WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.620 align:middle line:90% 00:00:01.620 --> 00:00:03.540 align:middle line:84% OK, I mean, that was really awesome. 00:00:03.540 --> 00:00:06.660 align:middle line:84% I really personally really connect to your poetry. 00:00:06.660 --> 00:00:10.230 align:middle line:84% I love how overt you are in writing about sex. 00:00:10.230 --> 00:00:12.100 align:middle line:90% I love that aspect. 00:00:12.100 --> 00:00:15.540 align:middle line:84% So some of the things you read tonight show the opposite. 00:00:15.540 --> 00:00:18.150 align:middle line:84% Sex is kind of what's so beautiful in life, 00:00:18.150 --> 00:00:20.240 align:middle line:90% and then there's atrocities. 00:00:20.240 --> 00:00:25.080 align:middle line:84% And they sort of stagger your mind kind of in similar ways. 00:00:25.080 --> 00:00:27.810 align:middle line:84% I just want to ask you a little bit about that first poem 00:00:27.810 --> 00:00:30.390 align:middle line:84% you read, "Inscription on the Tombstone 00:00:30.390 --> 00:00:35.550 align:middle line:84% of the Homeless Spirits," and I think it's wonderful. 00:00:35.550 --> 00:00:36.930 align:middle line:90% Are you finished with it? 00:00:36.930 --> 00:00:38.972 align:middle line:84% You said you've been working on it for two years. 00:00:38.972 --> 00:00:39.472 align:middle line:90% Yeah. 00:00:39.472 --> 00:00:40.125 align:middle line:90% Awesome. 00:00:40.125 --> 00:00:41.250 align:middle line:90% Yeah, I'm finished with it. 00:00:41.250 --> 00:00:49.290 align:middle line:84% OK, I am also very obsessed with the rape of Nanjing, 00:00:49.290 --> 00:00:52.530 align:middle line:84% and I think it came to me in a similar way through my mother 00:00:52.530 --> 00:00:56.730 align:middle line:84% who, through her anger at Japanese people, 00:00:56.730 --> 00:01:02.550 align:middle line:84% she tells this memory from the womb where she 00:01:02.550 --> 00:01:05.489 align:middle line:90% was in her mother's stomach. 00:01:05.489 --> 00:01:08.760 align:middle line:84% And her mother was running into a bomb shelter in China, 00:01:08.760 --> 00:01:10.200 align:middle line:90% near Shanghai. 00:01:10.200 --> 00:01:16.710 align:middle line:84% So it's a very interesting poem about this huge atrocity 00:01:16.710 --> 00:01:19.980 align:middle line:84% but also your mother, and it seems 00:01:19.980 --> 00:01:23.680 align:middle line:84% to be about a personal wound within the family 00:01:23.680 --> 00:01:26.460 align:middle line:84% and then also just global wounds. 00:01:26.460 --> 00:01:29.880 align:middle line:84% And it's wonderful, but could you just 00:01:29.880 --> 00:01:32.760 align:middle line:84% talk a little bit about your process 00:01:32.760 --> 00:01:35.520 align:middle line:90% and where it started for you? 00:01:35.520 --> 00:01:37.110 align:middle line:84% Well, I think any time we're dealing 00:01:37.110 --> 00:01:41.610 align:middle line:90% with historical awfulness-- 00:01:41.610 --> 00:01:43.560 align:middle line:84% and that's whether it's happening presently, 00:01:43.560 --> 00:01:46.410 align:middle line:84% which there's plenty happening, right? 00:01:46.410 --> 00:01:48.510 align:middle line:84% And I don't just mean over there. 00:01:48.510 --> 00:01:50.550 align:middle line:90% I mean right here, right? 00:01:50.550 --> 00:01:53.490 align:middle line:90% 00:01:53.490 --> 00:01:56.910 align:middle line:84% When writing about it, it's like you have to find, well, 00:01:56.910 --> 00:02:00.120 align:middle line:90% what's your angle? 00:02:00.120 --> 00:02:01.530 align:middle line:90% How can you tell the story? 