WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.270 align:middle line:90% My last poem tonight. 00:00:03.270 --> 00:00:06.000 align:middle line:90% It's about the Holy of Holies. 00:00:06.000 --> 00:00:07.875 align:middle line:84% To complete the Holy Trinity of canned meats. 00:00:07.875 --> 00:00:10.617 align:middle line:90% 00:00:10.617 --> 00:00:12.200 align:middle line:84% Applause for the canned meats, please. 00:00:12.200 --> 00:00:15.452 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:00:15.452 --> 00:00:17.420 align:middle line:90% 00:00:17.420 --> 00:00:19.175 align:middle line:84% OK, raise your hand if you love spam. 00:00:19.175 --> 00:00:22.580 align:middle line:90% 00:00:22.580 --> 00:00:25.320 align:middle line:84% As I said, I'm going to the reservation. 00:00:25.320 --> 00:00:27.170 align:middle line:84% They'll appreciate my poems more. 00:00:27.170 --> 00:00:30.341 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:00:30.341 --> 00:00:31.700 align:middle line:90% 00:00:31.700 --> 00:00:34.220 align:middle line:90% So, I love spam. 00:00:34.220 --> 00:00:39.620 align:middle line:84% I just performed a spam event in Hawaii last month. 00:00:39.620 --> 00:00:42.770 align:middle line:84% It was a series called The Decolonial Diet. 00:00:42.770 --> 00:00:44.210 align:middle line:84% And every month, they get together 00:00:44.210 --> 00:00:50.370 align:middle line:84% and they eat kale and watch 3D movies. 00:00:50.370 --> 00:00:53.450 align:middle line:84% And so I got to be on the night, where they actually 00:00:53.450 --> 00:00:55.580 align:middle line:90% made home-made spam. 00:00:55.580 --> 00:00:59.570 align:middle line:84% And I was like, how are they going to decolonize our diets. 00:00:59.570 --> 00:01:03.638 align:middle line:84% We can't beat spam, so we're going to make it hard to sink. 00:01:03.638 --> 00:01:05.180 align:middle line:84% We're going to make it so complicated 00:01:05.180 --> 00:01:08.390 align:middle line:84% that we'll never want to make it because it takes so long. 00:01:08.390 --> 00:01:11.540 align:middle line:90% But it was delicious. 00:01:11.540 --> 00:01:13.910 align:middle line:84% And I'm so appreciative of the Poetry Center. 00:01:13.910 --> 00:01:16.065 align:middle line:90% They made these awesome buttons. 00:01:16.065 --> 00:01:18.440 align:middle line:84% If you come up after and buy my book and have me sign it, 00:01:18.440 --> 00:01:21.320 align:middle line:90% you can look at it closely. 00:01:21.320 --> 00:01:24.680 align:middle line:84% Basically says, "no spam," which is awesome. 00:01:24.680 --> 00:01:29.600 align:middle line:84% I'm going to wear this around Oahu, and I'll get beat up, 00:01:29.600 --> 00:01:31.460 align:middle line:90% I'm sure. 00:01:31.460 --> 00:01:33.170 align:middle line:90% But I think it's super cool. 00:01:33.170 --> 00:01:35.270 align:middle line:84% Anyways, this will be my last poem tonight. 00:01:35.270 --> 00:01:37.265 align:middle line:84% I do need some block volunteers again. 00:01:37.265 --> 00:01:44.615 align:middle line:90% 00:01:44.615 --> 00:01:45.890 align:middle line:90% Everyone's looking down. 00:01:45.890 --> 00:01:48.780 align:middle line:90% 00:01:48.780 --> 00:01:52.837 align:middle line:84% Yeah, oh, my old friend over here. 00:01:52.837 --> 00:01:53.920 align:middle line:90% All right, come over here. 00:01:53.920 --> 00:01:55.020 align:middle line:90% Oh, just me? 00:01:55.020 --> 00:01:56.940 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:01:56.940 --> 00:01:57.615 align:middle line:90% It's a duet. 00:01:57.615 --> 00:02:03.790 align:middle line:90% 00:02:03.790 --> 00:02:07.990 align:middle line:84% Actually, I need three more volunteers. 00:02:07.990 --> 00:02:10.600 align:middle line:90% Three more volunteers, please. 00:02:10.600 --> 00:02:11.670 align:middle line:90% Oh, yeah, come up. 00:02:11.670 --> 00:02:12.170 align:middle line:90% Come on. 00:02:12.170 --> 00:02:12.390 align:middle line:90% Come on. 00:02:12.390 --> 00:02:12.890 align:middle line:90% Come on. 00:02:12.890 --> 00:02:15.850 align:middle line:90% 00:02:15.850 --> 00:02:16.679 align:middle line:90% Two more, please. 