WEBVTT

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And then I'm going to read
a couple of poems that

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have been written in
direct relationship

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to having a sister in prison,
and then just some of the work

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I've done in other places.

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Something I shared
recently in Portland--

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and we talked about it a
bit in dinner tonight--

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and I won't say where
this happened here,

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but for those of you
who visited somebody

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who's been incarcerated,
the place is filthy, right?

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Like intentionally filthy.

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And the idea that there is a
particular bathroom that I'd

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been in a couple of
times, and every time

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I went into this bathroom,
it was a disaster area.

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Like papers crumpled, thrown
on the floor, wet paper towels.

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And part of that is
it's meant to make those

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of us who are going there--

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for the people we love or
the people we care about

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or the people who we
demand to be treated

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like full human beings--

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for us to feel less also.

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Like we don't even
deserve that, like we're

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entering a place where
people are not fully human.

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And so one day, as
I was coming in,

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I thought, what will happen?

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And so I picked up the
papers, and I put them

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in the garbage can.

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And I folded a brown--

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because you just have
that shitty brown,

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whatever that brown paper.

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I don't know if it's
in those bathrooms.

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So if it's not,
sorry about that.

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[LAUGHTER]

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But just that kind of
brown paper bag material.

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And so I just folded it up
and put it in the garbage can

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with the rest of those papers.

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And I just barely wipe the sink.

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We were in there for
about four or five hours.

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When I came back out, I went
to use that bathroom again.

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And it was the bathroom not
for those who are inside,

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but for those of
us on the outside.

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And those paper towels
were all over the floor

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again, including the
one that I had folded.

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So they had intentionally thrown
the trash can upside down again

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and emptied that trash, again.

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Like that's it.

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Everything in those
spaces are intentional,

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and they're meant to diminish
you as a human being.

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Not just those who are
inside, but even those of us

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who are trying to connect.

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So this entire idea
of punishment for me

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is one that I don't understand.

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"Punishment."

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I do not trust punishment.

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Not my own, unless my
infliction of it on another.

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Its long hallway.

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Its unwindowed room.

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I didn't stop at the red
light because I wanted to die.

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I didn't stop at the
red light because I

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thought I could make it.

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The referee calls five fouls,
but doesn't see 20 other fouls

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through the course of any game.

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To avenge?

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I do not believe it is possible.

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What is done is done.

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Who's to say, who should
suffer and who already has?

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I do not trust
punishment of any body.

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What it is meant to
accomplish who it is

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meant to accomplish that upon.

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And who designed the whip
to unravel so completely?

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What innovation, that it
fits both the master's hand

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and mine.

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In America, one should
not hang themself.

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But in America,
one can be hanged.

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You can actually be hanged
in two states right now.

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My sister is punished by
being placed in a prison.

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Her four kids are at
home, punished also,

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but in a more magical way--

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their mother has disappeared.

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A Houdini in handcuffs.

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My sister is punished
with boredom.

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I send books, crosswords,
coloring books, word searches.

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We become children again.

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My sister is punished by
having a male guard stand

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in the entrance to
her shower, where

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she hands him her dirty pair
of disposable polypropylene

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panties in exchange
for him handing

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her a new pair of disposable
polypropylene panties.

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His fingers touch and
briefly hold her hand

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when she takes the new pair.

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In prison, there is no touch
but the touch of punishment.

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My sister is punished
by the male guards

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who watch her shower.

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So she refuses to shower
while they are watching,

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for which she is
then punished, again,

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for refusing her punishment.

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To punish is to convince a
body, they are not a body.

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A body once punished will never
be a body again in America.

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Only a body with punishment
papers, a record,

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like a new American
origin story.

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A sick body in any
country needs medicine,

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and my sister is sick.

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But now that she has
an American punishment,

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she has a new body, a less body.

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She is punished and has lost her
right to what her body needs.

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She is denied her
thyroid medicine

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for the first three
weeks of her punishment

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until she becomes sick enough.

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Enough is a shifting
number, like any law.

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Like the scales of
American goodness.

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Guess how many fingers a white
man is holding behind his back.

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And then guess the cost
of each of his rings

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and his watch and his cufflinks.

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Guess how many museum
boards he sits on,

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and how much art his private
prison money has tainted.

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Yet here I am, making art
of my sister's punishment.

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My sister is punished so they
make her sleep on the floor.

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She doesn't deserve a
mattress, and they are busy--

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too busy to find her one.

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Punishment is a
many levered machine

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and it takes much
labor, many hands,

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a lot of concentration
and intentionality

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to pull all those levers.

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Which lever have
your hands rested on?

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Which lever have you
pulled against my sister?

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At home, which is now
a house in punishment,

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my sister's kids are crying.

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They don't know how long a
year is, two years, a month.

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The three-year-old keeps
saying, nine more days

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until mama comes home.

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He's been saying
that for 180 days.

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The four-year-old repeats,
she'll be back by the time

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it's time to go to the
river again, meaning summer.

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But it's always summer here.

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In our desert, it
is always desert.

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The eight-year-old
corrects them all and says,

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she'll be back by
Christmas, she has to be.

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But the oldest boy is too
smart and tells everybody,

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it's nine days times infinity
and, alas, Christmas, one

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that has already happened.

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Time is just enough time
for my sister and her kids

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to wonder what they even
deserve of this life--

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a mother, mercy,
medicine, a mattress.

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That's what it means to do time.

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It means, what do you
deserve this time?

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And each time,
it's less and less.

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Time wants to break us
down to our seconds.

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Yes, time is punishment.

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America arrived at us
knowing this, which

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is why it killed so many of us.

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Still kills so many of us.

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Because death is long.

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[APPLAUSE]

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You don't have to clap.

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