00:02:01.530 --> 00:02:02.790 align:middle line:90% History's already telling it. 00:02:02.790 --> 00:02:07.320 align:middle line:84% There's professors writing dissertations and publishing 00:02:07.320 --> 00:02:12.060 align:middle line:84% books far more informed than the research I've done. 00:02:12.060 --> 00:02:14.680 align:middle line:84% In fact, I've had to rely on their work. 00:02:14.680 --> 00:02:17.940 align:middle line:84% So I think what poetry is is it becomes 00:02:17.940 --> 00:02:20.400 align:middle line:84% a meditation on the fact that we're alive, 00:02:20.400 --> 00:02:22.590 align:middle line:84% and we have a consciousness and a psyche. 00:02:22.590 --> 00:02:26.400 align:middle line:84% And we're trying to deal with the most simple things like how 00:02:26.400 --> 00:02:29.415 align:middle line:84% to talk to Siri, how to get a bottle of water 00:02:29.415 --> 00:02:34.920 align:middle line:84% when we're flying, how to pee when you're in a window seat, 00:02:34.920 --> 00:02:39.360 align:middle line:90% and getting laid. 00:02:39.360 --> 00:02:42.750 align:middle line:84% We're hungry and also reading about atrocities 00:02:42.750 --> 00:02:44.940 align:middle line:84% while the planet is collapsing, right? 00:02:44.940 --> 00:02:48.870 align:middle line:84% So I think that is the task of consciousness, 00:02:48.870 --> 00:02:51.450 align:middle line:84% not just of poetry, just to be alive. 00:02:51.450 --> 00:02:54.270 align:middle line:84% We're only alive for a really short time. 00:02:54.270 --> 00:02:55.650 align:middle line:90% How do we juggle? 00:02:55.650 --> 00:02:56.670 align:middle line:90% How do we juxtapose? 00:02:56.670 --> 00:02:58.330 align:middle line:90% How do we take in? 00:02:58.330 --> 00:03:01.200 align:middle line:84% And so I felt like in this particular poem, 00:03:01.200 --> 00:03:04.060 align:middle line:84% I had to write about it because my mother was dead. 00:03:04.060 --> 00:03:06.570 align:middle line:84% She was paranoid schizophrenic for 20 years, 00:03:06.570 --> 00:03:09.790 align:middle line:84% and she said a lot of stuff that I never put together. 00:03:09.790 --> 00:03:11.400 align:middle line:84% But when I started thinking about it, 00:03:11.400 --> 00:03:15.000 align:middle line:84% I thought, hmm, she was more affected by this thing that 00:03:15.000 --> 00:03:19.150 align:middle line:84% happened to her family than I had thought about previously. 00:03:19.150 --> 00:03:20.100 align:middle line:90% And let's face it. 00:03:20.100 --> 00:03:21.720 align:middle line:84% It's hard to think about our parents 00:03:21.720 --> 00:03:25.150 align:middle line:84% as people separate from those that gave us life, 00:03:25.150 --> 00:03:28.380 align:middle line:84% and one of the things that we do, I think, as we get older 00:03:28.380 --> 00:03:31.020 align:middle line:84% is there's that aha moment where you see them 00:03:31.020 --> 00:03:32.640 align:middle line:90% as separate people. 00:03:32.640 --> 00:03:36.630 align:middle line:84% You can imagine them, the part of them that has nothing 00:03:36.630 --> 00:03:38.190 align:middle line:90% to do with you, right? 00:03:38.190 --> 00:03:40.110 align:middle line:84% And that's a really wonderful moment 00:03:40.110 --> 00:03:45.000 align:middle line:84% to start separating yourself from all your affection, 00:03:45.000 --> 00:03:50.310 align:middle line:84% adoration, and resentment, what did and didn't happen. 00:03:50.310 --> 00:03:54.210 align:middle line:84% And here's a person, and in my case, she was dead. 00:03:54.210 --> 00:03:58.620 align:middle line:84% And I grew up with a crazy, scary lady, 00:03:58.620 --> 00:04:00.330 align:middle line:84% but there's also some part of me that 00:04:00.330 --> 00:04:04.073 align:middle line:84% felt like what made her like this, right? 