WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.260 align:middle line:90% 00:00:01.260 --> 00:00:04.290 align:middle line:90% All right. 00:00:04.290 --> 00:00:06.575 align:middle line:84% Heather, thank you so much for that introduction. 00:00:06.575 --> 00:00:07.950 align:middle line:84% I don't feel that I should go on. 00:00:07.950 --> 00:00:10.740 align:middle line:84% Heather could just stay up here and talk for another 20 minutes 00:00:10.740 --> 00:00:13.170 align:middle line:90% or so and we could all be done. 00:00:13.170 --> 00:00:14.790 align:middle line:84% Thank you all for coming so much, 00:00:14.790 --> 00:00:18.300 align:middle line:84% and for the University of Arizona for inviting me down, 00:00:18.300 --> 00:00:20.467 align:middle line:84% and for the Poetry Center for hosting this reading, 00:00:20.467 --> 00:00:22.800 align:middle line:84% and Jessie [INAUDIBLE], my student who came all the way 00:00:22.800 --> 00:00:24.570 align:middle line:90% from Flagstaff to hear me. 00:00:24.570 --> 00:00:29.220 align:middle line:84% And for Erin Wahl, who got her MA at the English 00:00:29.220 --> 00:00:33.420 align:middle line:84% in our Master's of Arts in creative writing at NAU, 00:00:33.420 --> 00:00:35.640 align:middle line:90% and then got her MLS-- 00:00:35.640 --> 00:00:38.760 align:middle line:84% MLA, MLS at University of Arizona. 00:00:38.760 --> 00:00:42.540 align:middle line:84% And thank you, Ander and Megan, for hosting me this whole two 00:00:42.540 --> 00:00:45.600 align:middle line:84% days and putting up with me and taking me around Tucson, 00:00:45.600 --> 00:00:46.890 align:middle line:90% and taking me to dinner twice. 00:00:46.890 --> 00:00:48.310 align:middle line:90% It was awesome. 00:00:48.310 --> 00:00:50.340 align:middle line:84% And thank you for Karen Brennan for coming, 00:00:50.340 --> 00:00:53.340 align:middle line:84% and who was my professor at the University of Utah 00:00:53.340 --> 00:00:55.510 align:middle line:84% and lives in Tucson now and is here tonight. 00:00:55.510 --> 00:00:56.010 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:00:56.010 --> 00:00:58.367 align:middle line:84% And for Alison Deming for coming tonight as well. 00:00:58.367 --> 00:00:58.950 align:middle line:90% I could go on. 00:00:58.950 --> 00:00:59.250 align:middle line:90% OK. 00:00:59.250 --> 00:01:00.330 align:middle line:90% I can name most of you. 00:01:00.330 --> 00:01:02.730 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:01:02.730 --> 00:01:05.670 align:middle line:84% I was going to do a description of the book, 00:01:05.670 --> 00:01:07.920 align:middle line:84% but I think Heather did such a good job saying what 00:01:07.920 --> 00:01:09.780 align:middle line:90% I think this book is about. 00:01:09.780 --> 00:01:12.060 align:middle line:84% It's about authority, the church's authority, 00:01:12.060 --> 00:01:14.430 align:middle line:84% father authority, boyfriend authority, 00:01:14.430 --> 00:01:16.260 align:middle line:84% the authority of granite, and how 00:01:16.260 --> 00:01:21.095 align:middle line:84% people or the narrator in this book, who happens to be me, 00:01:21.095 --> 00:01:23.220 align:middle line:84% throws herself against that authority in an attempt 00:01:23.220 --> 00:01:25.470 align:middle line:90% to shape some sense of identity. 00:01:25.470 --> 00:01:28.920 align:middle line:84% And the last essay is the one Heather was talking about, 00:01:28.920 --> 00:01:30.690 align:middle line:84% called "Where the Wild Things Are." 00:01:30.690 --> 00:01:31.890 align:middle line:90% And it is long. 00:01:31.890 --> 00:01:38.550 align:middle line:84% I was in Nashville last weekend because Clarksville, Tennessee 00:01:38.550 --> 00:01:40.650 align:middle line:84% is where Austin Peay State University is, 00:01:40.650 --> 00:01:43.560 align:middle line:84% and Zone 3 Press is there and they published this book. 00:01:43.560 --> 00:01:45.610 align:middle line:84% And I went there and I read the whole essay, 00:01:45.610 --> 00:01:47.142 align:middle line:90% and it took a long time. 00:01:47.142 --> 00:01:48.850 align:middle line:84% So I'm not going to read the whole essay, 00:01:48.850 --> 00:01:52.230 align:middle line:84% but I do think it's the essay you came for. 00:01:52.230 --> 00:01:56.170 align:middle line:84% It has sex in it, and I think that's important. 