WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.900 align:middle line:90% 00:00:00.900 --> 00:00:02.190 align:middle line:90% Hi. 00:00:02.190 --> 00:00:05.550 align:middle line:84% First, I want to say a giant thank you to the Poetry Center 00:00:05.550 --> 00:00:08.970 align:middle line:84% for inviting me to come here, for giving me this fantastic 00:00:08.970 --> 00:00:11.670 align:middle line:84% place to stay right on the other side of this wall, 00:00:11.670 --> 00:00:15.360 align:middle line:84% pretty much, and the opportunity to be able to just write 00:00:15.360 --> 00:00:16.600 align:middle line:90% all day long. 00:00:16.600 --> 00:00:18.630 align:middle line:90% It's been fantastic. 00:00:18.630 --> 00:00:21.180 align:middle line:84% And thanks, especially, to the very warm and generous Tyler 00:00:21.180 --> 00:00:24.150 align:middle line:84% Meier and Allie Leach, and poetry 00:00:24.150 --> 00:00:27.150 align:middle line:84% docents Christine Baines, who's here somewhere, 00:00:27.150 --> 00:00:29.610 align:middle line:90% and Arthur Naiman. 00:00:29.610 --> 00:00:32.970 align:middle line:84% I've just been so grateful for this poetry residency program, 00:00:32.970 --> 00:00:35.820 align:middle line:84% and especially that they allowed me, a fiction writer, 00:00:35.820 --> 00:00:37.570 align:middle line:90% to come this summer. 00:00:37.570 --> 00:00:38.370 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:00:38.370 --> 00:00:41.460 align:middle line:84% I'm going to read from a story tonight called "Grow Your 00:00:41.460 --> 00:00:43.290 align:middle line:84% Eyelashes", which I'm envisioning 00:00:43.290 --> 00:00:44.910 align:middle line:84% as the first story in the collection 00:00:44.910 --> 00:00:47.820 align:middle line:84% that I've been working on while I've been here. 00:00:47.820 --> 00:00:50.810 align:middle line:84% And I'm going to read just about 2/3 of the story. 00:00:50.810 --> 00:00:53.820 align:middle line:84% So if it seems to stop a bit abruptly, that's why. 00:00:53.820 --> 00:00:56.920 align:middle line:90% It's not the end. 00:00:56.920 --> 00:00:59.100 align:middle line:90% Thank you so much. 00:00:59.100 --> 00:01:01.440 align:middle line:90% "Grow Your Eyelashes." 00:01:01.440 --> 00:01:04.319 align:middle line:84% "We are all in love with the baby. 00:01:04.319 --> 00:01:07.200 align:middle line:84% We, meaning the number four bus community, 00:01:07.200 --> 00:01:10.680 align:middle line:84% weekday mornings during the 7 o'clock hour. 00:01:10.680 --> 00:01:12.660 align:middle line:84% The baby wears a royal blue snuggly 00:01:12.660 --> 00:01:14.850 align:middle line:90% jacket and a green knit hat. 00:01:14.850 --> 00:01:19.350 align:middle line:84% He tracks our shopworn overly articulated faces. 00:01:19.350 --> 00:01:22.370 align:middle line:84% Despite how we caper, tilting and bouncing our heads, 00:01:22.370 --> 00:01:25.260 align:middle line:84% scrunching our lips, and wriggling our noses, working 00:01:25.260 --> 00:01:28.290 align:middle line:84% our hands into furious highs, the baby 00:01:28.290 --> 00:01:32.760 align:middle line:84% is cheery with his baby gift of a grin, a wave, a mimic. 00:01:32.760 --> 00:01:36.120 align:middle line:84% He gazes at us with his grave baby face, 00:01:36.120 --> 00:01:40.860 align:middle line:84% obliging just often enough to lend hope to our campaigns. 