WEBVTT

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"My name wasn't
always Harry Hideaway.

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I grew up Harish Mohan
Patel, the second youngest

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of seven sons of Mohan Gutilda
Patel, of Mithapur, Gujarat.

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The legal name change came
to me as an inspiration

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when I bought this
motel, last winter.

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Harry's Hideaway-- comfiest
beds, cheapest rates.

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When in Granada, et
cetera, I joked to my wife.

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Not in Granada, Spain, she said.

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My wife has seen more of
the world than I have.

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Her father is in petrochemicals,
and her paternal uncles

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owned businesses in
Kenya, Dubai, and Bahrain.

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She was born in a big city--

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Vadodara, I in a
coastal village.

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I therefore defer to her.

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But in Granada,
Colorado, I objected.

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You don't like the name?

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I chanted hideaway,
hideaway, hideaway,

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like a mantra to hypnotize her.

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Finally, she gave
in with a shrug.

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She said, you be Mr. Hideaway,
I'll stay Mrs. Patel.

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Good thing we're not
buying a Red Roof Inn.

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It wasn't an
enthusiastic endorsement,

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but from the way
her cobra long braid

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writhed down her back
as she kept shrugging,

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I decided she not
only approved, but was

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trying to hide her excitement.

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We've been in the motel
business in Colorado long enough

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to know that taping an American
owned sign to the window

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doesn't mean what it
should to customers when

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the owner's name is HM Patel.

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What we've learned
about motel management,

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we've learned on the job.

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My formal training is in
mechanical engineering,

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and my wife has a bachelor's
degree in domestic science.

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Until seven years ago--

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seven years and seven months,
to the day, to be exact--

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I was the chief
engineer of Automoto,

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a company that
still manufactures

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automotive parts in Detroit.

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Mrs. Patel and I were living
with our three lovely girls,

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Magdana, Dhriti, and Kanta
in a five bedroom detached

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in Southfield, Michigan in those
days, and not in a motel room

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with two double beds.

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Getting into motel managing
was Mrs. Patel's brainwave.

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Downsizing is a
global phenomenon,

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she said, the night
I had to inform her

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that I'd been let go
by Automoto Limited.

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My brilliant idea had
been to get myself killed

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in an automobile accident.

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That way, Mrs. Patel could
collect on my life insurance

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policies.

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I'm a great believer
in insurance--

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accident, earthquakes, flood,
lava damage, hijacking--

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my family is very
well protected.

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But what insurance company
offers a policy against shame?

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That tortured night
in Southfield,

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after the girls
had gone upstairs

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to bed, Mrs. Patel
brought me a brandy,

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and with it, a month old
letter from her sister, whose

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cardiologist
husband had invested

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in tenements and motels,
rather than in stocks as I had.

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Last month, three
more, she said.

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A slum landlord, I muttered.

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In this country you, know what
judges do to slum landlords?

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Three motels, she said.

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Slum tenants in America
are nothing but trouble.

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What we should have done, we
should have bought a motel

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when you still had a--

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Who's going to hire
a 48-year-old man,

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is that your point?

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I took a long self-pitying
swallow of brandy.

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Mrs. Patel let that pass.

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Instead, she concentrated
on coiling the thick bread

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into a bun the
size of a baseball,

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and anchoring it to her head.

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This involved much
frowning and sighing,

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as some of the hairpins--

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big thick metal ones with sturdy
prongs, that she stocked up

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on in her favorite Indian
grocery cum variety

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store, in Detroit
just before we left--

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went through the bun
and gouged her scalp.

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When she was done, she said with
a beatific smile on her face,

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God is sending a message,
but you're not hearing.

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You know why?

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Because of all your earwax.

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[LAUGHTER]

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Shall I heat up a
little mustard oil?

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She herself was a vigorous
user of hygienic devices,

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such as tongue scrapers, oil
dipped q-tips, and poultices.

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What's the message, I cried,
starve to death, go on welfare,

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go back to Mithapur?

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The loss is Automotos,
Mrs. Patel snapped.

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Now, you work for yourself.

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That's the message,
more or less.

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Be your own boss.

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Where is the capital,
foolish woman?

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You need capital to get started.

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That was unfair, I knew.

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My wife, the daughter
and granddaughter

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of wily businessmen, fills
out our income tax forms.

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Three new motels
just last month,

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she said, two of them
in New Jersey itself--

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Paramus and Paterson.

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Why hire a stranger when you
can get a relative's help?

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My wife's sister, Mrs. Shah,
lives in Bloomfield, New Jersey.

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The sisters have
two uncles, both

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with large families
in Jersey City,

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and a married
brother in Hoboken.

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I understood that she wanted
me to write to Mrs. Shah's

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millionaire husband,
about my willingness

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to manage one of his motels."

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