:14.350 --> 00:07:18.970 align:middle line:84% of each fiber in a mostly straight line, the frayed edges 00:07:18.970 --> 00:07:23.860 align:middle line:84% that result, the way the cloth loses its flat plane, 00:07:23.860 --> 00:07:30.670 align:middle line:84% becomes irregularly stretched and taut, gaping and baggy. 00:07:30.670 --> 00:07:32.410 align:middle line:84% When you get there on the ambulance, 00:07:32.410 --> 00:07:35.950 align:middle line:84% you can see it in their eyes, the shock of it, 00:07:35.950 --> 00:07:38.590 align:middle line:84% the rupture, like everything they've 00:07:38.590 --> 00:07:43.420 align:middle line:84% ever known to be true just dissolved into nothing. 00:07:43.420 --> 00:07:48.550 align:middle line:84% A snowy road in Wyoming with red rock upthrusts on all sides. 00:07:48.550 --> 00:07:51.460 align:middle line:84% And then the wind swirls, and the road is gone. 00:07:51.460 --> 00:07:53.980 align:middle line:90% And all you can see is white. 00:07:53.980 --> 00:07:56.380 align:middle line:84% You can feel you're still moving. 00:07:56.380 --> 00:08:00.370 align:middle line:84% Posts swell into sight and then disappear again, just 00:08:00.370 --> 00:08:02.290 align:middle line:90% missed in the slide. 00:08:02.290 --> 00:08:03.890 align:middle line:90% Are you moving forward? 00:08:03.890 --> 00:08:04.390 align:middle line:90% Sideways? 00:08:04.390 --> 00:08:06.970 align:middle line:90% 00:08:06.970 --> 00:08:09.670 align:middle line:84% Riding home and the bicycle and the ambulance 00:08:09.670 --> 00:08:14.590 align:middle line:84% in the street, the man with his patella torn open and apart, 00:08:14.590 --> 00:08:19.420 align:middle line:84% the foot so shredded it's no longer a foot. 00:08:19.420 --> 00:08:21.790 align:middle line:84% My brother's girlfriend called him the three times 00:08:21.790 --> 00:08:25.390 align:middle line:84% she cut herself, long streaking slices 00:08:25.390 --> 00:08:30.430 align:middle line:84% in the arms, he the bandage, the clotting agent. 00:08:30.430 --> 00:08:33.190 align:middle line:84% There are many questions raised of Quik-clot 00:08:33.190 --> 00:08:35.799 align:middle line:84% and other commercial clotting agents. 00:08:35.799 --> 00:08:38.590 align:middle line:84% One type has been known to stay in the bloodstream, 00:08:38.590 --> 00:08:41.830 align:middle line:84% forming clots long after the need has passed, 00:08:41.830 --> 00:08:43.870 align:middle line:84% traveling eventually to the brain 00:08:43.870 --> 00:08:47.570 align:middle line:84% and causing cerebral embolism and stroke. 00:08:47.570 --> 00:08:51.010 align:middle line:84% Another, in powder form, blew into the eyes of soldiers 00:08:51.010 --> 00:08:55.120 align:middle line:84% in desert winds, damaging their vision. 00:08:55.120 --> 00:08:57.040 align:middle line:84% All clotting powder must be removed 00:08:57.040 --> 00:09:00.070 align:middle line:84% from the wound before physicians can suture, 00:09:00.070 --> 00:09:03.100 align:middle line:84% a lengthy cleaning process, blooming 00:09:03.100 --> 00:09:05.305 align:middle line:90% wound on this terrain of skin. 00:09:05.305 --> 00:09:08.350 align:middle line:90% 00:09:08.350 --> 00:09:11.950 align:middle line:90% Three, debridement. 00:09:11.950 --> 00:09:16.150 align:middle line:84% And after, after we are wounded, after our world 00:09:16.150 --> 00:09:21.670 align:middle line:84% is shattered by loss, reassurance is hard to come by. 00:09:21.670 --> 00:09:25.460 align:middle line:84% The precipice is still a precipice from the other side, 00:09:25.460 --> 00:09:27.370 align:middle line:90% from the bottom. 