WEBVTT

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We were worried about
that TV because the World

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Series is on today.

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I have to begin tonight.

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I'm going to read you a story
called "The Whore's Child."

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But before I do that, I have
to begin with an apology.

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I lived here for a long
time, so, of course,

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I have a lot of apologies to a
lot of [INAUDIBLE] people here.

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But I should probably--

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I should probably--
just one apology,

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which is to I should
apologize to all

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of the graduate students,
current graduate students,

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in the English Department
at the University of Arizona

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because I have done them
over the years a disservice

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that they probably
don't even know about.

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I came to the University
of Arizona in 1967

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as an undergraduate,
graduated, took my BA in 1971.

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That was the beginning of
an extremely long journey

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through the English Department.

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I did then an MA
starting in 1967,

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'68, which took a
couple of years.

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And then I did a PhD,
which took a lot of years.

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And I was supposed
to be finished then

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but then went on and
did an MFA in fiction.

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So I was here 1967, 1971.

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And then from 1971
through the 19--

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it was 1980 when I left.

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And when I was getting
ready to leave,

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the members of the English
Department Faculty I know

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were putting into
effect something

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that they must have called
the Russo rule to make sure

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that nothing like this
ever happened again,

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which means that graduate
students now only get

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a certain number of years on
their teaching assistantship.

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They probably wonder why
in certain circumstances

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if they're doing good work
they only get so many years,

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like four years or five years.

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And I am that reason.

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So I'm sorry.

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What can I say?

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I'm going to read a story
called "The Whore's Child."

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"Sister Ursula belongs to
an all but extinct order

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of Belgian nuns who conducted
what little spiritual business

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remained to them from a
decrepit old house purchased

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by the diocese
seemingly because it

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was unlikely to outlast them.

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Since it was on Forest Avenue,
a block from our house,

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I had seen Sister
Ursula many times

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before the night she
turned up in class,

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but we had never spoken.

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She drove a rusted
out station wagon

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that was always crowded
with elderly nuns who

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needed assistance getting
in and getting out.

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Though St. Francis Church
was only a few blocks away,

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that was too far to
walk for any of them

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except Sister Ursula, her
gait awkward but relentless.

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"You should go over there and
introduce yourself someday,

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Gail," my wife suggested
more than once.

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"Those old women have
been left all alone."

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Her suspicion was
later confirmed

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by Sister Ursula herself.

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"They are waiting for us
to die," she confessed.

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"They are impatient of how
we clutch to our miserable

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existences."

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"I'm sure you
don't mean that," I

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said, an observation that was
to become my mantra with her,

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and she in turn seemed to
enjoy hearing me say it.

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She appeared in class
that first night

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and settled herself at the
very center of the seminar

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despite the fact
that her name did not

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appear on my computer printout.

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Fiction writing classes
are popular and invariably

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oversubscribed at most
universities and never more so

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than when the writer
teaching it has recently

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published a book as I had
done in the past spring.

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Publishing the
kind of book that's

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displayed in
strip-mall bookstores

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bestows a celebrity
on academic writers

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and separates them from
their scholar colleagues

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whose books resemble the sort
of dubious specialty items

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found only in boutiques
and health food stores.

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I'd gotten quite a lot of press
on my recent book and my first

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in over a decade.

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And my fleeting celebrity might
have explained Sister Ursula's

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presence in my classroom
that first chilly evening

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in the fall semester, though
she gave no indication of this,

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or did she recognized
me as her neighbor.

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No, Sister Ursula
seemed innocent

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not only of me but
also of all University

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and department protocol.

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When informed that students
petition to take the advanced

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fiction writing class by means
of a manuscript submission

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the previous term and that the
course's prerequisites were

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beginning and
intermediate courses,

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Sister Ursula disputed neither
the existence nor the wisdom

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of these procedures, nor
did she gather up her things

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and leave, which left
me in an odd position.

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Normally, it's my policy not
to allow unregistered students

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to remain in class
because doing so

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encourages their mistaken belief
that they can wheedle, cajole,

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or flatter their way in.

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In the past, I had shown even
football players the door

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without the slightest
courtesy or ceremony,

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but this was a different
challenge entirely.

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Sister Ursula herself nearly
as big as a linebacker--

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was herself nearly as
big as a linebacker,

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yet more persuasive than this
was her body language, which

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suggested that once settled
she was not used to moving.

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And since she was clearly
settled, I let her stay.

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After class, however,
I did explain

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why it would be highly
unprofessional of me

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to allow her to remain in the
advanced fiction workshop.

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After all, she freely
admitted that she had never

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attempted to write a story
before, which I explained,

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put her at an
extreme disadvantage.

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My mistake was in not
leaving the matter there

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but instead I went on.

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"This is a storytelling
class, Sister.

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We're all liars here.

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The whole purpose
of our enterprise

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is to become skilled in making
things up and substituting

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our truth for the truth.

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In this class, we actually
prefer a well told lie,"

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I concluded, certain
this would dissuade her.

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She patted my hand as you
might the hand of a child.

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"Never you mind."

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She then assured me
adjusting her wimple

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for the journey home.

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"My whole life has been a lie."

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"I'm sure you don't
mean that" I told her."

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