00:01:40.860 --> 00:01:43.830 align:middle line:84% The father is charming, and an early thirties smiler 00:01:43.830 --> 00:01:46.320 align:middle line:84% of undetermined ethnicity, perhaps 00:01:46.320 --> 00:01:50.820 align:middle line:84% South American, with warm eyes and skin, and a soft voice, 00:01:50.820 --> 00:01:53.100 align:middle line:90% generous with the vowels. 00:01:53.100 --> 00:01:57.450 align:middle line:84% Strapped to the father's chest, the baby flaps his puffy arms. 00:01:57.450 --> 00:01:59.430 align:middle line:84% There's something of a bird in him, 00:01:59.430 --> 00:02:03.060 align:middle line:84% both cautious and confident, something of a bird, 00:02:03.060 --> 00:02:05.370 align:middle line:84% and something of a sad little clown, 00:02:05.370 --> 00:02:08.850 align:middle line:84% and something of a medicine man, and all of the possibilities 00:02:08.850 --> 00:02:11.670 align:middle line:90% that are open to a baby. 00:02:11.670 --> 00:02:13.560 align:middle line:84% We feel that when we look at him, 00:02:13.560 --> 00:02:19.170 align:middle line:84% he who will not say or even think that it is rude to stare. 00:02:19.170 --> 00:02:21.570 align:middle line:84% I say that we are all in love with the baby, 00:02:21.570 --> 00:02:25.410 align:middle line:84% but probably there is someone on this bus who is not. 00:02:25.410 --> 00:02:27.480 align:middle line:84% Probably someone looks out the window, 00:02:27.480 --> 00:02:30.570 align:middle line:84% or at the father's rosy ear, or at her own lap, 00:02:30.570 --> 00:02:32.700 align:middle line:90% and thinks, god damn that baby. 00:02:32.700 --> 00:02:34.020 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHING] 00:02:34.020 --> 00:02:36.690 align:middle line:84% This person is not swayed by the miniature hands, 00:02:36.690 --> 00:02:41.370 align:middle line:84% the swollen cheeks, the exploratory chirps, not swayed 00:02:41.370 --> 00:02:43.920 align:middle line:84% by this new human welcomed as if he 00:02:43.920 --> 00:02:48.000 align:middle line:84% belongs to all of our delicate hopes and magnanimous impulses. 00:02:48.000 --> 00:02:51.630 align:middle line:84% As other faces soften, she hardens hers. 00:02:51.630 --> 00:02:53.010 align:middle line:84% I'm willing to believe that there 00:02:53.010 --> 00:02:56.430 align:middle line:84% is such a person in our cozy bus community with the chatty women 00:02:56.430 --> 00:02:59.520 align:middle line:84% and the tenderly grizzled men, and the driver who says, 00:02:59.520 --> 00:03:02.160 align:middle line:84% so long, tiny guy, when the baby leaves, 00:03:02.160 --> 00:03:05.700 align:middle line:84% borne aloft by his smiling father. 00:03:05.700 --> 00:03:09.060 align:middle line:84% We are trying, my husband Kevin and me. 00:03:09.060 --> 00:03:11.160 align:middle line:84% I wish that meant we were trying to teach a monkey 00:03:11.160 --> 00:03:14.340 align:middle line:84% to do sign language, or trying out this new robot that 00:03:14.340 --> 00:03:17.640 align:middle line:84% cleans bathrooms, or trying to save the world, one polar ice 00:03:17.640 --> 00:03:19.360 align:middle line:90% cap at a time. 00:03:19.360 --> 00:03:21.990 align:middle line:84% But when you are a childless couple in your mid-thirties, 00:03:21.990 --> 00:03:24.870 align:middle line:84% with two full-time jobs, and a three bedroom house, 00:03:24.870 --> 00:03:28.230 align:middle line:84% everyone knows what 'trying' means. 