WEBVTT

00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.670 align:middle line:90%


00:00:04.670 --> 00:00:07.910 align:middle line:84%
"'In the convent', Sister
Ursula's first submission

00:00:07.910 --> 00:00:13.820 align:middle line:84%
began, 'I was known
as the whore's child'.

00:00:13.820 --> 00:00:20.180 align:middle line:84%
Nice opening, I
wrote in the margin

00:00:20.180 --> 00:00:25.220 align:middle line:84%
as if to imply that her choice
had been a purely artistic one.

00:00:25.220 --> 00:00:27.020 align:middle line:84%
It wasn't of course,
she was simply

00:00:27.020 --> 00:00:30.290 align:middle line:84%
starting with what was for her
the beginning of her torment.

00:00:30.290 --> 00:00:33.950 align:middle line:84%
She was writing and would
continue to write a memoir.

00:00:33.950 --> 00:00:38.660 align:middle line:84%
By mid-semester I would give
up asking her to invent things.

00:00:38.660 --> 00:00:42.770 align:middle line:84%
The first installment weighed
in at a robust 25 pages

00:00:42.770 --> 00:00:45.950 align:middle line:84%
which detailed the suffering
of a young girl taken

00:00:45.950 --> 00:00:48.032 align:middle line:84%
to live in a Belgian
convent school

00:00:48.032 --> 00:00:49.490 align:middle line:84%
where the treatment
of the children

00:00:49.490 --> 00:00:53.030 align:middle line:84%
was determined by the social and
financial status of the parents

00:00:53.030 --> 00:00:55.160 align:middle line:90%
who abandoned them there.

00:00:55.160 --> 00:00:57.980 align:middle line:84%
As a charity case and the
daughter of a prostitute,

00:00:57.980 --> 00:01:00.890 align:middle line:84%
young Sister Ursula--
there could be no doubt

00:01:00.890 --> 00:01:03.890 align:middle line:84%
that she was the first person
narrator--found herself

00:01:03.890 --> 00:01:08.330 align:middle line:84%
at the very bottom of the
ecclesiastical food chain.

00:01:08.330 --> 00:01:10.490 align:middle line:84%
With what little
wealth she possessed,

00:01:10.490 --> 00:01:13.880 align:middle line:84%
some pens and paper her father
purchased for her a few days

00:01:13.880 --> 00:01:16.850 align:middle line:84%
before they left the city,
along with a pretty new dress

00:01:16.850 --> 00:01:19.160 align:middle line:84%
was taken from her
and she was informed

00:01:19.160 --> 00:01:21.050 align:middle line:84%
that henceforth she
would have no use

00:01:21.050 --> 00:01:23.570 align:middle line:90%
for her pitiful possessions.

00:01:23.570 --> 00:01:28.820 align:middle line:84%
Her needs, food, the uniform,
and a single pair of shoes

00:01:28.820 --> 00:01:31.580 align:middle line:84%
would be provided for her
though she would doubtless

00:01:31.580 --> 00:01:34.280 align:middle line:90%
prove unworthy to receive them.

00:01:34.280 --> 00:01:38.090 align:middle line:84%
The shoes she was given were two
sizes too small, an accident,

00:01:38.090 --> 00:01:40.670 align:middle line:84%
Sister Ursula imagined
until she asked

00:01:40.670 --> 00:01:43.280 align:middle line:84%
if she might exchange them
for the shoes of a younger

00:01:43.280 --> 00:01:47.270 align:middle line:84%
girl that were two sizes
too large only to be scorned

00:01:47.270 --> 00:01:50.000 align:middle line:90%
for her impertinence.

00:01:50.000 --> 00:01:52.310 align:middle line:84%
So before long she
developed the tortured gait

00:01:52.310 --> 00:01:54.650 align:middle line:84%
of a cripple which
was much imitated

00:01:54.650 --> 00:01:56.480 align:middle line:84%
by the other children
who immediately

00:01:56.480 --> 00:01:59.180 align:middle line:84%
perceived in her
a suitable object

00:01:59.180 --> 00:02:02.980 align:middle line:90%
for their cruelest derision.

00:02:02.980 --> 00:02:04.870 align:middle line:84%
The mockery of her
classmates was something

00:02:04.870 --> 00:02:07.420 align:middle line:84%
that Sister Ursula quickly
accommodated by shunning

00:02:07.420 --> 00:02:08.710 align:middle line:90%
their companionship.

00:02:08.710 --> 00:02:11.830 align:middle line:84%
In time, she grew
accustomed to being referred

00:02:11.830 --> 00:02:14.270 align:middle line:90%
to as the whore's child.

