WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.500 align:middle line:90% 00:00:02.500 --> 00:00:05.650 align:middle line:84% I have just published a children's book 00:00:05.650 --> 00:00:11.390 align:middle line:84% called Opposites and here's what it looks like. 00:00:11.390 --> 00:00:16.790 align:middle line:84% It doesn't cost too much, and they let me do the drawings. 00:00:16.790 --> 00:00:19.760 align:middle line:84% I don't know whether you can see the Leonardo 00:00:19.760 --> 00:00:21.980 align:middle line:84% quality of these drawings from where you are. 00:00:21.980 --> 00:00:25.250 align:middle line:90% 00:00:25.250 --> 00:00:30.050 align:middle line:84% Anyway, these poems are based on a little family 00:00:30.050 --> 00:00:35.300 align:middle line:84% game, which we played a few times while the children were 00:00:35.300 --> 00:00:37.250 align:middle line:90% growing up. 00:00:37.250 --> 00:00:39.760 align:middle line:84% You only need one logical child in your family 00:00:39.760 --> 00:00:41.105 align:middle line:90% and you can play this game. 00:00:41.105 --> 00:00:44.180 align:middle line:90% 00:00:44.180 --> 00:00:47.060 align:middle line:84% There are no-- there's no procedure to it, no rules. 00:00:47.060 --> 00:00:49.190 align:middle line:84% It just consists of this, somebody, 00:00:49.190 --> 00:00:54.110 align:middle line:84% anybody says, "what is the opposite of Earth?" 00:00:54.110 --> 00:00:59.870 align:middle line:84% And then somebody says, "sky" and then the pious child 00:00:59.870 --> 00:01:03.920 align:middle line:84% across the table says, "no, no, heaven" and perhaps 00:01:03.920 --> 00:01:06.320 align:middle line:84% other possibilities are proposed. 00:01:06.320 --> 00:01:08.210 align:middle line:84% When you've got all the possibilities said, 00:01:08.210 --> 00:01:11.100 align:middle line:84% then you move on to something else. 00:01:11.100 --> 00:01:14.750 align:middle line:90% Well, these are some opposites. 00:01:14.750 --> 00:01:17.490 align:middle line:90% What is the opposite of nuts? 00:01:17.490 --> 00:01:18.770 align:middle line:90% It's soup. 00:01:18.770 --> 00:01:21.770 align:middle line:90% Let's have no ifs and buts. 00:01:21.770 --> 00:01:24.920 align:middle line:84% In any suitable repast, the soup comes first, 00:01:24.920 --> 00:01:27.860 align:middle line:90% the nuts come last. 00:01:27.860 --> 00:01:30.080 align:middle line:84% Or that is what sane folk advise. 00:01:30.080 --> 00:01:34.230 align:middle line:84% You're nuts if you think otherwise. 00:01:34.230 --> 00:01:37.950 align:middle line:84% The opposite of standing still is walking up or down a hill, 00:01:37.950 --> 00:01:41.700 align:middle line:84% running backwards, creeping, crawling, leaping off a cliff, 00:01:41.700 --> 00:01:44.760 align:middle line:84% and falling turning somersaults in gravel 00:01:44.760 --> 00:01:46.275 align:middle line:90% or any other mode of travel. 00:01:46.275 --> 00:01:50.500 align:middle line:90% 00:01:50.500 --> 00:01:52.380 align:middle line:90% What is the opposite of cheese? 00:01:52.380 --> 00:01:55.390 align:middle line:84% For mice, it's anything you please. 00:01:55.390 --> 00:01:58.170 align:middle line:84% So fond are they of cheese, that mice think 00:01:58.170 --> 00:02:00.810 align:middle line:90% nothing else is very nice. 00:02:00.810 --> 00:02:03.330 align:middle line:84% I too like cheese I must admit, I'm 00:02:03.330 --> 00:02:05.040 align:middle line:90% certainly not opposed to it. 00:02:05.040 --> 00:02:09.580 align:middle line:90% 00:02:09.580 --> 00:02:13.950 align:middle line:84% For some reason, people always seem 00:02:13.950 --> 00:02:15.870 align:middle line:84% to feel that's a little unbearably arch, 00:02:15.870 --> 00:02:16.590 align:middle line:90% I don't know why. 00:02:16.590 --> 00:02:20.020 align:middle line:90% 00:02:20.020 --> 00:02:21.900 align:middle line:90% What is the opposite of riot? 00:02:21.900 --> 00:02:23.595 align:middle line:84% It's lots of people keeping quiet. 