00:03:28.230 --> 00:03:31.230 align:middle line:84% Once, making love, we thought, 'breasts,' or 'penis,' 00:03:31.230 --> 00:03:34.800 align:middle line:84% 'vagina,' or 'balls,' thought them hard as the dependable 00:03:34.800 --> 00:03:37.020 align:middle line:90% pleasure things they were. 00:03:37.020 --> 00:03:40.860 align:middle line:84% Then we thought, 'baby,' almost sexier than sex for sex, 00:03:40.860 --> 00:03:44.340 align:middle line:84% a mystery beyond tit for tat physical love. 00:03:44.340 --> 00:03:48.030 align:middle line:84% We thought not quite 'sperm and egg,' those clinical unlovely 00:03:48.030 --> 00:03:51.970 align:middle line:84% words, but something like 'seed,' 'pearl,' 'embryo,' 00:03:51.970 --> 00:03:54.720 align:middle line:84% 'pregnant,' 'fetus,' 'heartbeat,' 'fingers,' 'toes,' 00:03:54.720 --> 00:03:58.090 align:middle line:84% 'belly bump,' 'baby love,' 'genius,' 'baby.' 00:03:58.090 --> 00:03:58.590 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHING] 00:03:58.590 --> 00:04:00.930 align:middle line:90% We thought we'd make this thing. 00:04:00.930 --> 00:04:02.380 align:middle line:90% No, not a thing-- 00:04:02.380 --> 00:04:06.240 align:middle line:84% the only non-thing thing that we could ever make. 00:04:06.240 --> 00:04:08.730 align:middle line:84% We've been thinking this baby into limbo existence 00:04:08.730 --> 00:04:10.500 align:middle line:90% for 11 months now. 00:04:10.500 --> 00:04:12.060 align:middle line:90% The baby isn't coming. 00:04:12.060 --> 00:04:14.700 align:middle line:84% The baby is perched somewhere, her tiny fists 00:04:14.700 --> 00:04:17.130 align:middle line:90% and her fierce dainty mouth. 00:04:17.130 --> 00:04:19.560 align:middle line:84% I picture her the way Christian children are taught 00:04:19.560 --> 00:04:23.040 align:middle line:84% to think of babies God hasn't released from heaven yet, 00:04:23.040 --> 00:04:26.160 align:middle line:84% fully formed and squeaky clean, enthroned 00:04:26.160 --> 00:04:29.400 align:middle line:84% in clouds, parents, an unnecessary earthly 00:04:29.400 --> 00:04:31.500 align:middle line:90% contrivance. 00:04:31.500 --> 00:04:34.650 align:middle line:84% One Saturday, I make the mistake of going to the mall. 00:04:34.650 --> 00:04:36.190 align:middle line:84% My sister's birthday is in a week, 00:04:36.190 --> 00:04:38.910 align:middle line:84% and I'd like to get her an interesting piece of clothing. 00:04:38.910 --> 00:04:41.490 align:middle line:84% Just inside the mall's entryway, a woman on the side 00:04:41.490 --> 00:04:45.060 align:middle line:84% greets me, a beautiful woman, though not high cheekbones, 00:04:45.060 --> 00:04:48.570 align:middle line:84% sultry lips, sculpted breasts, beautiful. 00:04:48.570 --> 00:04:50.490 align:middle line:84% The idea is she's the kind of beautiful 00:04:50.490 --> 00:04:52.260 align:middle line:84% I might be if I tried a little harder, 00:04:52.260 --> 00:04:55.620 align:middle line:84% and listened to the voices that are trying to help me. 00:04:55.620 --> 00:04:57.600 align:middle line:84% Grow your eyelashes, this voice says. 00:04:57.600 --> 00:04:58.530 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:04:58.530 --> 00:05:01.640 align:middle line:84% There is, apparently, a scientific formula for it. 00:05:01.640 --> 00:05:03.590 align:middle line:84% Do the eyelashes on the woman who 00:05:03.590 --> 00:05:06.170 align:middle line:84% could be me seem to have recently experienced a growth 00:05:06.170 --> 00:05:07.370 align:middle line:90% spurt? 00:05:07.370 --> 00:05:09.050 align:middle line:84% They are noticeably mascara laden, 00:05:09.050 --> 00:05:11.210 align:middle line:90% but otherwise unremarkable. 