WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.950 align:middle line:84% "At least a week passed before we 00:00:01.950 --> 00:00:03.330 align:middle line:90% had our first lunch together. 00:00:03.330 --> 00:00:05.010 align:middle line:90% He asked me to join him. 00:00:05.010 --> 00:00:07.950 align:middle line:84% We walked half a block, bought sandwiches from a truck, 00:00:07.950 --> 00:00:09.887 align:middle line:90% and headed toward a little park. 00:00:09.887 --> 00:00:11.970 align:middle line:84% When the children in the playground saw us coming, 00:00:11.970 --> 00:00:16.190 align:middle line:84% they started screaming, "Astronauts!" 00:00:16.190 --> 00:00:18.290 align:middle line:84% We always got a kick out of that. 00:00:18.290 --> 00:00:21.140 align:middle line:84% The wooden bench we sat on had been chewed by pit bulls. 00:00:21.140 --> 00:00:24.500 align:middle line:84% The owners trained them to do it to strengthen their jaws. 00:00:24.500 --> 00:00:26.420 align:middle line:84% Next to the jungle gym, the plastic swings 00:00:26.420 --> 00:00:28.758 align:middle line:84% were so knawed they looked melted. 00:00:28.758 --> 00:00:30.800 align:middle line:84% When we bit into our sandwiches, shredded lettuce 00:00:30.800 --> 00:00:33.980 align:middle line:84% fell onto the ground tangled with cigarette butts. 00:00:33.980 --> 00:00:36.300 align:middle line:84% Marco stood and tried to touch his toes. 00:00:36.300 --> 00:00:38.390 align:middle line:84% He stretched his arms and grunted. 00:00:38.390 --> 00:00:42.260 align:middle line:84% All that work in the damp library tightened his joints. 00:00:42.260 --> 00:00:45.530 align:middle line:84% I wonder, he asked, if you wouldn't mind rubbing my knee 00:00:45.530 --> 00:00:47.180 align:middle line:90% a little. 00:00:47.180 --> 00:00:49.340 align:middle line:90% I'd give it a try, I told him. 00:00:49.340 --> 00:00:52.970 align:middle line:90% Not everyone would, he said. 00:00:52.970 --> 00:00:54.542 align:middle line:90% If it helps, I said. 00:00:54.542 --> 00:00:56.000 align:middle line:84% I kind of of kneeled down and tried 00:00:56.000 --> 00:00:58.250 align:middle line:84% to get a decent hold through the slippery Tyvek, 00:00:58.250 --> 00:00:59.810 align:middle line:90% using both hands. 00:00:59.810 --> 00:01:02.900 align:middle line:84% Marco picked up his sandwich, closed his eyes. 00:01:02.900 --> 00:01:04.700 align:middle line:84% He obviously shaved, but there were always 00:01:04.700 --> 00:01:08.030 align:middle line:84% these long whiskers along his throat, ones he missed. 00:01:08.030 --> 00:01:09.380 align:middle line:90% I rubbed his knee. 00:01:09.380 --> 00:01:14.060 align:middle line:84% The sun stayed where it was, straight overhead, stuck there. 00:01:14.060 --> 00:01:16.400 align:middle line:84% You're probably wondering what I'm going to do for you, 00:01:16.400 --> 00:01:18.080 align:middle line:90% Marco said. 00:01:18.080 --> 00:01:19.280 align:middle line:90% I told him, not really. 00:01:19.280 --> 00:01:22.250 align:middle line:90% My knees, they felt fine. 00:01:22.250 --> 00:01:24.980 align:middle line:84% I live in a row house, Marco said. 00:01:24.980 --> 00:01:27.110 align:middle line:84% So I share walls with my neighbors. 00:01:27.110 --> 00:01:28.850 align:middle line:90% Thin walls. 00:01:28.850 --> 00:01:30.060 align:middle line:90% A couple lived there. 