00:02:14.270 --> 00:02:16.270 align:middle line:84%
And she hoped that the
children would eventually

00:02:16.270 --> 00:02:19.420 align:middle line:84%
tire of calling her this if
she could manage to conceal

00:02:19.420 --> 00:02:21.970 align:middle line:90%
how deeply it wounded her.

00:02:21.970 --> 00:02:25.090 align:middle line:84%
During periods of recreation
in a convent courtyard,

00:02:25.090 --> 00:02:28.450 align:middle line:84%
she perfected the art of
becoming invisible, avoiding

00:02:28.450 --> 00:02:33.070 align:middle line:84%
all games and contests when she
knew even those on her own team

00:02:33.070 --> 00:02:34.960 align:middle line:90%
would turn on her.

00:02:34.960 --> 00:02:37.300 align:middle line:84%
What she was not prepared
for was the cruelty

00:02:37.300 --> 00:02:40.120 align:middle line:84%
that she suffered at the
hands of the nuns who

00:02:40.120 --> 00:02:43.480 align:middle line:84%
seemed to derive nearly as much
satisfaction from tormenting

00:02:43.480 --> 00:02:46.990 align:middle line:84%
her as their charges,
beginning with her request

00:02:46.990 --> 00:02:49.570 align:middle line:90%
to exchange the shoes.

00:02:49.570 --> 00:02:53.110 align:middle line:84%
She had not merely been told
that this was not permitted,

00:02:53.110 --> 00:02:55.300 align:middle line:84%
but was given a
horrible explanation

00:02:55.300 --> 00:02:57.280 align:middle line:90%
as to why this was so.

00:02:57.280 --> 00:02:59.350 align:middle line:84%
The chafing of the
two small shoes

00:02:59.350 --> 00:03:02.920 align:middle line:84%
had caused her heels to bleed
into her coarse white socks

00:03:02.920 --> 00:03:05.950 align:middle line:84%
and then even the
shoes themselves.

00:03:05.950 --> 00:03:09.520 align:middle line:84%
Only a wicked child,
Sister Veronique explained,

00:03:09.520 --> 00:03:13.570 align:middle line:84%
would foul the shoes that she
had been given with her blood

00:03:13.570 --> 00:03:16.450 align:middle line:84%
and then beg to exchange
them for the shoes

00:03:16.450 --> 00:03:18.580 align:middle line:90%
of an innocent child.

00:03:18.580 --> 00:03:21.340 align:middle line:84%
Did she think it fair,
the old nun wondered

00:03:21.340 --> 00:03:24.250 align:middle line:84%
out loud that
another child, one who

00:03:24.250 --> 00:03:27.640 align:middle line:84%
had not only a virtuous
mother but also a father,

00:03:27.640 --> 00:03:31.240 align:middle line:84%
be asked to wear the polluted
shoes of a whore's child.

00:03:31.240 --> 00:03:34.080 align:middle line:90%


00:03:34.080 --> 00:03:36.210 align:middle line:84%
Worse than the stain
of the old nun's

00:03:36.210 --> 00:03:39.270 align:middle line:84%
suggestion that anything Sister
Ursula touched immediately

00:03:39.270 --> 00:03:41.580 align:middle line:84%
became contaminated
was the inference

00:03:41.580 --> 00:03:45.150 align:middle line:84%
that trailed in the wake
of the other remark.

00:03:45.150 --> 00:03:48.360 align:middle line:84%
The innocent girl had not
only a virtuous mother,

00:03:48.360 --> 00:03:52.950 align:middle line:84%
Sister Ursula knew what this
meant, but also a father.

00:03:52.950 --> 00:03:55.410 align:middle line:84%
Which seemed to imply
that she herself did not

00:03:55.410 --> 00:03:57.810 align:middle line:84%
have one, of course,
she knew that she

00:03:57.810 --> 00:04:00.720 align:middle line:84%
did have a father, a
tall handsome father who

00:04:00.720 --> 00:04:03.210 align:middle line:84%
had promised to rescue
her from this place

00:04:03.210 --> 00:04:05.520 align:middle line:90%
as soon as he could find work.

00:04:05.520 --> 00:04:08.070 align:middle line:84%
Indeed, it was her father
who had brought her

00:04:08.070 --> 00:04:10.950 align:middle line:84%
to the convent, who had assured
Mother Superior that she

00:04:10.950 --> 00:04:14.370 align:middle line:84%
was a good girl and
not at all wicked.