00:02:16.679 --> 00:02:22.780 align:middle line:90% 00:02:22.780 --> 00:02:25.015 align:middle line:90% All right, one more. 00:02:25.015 --> 00:02:25.515 align:middle line:90% One more. 00:02:25.515 --> 00:02:29.390 align:middle line:90% 00:02:29.390 --> 00:02:30.980 align:middle line:84% OK, I want you two to go over there. 00:02:30.980 --> 00:02:34.740 align:middle line:90% 00:02:34.740 --> 00:02:35.588 align:middle line:90% Go with them there. 00:02:35.588 --> 00:02:37.380 align:middle line:84% We're going to play a game with each other. 00:02:37.380 --> 00:02:41.890 align:middle line:90% 00:02:41.890 --> 00:02:42.390 align:middle line:90% That's good. 00:02:42.390 --> 00:02:43.810 align:middle line:90% Face each other. 00:02:43.810 --> 00:02:47.280 align:middle line:90% Close, close, close. 00:02:47.280 --> 00:02:52.170 align:middle line:84% You got to go like this, spoke, spoke, spam. 00:02:52.170 --> 00:02:55.040 align:middle line:90% You can play this game. 00:02:55.040 --> 00:02:55.990 align:middle line:90% Good. 00:02:55.990 --> 00:02:56.490 align:middle line:90% Good. 00:02:56.490 --> 00:03:02.372 align:middle line:90% 00:03:02.372 --> 00:03:04.580 align:middle line:84% It's a little childhood game we played in the island. 00:03:04.580 --> 00:03:07.742 align:middle line:90% [CLAPPING] 00:03:07.742 --> 00:03:15.182 align:middle line:90% 00:03:15.182 --> 00:03:16.640 align:middle line:84% OK, go ahead and stop for a second. 00:03:16.640 --> 00:03:19.640 align:middle line:90% 00:03:19.640 --> 00:03:22.280 align:middle line:84% So when I say drop a beat, then you'll start it up again. 00:03:22.280 --> 00:03:29.180 align:middle line:90% 00:03:29.180 --> 00:03:32.375 align:middle line:84% Our soundtrack for this poem is also by Bob Marley, 00:03:32.375 --> 00:03:34.310 align:middle line:90% a song called, "Guava Jelly." 00:03:34.310 --> 00:03:36.970 align:middle line:90% 00:03:36.970 --> 00:03:38.787 align:middle line:84% You know that delicious stuff, the liquid 00:03:38.787 --> 00:03:39.745 align:middle line:90% that comes out of spam? 00:03:39.745 --> 00:03:41.260 align:middle line:90% We refer to it as spam jelly. 00:03:41.260 --> 00:03:44.110 align:middle line:90% [MUSIC PLAYING] 00:03:44.110 --> 00:04:12.486 align:middle line:90% 00:04:12.486 --> 00:04:15.680 align:middle line:90% (SINGING) Here I am. 00:04:15.680 --> 00:04:22.760 align:middle line:84% Come rub upon my belly like a spam jelly. 00:04:22.760 --> 00:04:25.730 align:middle line:90% Oh, baby. 00:04:25.730 --> 00:04:28.400 align:middle line:90% Here I am. 00:04:28.400 --> 00:04:34.890 align:middle line:84% Come rub upon my belly like spam jelly. 00:04:34.890 --> 00:04:38.240 align:middle line:90% Spam, spam jelly. 00:04:38.240 --> 00:04:41.350 align:middle line:90% Spam, spam jelly. 00:04:41.350 --> 00:04:44.810 align:middle line:90% Spam, spam jelly. 00:04:44.810 --> 00:04:48.890 align:middle line:90% Spam, spam jelly. 00:04:48.890 --> 00:04:51.340 align:middle line:90% It's the Poetry Center remix. 00:04:51.340 --> 00:04:52.748 align:middle line:90% Drop a beat. 00:04:52.748 --> 00:04:56.234 align:middle line:90% [CLAPPING] 00:04:56.234 --> 00:04:57.730 align:middle line:90% 00:04:57.730 --> 00:05:01.600 align:middle line:84% "Guam is considered the Spam capital of the world. 00:05:01.600 --> 00:05:06.020 align:middle line:84% On average, each child consumes 16 cans of spam each year, 00:05:06.020 --> 00:05:11.080 align:middle line:84% which is more per capita than any other country. 00:05:11.080 --> 00:05:13.390 align:middle line:84% Totally by coincidence, spam is also 00:05:13.390 --> 00:05:15.250 align:middle line:84% popular in Hawaii, the Philippines, Okinawa, 00:05:15.250 --> 00:05:17.560 align:middle line:84% South Korea, and all places with a history 00:05:17.560 --> 00:05:19.660 align:middle line:90% of US military presence. 00:05:19.660 --> 00:05:22.090 align:middle line:90% How strange? 00:05:22.090 --> 00:05:25.600 align:middle line:84% Some historians argue that spam may have been responsible 00:05:25.600 --> 00:05:27.100 align:middle line:90% for Hitler's defeat. 00:05:27.100 --> 00:05:31.000 align:middle line:84% The Allies wouldn't have started without spam. 00:05:31.000 --> 00:05:32.560 align:middle line:84% Plus it's processed, so, I guess, 00:05:32.560 --> 00:05:36.850 align:middle line:84% we can save it for the coming war between the US and China 00:05:36.850 --> 00:05:41.725 align:middle line:84% and/or Russia and/or North Korea and /or ISIS and/or Ferguson. 