00:02:23.595 --> 00:02:26.832 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:02:26.832 --> 00:02:30.280 align:middle line:90% 00:02:30.280 --> 00:02:34.630 align:middle line:84% The opposite of making faces is not indulging in grimaces, 00:02:34.630 --> 00:02:36.940 align:middle line:84% wrinkling your nose with tongue stuck out, 00:02:36.940 --> 00:02:38.740 align:middle line:84% and rolling both your eyes about, 00:02:38.740 --> 00:02:44.530 align:middle line:84% but letting eyes and mouth and nose remain entirely in repose. 00:02:44.530 --> 00:02:48.040 align:middle line:84% It's true however, that a very fixed expression can be scary. 00:02:48.040 --> 00:02:53.990 align:middle line:90% 00:02:53.990 --> 00:02:56.810 align:middle line:84% The opposite of squash, offhand I'd 00:02:56.810 --> 00:03:02.210 align:middle line:84% say that it might be expand enlarge, uncrumple, or inflate. 00:03:02.210 --> 00:03:05.750 align:middle line:84% However, on a dinner plate with yellow vegetables and green, 00:03:05.750 --> 00:03:07.745 align:middle line:90% the opposite of squash is bean. 00:03:07.745 --> 00:03:10.892 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:03:10.892 --> 00:03:16.210 align:middle line:90% 00:03:16.210 --> 00:03:18.190 align:middle line:90% What is the opposite of actor? 00:03:18.190 --> 00:03:19.930 align:middle line:84% The answer is very simple, tractor. 00:03:19.930 --> 00:03:22.450 align:middle line:90% 00:03:22.450 --> 00:03:24.910 align:middle line:84% I said that just because it rhymes, 00:03:24.910 --> 00:03:27.880 align:middle line:90% as lazy poets do at times. 00:03:27.880 --> 00:03:29.770 align:middle line:84% However, to be more exact, an actor 00:03:29.770 --> 00:03:33.400 align:middle line:84% is one who likes to act King Lear in some unlikely plot 00:03:33.400 --> 00:03:35.620 align:middle line:90% pretending to be what he's not. 00:03:35.620 --> 00:03:37.660 align:middle line:84% The opposite of actor, friend, is 00:03:37.660 --> 00:03:41.860 align:middle line:84% someone who does not pretend, but is himself like you and me. 00:03:41.860 --> 00:03:43.810 align:middle line:90% I'm Romeo, who might you be? 00:03:43.810 --> 00:03:47.303 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:03:47.303 --> 00:03:48.800 align:middle line:90% 00:03:48.800 --> 00:03:52.610 align:middle line:84% The opposite of donut, wait a minute while I meditate, 00:03:52.610 --> 00:03:54.560 align:middle line:90% this isn't easy. 00:03:54.560 --> 00:03:55.880 align:middle line:90% Ah, I've found it. 00:03:55.880 --> 00:03:57.560 align:middle line:90% A cookie with a hole around it. 00:03:57.560 --> 00:04:00.892 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:04:00.892 --> 00:04:06.610 align:middle line:90% 00:04:06.610 --> 00:04:12.040 align:middle line:84% Not to have any hair is called hairlessness or being bald. 00:04:12.040 --> 00:04:17.470 align:middle line:84% It is a fine thing to be hairy, yet it's not always necessary. 00:04:17.470 --> 00:04:22.120 align:middle line:84% Bald heads on men are very fine particularly if they shine. 00:04:22.120 --> 00:04:27.700 align:middle line:84% And who conceivably could wish to see a hairy frog or fish? 00:04:27.700 --> 00:04:32.002 align:middle line:84% Some creatures though do well to wear a normal covering of hair. 00:04:32.002 --> 00:04:33.460 align:middle line:84% I don't think I should care to know 00:04:33.460 --> 00:04:37.720 align:middle line:84% those hairless dogs of Mexico who ramble naked out of doors 00:04:37.720 --> 00:04:39.400 align:middle line:84% and must be patted on their pores. 