00:04:04.073 --> 00:04:05.490 align:middle line:84% And I think part of the poem is it 00:04:05.490 --> 00:04:08.190 align:middle line:84% doesn't draw easy cause and effects, because I don't know. 00:04:08.190 --> 00:04:11.230 align:middle line:84% She was only one year old when this happened, 00:04:11.230 --> 00:04:15.150 align:middle line:84% and part of what the poem is trying to point out 00:04:15.150 --> 00:04:19.980 align:middle line:84% is she's an unreliable witness, right? 00:04:19.980 --> 00:04:23.490 align:middle line:84% Half the things that she says, my father refutes. 00:04:23.490 --> 00:04:26.400 align:middle line:84% And so I think that that also makes 00:04:26.400 --> 00:04:30.810 align:middle line:84% me wonder how we're all unreliable as witnesses, 00:04:30.810 --> 00:04:32.880 align:middle line:84% as writers, as poets, as artists, 00:04:32.880 --> 00:04:36.160 align:middle line:84% and we have to take that into consideration. 00:04:36.160 --> 00:04:39.238 align:middle line:90% I mean, we make up stuff, right? 00:04:39.238 --> 00:04:40.530 align:middle line:90% And this isn't just in our art. 00:04:40.530 --> 00:04:42.738 align:middle line:84% This is like when you tell someone a story about what 00:04:42.738 --> 00:04:44.610 align:middle line:90% you did last night, right? 00:04:44.610 --> 00:04:45.600 align:middle line:90% We embellish. 00:04:45.600 --> 00:04:47.280 align:middle line:90% It's the tendency. 00:04:47.280 --> 00:04:51.480 align:middle line:84% And so I was kind of interested in trying to locate this poem 00:04:51.480 --> 00:04:54.480 align:middle line:84% not to tell history because the history has already been told. 00:04:54.480 --> 00:04:57.660 align:middle line:84% Documentaries-- you can watch them online, right? 00:04:57.660 --> 00:05:02.310 align:middle line:84% But I wanted to try to bring in, constellate it 00:05:02.310 --> 00:05:04.950 align:middle line:84% with this weird family that I grew up with 00:05:04.950 --> 00:05:08.173 align:middle line:84% and the weird ideas they had about Japanese people 00:05:08.173 --> 00:05:10.590 align:middle line:84% that I did not understand the entire time I was growing up 00:05:10.590 --> 00:05:12.460 align:middle line:90% in California. 00:05:12.460 --> 00:05:12.960 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:05:12.960 --> 00:05:16.840 align:middle line:90% 00:05:16.840 --> 00:05:17.920 align:middle line:90% Here's a question. 00:05:17.920 --> 00:05:21.420 align:middle line:84% Tell us about the bowl, the bell. 00:05:21.420 --> 00:05:24.640 align:middle line:90% Oh, oh, the Tibetan bowl. 00:05:24.640 --> 00:05:26.380 align:middle line:84% My husband makes fun of me because that's 00:05:26.380 --> 00:05:29.290 align:middle line:90% the word I can't pronounce. 00:05:29.290 --> 00:05:31.660 align:middle line:84% No, "ball," I can, like a rice ball, 00:05:31.660 --> 00:05:37.210 align:middle line:84% but the sort of male cow with horns, I say "bowl." 00:05:37.210 --> 00:05:40.420 align:middle line:90% Bull, bull. 00:05:40.420 --> 00:05:44.380 align:middle line:84% I say "bowl shit," like a bowl full of shit. 00:05:44.380 --> 00:05:48.580 align:middle line:84% But tonight, actually, I was going 00:05:48.580 --> 00:05:51.280 align:middle line:84% to use a bunch of other soundtracks, 00:05:51.280 --> 00:05:53.620 align:middle line:90% and I chickened out. 00:05:53.620 --> 00:05:57.490 align:middle line:84% I just couldn't because I haven't had enough practice, 00:05:57.490 --> 00:06:00.070 align:middle line:84% and I mean, I worked on this for two hours. 00:06:00.070 --> 00:06:03.460 align:middle line:84% I had like five samples 40 seconds long 00:06:03.460 --> 00:06:06.310 align:middle line:84% of what I was going to play between some poems 00:06:06.310 --> 00:06:09.970 align:middle line:84% to kind of create some really weird juxtapositions. 00:06:09.970 --> 00:06:11.920 align:middle line:84% I mean, do you want to know if the songs are, 00:06:11.920 --> 00:06:13.833 align:middle line:90% just even though I failed? 