WEBVTT

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This is called "Slow Night."

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"God's away right now,
but he'll be right back,

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a voice whispers.

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I slink into the bathtub,
steam rises like incense

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off the water.

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My dick is engorged.

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It's all right, another
voice tells my left ear.

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Go ahead and do it.

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I bite my lip--" you know, mind
you, I'm 12 years old then.

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[LAUGHTER]

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I have other ways now.

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"I'm too scared.

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I bite my lip, close my eyes
because I'm too scared to look

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and listen instead
to the small waves,

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look the edges of the
bathtub and spill over.

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When I stop, a
voice says, God saw.

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The burning bush is
going to chase you.

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[LAUGHTER]

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I drain the water,
dry off and think,

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there's too much
steam for God to see.

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Their front yard, it's still
hot and except for the crickets

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and the flower bed quiet.

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I start up the street,
where is everyone?

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Before my bath there were
kids and parents and dogs

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licking pie tins.

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Mom was watering,
and Rick my brother

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was leaning in the car
fender looking cool.

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I flinch when a sparrow
shifts in the holly bush.

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God, I'm in trouble.

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God made everyone disappear.

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Or so I believe until I see
Mr. Gritz on the front steps,

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and he's sweating a
mouth full of hot dogs.

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Judy his wife is just as greasy.

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She flicks a finger of
sweat at me as I pass.

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She laughs, coughs, and a noise
like a wheelbarrow of rocks

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rattles in her chest.

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I ask, where is everyone?

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Judy shrugs and says,
they've gone to hell.

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They laugh and rattle
the rocks in their chests

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and a piece of food falls
from Mr. Gritz's mouth.

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I pretend to like them, I
laugh, take a step back, laugh,

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take a step back until
I'm out of sight,

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but thinking that their
marriage is as old as trees.

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Still, I want to get married
when I learn to drive a car.

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Andy, an older kid
on the other street

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said, it feels like
chicken after he told me

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that I went around not
liking girls very much.

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I kept picturing a hot
and bald salt and pepper

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chicken attached to
my dick and me in bed

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and my brother in the bunk above
me asking, what's going on?

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[LAUGHTER]

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I tell them I can't
stop sweating.

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Of course, God is looking.

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And he whispers and shouts
loud enough for mom to hear,

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of course, God is looking.

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And he whispers and shouts
loud enough for mom to hear.

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Gary, leave their chicken alone.

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Andy from the other
street, he should know.

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He had his way with the daughter
of the peanut man, a poor guy

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who works the Fresno mall.

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One leg shorter,
tiny American flags

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in his hat and no one
buying because in our town

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we like sunflower seeds.

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And whom I helped to carry
cardboard to a vacant lot

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here he said, here over here.

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We stomp the cardboard into
a bed for his girl instead

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of brick at each corner.

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My girl will love me for the
trouble he said and said,

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the hole I dug is
for Cokes and seeds,

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though, she's
bringing free peanuts.

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But where is Andy now?

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Where are my brother
and sister and mom?

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It's eerie when there's no
one around to beat you up.

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And the loud noise
and I'm thinking

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that it's Mr. Gritz
just breathing deeper,

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except I see Mr. Wise's
truck and my mom in the cab

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and the kids in the
back full of racket.

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Cross-eyed Johnny first to
jump out shouts at my shoulder

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that a house on Belmont
Avenue burned to the ground.

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And though no one died
at least three people

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cried, and ain't that
better than nothing.

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God's going to have his
way in time, in time."

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