00:01:56.170 --> 00:01:59.760 align:middle line:84% We had death, now we'll have sex. 00:01:59.760 --> 00:02:01.060 align:middle line:90% And what do you need to know? 00:02:01.060 --> 00:02:02.740 align:middle line:84% I'm going to read the second half. 00:02:02.740 --> 00:02:05.670 align:middle line:84% The first half, I'm pregnant and there's 00:02:05.670 --> 00:02:08.970 align:middle line:84% a dog named Cleo, who I pretend is part wolf 00:02:08.970 --> 00:02:10.650 align:middle line:84% but she's not really part wolf at all. 00:02:10.650 --> 00:02:14.243 align:middle line:84% She's mostly a gigantic chihuahua, this big. 00:02:14.243 --> 00:02:15.660 align:middle line:84% And what else do you need to know? 00:02:15.660 --> 00:02:20.670 align:middle line:84% And I worry about wolves in coming back to Yellowstone. 00:02:20.670 --> 00:02:22.993 align:middle line:84% All right, so I'm going to start on page-- 00:02:22.993 --> 00:02:24.660 align:middle line:84% you're going to be excited to know this. 00:02:24.660 --> 00:02:27.240 align:middle line:84% I'm going to start on page 121, and I'm only 00:02:27.240 --> 00:02:28.650 align:middle line:90% going to read to page 136. 00:02:28.650 --> 00:02:30.670 align:middle line:84% I could have started at page 110, 00:02:30.670 --> 00:02:33.330 align:middle line:90% so you're getting 11 pages off. 00:02:33.330 --> 00:02:35.970 align:middle line:90% 00:02:35.970 --> 00:02:39.990 align:middle line:84% Those poor Clarksville people had to hear the whole thing. 00:02:39.990 --> 00:02:43.500 align:middle line:90% OK, Amy Elbow. 00:02:43.500 --> 00:02:45.870 align:middle line:84% Amy Elbow was looking for a house. 00:02:45.870 --> 00:02:48.600 align:middle line:84% She and John had decided to finally bite the real estate 00:02:48.600 --> 00:02:51.030 align:middle line:84% bullet and move out of their downtown rental 00:02:51.030 --> 00:02:53.550 align:middle line:90% and invest in suburbia. 00:02:53.550 --> 00:02:57.390 align:middle line:84% Amy was a good, balanced, attentive, cautious, devoted 00:02:57.390 --> 00:02:59.640 align:middle line:90% mother of two children. 00:02:59.640 --> 00:03:02.280 align:middle line:84% Amy emailed me to ask if I knew how to scan photographs 00:03:02.280 --> 00:03:04.840 align:middle line:84% for a brochure for a writing conference we're working on. 00:03:04.840 --> 00:03:08.190 align:middle line:84% And, as an addendum, she added that while she 00:03:08.190 --> 00:03:12.090 align:middle line:84% was house hunting, she looked up Utah's list of sex offenders, 00:03:12.090 --> 00:03:14.850 align:middle line:84% a Megan's Law that forces people convicted of sexual abuse 00:03:14.850 --> 00:03:17.310 align:middle line:84% to alert authorities of their addresses. 00:03:17.310 --> 00:03:20.070 align:middle line:84% Those addresses are posted online. 00:03:20.070 --> 00:03:22.230 align:middle line:84% Online, Amy Elbow found a man who 00:03:22.230 --> 00:03:26.730 align:middle line:84% lived not only on our street, but on our block of our street. 00:03:26.730 --> 00:03:28.110 align:middle line:90% She wasn't sure of his crime. 00:03:28.110 --> 00:03:30.990 align:middle line:84% She thought, hopeful, that it may have been something minor, 00:03:30.990 --> 00:03:33.360 align:middle line:90% like ordering porn. 00:03:33.360 --> 00:03:35.550 align:middle line:84% I should check out the state's official sex offender 00:03:35.550 --> 00:03:38.480 align:middle line:90% website, just in case. 00:03:38.480 --> 00:03:42.590 align:middle line:84% When I access it, which I swore I wasn't going to do, 00:03:42.590 --> 00:03:47.240 align:middle line:84% the database overwhelms me with various names for sexual abuse. 