00:04:14.370 --> 00:04:17.370 align:middle line:84%
How then, had Sister
Veronique concluded

00:04:17.370 --> 00:04:19.680 align:middle line:90%
that she had no father.

00:04:19.680 --> 00:04:23.940 align:middle line:84%
The young girl tried to reason
it through, became confused.

00:04:23.940 --> 00:04:27.210 align:middle line:84%
She knew from experience
that evil by its very nature

00:04:27.210 --> 00:04:30.780 align:middle line:84%
accounted for more in
the world than good

00:04:30.780 --> 00:04:33.720 align:middle line:84%
and she understood that her
mother's being a prostitute

00:04:33.720 --> 00:04:36.720 align:middle line:90%
made her the whore's child.

00:04:36.720 --> 00:04:40.440 align:middle line:84%
That her mother's wickedness
diminished her father's virtue,

00:04:40.440 --> 00:04:44.010 align:middle line:84%
but did it negate
his very existence?

00:04:44.010 --> 00:04:46.200 align:middle line:90%
How could such a thing be?

00:04:46.200 --> 00:04:49.290 align:middle line:84%
She dare not ask and
so the old nun's remark

00:04:49.290 --> 00:04:52.890 align:middle line:84%
burrowed even deeper,
intensifying a misery that

00:04:52.890 --> 00:04:54.720 align:middle line:90%
already bordered on despair.

00:04:54.720 --> 00:04:57.630 align:middle line:90%


00:04:57.630 --> 00:05:01.110 align:middle line:84%
Sister Ursula's first
installment ended here

00:05:01.110 --> 00:05:04.260 align:middle line:84%
and her fellow students
approached the discussion of it

00:05:04.260 --> 00:05:08.160 align:middle line:84%
as one would an
alien spacecraft.

00:05:08.160 --> 00:05:10.620 align:middle line:84%
Several of them had
attended Catholic schools

00:05:10.620 --> 00:05:12.360 align:middle line:84%
where they had been
tutored by nuns

00:05:12.360 --> 00:05:15.120 align:middle line:84%
and they weren't sure
despite my encouragement

00:05:15.120 --> 00:05:18.570 align:middle line:84%
that they were allowed to
be critical of this one.

00:05:18.570 --> 00:05:21.180 align:middle line:84%
The material itself
was foreign to them.

00:05:21.180 --> 00:05:23.190 align:middle line:84%
They had never encountered
anything like it

00:05:23.190 --> 00:05:24.390 align:middle line:90%
in the workshop.

00:05:24.390 --> 00:05:28.860 align:middle line:84%
On a plus side, Sister
Ursula's story had a character

00:05:28.860 --> 00:05:31.710 align:middle line:84%
and the character was
placed in a dire situation.

00:05:31.710 --> 00:05:35.410 align:middle line:84%
And those were good
things for stories to do.

00:05:35.410 --> 00:05:38.820 align:middle line:84%
On the other hand, the old
nun idiom was imperfect,

00:05:38.820 --> 00:05:41.100 align:middle line:84%
her style stiff
and old fashioned

00:05:41.100 --> 00:05:43.230 align:middle line:84%
and the story seemed
to be moving forward

00:05:43.230 --> 00:05:46.080 align:middle line:90%
without exactly getting it.

00:05:46.080 --> 00:05:47.940 align:middle line:84%
It reminded them of
stories that they heard

00:05:47.940 --> 00:05:51.300 align:middle line:90%
other elderly people tell.

00:05:51.300 --> 00:05:53.190 align:middle line:84%
Tales that the
tellers eventually

00:05:53.190 --> 00:05:56.640 align:middle line:84%
managed to forget the point of,
narratives that would gradually

00:05:56.640 --> 00:05:58.920 align:middle line:84%
peter out with the
weak insistence

00:05:58.920 --> 00:06:03.330 align:middle line:84%
that all these events
really did happen.

00:06:03.330 --> 00:06:06.420 align:middle line:84%
It's a victim story,
one student recognized.

00:06:06.420 --> 00:06:09.360 align:middle line:84%
The character is being
acted on by outside forces,

00:06:09.360 --> 00:06:11.700 align:middle line:84%
but she has no
choices, which means

00:06:11.700 --> 00:06:14.670 align:middle line:84%
there can be no consequence
to anything she does.

00:06:14.670 --> 00:06:17.460 align:middle line:84%
If she doesn't participate
in her own destiny,

00:06:17.460 --> 00:06:18.330 align:middle line:90%
where is the story?

