WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.050 align:middle line:90% 00:00:01.050 --> 00:00:03.200 align:middle line:90% And this is the last poem. 00:00:03.200 --> 00:00:07.900 align:middle line:90% 00:00:07.900 --> 00:00:10.240 align:middle line:84% This is called The Painter - A Meditation. 00:00:10.240 --> 00:00:16.270 align:middle line:84% And although a woman painter is speaking in the poem, 00:00:16.270 --> 00:00:20.320 align:middle line:84% I must tell you it is not my wife speaking. 00:00:20.320 --> 00:00:22.040 align:middle line:84% She asked me, "That's not about me. 00:00:22.040 --> 00:00:23.110 align:middle line:90% That's not how I think." 00:00:23.110 --> 00:00:24.970 align:middle line:90% So it's not about-- 00:00:24.970 --> 00:00:26.110 align:middle line:90% it's not about her. 00:00:26.110 --> 00:00:28.990 align:middle line:90% 00:00:28.990 --> 00:00:33.630 align:middle line:84% It's a meditative poem, so it's a little slow. 00:00:33.630 --> 00:00:35.400 align:middle line:90% "The Painter - A Meditation." 00:00:35.400 --> 00:00:37.950 align:middle line:90% 00:00:37.950 --> 00:00:43.290 align:middle line:84% "The wandering Jew's scarlet leaves hang in my space. 00:00:43.290 --> 00:00:45.000 align:middle line:84% I like to think they're peaceful, 00:00:45.000 --> 00:00:50.130 align:middle line:84% but the air pulsates and shadows shrink from the vine. 00:00:50.130 --> 00:00:55.620 align:middle line:84% My eyes thread this space, my hands in love with light. 00:00:55.620 --> 00:01:00.570 align:middle line:84% The light is external, its passage from grief to grace. 00:01:00.570 --> 00:01:03.000 align:middle line:84% I had wanted to make a picture of the world 00:01:03.000 --> 00:01:06.540 align:middle line:84% where nothing was for sale, where women walked down 00:01:06.540 --> 00:01:11.390 align:middle line:84% to their gardens for solace and a little light. 00:01:11.390 --> 00:01:16.310 align:middle line:84% But people sit uneasily in spaces meant for objects. 00:01:16.310 --> 00:01:19.130 align:middle line:84% I can't hold hands with a woman whose face 00:01:19.130 --> 00:01:21.110 align:middle line:90% is dressed with light. 00:01:21.110 --> 00:01:24.500 align:middle line:84% When I take up the brush, I am not transformed, 00:01:24.500 --> 00:01:27.440 align:middle line:90% nor is time mitigated. 00:01:27.440 --> 00:01:31.580 align:middle line:84% For a long time, I meant to be depressed, a sudden jumping out 00:01:31.580 --> 00:01:34.220 align:middle line:90% of windows without goodbyes. 00:01:34.220 --> 00:01:37.460 align:middle line:90% Now, I paint to stay alive. 00:01:37.460 --> 00:01:41.510 align:middle line:84% What mysteries may dwell where leaf and shadow meet, 00:01:41.510 --> 00:01:46.460 align:middle line:84% I'd rather not find words for, having their own reasons, as in 00:01:46.460 --> 00:01:49.430 align:middle line:90% the truth of fables. 00:01:49.430 --> 00:01:52.490 align:middle line:84% Last night, I tried to invent something impersonal 00:01:52.490 --> 00:01:54.710 align:middle line:90% to save my life. 00:01:54.710 --> 00:01:57.500 align:middle line:84% Though it was hot, I pulled the covers over me 00:01:57.500 --> 00:01:59.840 align:middle line:90% and lay in dream a while. 00:01:59.840 --> 00:02:05.960 align:middle line:84% What I saw was a face so large, I couldn't contain its grief. 00:02:05.960 --> 00:02:09.860 align:middle line:84% I heard my children curled in their little bags of sleep, 00:02:09.860 --> 00:02:13.580 align:middle line:84% and their breathing calmed me the way a winter storm 00:02:13.580 --> 00:02:16.520 align:middle line:90% keeps us from leaving the house. 00:02:16.520 --> 00:02:21.080 align:middle line:84% I wanted to invent a glacier of such crystalline purity, 00:02:21.080 --> 00:02:25.610 align:middle line:84% even the cleverest among us couldn't discover its flaw. 00:02:25.610 --> 00:02:28.850 align:middle line:90% Morning caught me unaware. 