00:03:47.240 --> 00:03:49.220 align:middle line:84% Instead of letting you punch in an address, 00:03:49.220 --> 00:03:51.560 align:middle line:84% the main web page lists all of the sex crimes 00:03:51.560 --> 00:03:55.380 align:middle line:84% with the attendant violation codes. 00:03:55.380 --> 00:03:57.220 align:middle line:84% Aside from the list of crimes, the website 00:03:57.220 --> 00:03:59.220 align:middle line:84% includes several warnings about the information, 00:03:59.220 --> 00:04:01.680 align:middle line:84% how the information is correct to some degree, how 00:04:01.680 --> 00:04:03.293 align:middle line:84% this information does not necessarily 00:04:03.293 --> 00:04:05.460 align:middle line:84% imply the offender will commit this particular crime 00:04:05.460 --> 00:04:08.010 align:middle line:84% in the future, and how you're not supposed to harass or stalk 00:04:08.010 --> 00:04:09.540 align:middle line:90% the offender. 00:04:09.540 --> 00:04:11.100 align:middle line:84% That's not the point of the website, 00:04:11.100 --> 00:04:13.380 align:middle line:90% they seem to be insisting. 00:04:13.380 --> 00:04:15.720 align:middle line:84% I'm unsure exactly what the point is then. 00:04:15.720 --> 00:04:19.260 align:middle line:84% To convince people not to move within 1,000 feet of him? 00:04:19.260 --> 00:04:21.000 align:middle line:90% 1,000 blocks? 00:04:21.000 --> 00:04:24.810 align:middle line:84% To keep their children locked indoors at all times? 00:04:24.810 --> 00:04:25.800 align:middle line:90% But I'm curious. 00:04:25.800 --> 00:04:27.180 align:middle line:90% I'm worried, I'm pregnant. 00:04:27.180 --> 00:04:30.150 align:middle line:84% This is something I suppose I ought to know. 00:04:30.150 --> 00:04:32.490 align:middle line:90% I think of our neighbors. 00:04:32.490 --> 00:04:34.530 align:middle line:84% Evelyn on the corner lives alone. 00:04:34.530 --> 00:04:37.410 align:middle line:84% Margo, who drives a black Forester, is recently divorced 00:04:37.410 --> 00:04:39.900 align:middle line:84% and lives with her two young kids. 00:04:39.900 --> 00:04:43.170 align:middle line:84% Matt and Jen are our age and are xeriscape gardeners. 00:04:43.170 --> 00:04:47.190 align:middle line:84% That doesn't mean anything, but still, it seems safe. 00:04:47.190 --> 00:04:49.800 align:middle line:84% On a corner is a dad of four, whose main crime 00:04:49.800 --> 00:04:54.060 align:middle line:84% is wearing a mullet and warming up his Ford 150 diesel 00:04:54.060 --> 00:04:57.090 align:middle line:90% for an hour on cold mornings. 00:04:57.090 --> 00:04:59.190 align:middle line:84% Two guys, father and son I believe, 00:04:59.190 --> 00:05:00.780 align:middle line:90% live down on the corner. 00:05:00.780 --> 00:05:03.450 align:middle line:84% They've covered their yard in red lava rocks. 00:05:03.450 --> 00:05:05.610 align:middle line:84% Perhaps they may be worrisome, but at least they're 00:05:05.610 --> 00:05:07.530 align:middle line:90% three houses down. 00:05:07.530 --> 00:05:10.260 align:middle line:84% Next is the lesbian and her female tenants, and next to us 00:05:10.260 --> 00:05:12.180 align:middle line:84% is John, who salvages broken winged birds 00:05:12.180 --> 00:05:14.100 align:middle line:90% and is an amateur archaeologist. 00:05:14.100 --> 00:05:17.490 align:middle line:84% He sifts the dirt in his front lawn looking for treasure. 