00:06:13.833 --> 00:06:15.250 align:middle line:84% And then I'll talk about the bowl. 00:06:15.250 --> 00:06:17.470 align:middle line:90% Yes. 00:06:17.470 --> 00:06:18.700 align:middle line:90% OK, so the-- whoops. 00:06:18.700 --> 00:06:21.610 align:middle line:90% 00:06:21.610 --> 00:06:27.220 align:middle line:84% OK, so the songs were Enrique Iglesias's 00:06:27.220 --> 00:06:35.350 align:middle line:84% "Turn Up the Night," War's "Low Rider," 00:06:35.350 --> 00:06:42.025 align:middle line:84% Notorious BIG's "Hypnotize," Ebn Ozn's "AEIOU Sometimes Y"-- 00:06:42.025 --> 00:06:46.660 align:middle line:90% 00:06:46.660 --> 00:06:47.620 align:middle line:90% what are they called-- 00:06:47.620 --> 00:06:49.450 align:middle line:84% Saint Etienne's "Only Love Can Break 00:06:49.450 --> 00:06:51.640 align:middle line:84% Your Heart," the Neil Young song, and then 00:06:51.640 --> 00:06:55.570 align:middle line:90% Goldfrapp's "Slide In." 00:06:55.570 --> 00:06:59.110 align:middle line:84% Between those poems, I was going to-- 00:06:59.110 --> 00:07:01.865 align:middle line:90% and then I couldn't do it. 00:07:01.865 --> 00:07:02.740 align:middle line:90% You know what I mean? 00:07:02.740 --> 00:07:03.865 align:middle line:90% Because you're in the flow. 00:07:03.865 --> 00:07:06.490 align:middle line:84% It's sort of like if you have a great date planned, 00:07:06.490 --> 00:07:09.430 align:middle line:84% and you have all the sex toys hidden under the bed 00:07:09.430 --> 00:07:10.390 align:middle line:90% and in the drawer. 00:07:10.390 --> 00:07:12.040 align:middle line:84% And then everything's going so well. 00:07:12.040 --> 00:07:15.850 align:middle line:90% You say, next time. 00:07:15.850 --> 00:07:17.146 align:middle line:90% I know what you mean. 00:07:17.146 --> 00:07:21.050 align:middle line:90% 00:07:21.050 --> 00:07:24.700 align:middle line:84% The singing bowl, I have had practice, 00:07:24.700 --> 00:07:27.820 align:middle line:84% and my husband's a really good critic. 00:07:27.820 --> 00:07:30.220 align:middle line:84% So when I gave a reading before, he's like, 00:07:30.220 --> 00:07:33.550 align:middle line:90% you hit the bowl funny. 00:07:33.550 --> 00:07:35.150 align:middle line:90% Hit it like this. 00:07:35.150 --> 00:07:37.420 align:middle line:84% And so I've practiced, and I've given 00:07:37.420 --> 00:07:40.000 align:middle line:90% a bunch of readings using it. 00:07:40.000 --> 00:07:42.670 align:middle line:84% I like the sound of it because I think too many poetry 00:07:42.670 --> 00:07:45.400 align:middle line:84% readings-- the poems are read too fast, 00:07:45.400 --> 00:07:48.040 align:middle line:84% or there's not enough space between poems. 00:07:48.040 --> 00:07:51.250 align:middle line:84% And the bowl's really nice because, just sonically, it 00:07:51.250 --> 00:07:54.370 align:middle line:90% allows us to come down, right? 00:07:54.370 --> 00:07:56.320 align:middle line:84% And one of the things I've had to learn 00:07:56.320 --> 00:07:58.030 align:middle line:84% the hard way in the last 10 years 00:07:58.030 --> 00:08:00.850 align:middle line:84% is to slow down in order to feel more. 00:08:00.850 --> 00:08:03.910 align:middle line:84% And this is happening anyway physically, 00:08:03.910 --> 00:08:05.920 align:middle line:84% so I'm not giving myself too much credit. 00:08:05.920 --> 00:08:09.700 align:middle line:84% But I do think in poetry, it's better to read less 00:08:09.700 --> 00:08:12.970 align:middle line:84% and to let things sort of have its space. 00:08:12.970 --> 00:08:16.010 align:middle line:84% I feel the same way about conversations. 00:08:16.010 --> 00:08:19.990 align:middle line:84% And so for tonight, I only read 2/3 of what 00:08:19.990 --> 00:08:22.330 align:middle line:90% I thought I was going to read. 00:08:22.330 --> 00:08:27.370 align:middle line:84% I looked down, and I thought, that feels like that's enough. 