WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.440 align:middle line:90% 00:00:01.440 --> 00:00:07.880 align:middle line:84% So something that I've been thinking a lot about with all 00:00:07.880 --> 00:00:09.630 align:middle line:84% of this-- and I've thought a lot about it, 00:00:09.630 --> 00:00:12.720 align:middle line:84% I think just growing up on the Rez is part of this-- 00:00:12.720 --> 00:00:15.000 align:middle line:84% is this idea of American goodness. 00:00:15.000 --> 00:00:17.550 align:middle line:84% I think many of us are at a point in time where 00:00:17.550 --> 00:00:19.110 align:middle line:84% we've suddenly realized, you know-- 00:00:19.110 --> 00:00:21.277 align:middle line:84% and this is something I've been talking a lot about, 00:00:21.277 --> 00:00:25.500 align:middle line:84% so you might have heard me say this before-- 00:00:25.500 --> 00:00:30.600 align:middle line:84% we've reached a point in time where more than the usual of us 00:00:30.600 --> 00:00:34.800 align:middle line:84% have realized, there is no such thing as good and bad. 00:00:34.800 --> 00:00:37.362 align:middle line:84% Like that law, all we've been taught-- 00:00:37.362 --> 00:00:38.820 align:middle line:84% law, do what you're supposed to do, 00:00:38.820 --> 00:00:40.190 align:middle line:90% and you won't get in trouble. 00:00:40.190 --> 00:00:41.940 align:middle line:84% Obey the law and you won't get in trouble. 00:00:41.940 --> 00:00:44.130 align:middle line:84% Or be good and this won't happen to you. 00:00:44.130 --> 00:00:47.580 align:middle line:84% Suddenly, we realize law, like logic, 00:00:47.580 --> 00:00:49.650 align:middle line:84% is just another system of control. 00:00:49.650 --> 00:00:52.500 align:middle line:84% It's just another structure of power. 00:00:52.500 --> 00:00:55.980 align:middle line:84% And something I grew up with and something 00:00:55.980 --> 00:01:00.540 align:middle line:84% I'm definitely a product of is the idea of American goodness. 00:01:00.540 --> 00:01:02.490 align:middle line:90% I had to be the best. 00:01:02.490 --> 00:01:04.230 align:middle line:90% And for me, it was basketball. 00:01:04.230 --> 00:01:07.620 align:middle line:84% Like that's the thing that leaped me from my reservation. 00:01:07.620 --> 00:01:09.660 align:middle line:90% But I knew I had to be the best. 00:01:09.660 --> 00:01:12.120 align:middle line:84% Like this idea of American excellence 00:01:12.120 --> 00:01:14.670 align:middle line:90% or American goodness. 00:01:14.670 --> 00:01:18.450 align:middle line:84% And I mean, the entire time I was striving for it, 00:01:18.450 --> 00:01:21.450 align:middle line:84% I also knew that it was completely impossible. 00:01:21.450 --> 00:01:24.960 align:middle line:84% No matter what I did, I was still only myself. 00:01:24.960 --> 00:01:28.110 align:middle line:84% And I was still only who I was in the eyes of many 00:01:28.110 --> 00:01:29.040 align:middle line:90% of the people. 00:01:29.040 --> 00:01:31.560 align:middle line:84% I traveled every summer to Scottsdale, Arizona 00:01:31.560 --> 00:01:34.140 align:middle line:84% and played with a very wealthy basketball team 00:01:34.140 --> 00:01:38.050 align:middle line:84% to help their team win, and they paid my way to be there. 00:01:38.050 --> 00:01:41.550 align:middle line:84% And yet I had to put up with all of the underhanded barbs 00:01:41.550 --> 00:01:42.930 align:middle line:90% and all of the, you know. 00:01:42.930 --> 00:01:44.430 align:middle line:84% I remember a couple of white girls 00:01:44.430 --> 00:01:47.490 align:middle line:90% stole a necklace at a fair. 00:01:47.490 --> 00:01:50.640 align:middle line:84% And I was the one who got questioned for it. 00:01:50.640 --> 00:01:52.770 align:middle line:84% It was like some fucking hippie necklace. 00:01:52.770 --> 00:01:55.290 align:middle line:84% I was like, what would I do with that? 00:01:55.290 --> 00:01:57.330 align:middle line:84% I couldn't, I can't wear that at home. 00:01:57.330 --> 00:01:58.110 align:middle line:90% I'd get beat up. 00:01:58.110 --> 00:02:01.590 align:middle line:84% Like why would I want that necklace? 