"Math."
"I was talking at a party with a man about Lolita.
He seemed surprised that we both liked it.
I told him it was a very well-liked book.
He was being really flirty.
First, when we met at the party, he just looked at me.
And then as soon as I said something, he said,
'You're witty.'
He reminded me of someone.
And I was trying to think of who it was.
I figured out that he looked like a friend of mine,
a writer who's written a book about Lolita and also
some novels.
I told him.
Now, he said, 'Is your friend a good writer?'
'Well, he's well-liked.'
I thought of this other writer I know,
who looks like a famous actor.
Everyone says so.
And he's even written about it.
He was the teacher of another writer friend of mine.
I was at her place the other day and met her ex-husband.
And you know who he looks like?
That famous actor and, consequently, also,
that writer who looks like him, my friend's teacher.
I mentioned this to them, and neither one had ever
noticed that he looked like anyone,
but they agreed completely.
So I'm not making it up.
In light of all of this, it's interesting to me
that when we read a book, we don't look like anyone.
And also, something I thought about
during both Lolita movies, how important it is in the book
that we don't see her except in our imagination.
Because if we saw her, she'd be just a kid, and we'd freak out.
I thought about that music video with sexy Liv Tyler
and her father lusting over her as if we don't know he's
her father.
But maybe the goal is we do know he's her father.
So what about the guy at the party?
God, I hardly remember him, except he was a math genius.
But I remember hoping all the time we
were talking that he could quickly explain math
to me, suddenly, in an ejaculate burst,
in a way that I'd really get it, all the parts of math I always
longed for, that I knew were on the other side of all the math
I couldn't bear.
And because of this, I have the same lingering sense of loss
that I might have had if we'd slept together
or been married once for several years a long time ago."