WEBVTT

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"At least a week
passed before we

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had our first lunch together.

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He asked me to join him.

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We walked half a block, bought
sandwiches from a truck,

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and headed toward a little park.

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When the children in the
playground saw us coming,

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they started screaming,
"Astronauts!"

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We always got a
kick out of that.

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The wooden bench we sat on
had been chewed by pit bulls.

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The owners trained them to do
it to strengthen their jaws.

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Next to the jungle
gym, the plastic swings

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were so knawed
they looked melted.

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When we bit into our
sandwiches, shredded lettuce

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fell onto the ground tangled
with cigarette butts.

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Marco stood and tried
to touch his toes.

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He stretched his
arms and grunted.

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All that work in the damp
library tightened his joints.

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I wonder, he asked, if you
wouldn't mind rubbing my knee

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a little.

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I'd give it a try, I told him.

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Not everyone would, he said.

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If it helps, I said.

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I kind of of kneeled
down and tried

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to get a decent hold
through the slippery Tyvek,

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using both hands.

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Marco picked up his
sandwich, closed his eyes.

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He obviously shaved,
but there were always

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these long whiskers along
his throat, ones he missed.

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I rubbed his knee.

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The sun stayed where it was,
straight overhead, stuck there.

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You're probably wondering
what I'm going to do for you,

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Marco said.

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I told him, not really.

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My knees, they felt fine.

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I live in a row
house, Marco said.

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So I share walls
with my neighbors.

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Thin walls.

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A couple lived there.

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And he'd hear their arguments,
threats, recriminations,

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then the usual coming to terms.

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Marco would turn up his radio
or go out walking around

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his neighborhood.

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Italians, he said,
almost spitting.

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I thought you were
Italian, I said.

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I am, he said.

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There was an Indian spice
shop near that park,

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so it all smelled
a little foreign.

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The air was thick.

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Marco picked his teeth with
his fingernails, and spoke.

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Pay attention, he said.

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This won't turn out
any way you expect.

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I told them I had
no expectations.

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Sometimes on the mornings
after the arguments,

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Marco would run into
the man from next door.

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You're lucky, the man would say.

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You were safe, a wall
between you and her.

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Pray for me these nights.

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He and Marco would
laugh together.

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What happened to him,
I said, guessing ahead.

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I just stopped hearing him
through the wall, Marco said.

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Stopped seeing him
in the front yard.

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He was gone.

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And that was your
opening, I said.

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Don't tell me.

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She's incredibly beautiful.

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Yes, Marco said, but
that's not the point.

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We took our time in the
basement of the library,

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though we weren't
being paid by the hour.

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It wasn't that I got a lot
of thinking done, exactly.

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It was almost a different
plane of some sort,

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listening to my own breathing,
a kind of meditation.

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Sometimes I even thought of
the people who would follow,

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who would be able to read the
books because I'd saved them.

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Sometimes people came down the
stairs, descended by mistake,

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and I'd catch glimpses,
twice distorted

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by my face shield and the
clear plastic barriers.

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The people seemed to have
no feet to move fluidly,

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as if they're growing
their way smoothly upward

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again, beyond my sight.

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Sometimes, on my break,
I'd climb those stairs.

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I'd hold the door slightly open,
my ventilator around my neck,

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and the cool air
on my sweaty face.

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I spied into the library
and it was quiet up there,

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just like it was supposed to be.

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A green and yellow parakeet
hung on to its perch

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inside a bamboo cage.

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I heard the sound
of pages turning.

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If I held the door
open a little further,

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and I could see the desk
where the librarian sat.

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She was about my age with dark
black skin, gold eyeglasses.

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Her hair was braided
close to her head

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in curving lines, the loose ends
like ropes with bare shoulders.

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Her fingers were
thin, her smile wide,

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as she answered
someone's question.

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Whenever I turned away
from her and began

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to descend into the basement, it
was as if my body grew heavier

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with every step.

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I wanted her to know there were
real people underneath her,

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that I was beneath
her every day.

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I wanted to tell her I'd
wiped mold from musical scores

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and hummed the
melody, that I'd read

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a Russian story about grown men
swimming in the rain, another

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where people could
see into the future

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and still couldn't change it.

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If I could tell that
librarian a long story,

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it would be this one.

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And I would tell her
only a little at a time,

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the way Marco told
me, until she had

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to know what would happen next.

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Until she couldn't stand it.

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Marco never used the
woman's real name,

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since he said I was his friend.

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And he was afraid I'd
try to track her down

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once I'd heard it all, that
I'd only get myself in trouble.

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Louisa, that's the
name he chose for her.