00:05:11.210 --> 00:05:13.820 align:middle line:84% Perhaps my doppelganger is just about to call the phone 00:05:13.820 --> 00:05:15.200 align:middle line:90% number presented here. 00:05:15.200 --> 00:05:17.000 align:middle line:84% She knows her eyelashes are fine, 00:05:17.000 --> 00:05:18.830 align:middle line:84% but that they could be even better. 00:05:18.830 --> 00:05:21.530 align:middle line:84% She's on the verge of possessing the eyelashes she's always 00:05:21.530 --> 00:05:24.590 align:middle line:84% wanted, not falsies, but real ones, cultivated 00:05:24.590 --> 00:05:27.470 align:middle line:90% from her very own eyelids. 00:05:27.470 --> 00:05:29.660 align:middle line:84% Inside the mall, I go to store to store 00:05:29.660 --> 00:05:31.640 align:middle line:84% looking for something interesting for my sister 00:05:31.640 --> 00:05:32.570 align:middle line:90% Audrey. 00:05:32.570 --> 00:05:35.000 align:middle line:84% She lives near Boston with her husband, and their two 00:05:35.000 --> 00:05:36.410 align:middle line:90% chickens. 00:05:36.410 --> 00:05:39.530 align:middle line:84% Patsy and Cline are surprisingly endearing pets. 00:05:39.530 --> 00:05:40.917 align:middle line:84% They live in a coop in the garden 00:05:40.917 --> 00:05:43.250 align:middle line:84% where they take daily strolls through the sweet alyssum, 00:05:43.250 --> 00:05:44.693 align:middle line:90% nodding agreeably. 00:05:44.693 --> 00:05:46.610 align:middle line:84% When they want company, they press their beaks 00:05:46.610 --> 00:05:47.870 align:middle line:90% to the back door. 00:05:47.870 --> 00:05:49.820 align:middle line:84% You pick them up and stroke their feathers, 00:05:49.820 --> 00:05:53.000 align:middle line:84% and they seem to expand to fill your arms. 00:05:53.000 --> 00:05:55.220 align:middle line:84% Audrey and Jeff don't plan to have kids. 00:05:55.220 --> 00:05:57.590 align:middle line:84% As far as I know, they're in agreement on this, 00:05:57.590 --> 00:06:00.800 align:middle line:84% being neither the maternal nor the paternal sort. 00:06:00.800 --> 00:06:03.380 align:middle line:84% As a girl, I played with my dolls every day. 00:06:03.380 --> 00:06:05.180 align:middle line:90% Otherwise, they'd miss me. 00:06:05.180 --> 00:06:08.420 align:middle line:84% And Audrey, two years my junior, could be conscripted to join, 00:06:08.420 --> 00:06:11.000 align:middle line:84% but she coddled no babies of her own. 00:06:11.000 --> 00:06:15.110 align:middle line:84% She was the movie star aunt, in her feather boa and plumed hat. 00:06:15.110 --> 00:06:17.180 align:middle line:84% 'I'm just in from Europe, dearie,' she'd say. 00:06:17.180 --> 00:06:19.190 align:middle line:90% 'How about an Eiffel Tower?' 00:06:19.190 --> 00:06:21.410 align:middle line:84% An Eiffel Tower was anything she could stack up 00:06:21.410 --> 00:06:22.760 align:middle line:90% that weren't blocks-- 00:06:22.760 --> 00:06:26.420 align:middle line:84% Oreos, bean bags, packets of pocket tissues. 00:06:26.420 --> 00:06:28.280 align:middle line:84% I dressed the dolls, and brushed their hair, 00:06:28.280 --> 00:06:31.160 align:middle line:84% and she let towers fall in their laps. 00:06:31.160 --> 00:06:33.020 align:middle line:84% She's an architect now, specializing 00:06:33.020 --> 00:06:34.460 align:middle line:90% in sustainable public projects. 00:06:34.460 --> 00:06:36.050 align:middle line:84% And she goes to movies in the evening, 00:06:36.050 --> 00:06:38.707 align:middle line:90% and eats popcorn for dinner. 