00:05:17.490 --> 00:05:19.523 align:middle line:84% His son is homeschooled and seven years old. 00:05:19.523 --> 00:05:20.940 align:middle line:84% I doubt he's been out of the house 00:05:20.940 --> 00:05:22.860 align:middle line:84% often enough to meet a kid not related to him, 00:05:22.860 --> 00:05:24.760 align:middle line:84% let alone be left alone with one. 00:05:24.760 --> 00:05:28.080 align:middle line:90% Still, it could be any of them. 00:05:28.080 --> 00:05:29.910 align:middle line:90% I type in my zip code. 00:05:29.910 --> 00:05:32.290 align:middle line:90% 29 offenders pop up. 00:05:32.290 --> 00:05:34.410 align:middle line:90% One of them is on G Street. 00:05:34.410 --> 00:05:36.792 align:middle line:90% Unlawful sexual intercourse. 00:05:36.792 --> 00:05:38.250 align:middle line:84% I'm not sure what that means, but I 00:05:38.250 --> 00:05:40.708 align:middle line:84% can't imagine it's more than having sex with somebody who's 00:05:40.708 --> 00:05:42.960 align:middle line:84% 17, or more likely in Utah, it means 00:05:42.960 --> 00:05:47.040 align:middle line:84% he was having sex with a man or even just receiving oral sex. 00:05:47.040 --> 00:05:48.010 align:middle line:90% I exhale. 00:05:48.010 --> 00:05:51.690 align:middle line:84% I discount these charges to be born of hyped up 00:05:51.690 --> 00:05:54.720 align:middle line:90% legislate morality culture. 00:05:54.720 --> 00:05:56.760 align:middle line:90% But I browse too quickly. 00:05:56.760 --> 00:05:59.370 align:middle line:90% My eye finds our address. 00:05:59.370 --> 00:06:02.670 align:middle line:84% No, wait, not our address, but the exact number of our address 00:06:02.670 --> 00:06:03.900 align:middle line:90% plus 3. 00:06:03.900 --> 00:06:05.550 align:middle line:90% Across the street. 00:06:05.550 --> 00:06:08.700 align:middle line:84% The new neighbors, who are fat and friendly. 00:06:08.700 --> 00:06:13.290 align:middle line:84% Apparently the man is also a child rapist. 00:06:13.290 --> 00:06:15.690 align:middle line:84% I sit in my front room and look at their cars. 00:06:15.690 --> 00:06:17.730 align:middle line:90% His Toyota is a RAV 4. 00:06:17.730 --> 00:06:20.190 align:middle line:84% The Nissan is parked in the driveway. 00:06:20.190 --> 00:06:22.860 align:middle line:84% They're home at strange times, all the time. 00:06:22.860 --> 00:06:25.140 align:middle line:84% The same times I'm home, which is always. 00:06:25.140 --> 00:06:26.910 align:middle line:90% I lock the door. 00:06:26.910 --> 00:06:28.680 align:middle line:90% I call for my husband Erik. 00:06:28.680 --> 00:06:30.220 align:middle line:90% I start to cry. 00:06:30.220 --> 00:06:32.130 align:middle line:90% I don't know what else to do. 00:06:32.130 --> 00:06:35.550 align:middle line:90% I wish we weren't having a girl. 00:06:35.550 --> 00:06:37.710 align:middle line:84% I look down at my stomach and I suck it in. 00:06:37.710 --> 00:06:39.300 align:middle line:90% Who can I trust? 00:06:39.300 --> 00:06:41.480 align:middle line:84% At least while she's inside me I can protect her. 00:06:41.480 --> 00:06:44.190 align:middle line:84% What about these thoughts traversing placenta wires, 00:06:44.190 --> 00:06:47.430 align:middle line:84% contaminating her, making her nervous already? 00:06:47.430 --> 00:06:51.360 align:middle line:84% Boundary concerned, boundary confused. 00:06:51.360 --> 00:06:52.890 align:middle line:84% Erik tells me not to get so upset. 00:06:52.890 --> 00:06:55.470 align:middle line:84% That can't be good for the baby either. 00:06:55.470 --> 00:06:57.520 align:middle line:84% I go outside without my shoes on. 00:06:57.520 --> 00:06:58.770 align:middle line:90% I still don't know what to do. 00:06:58.770 --> 00:07:02.068 align:middle line:90% 00:07:02.068 --> 00:07:04.110 align:middle line:84% As soon as I began telling people I was pregnant, 00:07:04.110 --> 00:07:05.943 align:middle line:84% I started getting this feeling in my stomach 00:07:05.943 --> 00:07:07.433 align:middle line:90% that I named the woogles. 00:07:07.433 --> 00:07:08.850 align:middle line:84% My stomach gets a few butterflies, 00:07:08.850 --> 00:07:10.517 align:middle line:84% and my skin chills, and some kind of bug 00:07:10.517 --> 00:07:12.230 align:middle line:90% crawls around up my spine. 