[APPLAUSE]
Thank you.
I'll tell you the first poem-- the first dog is a bad dog.
And the second poem's about a good dog.
[LAUGHTER]
And the bad dog belongs to the neighbor.
And the good dog is my dog.
[LAUGHTER]
More than you need to know.
So this is the poem about the bad dog.
And it's called, "Another Reason Why I
Don't Keep a Gun in the House."
"The neighbor's dog will not stop barking.
He is barking the same high rhythmic bark
that he barks every time they leave the house.
They must switch him on on their way out.
[LAUGHTER]
The neighbor's dog will not stop barking.
I close all the windows in the house
and put on a Beethoven Symphony full blast.
But I can still hear him muffled under the music--
barking, barking, barking.
And now I can see him sitting in the orchestra.
[LAUGHTER]
His head raised confidently, as if Beethoven had included
a part for a barking dog.
[LAUGHTER]
When the record finally ends, he is still barking--
sitting there in the oboe section, barking,
his eyes fixed on the conductor, who is entreating him
with his baton while the other musicians
listen in respectful silence to the famous barking dog solo--
[LAUGHTER]
that endless coda that first established Beethoven
as an innovative genius."
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]