WEBVTT

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This one is about a
round baby, actually

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more of a wheel shaped baby.

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"Ideas go only so far."

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"Last year, I made up a baby.

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I made her in the shape
of a hat box or a cake.

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I could have iced her and no
one would have been the wiser.

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You know how trained elephants
will step onto a little round

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platform, cramming all
four fat feet together?

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That's her too, and the
fez on the elephant's head.

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[LAUGHTER]

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Applause all around, there is no
denying I've made a good baby.

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[LAUGHTER]

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I gave her a sweet face,
a pair of pretty eyes,

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and a secret trait
at her christening.

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I sent her on my desk
face up and waited.

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I watched her like a clock.

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I didn't coo at her though.

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She wasn't that kind of baby.

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She never got any bigger,
but she did learn to roll.

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Her little flat face
went round and round.

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On her other side, her not face
rolled round and round too.

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[LAUGHTER]

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She followed me everywhere.

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When I swam, she floated in
the swimming pool, a platter

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for the sun.

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When I read, she was my
peacefully blinking footstool.

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She fit so perfectly
into the washing machine

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that perhaps I washed
her more than necessary.

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[LAUGHTER]

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And it was wonderful to
watch her eyes slitted

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against the suds, a stray red
sock swishing about her face

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like the tongue of
some large animal.

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When you make up a good baby,
other people will want one too.

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Who's to say that I'm the
only one who deserves it,

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dear little machine washable
ever so presentable baby?

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Not me.

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So I made a batch, but they
weren't exactly like her.

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They were smaller and
without any inborn dread.

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Sometimes I see one rolling
past my window at sunset, quite

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unlike my baby, who
like any good idea,

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eventually ended up dead."

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[LAUGHTER]

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