00:09:27.370 --> 00:09:30.610 align:middle line:84% We find ourselves a shaky, knitted-together place 00:09:30.610 --> 00:09:34.750 align:middle line:84% to stand, are, perhaps, a little purified, 00:09:34.750 --> 00:09:39.370 align:middle line:84% like rising from flames, by the absoluteness of it, by having 00:09:39.370 --> 00:09:43.570 align:middle line:84% lost what was unbearable, unsurvivable to lose, 00:09:43.570 --> 00:09:46.750 align:middle line:84% and finding ourselves still breathing. 00:09:46.750 --> 00:09:49.810 align:middle line:84% But that's all we are at this moment, still 00:09:49.810 --> 00:09:52.870 align:middle line:84% breathing but broken, and at the bottom of this very 00:09:52.870 --> 00:09:57.460 align:middle line:84% tall precipice with no clue as to how to ascend back 00:09:57.460 --> 00:10:00.640 align:middle line:84% to the flat plains of the living, 00:10:00.640 --> 00:10:04.030 align:middle line:84% back, with at least one foot, into the land of pretending 00:10:04.030 --> 00:10:05.200 align:middle line:90% again-- 00:10:05.200 --> 00:10:06.430 align:middle line:90% we are safe. 00:10:06.430 --> 00:10:07.960 align:middle line:90% Those we love are safe. 00:10:07.960 --> 00:10:11.290 align:middle line:90% There is no precipice. 00:10:11.290 --> 00:10:15.160 align:middle line:84% Doctors may choose to surgically remove dead or damaged tissue 00:10:15.160 --> 00:10:18.250 align:middle line:84% to promote the healing of a laceration. 00:10:18.250 --> 00:10:20.410 align:middle line:84% This is known as debriding the wound 00:10:20.410 --> 00:10:23.560 align:middle line:84% and is most often done to create clean wound edges 00:10:23.560 --> 00:10:26.170 align:middle line:84% and decrease scarring or to remove 00:10:26.170 --> 00:10:28.015 align:middle line:90% infected and necrotic tissue. 00:10:28.015 --> 00:10:30.670 align:middle line:90% 00:10:30.670 --> 00:10:32.860 align:middle line:84% What is it that happens as fracture 00:10:32.860 --> 00:10:37.930 align:middle line:84% occurs if it doesn't entirely break us, though sometimes it 00:10:37.930 --> 00:10:39.350 align:middle line:90% does? 00:10:39.350 --> 00:10:43.690 align:middle line:84% But sometimes, the shattered vessel fills with light. 00:10:43.690 --> 00:10:46.570 align:middle line:84% Sometimes, the fracture opens us. 00:10:46.570 --> 00:10:50.980 align:middle line:84% Sometimes, we become not less but more alive, 00:10:50.980 --> 00:10:54.790 align:middle line:84% like the discomfort of standing on a high ridge, soaked 00:10:54.790 --> 00:11:00.100 align:middle line:84% in slicing gray rain, scoured by wind, bracing. 00:11:00.100 --> 00:11:02.320 align:middle line:84% Perhaps the scouring can shed what 00:11:02.320 --> 00:11:06.010 align:middle line:84% isn't needed, sloughing off the dead skin built up 00:11:06.010 --> 00:11:09.640 align:middle line:84% over years of living, in fear of breaking, 00:11:09.640 --> 00:11:12.520 align:middle line:90% our faces turned away. 00:11:12.520 --> 00:11:15.370 align:middle line:84% 'Throughout my whole life,' wrote Pierre Teilhard de 00:11:15.370 --> 00:11:18.200 align:middle line:84% Chardin, 'during every minute of it, 00:11:18.200 --> 00:11:22.150 align:middle line:84% the world has been gradually lighting up and blazing before 00:11:22.150 --> 00:11:25.180 align:middle line:84% my eyes until it has come to surround me, 00:11:25.180 --> 00:11:28.570 align:middle line:90% entirely lit up from within.' 00:11:28.570 --> 00:11:31.720 align:middle line:84% This is a man who has known fracture. 00:11:31.720 --> 00:11:35.610 align:middle line:84% We live steeped in its burning layers." 00:11:35.610 --> 00:11:37.000 align:middle line:90%