WEBVTT

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"She'd already read the
first three chapters.

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It was a novel where all
the characters were rabbits,

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but it was for adults, thick.

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Later, he borrowed it to
catch up on the beginning.

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Louisa wanted him to read
to her in the bedroom

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so she could lie down
and imagine it all.

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She set a chair next to the
bed, then took off her shoes

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and stretched out.

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This isn't right, she
said, after a few pages.

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The way I'm reading?

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Marco said.

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She said it was strange
because she couldn't see him.

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She said that his voice
was kind of disembodied,

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and that distracted
her from following

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what was going on in the story.

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Is it all right if I
reach out and touch you,

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she said, while you read?

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They tried it for
another few pages,

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but she still couldn't
get a sense of him.

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What is it, he said.

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Your clothes, Louisa said.

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It might be better if I didn't
have to feel you through them.

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Is this turning too weird?

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You don't know what
it's like, like this.

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I started needing
different things

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to feel anything to understand.

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At first, it seemed it would be
enough to take off his shirt,

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to strip down to his underwear.

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Part of it was to
test her maybe,

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to see if she was
having him on somehow.

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And part of it was
that it excited him.

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Did she know you were
all the way naked,

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I said, afraid to interrupt.

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I believe so, he said.

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He had never been involved
in anything like that,

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he told me, never felt that way.

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He'd been married before,
even, and this was different.

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He felt it in his
heart, he said, knowing

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how ridiculous that sounded.

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And he'd never even
touched Louisa, not once.

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Yet sometimes, as
the weeks passed,

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he'd wake up in the
middle of the night

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because he'd been
laughing in his sleep.

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He'd just lie there,
smiling in the darkness.

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Are you happy, Louisa
asked him, a little later

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that first night.

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I guess so, he said.

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She told him it seemed
like an uneven trade.

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Well, he said, I can see.

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I can read.

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I can see you.

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Are the lights on, she said.

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Can you see well enough?

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Yes, he said, except
you're wearing clothes.

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As soon as he said
that, he was sorry

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and he wanted to take it back.

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He wanted to say it was a joke.

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But it was too late for that.

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Louisa had already
begun to answer.

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One piece at a time, she
took off her clothing,

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folded it, and stacked it
at the foot of the bag.

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She lay back, her
hand on his leg again.

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He knew he was not
allowed to touch her,

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just as she could not see him.

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Now, read, she said.

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And that's how it
always was after that.

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There was nothing
showy about it.

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As if she was alone,
unlacing her shoes,

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unbuttoning her shirt
as he began to read.

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He turned the lamp up high
and moved in closer to her.

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Her shadow twisted low
across the opposite wall,

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attached to his by her hand,
checking that he was there.

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He flexed his bare toes
on the cool floorboards.

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Louisa's skin was dark
and smooth, solid,

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hiding her bones.

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She wasn't skinny.

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Her thighs were heavy,
a scar above one knee.

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Stretching and turning over,
she'd laugh and hold a smile,

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showing her teeth, listening.

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She had a faded tattoo of
a rose on her right hip

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and a smaller, clearer
one over her right nipple.

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Perfume rose from her
skin as Marco read.

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Sometimes he'd look up into the
full length mirror on the wall

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and see her thin waist angling
out to her rounded hips,

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and himself, the book
in one hand and a glass

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of water in the other.

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He drank between chapters,
rested his voice.

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He counted the few hairs that
circled her nipples, watched

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how her breasts slid
across each other

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when she turned, enough
space between them

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to hide a flattened hand.

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The hair under her arms
matched that between her legs,

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where the edges, unshaven,
were growing back.

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Her eyes stared and
stared, shining.

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Are you happy, she asked him.

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He told me that she wore no
jewelry at all, that there

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was nothing on her, nothing.

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She and Marco hardly spoke,
except for his reading,

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or deciding on the
time they'd next meet.

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He never asked about her husband
and Louisa never brought it up.

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He felt there were many silent
understandings between them.

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Of course, it took him
weeks to tell me all this,

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and even in pieces, the
information was not easy for me

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to process.

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It was difficult to shake.

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Sometimes, even now, I set
a glass of water beside me,

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and I hold a book in one hand.

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I read aloud, my
voice echoing off

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the tight walls of
the room I rent,

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not letting my eyes
wander from the page.

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And I imagine my other
hand belongs to Louisa,

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and that she is listening to me,
and that she can't see a thing.

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Marco's story was
far-fetched, but I had never

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known him to lie.

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Still, I'd sometimes
watch at work,

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pausing with a book
open in front of him.

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And I'd wonder if he was coming
up with stories to tell me,

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or searching for
something for her,

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or if he was just
staring into the words

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without reading,
and trying to think.

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We both slowed as
the weeks went on.

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He slacked off worse than
I did, but I didn't mind.

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Mostly we spent
our time reading.

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We were using the
rubber sponges then,

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so there was no longer
the vacuum's roar.

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The reflection of
the face shields

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made it difficult to read.

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Sometimes we let the hood
slump over our backs,

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and wore only the ventilator
masks with the HEPA filters,

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our eyes clear and uncovered.

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In the books where the
fungus had really taken hold,

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it bled down into the pages
in red and purple stains,

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blurring letters, eating words
that we could not recover.

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Louisa and Marco did not
always meet at the same time.

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Once she called him
at 3:00 in the morning

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saying she couldn't
sleep, saying

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she could hear his
footsteps, and wouldn't he

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like to come read?