00:07:12.230 --> 00:07:14.230 align:middle line:84% I stop in the hallway of the English department, 00:07:14.230 --> 00:07:16.140 align:middle line:84% and Dave tells me congratulation, and then 00:07:16.140 --> 00:07:18.600 align:middle line:84% congratulations, and then asks if I'm going to nurse. 00:07:18.600 --> 00:07:20.940 align:middle line:90% He gives me the woogles. 00:07:20.940 --> 00:07:22.860 align:middle line:84% Jeff looks at my pants' waistband and tells me 00:07:22.860 --> 00:07:24.990 align:middle line:90% I'll need new clothes soon. 00:07:24.990 --> 00:07:26.820 align:middle line:90% I get the woogles. 00:07:26.820 --> 00:07:29.730 align:middle line:84% I think of my dad and how he'll miss out on seeing my baby. 00:07:29.730 --> 00:07:31.290 align:middle line:90% More woogles. 00:07:31.290 --> 00:07:33.660 align:middle line:84% Even simple questions like, when is your due date, 00:07:33.660 --> 00:07:37.380 align:middle line:84% and do you know if it's a boy or a girl, give me the woogles. 00:07:37.380 --> 00:07:39.480 align:middle line:84% It's as if everyone can see me on the inside, 00:07:39.480 --> 00:07:41.760 align:middle line:84% like I've drunk a draft of barium and everyone 00:07:41.760 --> 00:07:43.380 align:middle line:90% has X-ray vision. 00:07:43.380 --> 00:07:46.300 align:middle line:84% In their eyes, I see my tendons stretch and my pelvic bone 00:07:46.300 --> 00:07:47.040 align:middle line:90% shift. 00:07:47.040 --> 00:07:50.040 align:middle line:84% They know exactly which day Erik and I had sex. 00:07:50.040 --> 00:07:51.840 align:middle line:84% I can imagine them picturing the sex. 00:07:51.840 --> 00:07:54.180 align:middle line:84% I can imagine them imagining the sperm hitting egg. 00:07:54.180 --> 00:07:57.690 align:middle line:84% I can imagine them dividing the zygote into embryonic parts. 00:07:57.690 --> 00:08:00.150 align:middle line:84% Each time that I confirm to someone new that I'm pregnant, 00:08:00.150 --> 00:08:02.190 align:middle line:84% I feel like I'm giving them something full of matter 00:08:02.190 --> 00:08:03.857 align:middle line:84% and mass, that the word pregnant carries 00:08:03.857 --> 00:08:06.510 align:middle line:90% its placenta of blood and food. 00:08:06.510 --> 00:08:10.020 align:middle line:84% I hand the word over, and they take my insides home with them. 00:08:10.020 --> 00:08:11.850 align:middle line:90% My insides have been outed. 00:08:11.850 --> 00:08:14.700 align:middle line:84% I know I am known more than biblically. 00:08:14.700 --> 00:08:16.530 align:middle line:90% They know me like God knows me. 00:08:16.530 --> 00:08:19.050 align:middle line:84% All my secrets, all my wishes all the massive potential 00:08:19.050 --> 00:08:21.720 align:middle line:84% as it divides inside me and then divides again. 00:08:21.720 --> 00:08:25.620 align:middle line:84% My insides are everyone's property. 00:08:25.620 --> 00:08:26.970 align:middle line:90% I try not to balk. 00:08:26.970 --> 00:08:29.280 align:middle line:90% I was taught to share. 00:08:29.280 --> 00:08:31.320 align:middle line:90% Maybe the woogles are intuition. 00:08:31.320 --> 00:08:33.750 align:middle line:84% Maybe that's where I should try to draw the line. 00:08:33.750 --> 00:08:36.480 align:middle line:84% Keep the people out of my head, if not out of my body. 00:08:36.480 --> 00:08:39.450 align:middle line:90% 00:08:39.450 --> 00:08:42.283 align:middle line:84% Outside, I sit on the porch steps on the side of the house. 00:08:42.283 --> 00:08:43.950 align:middle line:84% Across my front yard, across the street, 00:08:43.950 --> 00:08:46.680 align:middle line:84% I can see his Pathfinder and their front door. 00:08:46.680 --> 00:08:48.490 align:middle line:84% I imagine him leering out his front window, 00:08:48.490 --> 00:08:49.860 align:middle line:90% waiting for me to give birth. 