00:08:27.370 --> 00:08:28.900 align:middle line:90% Let's just stop, right? 00:08:28.900 --> 00:08:34.539 align:middle line:84% And so the bowl also helps me to bring in some breathing. 00:08:34.539 --> 00:08:39.490 align:middle line:84% I take a bunch of breaths and that kind of thing. 00:08:39.490 --> 00:08:42.190 align:middle line:84% Some poets like to use all sorts of different of the five 00:08:42.190 --> 00:08:42.820 align:middle line:90% senses. 00:08:42.820 --> 00:08:46.240 align:middle line:84% They like to light candles and incense and do stuff, 00:08:46.240 --> 00:08:51.940 align:middle line:84% I mean, anything we think about in a ritual, a religious rite, 00:08:51.940 --> 00:08:52.715 align:middle line:90% right? 00:08:52.715 --> 00:08:54.340 align:middle line:84% I mean, I remember when I was in Russia 00:08:54.340 --> 00:08:55.975 align:middle line:90% at these orthodox services. 00:08:55.975 --> 00:08:57.850 align:middle line:84% I didn't understand a thing they were saying, 00:08:57.850 --> 00:09:01.910 align:middle line:84% but I was feeling it and smelling it and hearing it, 00:09:01.910 --> 00:09:02.410 align:middle line:90% right? 00:09:02.410 --> 00:09:05.080 align:middle line:84% And I think poetry can partake of that, 00:09:05.080 --> 00:09:07.150 align:middle line:84% and technology has gotten so good now. 00:09:07.150 --> 00:09:11.510 align:middle line:84% You can just jack in an iPhone, and you can really do things. 00:09:11.510 --> 00:09:15.190 align:middle line:84% So I did fail you, but I had to go with how 00:09:15.190 --> 00:09:16.420 align:middle line:90% it felt like it was going. 00:09:16.420 --> 00:09:19.570 align:middle line:90% And it just felt like it would-- 00:09:19.570 --> 00:09:21.190 align:middle line:90% sorry. 00:09:21.190 --> 00:09:21.860 align:middle line:90% It was great. 00:09:21.860 --> 00:09:22.510 align:middle line:90% We loved it. 00:09:22.510 --> 00:09:26.560 align:middle line:84% I want to use the bell all the time now. 00:09:26.560 --> 00:09:32.680 align:middle line:84% There's three questions, and they're all about suffering. 00:09:32.680 --> 00:09:38.980 align:middle line:84% And you weren't all in communication with Timothy 00:09:38.980 --> 00:09:41.590 align:middle line:84% as I was over the past 24 hours as he 00:09:41.590 --> 00:09:45.490 align:middle line:84% was stuck in the most horrendous travel trauma 00:09:45.490 --> 00:09:47.830 align:middle line:84% and didn't complain once and was laughing. 00:09:47.830 --> 00:09:52.510 align:middle line:90% 00:09:52.510 --> 00:09:56.590 align:middle line:84% But OK, so I'll just go ahead and ask one of these suffering 00:09:56.590 --> 00:09:59.410 align:middle line:84% questions, and if you have any other thoughts about suffering, 00:09:59.410 --> 00:10:01.392 align:middle line:90% please feel free to share. 00:10:01.392 --> 00:10:03.100 align:middle line:84% Could you say a little bit about the role 00:10:03.100 --> 00:10:05.620 align:middle line:84% of suffering in your work, your own suffering and that 00:10:05.620 --> 00:10:08.080 align:middle line:90% of others? 00:10:08.080 --> 00:10:11.300 align:middle line:84% Well, I mean, suffering is unavoidable. 00:10:11.300 --> 00:10:14.560 align:middle line:84% Our mortality, sickness, debilitation-- all of that's 00:10:14.560 --> 00:10:18.110 align:middle line:84% unavoidable in ourselves and in all those people around us, 00:10:18.110 --> 00:10:20.000 align:middle line:90% right? 00:10:20.000 --> 00:10:24.200 align:middle line:84% That's different from suffering that we need not 00:10:24.200 --> 00:10:30.660 align:middle line:84% go through but we bring upon ourselves unconsciously or not. 00:10:30.660 --> 00:10:32.930 align:middle line:84% And so one of the tricks in life, I think, 00:10:32.930 --> 00:10:36.860 align:middle line:84% is the 12-step serenity prayer, right? 