00:01:30.060 --> 00:01:32.720 align:middle line:84% And he'd hear their arguments, threats, recriminations, 00:01:32.720 --> 00:01:34.760 align:middle line:90% then the usual coming to terms. 00:01:34.760 --> 00:01:37.400 align:middle line:84% Marco would turn up his radio or go out walking around 00:01:37.400 --> 00:01:38.990 align:middle line:90% his neighborhood. 00:01:38.990 --> 00:01:41.930 align:middle line:84% Italians, he said, almost spitting. 00:01:41.930 --> 00:01:44.110 align:middle line:84% I thought you were Italian, I said. 00:01:44.110 --> 00:01:46.430 align:middle line:90% I am, he said. 00:01:46.430 --> 00:01:48.650 align:middle line:84% There was an Indian spice shop near that park, 00:01:48.650 --> 00:01:50.930 align:middle line:84% so it all smelled a little foreign. 00:01:50.930 --> 00:01:51.980 align:middle line:90% The air was thick. 00:01:51.980 --> 00:01:55.160 align:middle line:84% Marco picked his teeth with his fingernails, and spoke. 00:01:55.160 --> 00:01:56.720 align:middle line:90% Pay attention, he said. 00:01:56.720 --> 00:01:59.390 align:middle line:84% This won't turn out any way you expect. 00:01:59.390 --> 00:02:02.423 align:middle line:84% I told them I had no expectations. 00:02:02.423 --> 00:02:04.340 align:middle line:84% Sometimes on the mornings after the arguments, 00:02:04.340 --> 00:02:06.980 align:middle line:84% Marco would run into the man from next door. 00:02:06.980 --> 00:02:08.479 align:middle line:90% You're lucky, the man would say. 00:02:08.479 --> 00:02:11.270 align:middle line:84% You were safe, a wall between you and her. 00:02:11.270 --> 00:02:13.426 align:middle line:90% Pray for me these nights. 00:02:13.426 --> 00:02:16.010 align:middle line:84% He and Marco would laugh together. 00:02:16.010 --> 00:02:18.967 align:middle line:84% What happened to him, I said, guessing ahead. 00:02:18.967 --> 00:02:21.300 align:middle line:84% I just stopped hearing him through the wall, Marco said. 00:02:21.300 --> 00:02:22.980 align:middle line:84% Stopped seeing him in the front yard. 00:02:22.980 --> 00:02:24.950 align:middle line:90% He was gone. 00:02:24.950 --> 00:02:26.377 align:middle line:84% And that was your opening, I said. 00:02:26.377 --> 00:02:26.960 align:middle line:90% Don't tell me. 00:02:26.960 --> 00:02:29.390 align:middle line:90% She's incredibly beautiful. 00:02:29.390 --> 00:02:32.850 align:middle line:84% Yes, Marco said, but that's not the point. 00:02:32.850 --> 00:02:34.880 align:middle line:84% We took our time in the basement of the library, 00:02:34.880 --> 00:02:37.010 align:middle line:84% though we weren't being paid by the hour. 00:02:37.010 --> 00:02:39.650 align:middle line:84% It wasn't that I got a lot of thinking done, exactly. 00:02:39.650 --> 00:02:41.870 align:middle line:84% It was almost a different plane of some sort, 00:02:41.870 --> 00:02:45.020 align:middle line:84% listening to my own breathing, a kind of meditation. 00:02:45.020 --> 00:02:47.420 align:middle line:84% Sometimes I even thought of the people who would follow, 00:02:47.420 --> 00:02:50.990 align:middle line:84% who would be able to read the books because I'd saved them. 00:02:50.990 --> 00:02:53.810 align:middle line:84% Sometimes people came down the stairs, descended by mistake, 00:02:53.810 --> 00:02:56.000 align:middle line:84% and I'd catch glimpses, twice distorted 00:02:56.000 --> 00:02:59.360 align:middle line:84% by my face shield and the clear plastic barriers. 