00:02:01.590 --> 00:02:05.190 align:middle line:84% And so this is, for me, just this idea of goodness 00:02:05.190 --> 00:02:07.890 align:middle line:84% is one that's killed so many people, 00:02:07.890 --> 00:02:12.300 align:middle line:90% and it's killing so many of us. 00:02:12.300 --> 00:02:16.980 align:middle line:84% And so there's a couple background things 00:02:16.980 --> 00:02:17.950 align:middle line:90% you need to know. 00:02:17.950 --> 00:02:22.530 align:middle line:84% So I'm pulling lyrics from a song called Maps 00:02:22.530 --> 00:02:24.468 align:middle line:90% by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. 00:02:24.468 --> 00:02:26.010 align:middle line:84% There's a lot of white people in here 00:02:26.010 --> 00:02:27.593 align:middle line:84% so I know you probably know this song. 00:02:27.593 --> 00:02:28.093 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:02:28.093 --> 00:02:30.468 align:middle line:84% And there's a few brown people in here so I'mma play this 00:02:30.468 --> 00:02:32.493 align:middle line:84% for you because you may not have heard this. 00:02:32.493 --> 00:02:33.942 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:02:33.942 --> 00:02:36.360 align:middle line:84% [MUSIC - YEAH YEAH YEAHS, "MAPS"] 00:02:36.360 --> 00:02:38.070 align:middle line:90% So this song is called Maps. 00:02:38.070 --> 00:02:45.260 align:middle line:90% 00:02:45.260 --> 00:02:47.720 align:middle line:84% She says "don't stray" really early on in it. 00:02:47.720 --> 00:02:53.540 align:middle line:90% 00:02:53.540 --> 00:02:55.480 align:middle line:90% Pack up. 00:02:55.480 --> 00:02:57.584 align:middle line:90% Don't stray. 00:02:57.584 --> 00:02:59.492 align:middle line:90% Enough. 00:02:59.492 --> 00:03:01.545 align:middle line:90% Oh say, say, say. 00:03:01.545 --> 00:03:03.540 align:middle line:90% Oh say, say, say. 00:03:03.540 --> 00:03:05.507 align:middle line:90% Oh say, say, say. 00:03:05.507 --> 00:03:07.503 align:middle line:90% Oh say, say, say. 00:03:07.503 --> 00:03:09.998 align:middle line:90% Oh say, say, say. 00:03:09.998 --> 00:03:11.495 align:middle line:90% Wait. 00:03:11.495 --> 00:03:13.990 align:middle line:84% They don't love you like I love you. 00:03:13.990 --> 00:03:15.487 align:middle line:90% Wait. 00:03:15.487 --> 00:03:17.982 align:middle line:84% They don't love you like I love you. 00:03:17.982 --> 00:03:18.980 align:middle line:90% Maps. 00:03:18.980 --> 00:03:22.020 align:middle line:84% And she's saying maps, maps, maps. 00:03:22.020 --> 00:03:23.490 align:middle line:90% Wait. 00:03:23.490 --> 00:03:25.940 align:middle line:84% They don't love you like I love you. 00:03:25.940 --> 00:03:28.460 align:middle line:84% So that idea, "they don't love you like I love you." 00:03:28.460 --> 00:03:30.485 align:middle line:84% Most of you probably know this from this song. 00:03:30.485 --> 00:03:33.040 align:middle line:90% 00:03:33.040 --> 00:03:35.630 align:middle line:90% [MUSIC - BEYONCÉ, "HOLD UP"] 00:03:35.630 --> 00:03:38.115 align:middle line:90% Beyoncé snagged-- sampled-- 00:03:38.115 --> 00:03:38.615 align:middle line:90% the lyrics. 00:03:38.615 --> 00:03:43.140 align:middle line:90% 00:03:43.140 --> 00:03:46.135 align:middle line:84% Hold up, they don't love you like I love you. 00:03:46.135 --> 00:03:49.052 align:middle line:84% Slow down, they don't love you like love you. 00:03:49.052 --> 00:03:51.810 align:middle line:84% Back up, they don't love you like I love you. 00:03:51.810 --> 00:03:54.142 align:middle line:84% Step down, they don't love you like I love you. 00:03:54.142 --> 00:03:56.100 align:middle line:84% So most of you probably know it from that song. 00:03:56.100 --> 00:03:59.580 align:middle line:90% 00:03:59.580 --> 00:04:03.150 align:middle line:84% They don't love you like I love you. 00:04:03.150 --> 00:04:06.330 align:middle line:84% My mother said this to me long before Beyoncé lifted 00:04:06.330 --> 00:04:09.540 align:middle line:84% the lyrics from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. 