00:08:49.860 --> 00:08:51.190 align:middle line:90% I imagine he knows it's a girl. 00:08:51.190 --> 00:08:51.690 align:middle line:90% I 00:08:51.690 --> 00:08:54.930 align:middle line:84% try to quash the picture of infant molestation. 00:08:54.930 --> 00:08:57.630 align:middle line:84% Not even the bad TV program "Law and Order: Special Victims 00:08:57.630 --> 00:08:59.730 align:middle line:84% Unit" has to do anything but mention 00:08:59.730 --> 00:09:01.420 align:middle line:84% in the most cryptic, detached language 00:09:01.420 --> 00:09:04.920 align:middle line:84% the words, when she was a baby, or when she was two. 00:09:04.920 --> 00:09:07.350 align:middle line:90% But still, I can extrapolate. 00:09:07.350 --> 00:09:10.410 align:middle line:84% Diaper changes, potty training, putting down for a nap. 00:09:10.410 --> 00:09:13.230 align:middle line:84% Babies may be the most available victims of all, 00:09:13.230 --> 00:09:18.230 align:middle line:84% because so few of us can imagine such a thing taking place. 00:09:18.230 --> 00:09:20.930 align:middle line:84% I try to force myself to imagine. 00:09:20.930 --> 00:09:24.050 align:middle line:84% To think of it before it happens is to ward it off. 00:09:24.050 --> 00:09:24.920 align:middle line:90% But I can't. 00:09:24.920 --> 00:09:27.530 align:middle line:84% My mind jumps to him watching my baby when she's six, 00:09:27.530 --> 00:09:28.920 align:middle line:90% playing in the front yard. 00:09:28.920 --> 00:09:31.580 align:middle line:84% He comes over and says the nicest words in the world 00:09:31.580 --> 00:09:32.520 align:middle line:90% to her. 00:09:32.520 --> 00:09:35.210 align:middle line:84% You're my favorite little girl on the planet. 00:09:35.210 --> 00:09:36.890 align:middle line:90% How did you get so smart? 00:09:36.890 --> 00:09:39.320 align:middle line:90% How did you get so beautiful? 00:09:39.320 --> 00:09:42.093 align:middle line:84% To my baby, these are the words she's heard all her life, 00:09:42.093 --> 00:09:44.510 align:middle line:84% and yet the words she'll spend the rest of her life hoping 00:09:44.510 --> 00:09:49.670 align:middle line:84% to hear from someone else, from someone who is not her mother. 00:09:49.670 --> 00:09:51.440 align:middle line:84% At nine, she's riding a bike to the park, 00:09:51.440 --> 00:09:53.120 align:middle line:84% and he pulls up alongside, praising her 00:09:53.120 --> 00:09:55.820 align:middle line:84% for how fast she can pedal, telling her to be careful, 00:09:55.820 --> 00:09:58.400 align:middle line:90% offering her a ride home. 00:09:58.400 --> 00:10:01.580 align:middle line:84% I can't go further than this in my imagination. 00:10:01.580 --> 00:10:04.010 align:middle line:84% I retreat back to the computer to look for more ways 00:10:04.010 --> 00:10:08.017 align:middle line:84% to ward off predators than pre-thought thoughts. 00:10:08.017 --> 00:10:10.100 align:middle line:84% I think about putting up signs in the neighborhood 00:10:10.100 --> 00:10:12.253 align:middle line:84% to alert people to potential sexual predation. 00:10:12.253 --> 00:10:13.670 align:middle line:84% I think about calling his landlord 00:10:13.670 --> 00:10:15.545 align:middle line:84% and seeing if he knows who he has rented to. 00:10:15.545 --> 00:10:17.670 align:middle line:84% I think about going over there and confronting him, 00:10:17.670 --> 00:10:20.900 align:middle line:84% telling him I know what he did and I'm watching. 00:10:20.900 --> 00:10:25.310 align:middle line:84% I imagine begging him please not to hurt anyone else, especially 00:10:25.310 --> 00:10:27.600 align:middle line:90% my daughter. 00:10:27.600 --> 00:10:29.910 align:middle line:84% Of course, a big part of me thinks this is ridiculous. 