00:06:18.330 --> 00:06:21.040 align:middle line:90%


00:06:21.040 --> 00:06:23.110 align:middle line:84%
Well, not having
taken the beginning

00:06:23.110 --> 00:06:25.660 align:middle line:84%
and intermediate
courses, Sister Ursula

00:06:25.660 --> 00:06:29.110 align:middle line:84%
was much enlightened by
these unanticipated critiques

00:06:29.110 --> 00:06:33.250 align:middle line:84%
and she took feverish notes
on everything that was said.

00:06:33.250 --> 00:06:34.990 align:middle line:84%
I did like it though,
added the student

00:06:34.990 --> 00:06:37.450 align:middle line:84%
who had identified
it is a victim story.

00:06:37.450 --> 00:06:39.530 align:middle line:90%
It's different, he said it.

00:06:39.530 --> 00:06:41.470 align:middle line:84%
By which he seemed to
mean that sister Ursula

00:06:41.470 --> 00:06:44.510 align:middle line:90%
herself was different.

00:06:44.510 --> 00:06:48.130 align:middle line:84%
The old nun stopped by my office
the day after her workshop

00:06:48.130 --> 00:06:50.740 align:middle line:84%
and it was clear that she
was still mulling over.

00:06:50.740 --> 00:06:56.470 align:middle line:84%
To be so much a victim, she said
searching for the right words,

00:06:56.470 --> 00:06:59.110 align:middle line:90%
is not good?

00:06:59.110 --> 00:07:00.820 align:middle line:90%
No, I smiled.

00:07:00.820 --> 00:07:02.920 align:middle line:84%
Not in stories,
not in life, I was

00:07:02.920 --> 00:07:05.710 align:middle line:84%
about to add until I remembered
that Sister Ursula wasn't

00:07:05.710 --> 00:07:09.070 align:middle line:84%
making this distinction and
my doing so would probably

00:07:09.070 --> 00:07:11.860 align:middle line:90%
confuse her further.

00:07:11.860 --> 00:07:15.550 align:middle line:84%
Maybe in the next
installment, I suggested.

00:07:15.550 --> 00:07:18.190 align:middle line:90%
She looked at me hopefully.

00:07:18.190 --> 00:07:21.220 align:middle line:84%
Well, maybe your character will
have some choices of her own

00:07:21.220 --> 00:07:24.700 align:middle line:84%
as your story
continues, I thought.

00:07:24.700 --> 00:07:28.180 align:middle line:84%
Sister Ursula considered this
possibility for a long time

00:07:28.180 --> 00:07:29.620 align:middle line:84%
and I could tell
by looking at it

00:07:29.620 --> 00:07:31.750 align:middle line:84%
that the past wasn't
nearly as flexible as she

00:07:31.750 --> 00:07:34.210 align:middle line:90%
might have wished.

00:07:34.210 --> 00:07:35.890 align:middle line:84%
She was about to
leave when she noticed

00:07:35.890 --> 00:07:40.420 align:middle line:84%
a photograph of my daughter
that I keep on my desk.

00:07:40.420 --> 00:07:45.110 align:middle line:84%
Your little girl, she said,
she is a great beauty.

00:07:45.110 --> 00:07:46.260 align:middle line:90%
Yes, I said.

00:07:46.260 --> 00:07:48.210 align:middle line:84%
Indicating that it was
OK to pick up the photo

00:07:48.210 --> 00:07:50.740 align:middle line:90%
if she wanted to.

00:07:50.740 --> 00:07:56.450 align:middle line:84%
Sometimes I see her when I'm
driving by, she explained.

00:07:56.450 --> 00:07:59.680 align:middle line:84%
And when I didn't say
anything, she added, sometimes

00:07:59.680 --> 00:08:02.860 align:middle line:90%
I don't see her anymore?

00:08:02.860 --> 00:08:06.050 align:middle line:84%
She and her mother are gone, I
explained, the sentence feeling

00:08:06.050 --> 00:08:08.770 align:middle line:84%
syntactically strange
as if English were also

00:08:08.770 --> 00:08:10.870 align:middle line:90%
my second language.

00:08:10.870 --> 00:08:13.600 align:middle line:90%
They're living in another state.

00:08:13.600 --> 00:08:15.640 align:middle line:84%
Sister Ursula,
nodded uncertainly

00:08:15.640 --> 00:08:20.830 align:middle line:84%
as if deliberating whether
state meant a condition or place

00:08:20.830 --> 00:08:25.930 align:middle line:84%
and then said, will she
return to this state?

00:08:25.930 --> 00:08:30.500 align:middle line:84%
It was my turn to not know,
I hope so sister, I said."

00:08:30.500 --> 00:08:31.000 align:middle line:90%