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Their house shared a porch,
so all Louisa had to do

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was reach over the railing
to ring Marco's doorbell.

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She wanted to ask him a favor.

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Groceries.

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She had the list in her
hand, and he took it

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when she held it out.

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It's my eyes, Louisa said.

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I can't see a thing.

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She told him that
the doctors had

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found nothing wrong physically,
but that didn't help her.

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Marco looked at her eyes and
she didn't seem to see him.

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Her eyebrows had always been
tweezed into a narrow arch.

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Now they were
returning, thickening.

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She stood there barefoot
on the concrete porch,

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the toenails of her
left foot painted red.

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All the words on the
list in Marco's hand

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tilted, and some stretched
off the edge of the paper,

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cut short.

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Others were written right
on top of each other.

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He struggled to untangle it.

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When he returned
from the store, he

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offered to put the
things away for her,

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and she said she could do it.

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Stay, she told him.

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You can talk to me while I do.

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She held the door
open and then led him,

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moving deftly around
the furniture,

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hitting the light switch
exactly and just for him.

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Later, he tried this in his
own house, his eyes closed.

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He bruised his shins and
tore his fingernails.

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He cursed and
stumbled and wondered

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if she heard him, if she'd
guess what he was doing.

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In the kitchen, she
reached and found the knobs

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on the cupboards.

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Inside, they were
carefully organized,

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all the cans lined up.

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I've got it all
figured out, she said.

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I miss being able to
read, but that's about it.

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I was halfway through a
book when this happened.

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Marco asked if it
happened all at once.

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And she told him she had one
day where everything went dim.

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That gave her a
chance to prepare.

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And then the next
day, that was it.

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Is it just pitch black, he
said, or is it nothing at all?

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He wasn't sure what he
meant by that, exactly.

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He couldn't stop
watching her hands.

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Somewhere in between, she said.

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He stayed until all the
groceries were put away,

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and then said he'd be
happy to help her again.

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I remember what you
look like, Louisa said.

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But do you mind?

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She reached out, and
slowly her soft fingertips

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moved down his face.

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Yes, I said, when
he told me that.

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I knew this was going somewhere.

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You know nothing, Marco said.

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I learned not to say things
like that, eventually.

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It only made him stop talking.

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It was as if I'd sullied the
way it had been between them.

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If I asked, he'd say
to wait, be patient.

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He could only tell
the little at a time.

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Otherwise, it made him too sad.

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The conversation at lunch
would turn to other things.

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We'd walk to the park,
stripping off our latex gloves,

00:07:00.560 --> 00:07:02.810 align:middle line:84%
the sweat between our
fingers going cool,

00:07:02.810 --> 00:07:04.880 align:middle line:84%
the zippers of our
suits pulled down

00:07:04.880 --> 00:07:07.880 align:middle line:84%
and their white arms
dragging behind us.

00:07:07.880 --> 00:07:10.790 align:middle line:84%
The weather turned hot
and dark, overcast.

00:07:10.790 --> 00:07:13.340 align:middle line:84%
Trains came and went,
slowly sat on the tracks

00:07:13.340 --> 00:07:15.140 align:middle line:90%
behind the playground.

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We watched the dogs betting
on which owners would pick up

00:07:17.660 --> 00:07:21.123 align:middle line:84%
after theirs and which
would pretend oblivion.

00:07:21.123 --> 00:07:22.790 align:middle line:84%
Down there, they had
dogs of all shapes,

00:07:22.790 --> 00:07:25.610 align:middle line:84%
with their tails lopped
off, their ears pinned up.

00:07:25.610 --> 00:07:29.113 align:middle line:84%
Marco knew the names of all the
breeds and what they were for.

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He'd have his arm
across the back,

00:07:30.530 --> 00:07:33.440 align:middle line:84%
with the bandaged fingers
drumming next to my shoulder.

00:07:33.440 --> 00:07:35.090 align:middle line:90%
I didn't mind.

00:07:35.090 --> 00:07:37.850 align:middle line:84%
Once, we saw a guy crash his
bicycle into a parked car

00:07:37.850 --> 00:07:39.770 align:middle line:84%
as he tried to look
behind him to check

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the ass on a girl he'd passed.

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Marco had a good
laugh out of that.

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A little shift like that
would bring him around again.

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All right, he'd
say, turning to me.

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Where did I leave off?

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The next time Louisa
rang his doorbell,

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she was holding a
book in her hand.

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She asked him what he was doing.

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When he said, nothing,
she asked if he

00:07:57.380 --> 00:07:59.500 align:middle line:90%
wouldn't mind reading to her."

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