00:10:29.910 --> 00:10:32.658 align:middle line:84% From the beginning, I wonder if it's just a bit strange 00:10:32.658 --> 00:10:34.200 align:middle line:84% that Amy chose her neighborhood based 00:10:34.200 --> 00:10:36.600 align:middle line:90% on its lack of sexual predators. 00:10:36.600 --> 00:10:38.130 align:middle line:90% People move all the time. 00:10:38.130 --> 00:10:40.290 align:middle line:84% Anyone could move next door or across the street 00:10:40.290 --> 00:10:41.910 align:middle line:90% without warning. 00:10:41.910 --> 00:10:43.800 align:middle line:90% At least I know to watch him. 00:10:43.800 --> 00:10:45.300 align:middle line:84% And I have to remember that whatever 00:10:45.300 --> 00:10:48.060 align:middle line:84% attempted forcible rape of a minor is, 00:10:48.060 --> 00:10:49.470 align:middle line:90% it was a long time ago. 00:10:49.470 --> 00:10:50.820 align:middle line:90% Maybe it was a one time thing. 00:10:50.820 --> 00:10:52.350 align:middle line:90% Maybe it was a misunderstanding. 00:10:52.350 --> 00:10:53.340 align:middle line:90% I want to ask him. 00:10:53.340 --> 00:10:55.882 align:middle line:84% I want to go over to his house and sit down with him and say, 00:10:55.882 --> 00:10:56.490 align:middle line:90% what happened? 00:10:56.490 --> 00:10:58.590 align:middle line:90% Have him explain how he works. 00:10:58.590 --> 00:10:59.730 align:middle line:90% Why little girls? 00:10:59.730 --> 00:11:01.470 align:middle line:90% No, just one little girl. 00:11:01.470 --> 00:11:03.260 align:middle line:90% How little? 00:11:03.260 --> 00:11:05.730 align:middle line:84% We can't protect our children from everything, maybe 00:11:05.730 --> 00:11:06.990 align:middle line:90% anything. 00:11:06.990 --> 00:11:08.640 align:middle line:84% Being particularly vigilant, erecting 00:11:08.640 --> 00:11:11.100 align:middle line:84% every foreseeable barrier against one kind of danger, 00:11:11.100 --> 00:11:14.730 align:middle line:84% just allows other kinds of danger to swamp right in. 00:11:14.730 --> 00:11:17.490 align:middle line:84% I wonder, as I watch him carry grocery bags into his house, 00:11:17.490 --> 00:11:19.560 align:middle line:90% about how normal he looks. 00:11:19.560 --> 00:11:20.610 align:middle line:90% Maybe he is normal. 00:11:20.610 --> 00:11:23.040 align:middle line:84% Maybe everything is normal to some degree. 00:11:23.040 --> 00:11:26.157 align:middle line:84% Maybe she was 13, maybe 13 is normal. 00:11:26.157 --> 00:11:27.990 align:middle line:84% Maybe now that I've been thinking about this 00:11:27.990 --> 00:11:29.620 align:middle line:84% too long all the lines have blurred, 00:11:29.620 --> 00:11:31.410 align:middle line:84% and I see it all as a matter of degree. 00:11:31.410 --> 00:11:33.390 align:middle line:84% Statutory rape is not rape, consent 00:11:33.390 --> 00:11:35.370 align:middle line:90% is in the mouth of the giver. 00:11:35.370 --> 00:11:37.110 align:middle line:90% I go back inside. 00:11:37.110 --> 00:11:40.305 align:middle line:84% Either way, normal will now include locking the front door. 00:11:40.305 --> 00:11:42.840 align:middle line:90% 00:11:42.840 --> 00:11:45.380 align:middle line:84% The same time I find this out, I'm writing letters 00:11:45.380 --> 00:11:47.600 align:middle line:84% on behalf of wolves moving into Utah, 00:11:47.600 --> 00:11:49.010 align:middle line:84% or rather I'm not so much writing 00:11:49.010 --> 00:11:50.552 align:middle line:84% as thinking about writing and reading 00:11:50.552 --> 00:11:53.270 align:middle line:84% news and letters to the editor about the return of the wolf. 00:11:53.270 --> 00:11:55.020 align:middle line:90% The letters run the gamut. 00:11:55.020 --> 00:11:56.750 align:middle line:90% The points are various. 00:11:56.750 --> 00:11:59.330 align:middle line:84% Some anthropomorphize the wolf, calling him vicious. 00:11:59.330 --> 00:12:02.150 align:middle line:84% Someone responds by saying that obtaining food for survival 00:12:02.150 --> 00:12:03.222 align:middle line:90% can't be called vicious. 