WEBVTT

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"Versions."

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"Versions."

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Posters rose around
the neighborhood

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describing a lost pigeon,
which you might recognize

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because it might land on you.

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So meanwhile, I've been hanging
out with this very sexy girl

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Maggie who always
wants to be with me

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but doesn't want to date me.

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She's recently lost
then found her giant cat

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Hank, who's a
typical tom that way.

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Then she went to Spain,
and people in her building

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were taking care of
the cat, who is allowed

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to go in and out of the window.

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Back from Spain, there were
posters around for another lost

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cat, and the owners
called her house

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and tried to convince her
that Hank was actually

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their cat, the new lost one.

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Maggie won by saying
Hank was at least 30%

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bigger than their cat.

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I don't know if
she knew their cat

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or if it was an educated guess
based on how big Hank truly is.

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"People appreciate
data," she said to me.

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I was holding a towel
in front of her,

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so she could change at the lake.

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Naturally, I'd
been sort of trying

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to tamp down my crush
and sort of trying

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to let it do what it wants.

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So then later that day when
we got back from the lake

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and I dropped her off
and was at my house

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getting ready to take
myself to the movies,

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I heard scuffling on my roof
and went outside to look.

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There was a giant white
pigeon like a foot above me

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on my stoop's overhang
thing, huge for a pigeon,

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with a pink beak
and giant pink feet.

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It took off in a rush, and
a feather fell from it.

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I don't know what
percent bigger.

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Then I went to the movies,
not putting anything together.

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When I got home,
my landladies were

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sitting in the dark garden.

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I joined them for a
nightcap, and they told me

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about seeing this
white bird in the yard.

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"I saw it, too," I said.

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That made me remember the
poster for the pigeon.

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I felt worried that
someone had been missing

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their tame bird all
this time, and I'd just

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gone to the movies.

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And I felt like I'd forgotten
because I was getting

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all the posters mixed up
with my stupid feelings

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for Maggie in some way.

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So the next day, I walked
all over the neighborhood

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until I found a poster, and
then I called the number.

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It was a weird guy.

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There's a certain kind of
weird guy in this town,

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and they have a
certain kind of voice,

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sort of lonely and sort of
self-righteous, a kind of guy

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into ham radio.

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He said the poster was about
a gray pigeon, not a white one

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with pink feet
like the one I saw,

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but that he'd actually
lost a white one, too,

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a while before that.

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He didn't sound at all freaked
out or relieved or anything,

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and that started to make me mad.

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Next day, I was biking
over to Maggie's, and we

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were going to have brunch at a
place that used to be a bank.

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There were leaves
everywhere in the streets.

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I was thinking about the
structure of many leaves

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coming from one tree, then
how they all fell away,

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but there was still
that one tree.

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I thought about money, about
bicycling through money

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swirling around in the street
surrounded by bald trees

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as if the money had
come from the trees even

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though of course not.

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This is the way I use my brain.

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There in the street was a weird
guy, and some distance away,

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maybe a house-worth of distance,
there was a giant pigeon.

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And the guy was trying
to coax it toward him.

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It was a black pigeon
with red rims on its face.

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I didn't want to bicycle through
them in this delicate moment,

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so I pulled over.

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I watched the man
and the pigeon move

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in relation to each other
like backward magnets.

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A cat that looked a lot
like Hank sat on a porch

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and was definitely
watching, too.

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I tried to think of what
percentage like Hank

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the cat was.

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Then I tried to think of
what percentage like Hank

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the rest of us were,
living on this Earth.

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No cars were coming.

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I realized there was
no way the man would

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know I was the person
who'd called him,

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if he was the man I'd called.

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So I said, "Hey, I've got
to get through here, OK?"

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I said it the way I've
seen people with Hummers

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say that to people like
construction workers,

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or anyone really.

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It's amazing how urgent
something like brunch can feel.

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But the weird guy didn't
look up from the pigeon.

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I could have just gone
right ahead through them,

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but something made
me not do that,

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even though the guy
was on another planet.

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He was on another planet
in some kind of system

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that was beyond
me, something where

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he was in a network
with a series of birds,

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white, gray, black, and maybe
with a whole separate weird guy

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on the phone interacting
in a series of patterns.

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They tacked up these flyers onto
trees, and some of the flyers

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were crumbling onto the streets.

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I let the man
staring at the bird,

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and I looked at the cat
watching at them, too, like me.

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I backed up and went
around the block.

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When I got to Maggie's,
she was freaking out

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because she couldn't find Hank.

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She was afraid her neighbors
might be harboring him.

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I said maybe he was
just out chasing tail,

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and she threw a pillow at me.

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Then she went to
make a phone call.

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I picked up the pillow
and held it in front of me

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by two of its corners the way
I held up a towel a day ago.

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For a second, I thought
about the posters around town

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and let go of one
of the corners.

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That's the opposite of a
nail, if you think about it.

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Maggie and I are
the same height,

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and we have basically
the same haircut.

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We both wear glasses part
time and contacts part time,

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but I really couldn't tell
you if it's the same amounts.

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There could be so many more
things to aim my feelings at,

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and sometimes I think the
right thing is hovering just

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above my left ear.

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But it's like every time I move,
whatever the right thing is

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moves in exact relation to me.

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It makes me really
want to get out

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of here, this whole brainspace,
this country, whatever made me

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the version of myself that I am.

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