00:10:36.860 --> 00:10:39.530 align:middle line:84% I mean, there's that sense of we don't 00:10:39.530 --> 00:10:44.970 align:middle line:84% want to suffer needlessly, and that takes a lot of work. 00:10:44.970 --> 00:10:49.520 align:middle line:84% So in terms of writing, I mean, there 00:10:49.520 --> 00:10:53.030 align:middle line:84% are a lot of writers who are just really abusing themselves, 00:10:53.030 --> 00:10:57.320 align:middle line:84% their bodies, their minds, addictions, numbing themselves 00:10:57.320 --> 00:11:00.710 align:middle line:84% out in the sake of being the artist, right? 00:11:00.710 --> 00:11:04.040 align:middle line:84% And that's not the suffering that I'm talking about, 00:11:04.040 --> 00:11:06.350 align:middle line:90% although I'm not excluding it. 00:11:06.350 --> 00:11:10.670 align:middle line:84% I mean, we all know, I mean, the 27-year-old musicians who 00:11:10.670 --> 00:11:12.760 align:middle line:90% croaked-- 00:11:12.760 --> 00:11:15.830 align:middle line:90% Janis, Jimi, Kurt, right? 00:11:15.830 --> 00:11:18.120 align:middle line:90% Two Jimmys, right? 00:11:18.120 --> 00:11:21.860 align:middle line:84% Hendrix and the other Doors one, Morrison. 00:11:21.860 --> 00:11:24.320 align:middle line:90% I've been to his grave. 00:11:24.320 --> 00:11:29.210 align:middle line:84% But I think suffering and beauty go together, 00:11:29.210 --> 00:11:31.287 align:middle line:84% so I'll just say one simple thing. 00:11:31.287 --> 00:11:32.870 align:middle line:84% There are so many poems I really can't 00:11:32.870 --> 00:11:37.940 align:middle line:84% stand because the beauty is not accompanied with suffering, 00:11:37.940 --> 00:11:40.020 align:middle line:90% and that's not how life works. 00:11:40.020 --> 00:11:44.240 align:middle line:84% So in order to exalt, exalt, we also need the shadow, 00:11:44.240 --> 00:11:47.240 align:middle line:84% and we need the debasement, right? 00:11:47.240 --> 00:11:52.040 align:middle line:84% And likewise, if a poem is just a rant about how awful 00:11:52.040 --> 00:11:58.460 align:middle line:84% your booze-ridden grandmother is or something-- 00:11:58.460 --> 00:12:01.880 align:middle line:84% you've got to tell us some good news in that poem 00:12:01.880 --> 00:12:02.900 align:middle line:90% if it's going to-- 00:12:02.900 --> 00:12:05.390 align:middle line:84% the level of poems can rise, right? 00:12:05.390 --> 00:12:09.470 align:middle line:84% And the other thing I'll just say is, a lot of us 00:12:09.470 --> 00:12:13.040 align:middle line:84% are inured to suffering as people who like poetry, 00:12:13.040 --> 00:12:18.060 align:middle line:84% and so you also got to look for where's the real joy. 00:12:18.060 --> 00:12:19.880 align:middle line:90% You got to find it, right? 00:12:19.880 --> 00:12:23.210 align:middle line:84% Carl Jung always said that we create our best work 00:12:23.210 --> 00:12:25.850 align:middle line:84% by going to the weak parts of our psyche, 00:12:25.850 --> 00:12:28.490 align:middle line:84% so if you're like a wrist-slashing, 00:12:28.490 --> 00:12:33.650 align:middle line:84% suffering junkie, then your job is to find your joy, right? 00:12:33.650 --> 00:12:36.290 align:middle line:84% And likewise if you think everything is great 00:12:36.290 --> 00:12:40.670 align:middle line:84% and nothing's bad in your life, I mean-- 00:12:40.670 --> 00:12:42.020 align:middle line:90% I'll give you something bad. 00:12:42.020 --> 00:12:45.500 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:12:45.500 --> 00:12:48.170 align:middle line:90% OK, one last question-- 00:12:48.170 --> 00:12:52.340 align:middle line:84% if you could be any type of bird, what bird would you be, 00:12:52.340 --> 00:12:54.320 align:middle line:84% and what color would your plumage be? 