WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.550 align:middle line:84% "I take out videos on Saturdays from the pack 00:00:02.550 --> 00:00:06.203 align:middle line:84% of coupons I find by the console and make popcorn for the kids 00:00:06.203 --> 00:00:07.620 align:middle line:84% in the neighborhood who don't even 00:00:07.620 --> 00:00:09.810 align:middle line:90% put their feet on the sofa. 00:00:09.810 --> 00:00:13.050 align:middle line:84% Right by the video is the Olson's address in France, 00:00:13.050 --> 00:00:17.610 align:middle line:84% which I keep clean in a sort of shrine away from the butts. 00:00:17.610 --> 00:00:19.290 align:middle line:84% I also take good care of the lawn 00:00:19.290 --> 00:00:23.880 align:middle line:84% and ask, did Olson really mean water three times a week, 00:00:23.880 --> 00:00:25.470 align:middle line:90% like it's on a list. 00:00:25.470 --> 00:00:28.410 align:middle line:84% The boy who does have a list, I feed Oreos, 00:00:28.410 --> 00:00:32.100 align:middle line:84% and we never see him, again, except once, riding his bike 00:00:32.100 --> 00:00:34.140 align:middle line:84% and waving, while Ernie's getting 00:00:34.140 --> 00:00:37.890 align:middle line:84% at the cracks in the driveway and scrubbing the oil spots. 00:00:37.890 --> 00:00:41.070 align:middle line:84% For everyone else, Ernie fixes dishwashers, radiators, 00:00:41.070 --> 00:00:44.430 align:middle line:84% computers, any of those er things 00:00:44.430 --> 00:00:46.530 align:middle line:90% and takes nothing for it. 00:00:46.530 --> 00:00:49.350 align:middle line:84% I have words with him as usual, but he says give, 00:00:49.350 --> 00:00:51.310 align:middle line:90% and it will come back. 00:00:51.310 --> 00:00:54.930 align:middle line:84% It is true we get invitations nearly daily in lieu, 00:00:54.930 --> 00:00:59.280 align:middle line:84% and two old fridges, which we sell as if unused. 00:00:59.280 --> 00:01:01.980 align:middle line:84% But when we visit, and when we visit, 00:01:01.980 --> 00:01:04.890 align:middle line:84% Ernie smokes out the boy part in each husband 00:01:04.890 --> 00:01:10.470 align:middle line:84% where the talk locks on small parts or their dad's cars. 00:01:10.470 --> 00:01:14.040 align:middle line:84% The ladies love the dog, all grin and no bite. 00:01:14.040 --> 00:01:17.370 align:middle line:84% It lures them off a lawn they are dressing, or even tuning 00:01:17.370 --> 00:01:20.970 align:middle line:84% a headset makes them bend at the knees and pet it. 00:01:20.970 --> 00:01:23.340 align:middle line:84% All I have to do is stand by that dog, 00:01:23.340 --> 00:01:25.740 align:middle line:84% and they forgive my sundress with that pattern 00:01:25.740 --> 00:01:28.590 align:middle line:90% and its troubles. 00:01:28.590 --> 00:01:32.370 align:middle line:84% It is on a Friday, a big day for waving and helping, 00:01:32.370 --> 00:01:36.480 align:middle line:84% for parading the dog and going to dinner with a sun outside so 00:01:36.480 --> 00:01:38.610 align:middle line:84% hot in the late afternoon, the neighbors have 00:01:38.610 --> 00:01:42.300 align:middle line:84% their blinds down, and so don't see Ernie, puttering, 00:01:42.300 --> 00:01:43.920 align:middle line:90% and me dusting 00:01:43.920 --> 00:01:46.800 align:middle line:90% when the phone rings. 00:01:46.800 --> 00:01:49.560 align:middle line:84% Now, we don't answer the phone ever. 00:01:49.560 --> 00:01:52.170 align:middle line:84% We tell people, the Olson's have a machine, 00:01:52.170 --> 00:01:54.150 align:middle line:84% and we don't want to lose messages. 00:01:54.150 --> 00:01:57.350 align:middle line:84% So it's just us listening, but this 00:01:57.350 --> 00:01:58.725 align:middle line:84% is the ring we've been expecting, 00:01:58.725 --> 00:02:01.680 align:middle line:84% Amina something saying how she looks forward 00:02:01.680 --> 00:02:05.520 align:middle line:90% to seeing Mr. Olson on Monday. 