00:12:03.222 --> 00:12:05.180 align:middle line:84% Others bring up the somewhat tangential history 00:12:05.180 --> 00:12:06.155 align:middle line:90% of Louis Pasteur. 00:12:06.155 --> 00:12:08.780 align:middle line:84% Some think it's ridiculous that hunters, not only ranchers, can 00:12:08.780 --> 00:12:10.460 align:middle line:90% be compensated for lost what? 00:12:10.460 --> 00:12:13.970 align:middle line:84% Prey, experience, livelihood, lifestyle. 00:12:13.970 --> 00:12:15.410 align:middle line:84% Compensated for a deer they should 00:12:15.410 --> 00:12:16.910 align:middle line:84% have been able to shoot in the woods 00:12:16.910 --> 00:12:19.190 align:middle line:90% as all deer are human property. 00:12:19.190 --> 00:12:21.860 align:middle line:84% Perhaps, the writer suggests, we should all compensate hunters 00:12:21.860 --> 00:12:24.170 align:middle line:84% for any deer we may kill on the road with our cars. 00:12:24.170 --> 00:12:26.720 align:middle line:84% One letter writer finally gets to the crux of the matter. 00:12:26.720 --> 00:12:28.193 align:middle line:90% Who pays for the wolves? 00:12:28.193 --> 00:12:30.110 align:middle line:84% If we compensate the ranchers and the hunters, 00:12:30.110 --> 00:12:32.120 align:middle line:84% the taxpayers will foot the bill. 00:12:32.120 --> 00:12:35.240 align:middle line:84% The next day, someone retorts, who pays for humans? 00:12:35.240 --> 00:12:37.820 align:middle line:84% Habitat destruction, resource depletion, he writes, 00:12:37.820 --> 00:12:41.120 align:middle line:84% are expensive to restore, if not impossible. 00:12:41.120 --> 00:12:42.470 align:middle line:90% Wolves belong in nature. 00:12:42.470 --> 00:12:44.930 align:middle line:84% And then, the final letter about the nature of wolves 00:12:44.930 --> 00:12:47.240 align:middle line:90% and the nature of man. 00:12:47.240 --> 00:12:49.610 align:middle line:90% Instinct is not evil. 00:12:49.610 --> 00:12:52.570 align:middle line:84% John Anderson, forum, June 24th, complains 00:12:52.570 --> 00:12:55.070 align:middle line:84% that wolves are simply vicious, deadly, aggressive predators 00:12:55.070 --> 00:12:56.000 align:middle line:90% in real life. 00:12:56.000 --> 00:12:57.920 align:middle line:84% I'm in total agreement that wolves are deadly, 00:12:57.920 --> 00:12:59.240 align:middle line:90% aggressive predators. 00:12:59.240 --> 00:13:00.710 align:middle line:90% But vicious? 00:13:00.710 --> 00:13:03.560 align:middle line:84% Only human arrogance, often touted as intelligence, 00:13:03.560 --> 00:13:07.040 align:middle line:84% would label animals who act on survival instincts as vicious. 00:13:07.040 --> 00:13:09.650 align:middle line:84% People kill other people for revenge, hate, spite, et 00:13:09.650 --> 00:13:12.800 align:middle line:84% cetera, yet wolves just want their next meal. 00:13:12.800 --> 00:13:17.450 align:middle line:84% Killing them off for trying to survive is not an option. 00:13:17.450 --> 00:13:19.700 align:middle line:84% Death by nature, death by man, still 00:13:19.700 --> 00:13:21.020 align:middle line:90% amounts to the same thing. 00:13:21.020 --> 00:13:22.740 align:middle line:90% Humans are already in the mix. 00:13:22.740 --> 00:13:25.670 align:middle line:84% We've destroyed habitat, restored habitat, 00:13:25.670 --> 00:13:28.280 align:middle line:84% killed the wolf off, brought the wolf back. 00:13:28.280 --> 00:13:30.590 align:middle line:84% Is this even the same wolf it used to be? 00:13:30.590 --> 00:13:33.260 align:middle line:84% Are these wolves coming in from the seated Yellowstone bred 00:13:33.260 --> 00:13:36.230 align:middle line:84% natural wolves, or are they some kind of sheep-killing man 00:13:36.230 --> 00:13:39.500 align:middle line:84% made dog grown to confirm man's worst fears? 00:13:39.500 --> 00:13:40.000 align:middle line:90%