00:05:41.725 --> 00:05:45.016 align:middle line:90% [MUSIC PLAYING] 00:05:45.016 --> 00:05:48.490 align:middle line:90% 00:05:48.490 --> 00:05:52.750 align:middle line:84% Wow, I haven't seen this much spam since I lived in Guam. 00:05:52.750 --> 00:05:54.460 align:middle line:84% And the car dealership there started 00:05:54.460 --> 00:05:57.580 align:middle line:84% offering a 5-pound bag of imported white rice 00:05:57.580 --> 00:06:00.040 align:middle line:84% and a case of spam with every car purchase. 00:06:00.040 --> 00:06:02.800 align:middle line:90% 00:06:02.800 --> 00:06:06.205 align:middle line:84% The end result can be found in our newspaper's obituary pages. 00:06:06.205 --> 00:06:09.100 align:middle line:90% 00:06:09.100 --> 00:06:12.010 align:middle line:84% You can rub the entire block of spam 00:06:12.010 --> 00:06:17.530 align:middle line:84% along with the accompanying, delicious jelly 00:06:17.530 --> 00:06:20.830 align:middle line:90% onto your wooden furniture. 00:06:20.830 --> 00:06:23.200 align:middle line:84% The oils from the jelly moisturize the wood 00:06:23.200 --> 00:06:26.480 align:middle line:90% and give it a nice luster. 00:06:26.480 --> 00:06:28.210 align:middle line:84% Plus you'll have enough left over 00:06:28.210 --> 00:06:32.440 align:middle line:84% to use as your own personal lubricant. 00:06:32.440 --> 00:06:33.700 align:middle line:90% Use protection kids. 00:06:33.700 --> 00:06:38.320 align:middle line:90% 00:06:38.320 --> 00:06:41.690 align:middle line:84% Despite rumors, spam is not made of such odds and ends, 00:06:41.690 --> 00:06:46.390 align:middle line:90% the hooves, ears, native people. 00:06:46.390 --> 00:06:48.100 align:middle line:90% The name itself stands for-- 00:06:48.100 --> 00:06:51.550 align:middle line:90% Specially Processed Army Meal. 00:06:51.550 --> 00:06:54.200 align:middle line:90% 00:06:54.200 --> 00:06:58.610 align:middle line:90% Salted Poke And More. 00:06:58.610 --> 00:07:03.170 align:middle line:90% Super Pink Artificial Meat. 00:07:03.170 --> 00:07:06.105 align:middle line:90% Or Some Poets Are Mediocre. 00:07:06.105 --> 00:07:11.930 align:middle line:90% 00:07:11.930 --> 00:07:15.200 align:middle line:84% My uncle Ben is the reigning Guam Spam King. 00:07:15.200 --> 00:07:18.470 align:middle line:84% He won the last spam cook off with his spicy spam meatballs. 00:07:18.470 --> 00:07:22.340 align:middle line:84% I'll never forget the 2-pound spam bust of George Washington 00:07:22.340 --> 00:07:24.560 align:middle line:90% he made for Thanksgiving. 00:07:24.560 --> 00:07:27.110 align:middle line:84% Toasted crispy on the outside with raw egg 00:07:27.110 --> 00:07:28.240 align:middle line:90% yolk in the hollow center. 00:07:28.240 --> 00:07:32.150 align:middle line:90% And the kids loved them. 00:07:32.150 --> 00:07:34.370 align:middle line:84% Only a fool would start a company on Guam 00:07:34.370 --> 00:07:38.660 align:middle line:90% that provided spam protection. 00:07:38.660 --> 00:07:41.720 align:middle line:84% All I Want for Christmas is a spam snow globe, 00:07:41.720 --> 00:07:45.140 align:middle line:84% with a can of spam sitting on an island, turn it over 00:07:45.140 --> 00:07:49.670 align:middle line:84% and a typhoon swirls madly unable to unseat spam 00:07:49.670 --> 00:07:52.250 align:middle line:90% from its place of honor. 00:07:52.250 --> 00:07:55.790 align:middle line:84% I bought a souvenir can of spam after seeing Monty Python's 00:07:55.790 --> 00:07:59.180 align:middle line:84% Spamalot, on Broadway in New York City. 00:07:59.180 --> 00:08:00.740 align:middle line:90% It cost me $10. 00:08:00.740 --> 00:08:04.610 align:middle line:84% And is the most expensive can of spam I've ever bought. 00:08:04.610 --> 00:08:08.540 align:middle line:90% I will never eat it." 00:08:08.540 --> 00:08:09.545 align:middle line:90% Thank you so much. 00:08:09.545 --> 00:08:11.780 align:middle line:90% [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 00:08:11.780 --> 00:08:13.900 align:middle line:90% Thank you so much.