00:02:05.520 --> 00:02:08.039 align:middle line:84% I haven't mentioned how little the neighbors look forward 00:02:08.039 --> 00:02:09.660 align:middle line:90% to seeing their neighbors. 00:02:09.660 --> 00:02:11.310 align:middle line:90% I always try to stay positive. 00:02:11.310 --> 00:02:13.650 align:middle line:84% People can feel it, but the Olson's 00:02:13.650 --> 00:02:15.510 align:middle line:90% are so unlike us, they say. 00:02:15.510 --> 00:02:19.080 align:middle line:84% You two are really so nice, and how did they, they wonder, 00:02:19.080 --> 00:02:21.060 align:middle line:90% get so different? 00:02:21.060 --> 00:02:24.090 align:middle line:84% They even suggest we rent a bungalow just blocks off 00:02:24.090 --> 00:02:27.295 align:middle line:84% that would do so well, they say, for a couple active, like us, 00:02:27.295 --> 00:02:28.920 align:middle line:84% so we don't have to go back to Florida, 00:02:28.920 --> 00:02:32.610 align:middle line:84% where we live in one of those wretched old people condos. 00:02:32.610 --> 00:02:36.930 align:middle line:84% Condos, I snort, but I let Ernie talk 00:02:36.930 --> 00:02:40.050 align:middle line:84% just as I memorize the albums of pictures on the dresser 00:02:40.050 --> 00:02:41.430 align:middle line:90% and can speak on them. 00:02:41.430 --> 00:02:44.940 align:middle line:84% It is clear it is us the neighbors want, 00:02:44.940 --> 00:02:49.410 align:middle line:84% not them, the ones who are coming. 00:02:49.410 --> 00:02:51.990 align:middle line:84% We drop off handwritten notes at all the doors 00:02:51.990 --> 00:02:55.410 align:middle line:84% Ernie has fixed and more, the ones who have asked for him, 00:02:55.410 --> 00:02:56.970 align:middle line:90% but can't yet be fit in. 00:02:56.970 --> 00:02:59.160 align:middle line:84% And we put our potato chips and tonic 00:02:59.160 --> 00:03:01.440 align:middle line:90% I find in the basement closet. 00:03:01.440 --> 00:03:04.080 align:middle line:84% Then we make up a sheet with surprise 00:03:04.080 --> 00:03:10.380 align:middle line:84% across it, a twin of the one I'm making another sundress from. 00:03:10.380 --> 00:03:13.770 align:middle line:84% All the kids come and watch what they want on video, 00:03:13.770 --> 00:03:16.230 align:middle line:84% and all the adults clutch their last minute 00:03:16.230 --> 00:03:20.550 align:middle line:84% repairs, small items, like clocks and candy thermometers. 00:03:20.550 --> 00:03:22.913 align:middle line:84% And the man with the new blinking electric eye 00:03:22.913 --> 00:03:24.705 align:middle line:84% brings the liquor that goes with the tonic. 00:03:24.705 --> 00:03:27.410 align:middle line:90% 00:03:27.410 --> 00:03:29.420 align:middle line:84% Then the driveway is parked full, 00:03:29.420 --> 00:03:31.850 align:middle line:84% and the car that stops across the street 00:03:31.850 --> 00:03:34.520 align:middle line:84% and the bewildered couple who slam it shut 00:03:34.520 --> 00:03:37.700 align:middle line:84% are the right ones to greet the silence of the hidden crowd 00:03:37.700 --> 00:03:41.510 align:middle line:84% with the banners unfurling welcome home cousin 00:03:41.510 --> 00:03:43.910 align:middle line:90% and, of course, our surprise. 00:03:43.910 --> 00:03:45.590 align:middle line:90% But we don't see it. 00:03:45.590 --> 00:03:49.640 align:middle line:84% Me and my gloves from wiping down doorknobs and Ernie 00:03:49.640 --> 00:03:52.430 align:middle line:84% with the suitcases still quite light 00:03:52.430 --> 00:03:54.320 align:middle line:84% settled on the street with his hand 00:03:54.320 --> 00:03:57.830 align:middle line:84% out for the taxi that is sure to come. 00:03:57.830 --> 00:03:59.585 align:middle line:90% Just the dog doesn't want to." 00:03:59.585 --> 00:04:02.450 align:middle line:90% 00:04:02.450 --> 00:04:03.320 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:04:03.320 --> 00:04:05.170 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:04:05.170 --> 00:04:08.000 align:middle line:90%