00:04:09.540 --> 00:04:12.900 align:middle line:84% And what my mother meant by "don't stray" 00:04:12.900 --> 00:04:15.540 align:middle line:90% was that she knew all about it. 00:04:15.540 --> 00:04:19.380 align:middle line:84% The way it feels to need someone to love you. 00:04:19.380 --> 00:04:21.720 align:middle line:90% Someone not your kind. 00:04:21.720 --> 00:04:23.580 align:middle line:90% Someone white. 00:04:23.580 --> 00:04:28.380 align:middle line:84% Some one, some many who live only because so many of mine 00:04:28.380 --> 00:04:29.460 align:middle line:90% have not. 00:04:29.460 --> 00:04:33.760 align:middle line:84% And further, live on top of those of ours who don't. 00:04:33.760 --> 00:04:35.700 align:middle line:90% I'll say, say, say. 00:04:35.700 --> 00:04:39.840 align:middle line:84% I'll say, say, say, what is America if not 00:04:39.840 --> 00:04:45.240 align:middle line:84% a clot of clouds, if not spilled milk or blood, if not the place 00:04:45.240 --> 00:04:48.180 align:middle line:90% we once were in the millions. 00:04:48.180 --> 00:04:50.580 align:middle line:90% America is maps. 00:04:50.580 --> 00:04:54.990 align:middle line:84% Maps are ghosts-- white and layers of people 00:04:54.990 --> 00:04:57.570 align:middle line:90% and places I see through. 00:04:57.570 --> 00:05:01.410 align:middle line:84% My mother has always known best, knew 00:05:01.410 --> 00:05:04.380 align:middle line:84% that I've been begging for them to lay 00:05:04.380 --> 00:05:08.910 align:middle line:84% my face against their white laps, to be held in something 00:05:08.910 --> 00:05:13.410 align:middle line:84% more than the loud light of their projector, of themselves. 00:05:13.410 --> 00:05:18.840 align:middle line:84% They flicker sepia'd or blue all over my body. 00:05:18.840 --> 00:05:23.340 align:middle line:84% All this time, I thought my mother said, wait, as in, 00:05:23.340 --> 00:05:27.240 align:middle line:84% give them a little more time to know your worth. 00:05:27.240 --> 00:05:32.040 align:middle line:84% When really, she said weight, meaning heft. 00:05:32.040 --> 00:05:35.130 align:middle line:84% Preparing me for the yoke of myself. 00:05:35.130 --> 00:05:38.010 align:middle line:84% For the beast of my country's burdens, 00:05:38.010 --> 00:05:41.970 align:middle line:84% which is less worse than my country's plow. 00:05:41.970 --> 00:05:46.110 align:middle line:84% Yes, when my mother said, they don't love you like I love you, 00:05:46.110 --> 00:05:50.130 align:middle line:84% she meant, Natalie, that doesn't mean you aren't good. 00:05:50.130 --> 00:05:54.060 align:middle line:90% 00:05:54.060 --> 00:05:56.070 align:middle line:90% And that idea-- 00:05:56.070 --> 00:05:57.720 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:05:57.720 --> 00:05:59.250 align:middle line:84% That idea of goodness is just one 00:05:59.250 --> 00:06:02.130 align:middle line:84% that, it's so problematic to me, but it's 00:06:02.130 --> 00:06:05.220 align:middle line:84% one that's built into every single one of us. 00:06:05.220 --> 00:06:09.288 align:middle line:84% Even the idea that we don't ever let somebody, 00:06:09.288 --> 00:06:10.830 align:middle line:84% once they've been through the system, 00:06:10.830 --> 00:06:13.230 align:middle line:90% we don't ever let them go. 00:06:13.230 --> 00:06:17.760 align:middle line:84% We let it chase them down the road. 00:06:17.760 --> 00:06:20.820 align:middle line:84% Once you are a criminal, you stay a criminal. 00:06:20.820 --> 00:06:22.590 align:middle line:84% You always have to show your record. 00:06:22.590 --> 00:06:25.680 align:middle line:84% You can even have your sealed records unsealed 00:06:25.680 --> 00:06:29.310 align:middle line:84% if somebody wants them badly enough. 00:06:29.310 --> 00:06:31.950 align:middle line:84% And it's such an absurdity, the fact 00:06:31.950 --> 00:06:35.520 align:middle line:84% that we would use that as a mark of badness, 00:06:35.520 --> 00:06:39.870 align:middle line:84% as if each one of us were unmarred in our goodness. 00:06:39.870 --> 00:06:43.700 align:middle line:84% It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.