00:02:28.850 --> 00:02:31.160 align:middle line:90% Look, I'm killing a shadow-- 00:02:31.160 --> 00:02:35.090 align:middle line:84% instilling light where no light ought to be. 00:02:35.090 --> 00:02:37.100 align:middle line:84% Sometimes I forget the world where 00:02:37.100 --> 00:02:39.900 align:middle line:90% floors are swept for a reason. 00:02:39.900 --> 00:02:42.980 align:middle line:84% The insane begin by neglecting to clean, 00:02:42.980 --> 00:02:46.130 align:middle line:84% each morning, their faces in the mirror. 00:02:46.130 --> 00:02:50.360 align:middle line:84% There is proof, there are photos of better days. 00:02:50.360 --> 00:02:53.180 align:middle line:84% None of my paintings pose any questions. 00:02:53.180 --> 00:02:56.900 align:middle line:84% Even the slow rise of a blue penis by the easel, 00:02:56.900 --> 00:03:00.860 align:middle line:84% even my husband, who demands his breakfast and his morning 00:03:00.860 --> 00:03:01.880 align:middle line:90% touch-- 00:03:01.880 --> 00:03:04.940 align:middle line:90% nothing human moves me. 00:03:04.940 --> 00:03:08.630 align:middle line:84% I watched the slow crawl of light up the wandering jew, 00:03:08.630 --> 00:03:10.790 align:middle line:90% deeper than flesh. 00:03:10.790 --> 00:03:13.370 align:middle line:84% I listen to water dripping in the sink, 00:03:13.370 --> 00:03:15.500 align:middle line:84% and children pummeling each other 00:03:15.500 --> 00:03:18.890 align:middle line:84% in the schoolyard next door, and I think only 00:03:18.890 --> 00:03:21.920 align:middle line:90% of flowers in a still life. 00:03:21.920 --> 00:03:27.600 align:middle line:84% A painter loves in unspeakable places, by hand and eye. 00:03:27.600 --> 00:03:33.260 align:middle line:84% Such cannibalism is an emotion, a courtship of flesh. 00:03:33.260 --> 00:03:35.240 align:middle line:84% This morning, I started a still life 00:03:35.240 --> 00:03:38.870 align:middle line:84% of cups and saucers surrounded by a house, 00:03:38.870 --> 00:03:41.180 align:middle line:90% a small domestic scene. 00:03:41.180 --> 00:03:43.460 align:middle line:90% I tried to paint the face. 00:03:43.460 --> 00:03:46.580 align:middle line:90% It never came out the same. 00:03:46.580 --> 00:03:51.920 align:middle line:84% Nothing is sure or knowable, even these eyes I call my own. 00:03:51.920 --> 00:03:56.090 align:middle line:84% A man walks in and out, dressed with a bluish light. 00:03:56.090 --> 00:04:00.770 align:middle line:84% We say hello, unlike the wandering Jew meeting the air, 00:04:00.770 --> 00:04:04.460 align:middle line:84% as though leaf and stalk, elbow and bud, 00:04:04.460 --> 00:04:08.030 align:middle line:84% were expressions of our fear of life. 00:04:08.030 --> 00:04:11.720 align:middle line:84% There are stories, but we are separate creatures who 00:04:11.720 --> 00:04:14.210 align:middle line:90% bruise each other when we pass. 00:04:14.210 --> 00:04:18.290 align:middle line:84% Lord, I'd like some light, please. 00:04:18.290 --> 00:04:20.360 align:middle line:84% The snippings of the wandering jew 00:04:20.360 --> 00:04:24.210 align:middle line:84% weave their filaments in a jar of fresh water. 00:04:24.210 --> 00:04:26.570 align:middle line:90% It eats to stay alive. 00:04:26.570 --> 00:04:29.810 align:middle line:84% This morning, the household sleeps, deep 00:04:29.810 --> 00:04:31.820 align:middle line:90% in the glacier's flaw. 00:04:31.820 --> 00:04:35.120 align:middle line:84% Its breathing keeps me from myself. 00:04:35.120 --> 00:04:38.000 align:middle line:90% It will carry me into my grave. 00:04:38.000 --> 00:04:41.600 align:middle line:84% If God had a face, I'd never be able to paint it, 00:04:41.600 --> 00:04:43.790 align:middle line:90% it would be so large. 00:04:43.790 --> 00:04:46.010 align:middle line:84% Later, I'll go down to the garden, 00:04:46.010 --> 00:04:50.780 align:middle line:84% and watch the ants pleasing their fat queen." 00:04:50.780 --> 00:04:53.530 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:04:53.530 --> 00:05:17.000 align:middle line:90%