00:04:39.400 --> 00:04:42.694 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:04:42.694 --> 00:04:48.020 align:middle line:90% 00:04:48.020 --> 00:04:50.330 align:middle line:90% What is the opposite of July? 00:04:50.330 --> 00:04:53.150 align:middle line:84% That's hard to answer, but I'll try. 00:04:53.150 --> 00:04:57.710 align:middle line:84% In San Francisco and Quebec, Duluth, Bigfork, Mamaroneck, 00:04:57.710 --> 00:05:01.070 align:middle line:84% and every other city here in the Upper Western hemisphere, 00:05:01.070 --> 00:05:06.530 align:middle line:84% July can be extremely hot, but far to southward it is not. 00:05:06.530 --> 00:05:10.070 align:middle line:84% The month can be extremely chill in Paraguay or in Brazil 00:05:10.070 --> 00:05:13.910 align:middle line:84% and furthermore, July can mean a blizzard also in Argentina. 00:05:13.910 --> 00:05:17.795 align:middle line:84% These unexpected facts are why the opposite of July is July. 00:05:17.795 --> 00:05:23.270 align:middle line:90% 00:05:23.270 --> 00:05:27.940 align:middle line:90% The opposite of well is sick. 00:05:27.940 --> 00:05:29.890 align:middle line:84% Another answers to be quick and tell 00:05:29.890 --> 00:05:32.620 align:middle line:84% what you have got to tell without a lot of well, well, 00:05:32.620 --> 00:05:35.410 align:middle line:90% well. 00:05:35.410 --> 00:05:39.070 align:middle line:90% This is a very unbalanced one. 00:05:39.070 --> 00:05:41.290 align:middle line:90% The opposite of tiller-- 00:05:41.290 --> 00:05:43.630 align:middle line:84% well, it's when some farmer in the dell 00:05:43.630 --> 00:05:48.610 align:middle line:84% has grown so lazy that by now he lacks the energy to plow. 00:05:48.610 --> 00:05:50.590 align:middle line:90% A bowsprit also comes to mind. 00:05:50.590 --> 00:05:53.110 align:middle line:84% Since like a tiller, it's a kind of stick 00:05:53.110 --> 00:05:58.270 align:middle line:84% and since on sailing craft, the bowsprit's for the tiller aft. 00:05:58.270 --> 00:06:02.050 align:middle line:84% I also think of butter, brads, shoe polish, cannon, 00:06:02.050 --> 00:06:04.900 align:middle line:84% shoulder pads, daisies, and stock exchange, 00:06:04.900 --> 00:06:07.930 align:middle line:84% and goat since none of these can steer a boat. 00:06:07.930 --> 00:06:11.960 align:middle line:90% 00:06:11.960 --> 00:06:17.960 align:middle line:84% The opposite of spit I'd say would be a narrow cove or Bay. 00:06:17.960 --> 00:06:21.480 align:middle line:84% There is another sense of spit, but I refuse to think of it. 00:06:21.480 --> 00:06:24.590 align:middle line:84% It stands opposed to all refined and decent instincts 00:06:24.590 --> 00:06:25.115 align:middle line:90% of mankind. 00:06:25.115 --> 00:06:31.280 align:middle line:90% 00:06:31.280 --> 00:06:33.710 align:middle line:90% What is the opposite of mirror? 00:06:33.710 --> 00:06:36.200 align:middle line:84% The answer hardly could be clearer. 00:06:36.200 --> 00:06:38.210 align:middle line:84% It's anything which on inspection, is not 00:06:38.210 --> 00:06:39.740 align:middle line:90% all full of your reflection. 00:06:39.740 --> 00:06:44.540 align:middle line:90% 00:06:44.540 --> 00:06:47.840 align:middle line:84% For instance, it would be no use to brush your hair 00:06:47.840 --> 00:06:58.320 align:middle line:84% before a moose or try a raincoat on for size while looking 00:06:58.320 --> 00:07:01.500 align:middle line:90% at a swarm of flies. 00:07:01.500 --> 00:07:06.210 align:middle line:84% The opposite of opposite, that's much too difficult, I quit. 00:07:06.210 --> 00:07:09.560 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:07:09.560 --> 00:07:14.000 align:middle line:90%