00:06:38.707 --> 00:06:40.790 align:middle line:84% 'We don't feel the need for children,' Audrey told 00:06:40.790 --> 00:06:42.980 align:middle line:84% our wounded mother last Thanksgiving. 00:06:42.980 --> 00:06:45.590 align:middle line:84% 'You have to need them, I think, need them so much you 00:06:45.590 --> 00:06:48.140 align:middle line:84% don't think you can be happy without them.' 00:06:48.140 --> 00:06:51.920 align:middle line:84% Mom shook her head, proud and sad, on its turkey neck. 00:06:51.920 --> 00:06:53.340 align:middle line:90% 'That's not how it works. 00:06:53.340 --> 00:06:56.540 align:middle line:84% You can't know the joy until--' she swiped at a tear that was 00:06:56.540 --> 00:06:58.820 align:middle line:84% about to fall into the wild rice stuffing-- 00:06:58.820 --> 00:07:00.680 align:middle line:90% '--you just can't know it.' 00:07:00.680 --> 00:07:03.398 align:middle line:84% 'Look how happy I'm making you,' Audrey said. 00:07:03.398 --> 00:07:05.030 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:07:05.030 --> 00:07:07.460 align:middle line:84% The women's clothing departments are highlighting 00:07:07.460 --> 00:07:11.840 align:middle line:84% bizarre clothes this season, salmon pink, pea green, recycle 00:07:11.840 --> 00:07:15.170 align:middle line:84% bin blue, and styles that make no sense. 00:07:15.170 --> 00:07:16.610 align:middle line:90% 3/4 sleeves? 00:07:16.610 --> 00:07:17.720 align:middle line:90% Capri pants? 00:07:17.720 --> 00:07:19.190 align:middle line:90% Short sleeve sweater dresses? 00:07:19.190 --> 00:07:20.960 align:middle line:90% T-shirts with collars? 00:07:20.960 --> 00:07:22.820 align:middle line:84% I don't have to look too long in each store 00:07:22.820 --> 00:07:25.100 align:middle line:84% to see that there is nothing here. 00:07:25.100 --> 00:07:28.280 align:middle line:84% The sales ladies ask if they can help, but how could they? 00:07:28.280 --> 00:07:31.550 align:middle line:84% Finally, in a Macy's daze, I get Audrey a cream-colored cable 00:07:31.550 --> 00:07:32.480 align:middle line:90% knit sweater. 00:07:32.480 --> 00:07:35.360 align:middle line:84% There's nothing offensive or unique about it. 00:07:35.360 --> 00:07:37.460 align:middle line:84% I'm tempted to buy one for myself, too, 00:07:37.460 --> 00:07:39.560 align:middle line:84% but I don't want us to look like twins, even 00:07:39.560 --> 00:07:41.480 align:middle line:90% in two different states. 00:07:41.480 --> 00:07:43.190 align:middle line:84% If I had twins, I would give them 00:07:43.190 --> 00:07:45.830 align:middle line:84% names that sounded nothing like each other-- 00:07:45.830 --> 00:07:48.890 align:middle line:84% Suzana and Mim; Theodore and Jack. 00:07:48.890 --> 00:07:52.970 align:middle line:84% One twin would wear airplane pajamas, the other stripes. 00:07:52.970 --> 00:07:55.070 align:middle line:84% I wouldn't call them 'the twins.' 00:07:55.070 --> 00:07:56.990 align:middle line:84% Nor would I perform experiments on them 00:07:56.990 --> 00:07:59.180 align:middle line:90% to see how alike they were. 00:07:59.180 --> 00:08:01.640 align:middle line:84% It would be very hard to have two tiny babies, one 00:08:01.640 --> 00:08:02.750 align:middle line:90% on each breast. 00:08:02.750 --> 00:08:06.080 align:middle line:84% But with twins, we'd have ourselves a family in one go-- 00:08:06.080 --> 00:08:10.430 align:middle line:84% the adults, two children, the sturdiness of four."