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They finished the first novel,
then went through another,

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and another.

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She liked books about animals,
others where women took charge.

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One of their
understandings was that she

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had to come for him, not
the other way around.

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After all, he was
doing her a favor.

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It was on a night
when he waited,

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listening for the doorbell, the
phone, her knock on the wall,

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that he heard the
man's voice, next door.

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And it was not the voice
of Louisa's husband.

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Marco was jealous,
partly, but he also

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feared something was wrong.

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He took a can of corn
from his own cupboard

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so he could use it
as an excuse, say

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he forgot to give it to her.

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He tried the door
knob before the bell,

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and the door swung open.

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He stepped inside, the
can of corn in his fist,

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ready to hit someone with it.

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In the dim living room, he
moved around the furniture

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as easily she had
that first day.

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He'd come to know
her house that well.

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In the hallway, closer to
the bedroom, he listened.

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Something about the
man's voice seemed

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strange, the rhythm too regular,
and Luisa never interrupting.

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He stepped to the doorway
and looked inside.

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She was stretched
out on the bed,

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wearing a long
flannel nightgown,

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her face turned to the ceiling.

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On the bedside table, the
tape recorder was playing,

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and the man's voice
looped out from it, a hiss

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behind his words.

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Marco took another step into the
room and waited there silently.

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He could tell she
sensed him, that she

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knew he was in the room.

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And the fact that she said
nothing made it all worse.

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As the taped voice
looped around,

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Marco turned and walked
back down the hall.

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He locked the front door,
and gently pulled it closed.

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The next day, she
told him the news.

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Her vision was returning.

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It was clearer each day.

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And the reading
couldn't be the same

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if she could see the shape
of him, his slumped shadow

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and the words coming out.

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Closing her eyes wouldn't
work when she knew

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she could always open them.

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"Awkward," that's
the word she used.

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Soon she'd be able to read
once again on her own.

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When he told me that, I
couldn't stop thinking about it.

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He'd been right.

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Something in me
wanted to find her,

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to hold her down until
she saw some sense.

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Marco never read to her again.

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He did find a place, though,
where they made those tapes.

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He went there and
volunteered, read a whole book

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into a microphone.

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He hoped Louisa
might hear his voice,

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and remember, and
have second thoughts.

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The sadness I felt
hearing this was

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like I had breathed
in the spores

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and they had thickened
in my throat,

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blooming darkly through my
organs cold, one at a time,

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like the way a blackout spills
over sections of the city.

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There was a time I
believed and hoped

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that job would continue
indefinitely, that I might

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persuade Marco to stay on.

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But those blooms
are seasonal mostly.

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Nothing stands still.

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We were finishing up, just
wiping down the shelves

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with a Clorox solution, when he
told me the end of the story.

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In fact, Marco left before
the job was finished,

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without any warning, and I
handled the last few days,

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tearing down the
plastic barriers,

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taking down the signs by myself.

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He left that way,
I believe, so he

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wouldn't have to say goodbye.

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It wasn't as if he
thought things between him

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and Louisa could have continued.

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He knew the balance had changed,
that they couldn't return.

00:08:23.430 --> 00:08:26.100 align:middle line:84%
But he expected it all had to
go somewhere, that it couldn't

00:08:26.100 --> 00:08:28.170 align:middle line:90%
just trail off into nothing.

00:08:28.170 --> 00:08:29.880 align:middle line:90%
She refused to speak about it.

00:08:29.880 --> 00:08:32.320 align:middle line:90%
She was cool, quite unfriendly.

00:08:32.320 --> 00:08:34.230 align:middle line:84%
She turned down the
simplest favors.

00:08:34.230 --> 00:08:36.720 align:middle line:84%
She said that had been a
different time, that they

00:08:36.720 --> 00:08:39.780 align:middle line:84%
have been different people,
who needed different things.

00:08:39.780 --> 00:08:42.299 align:middle line:84%
He felt that they were the
same inside the changes.

00:08:42.299 --> 00:08:44.010 align:middle line:84%
He needed her, and
he couldn't stand

00:08:44.010 --> 00:08:46.470 align:middle line:84%
the way she looked at him
every day, watching him

00:08:46.470 --> 00:08:49.410 align:middle line:84%
with those same eyes as he came
home from work with his hood

00:08:49.410 --> 00:08:52.770 align:middle line:84%
and ventilator bouncing along
his back, the arms of the Tyvek

00:08:52.770 --> 00:08:55.590 align:middle line:90%
suit tied off around his waist.

00:08:55.590 --> 00:08:57.630 align:middle line:84%
Her gaze rested cold
on him, settling,

00:08:57.630 --> 00:09:00.780 align:middle line:84%
so he felt it even after
he was inside his house.

00:09:00.780 --> 00:09:02.520 align:middle line:90%
He sat alone, shivering.

00:09:02.520 --> 00:09:06.270 align:middle line:84%
It was a very, very quiet on
the other side of the wall.

00:09:06.270 --> 00:09:08.250 align:middle line:84%
If I ever see Marco
again, I'll tell him

00:09:08.250 --> 00:09:11.380 align:middle line:84%
that I know what happened,
even if she was ungrateful,

00:09:11.380 --> 00:09:14.040 align:middle line:90%
even if she never understood.

00:09:14.040 --> 00:09:17.310 align:middle line:90%
He healed her."

00:09:17.310 --> 00:09:20.660 align:middle line:90%
[APPLAUSE]

00:09:20.660 --> 00:09:22.000 align:middle line:90%