00:02:59.360 --> 00:03:02.030 align:middle line:84% The people seemed to have no feet to move fluidly, 00:03:02.030 --> 00:03:04.040 align:middle line:84% as if they're growing their way smoothly upward 00:03:04.040 --> 00:03:06.200 align:middle line:90% again, beyond my sight. 00:03:06.200 --> 00:03:08.900 align:middle line:84% Sometimes, on my break, I'd climb those stairs. 00:03:08.900 --> 00:03:12.050 align:middle line:84% I'd hold the door slightly open, my ventilator around my neck, 00:03:12.050 --> 00:03:14.510 align:middle line:84% and the cool air on my sweaty face. 00:03:14.510 --> 00:03:17.450 align:middle line:84% I spied into the library and it was quiet up there, 00:03:17.450 --> 00:03:19.820 align:middle line:90% just like it was supposed to be. 00:03:19.820 --> 00:03:22.220 align:middle line:84% A green and yellow parakeet hung on to its perch 00:03:22.220 --> 00:03:23.960 align:middle line:90% inside a bamboo cage. 00:03:23.960 --> 00:03:26.660 align:middle line:84% I heard the sound of pages turning. 00:03:26.660 --> 00:03:28.410 align:middle line:84% If I held the door open a little further, 00:03:28.410 --> 00:03:31.010 align:middle line:84% and I could see the desk where the librarian sat. 00:03:31.010 --> 00:03:35.210 align:middle line:84% She was about my age with dark black skin, gold eyeglasses. 00:03:35.210 --> 00:03:36.980 align:middle line:84% Her hair was braided close to her head 00:03:36.980 --> 00:03:41.240 align:middle line:84% in curving lines, the loose ends like ropes with bare shoulders. 00:03:41.240 --> 00:03:43.430 align:middle line:84% Her fingers were thin, her smile wide, 00:03:43.430 --> 00:03:46.072 align:middle line:84% as she answered someone's question. 00:03:46.072 --> 00:03:47.780 align:middle line:84% Whenever I turned away from her and began 00:03:47.780 --> 00:03:51.050 align:middle line:84% to descend into the basement, it was as if my body grew heavier 00:03:51.050 --> 00:03:52.580 align:middle line:90% with every step. 00:03:52.580 --> 00:03:55.400 align:middle line:84% I wanted her to know there were real people underneath her, 00:03:55.400 --> 00:03:57.650 align:middle line:84% that I was beneath her every day. 00:03:57.650 --> 00:04:01.040 align:middle line:84% I wanted to tell her I'd wiped mold from musical scores 00:04:01.040 --> 00:04:02.750 align:middle line:84% and hummed the melody, that I'd read 00:04:02.750 --> 00:04:06.840 align:middle line:84% a Russian story about grown men swimming in the rain, another 00:04:06.840 --> 00:04:08.630 align:middle line:84% where people could see into the future 00:04:08.630 --> 00:04:11.120 align:middle line:90% and still couldn't change it. 00:04:11.120 --> 00:04:13.610 align:middle line:84% If I could tell that librarian a long story, 00:04:13.610 --> 00:04:15.635 align:middle line:90% it would be this one. 00:04:15.635 --> 00:04:17.510 align:middle line:84% And I would tell her only a little at a time, 00:04:17.510 --> 00:04:19.610 align:middle line:84% the way Marco told me, until she had 00:04:19.610 --> 00:04:21.170 align:middle line:90% to know what would happen next. 00:04:21.170 --> 00:04:22.420 align:middle line:90% Until she couldn't stand it. 00:04:22.420 --> 00:04:25.520 align:middle line:90% 00:04:25.520 --> 00:04:27.380 align:middle line:84% Marco never used the woman's real name, 00:04:27.380 --> 00:04:28.940 align:middle line:90% since he said I was his friend. 