00:12:54.320 --> 00:12:56.590 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:12:56.590 --> 00:12:57.500 align:middle line:90% 00:12:57.500 --> 00:12:58.100 align:middle line:90% OK. 00:12:58.100 --> 00:13:00.998 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:13:00.998 --> 00:13:02.450 align:middle line:90% 00:13:02.450 --> 00:13:05.870 align:middle line:84% I'm going to tell you a story that I would not normally 00:13:05.870 --> 00:13:08.060 align:middle line:84% share publicly, so this is a serious way 00:13:08.060 --> 00:13:10.670 align:middle line:90% to answer a fun question. 00:13:10.670 --> 00:13:14.270 align:middle line:84% But I did work with a couple of shamans 00:13:14.270 --> 00:13:17.990 align:middle line:84% in Peru a couple of summers ago, one in the jungle 00:13:17.990 --> 00:13:21.950 align:middle line:84% and then in the mountains of Cusco with the Q'eros Indians, 00:13:21.950 --> 00:13:23.930 align:middle line:84% and so I've had a shamanic practice 00:13:23.930 --> 00:13:25.500 align:middle line:90% for about four or five years. 00:13:25.500 --> 00:13:29.150 align:middle line:84% And when I went home from my dad's 85th birthday 00:13:29.150 --> 00:13:30.140 align:middle line:90% a year later-- 00:13:30.140 --> 00:13:32.330 align:middle line:84% and this was this last summer in August-- 00:13:32.330 --> 00:13:33.860 align:middle line:90% I was in my hometown. 00:13:33.860 --> 00:13:36.320 align:middle line:84% And I bet there are some of you out here 00:13:36.320 --> 00:13:40.350 align:middle line:84% who haven't gone back to your hometown in years, 00:13:40.350 --> 00:13:42.290 align:middle line:90% if not decades, right? 00:13:42.290 --> 00:13:44.630 align:middle line:90% And that's me. 00:13:44.630 --> 00:13:48.140 align:middle line:84% There's no poetry for me in the town that I grew up in. 00:13:48.140 --> 00:13:52.705 align:middle line:84% Childhood was not poetry, and I think all of us, 00:13:52.705 --> 00:13:54.080 align:middle line:84% when we go back to our hometowns, 00:13:54.080 --> 00:13:57.935 align:middle line:84% no matter what your upbringing was, we revert, right? 00:13:57.935 --> 00:13:59.810 align:middle line:84% It's kind of wonderful, the mysterious thing, 00:13:59.810 --> 00:14:02.000 align:middle line:90% but we do, right? 00:14:02.000 --> 00:14:06.230 align:middle line:84% And so this is the first time I enjoyed being home as an adult 00:14:06.230 --> 00:14:09.080 align:middle line:84% because what I did is I had two days alone, 00:14:09.080 --> 00:14:14.150 align:middle line:84% and I went up into the mountain, Mount Umunhum, behind our house 00:14:14.150 --> 00:14:16.550 align:middle line:84% that I saw every day of my life growing up. 00:14:16.550 --> 00:14:20.270 align:middle line:84% And I got in touch with the spirits up there, 00:14:20.270 --> 00:14:24.290 align:middle line:84% so with the creatures and the flora and fauna 00:14:24.290 --> 00:14:29.360 align:middle line:84% and whatever, all that dead Indian blood. 00:14:29.360 --> 00:14:34.010 align:middle line:84% And on my way back to the car on the second day, 00:14:34.010 --> 00:14:40.130 align:middle line:84% I was greeted by three golden eagles, 00:14:40.130 --> 00:14:42.230 align:middle line:90% and they were flying really low. 00:14:42.230 --> 00:14:44.330 align:middle line:90% They were probably-- 00:14:44.330 --> 00:14:45.350 align:middle line:90% I'm going to say, what-- 00:14:45.350 --> 00:14:50.180 align:middle line:84% 30 feet above my head, three of them in a row, 00:14:50.180 --> 00:14:51.540 align:middle line:90% one after the other. 00:14:51.540 --> 00:14:54.350 align:middle line:84% And as each one approached me, the first one 00:14:54.350 --> 00:14:56.900 align:middle line:90% circled counterclockwise. 