If there are any teachers in the audience,
you will know about the end-of-semester evaluations
that we all get and how most of them
are obviously written by people who were in the class.
But there are always a few that you wonder,
oh, was that person actually there?
Did that person actually meet me?
So in thinking about that, this poem came out.
It is called "Student Evaluation of Instruction, Obituary
Edition".
So this would be the obituary my students would
write in lieu of their end-of-semester evaluation.
Dr. Hoppler, with two P's, has bees for teeth.
His head was their ring hive.
Dr. Heppler was haunted by the dogs he'd owned.
He talked about them often and in distracted tones.
Dr. Hopper loved the words "oink" and "hootenanny".
He hated the word "breast".
Dr. Holper made sad pelts grow back their animals.
[LAUGHTER]
Dr. Hippler pitched a natural sinker.
This is true.
This is beyond doubt.
Dr. Hollier swallowed the head of a swan.
And the swan's head grew inside him until it was so big.
The swan's head replaced his own head,
and this was how he spoke.
Dr. Hoper loved his wife, his wife his ocean was,
and his mountain range spent in blue gentian.
Dr. Hooper was a poet.
I did not know it.
Just kidding, Dr. J. You rock.
Give this man a raise.
[LAUGHTER]
And I'll tell you, I made up all of them except the last one.
That last one was a real one.
I do thank the gentleman for that.
That was very cool.