WEBVTT

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"At the bar, Samantha
gobbles peanuts.

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She avoids making eye contact
with herself in the mirror,

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but as the hour approaches
for Mark to meet her here,

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her heart grows
colder and colder.

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She is disgusted.

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Why did she call him
after all these years?

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He never really meant
anything to her.

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Now, she has made
the impression,

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before even meeting,
that she cares.

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Entering the bar, Mark
Braun looks peevish

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in a tight-fitting ski
jacket and slim loafers.

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His hair is combed back
into a precise shape,

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wrapping his skull
like banana peels.

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The combination of
self-consciousness and suavity

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is remarkable, poignant even.

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Samantha, in spite
of her reluctance,

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decides to go whole hog.

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'I wanted to tell
you in all honesty,

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she begins, I've had some
problems in my life with men,

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women, whatever.

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I've always wanted to tell
my secrets to someone,

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and there's something about
you, I feel I could tell you.

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But where should I begin?

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I had a dream the other night.

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There was a woman in
it who was very fat,

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and her skin wasn't hard.

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It was spongy.

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She opened a closet door, and
inside, was an Easter basket

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filled with rancid eggs--

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the shells painted with pastoral
scenes and bunny rabbits.

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The woman-- don't know
who she was exactly--

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put her hand to her mouth
and started eating her own

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fingers.'

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Samantha laughs nervously.

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Mark laughs nervously,
very nervously.

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Remembering her
manners, Samantha

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asks, 'but what about you?

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Do you still wear
a blue overcoat?'

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'An overcoat, yeah.

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I'm in corporate marketing now.

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I'm taking a class at
Yale this semester.

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I still live with my mother.'

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'Fascinating', Samantha
says, in a booming voice.

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Some teacher with
pink lathery hands

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once told her, if you
have nothing to say,

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at least say it loudly.

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'I remember your
mother, she continues,

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she didn't seem to
like you very much.

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She was always yelling at you.

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I remember what she did that
time you wet your pants.

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You had to clean them
out in the kitchen sink.

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Letitia, and Max, and
I waited in your room.'

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'I don't know if that was me.

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I don't remember that.'

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'Well, you always were clever.

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Shall I tell you?

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I still love you.'

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Mark has a consternated,
perhaps even constipated, look

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on his face.

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Maybe he doesn't appreciate
her offensive line of action.

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It must be hard to
warm up to a torpedo,

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not that he couldn't seduce her.

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Oh no, Mark knows how to
make the moves on any girl.

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He must have had
five women, at least.

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Samantha can see it all now--
the conquistador and his soon

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to be conquered senorita
sitting on a couch together.

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Mark edging over
an inch at a time--

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one inch when he
gets up to change

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TV channels, one inch when he
examines her lovely earring--

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did she get that
from her mother?

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One inch, the final one,
with no explanation at all.

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It's hard to know whether
to exhale or inhale

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when approaching a woman.

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Should you have just
taken a slug of beer

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so that lukewarm smell
dominates the airspace?

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Should you have lit a
cigarette or just put one out?

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Should you go to
the bathroom first?

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But that might seem
like too much planning.

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Mark has surely learned
to add some spontaneity

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to the process.

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You've got to
watch her for cues.

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When she extends her
arms, stretching, yawning,

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and saying, oh,
I'm so tired, It's

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a good time to move forward.

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'Love, huh?' Mark says at
the bar, swilling his beer.

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Samantha peers at Mark's
glimmering forehead.

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He looks charming in
the semi darkness.

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Aloud, she muses,
'over the years,

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things have been funny
in terms of boyfriends.

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I've had my heart
broken a few times.

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I've been in love with the
most garlicky individuals.

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In fact, I have a fascination
with the mediocre.

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I love gas station attendants,
better yet the unemployed.

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I love men who have
rats nests for hair

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and murderous intentions.

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There's something
about a man who

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hasn't taken a shower in days--

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primal.

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I like a man who doesn't require
any stupid preliminaries.

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It's just me and you, babe.

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I love a man who seems to
be winking at the waitress,

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making a phone call when
I go to the ladies room.

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But sometimes it's
hard to find a balance.

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My therapist-- oh, did I
tell you I'm in therapy?

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Isn't everyone?' Nervous
laughter again from Samantha,

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rejoined by Mark's fixed grin.

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'A balance, it's hard to--

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can I just tell you something?'

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Mark interrupts. 'You
have a beautiful nose,

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so why don't you relax.

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You're a little
anxious it seems.

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Finish your drink.

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You haven't touched it.

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Go ahead.

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I'll be right back, OK?

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I'm going to the men's room.'

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Samantha doesn't have
a beautiful nose.

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That should have
been the tip off.

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She blinks her
newly violet eyes.

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'Sure', she says,
a purr of a sure.

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She waits at the
bar, chin in hands.

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Samantha Braun, Miss
Braun, Mrs. Mark Braun,

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Samantha Brown Braun--

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Mark seems clearly
to understand her.

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She has never felt
so frank, so forward.

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At last, she's discovered
the secret of romantic union.

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She knows she can say
anything to the right man.

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Samantha's gin and tonic has
turned into a tepid lake.

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The ice cubes have gone
back to their mother, water,

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and the tonic has given up
its captive princess air.

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Only the gin remains
poised for action.

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Samantha taps her freshly
manicured fingernails

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on the bar--

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that Mark constipated after all?

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She begins watching the door
with a stick figure on it,

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men hoisting their pants,
tugging their underwear,

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realigning their belts, come
lumbering out like immigrants

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from an underwater country.

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Samantha is getting irritated--
just finish your business

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while you're in there.

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The bartender has
already wiped up the bar

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in front of Mark's stool.

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Samantha stops watching
the bathroom door.

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How could a person
leave in the middle

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of a conversation like that?

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How uncouth, unsatisfactory.

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Perhaps he was
raped and murdered

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in the stall, a crowbar
denting his mastodon forehead.

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Perhaps a huge lizard has
him pinned to the toilet

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and strips him
away limb by limb.

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Giving the bartender
a generous tip,

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Samantha leaves in the
guise of a murder."

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And that's it for a
"Look at the Moon."

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[APPLAUSE]

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