00:14:56.900 --> 00:14:59.870 align:middle line:84% The second one circled clockwise, 00:14:59.870 --> 00:15:04.880 align:middle line:84% and then the third one flew right over my head very slow. 00:15:04.880 --> 00:15:08.960 align:middle line:84% And as they did that, I did a little dance with them, right? 00:15:08.960 --> 00:15:11.120 align:middle line:90% And I was just like, damn. 00:15:11.120 --> 00:15:16.160 align:middle line:84% It's like, thank you, golden eagle spirits. 00:15:16.160 --> 00:15:20.480 align:middle line:84% And then on the drive down the mountain, about five minutes 00:15:20.480 --> 00:15:22.580 align:middle line:84% into the drive, two golden eagles 00:15:22.580 --> 00:15:25.490 align:middle line:84% swooped right in front of my windshield. 00:15:25.490 --> 00:15:27.620 align:middle line:84% They were just kind of saying goodbye. 00:15:27.620 --> 00:15:29.450 align:middle line:90% I was like, bye. 00:15:29.450 --> 00:15:32.450 align:middle line:84% And my dad is a fundamentalist Christian. 00:15:32.450 --> 00:15:34.640 align:middle line:90% He didn't come to my wedding. 00:15:34.640 --> 00:15:35.930 align:middle line:90% Why, I asked. 00:15:35.930 --> 00:15:40.250 align:middle line:84% And he said, God does not recognize your marriage. 00:15:40.250 --> 00:15:46.580 align:middle line:84% And he said on the last day, you and Chris will stand condemned. 00:15:46.580 --> 00:15:48.770 align:middle line:84% That's why I'm not coming to your wedding. 00:15:48.770 --> 00:15:52.730 align:middle line:84% It's like, fuck you and the horse you rode in on, right? 00:15:52.730 --> 00:15:55.790 align:middle line:84% So I was pretty pissed off for a year, 00:15:55.790 --> 00:15:59.840 align:middle line:90% and I act out by not going home. 00:15:59.840 --> 00:16:03.200 align:middle line:84% But this was his 85th birthday, and my therapist was saying, 00:16:03.200 --> 00:16:06.410 align:middle line:90% Tim, your dad is 85. 00:16:06.410 --> 00:16:09.830 align:middle line:90% Go the fuck home, so I did. 00:16:09.830 --> 00:16:13.463 align:middle line:84% But I told him the story about the golden eagles 00:16:13.463 --> 00:16:15.380 align:middle line:84% and the shamanic stuff, and at first, he goes, 00:16:15.380 --> 00:16:16.940 align:middle line:90% what's shamanism? 00:16:16.940 --> 00:16:19.880 align:middle line:84% He says, is that like a witch doctor? 00:16:19.880 --> 00:16:23.180 align:middle line:84% I said, Dad, it's more like a medicine man, 00:16:23.180 --> 00:16:24.710 align:middle line:90% like a spiritual leader. 00:16:24.710 --> 00:16:29.840 align:middle line:90% It's less like voodoo, right? 00:16:29.840 --> 00:16:31.280 align:middle line:84% And so I'm telling you this story 00:16:31.280 --> 00:16:35.660 align:middle line:84% because I shared it with him not thinking 00:16:35.660 --> 00:16:37.260 align:middle line:84% he was really going to appreciate it, 00:16:37.260 --> 00:16:38.630 align:middle line:90% but I just wanted to. 00:16:38.630 --> 00:16:41.090 align:middle line:84% You know sometimes you just do that with someone you 00:16:41.090 --> 00:16:42.420 align:middle line:90% love, like a parent especially? 00:16:42.420 --> 00:16:43.850 align:middle line:90% You're like, this is what I do. 00:16:43.850 --> 00:16:46.490 align:middle line:84% Take it or leave it, but I just want to share. 00:16:46.490 --> 00:16:50.900 align:middle line:84% And I went home, and a week later, we talked on the phone. 00:16:50.900 --> 00:16:55.550 align:middle line:84% And he said, I'm still thinking about those golden eagles, 00:16:55.550 --> 00:16:58.070 align:middle line:90% and that like really got me. 00:16:58.070 --> 00:17:01.190 align:middle line:84% So that's the bird I would like to be. 00:17:01.190 --> 00:17:01.970 align:middle line:90% Thank you so much. 00:17:01.970 --> 00:17:05.320 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:17:05.320 --> 00:17:10.208 align:middle line:90%