00:04:28.940 --> 00:04:30.800 align:middle line:84% And he was afraid I'd try to track her down 00:04:30.800 --> 00:04:34.370 align:middle line:84% once I'd heard it all, that I'd only get myself in trouble. 00:04:34.370 --> 00:04:36.980 align:middle line:84% Louisa, that's the name he chose for her. 00:04:36.980 --> 00:04:39.200 align:middle line:84% Their house shared a porch, so all Louisa had to do 00:04:39.200 --> 00:04:41.880 align:middle line:84% was reach over the railing to ring Marco's doorbell. 00:04:41.880 --> 00:04:43.790 align:middle line:90% She wanted to ask him a favor. 00:04:43.790 --> 00:04:44.990 align:middle line:90% Groceries. 00:04:44.990 --> 00:04:47.060 align:middle line:84% She had the list in her hand, and he took it 00:04:47.060 --> 00:04:48.680 align:middle line:90% when she held it out. 00:04:48.680 --> 00:04:50.450 align:middle line:90% It's my eyes, Louisa said. 00:04:50.450 --> 00:04:52.015 align:middle line:90% I can't see a thing. 00:04:52.015 --> 00:04:53.390 align:middle line:84% She told him that the doctors had 00:04:53.390 --> 00:04:56.960 align:middle line:84% found nothing wrong physically, but that didn't help her. 00:04:56.960 --> 00:04:59.690 align:middle line:84% Marco looked at her eyes and she didn't seem to see him. 00:04:59.690 --> 00:05:02.450 align:middle line:84% Her eyebrows had always been tweezed into a narrow arch. 00:05:02.450 --> 00:05:04.760 align:middle line:84% Now they were returning, thickening. 00:05:04.760 --> 00:05:06.980 align:middle line:84% She stood there barefoot on the concrete porch, 00:05:06.980 --> 00:05:09.710 align:middle line:84% the toenails of her left foot painted red. 00:05:09.710 --> 00:05:11.630 align:middle line:84% All the words on the list in Marco's hand 00:05:11.630 --> 00:05:14.480 align:middle line:84% tilted, and some stretched off the edge of the paper, 00:05:14.480 --> 00:05:15.590 align:middle line:90% cut short. 00:05:15.590 --> 00:05:17.970 align:middle line:84% Others were written right on top of each other. 00:05:17.970 --> 00:05:19.832 align:middle line:90% He struggled to untangle it. 00:05:19.832 --> 00:05:21.290 align:middle line:84% When he returned from the store, he 00:05:21.290 --> 00:05:23.040 align:middle line:84% offered to put the things away for her, 00:05:23.040 --> 00:05:24.710 align:middle line:90% and she said she could do it. 00:05:24.710 --> 00:05:25.760 align:middle line:90% Stay, she told him. 00:05:25.760 --> 00:05:28.310 align:middle line:90% You can talk to me while I do. 00:05:28.310 --> 00:05:30.230 align:middle line:84% She held the door open and then led him, 00:05:30.230 --> 00:05:32.000 align:middle line:84% moving deftly around the furniture, 00:05:32.000 --> 00:05:34.970 align:middle line:84% hitting the light switch exactly and just for him. 00:05:34.970 --> 00:05:37.970 align:middle line:84% Later, he tried this in his own house, his eyes closed. 00:05:37.970 --> 00:05:40.370 align:middle line:84% He bruised his shins and tore his fingernails. 00:05:40.370 --> 00:05:41.960 align:middle line:84% He cursed and stumbled and wondered 00:05:41.960 --> 00:05:45.372 align:middle line:84% if she heard him, if she'd guess what he was doing. 00:05:45.372 --> 00:05:47.330 align:middle line:84% In the kitchen, she reached and found the knobs 00:05:47.330 --> 00:05:48.230 align:middle line:90% on the cupboards. 00:05:48.230 --> 00:05:50.090 align:middle line:84% Inside, they were carefully organized, 00:05:50.090 --> 00:05:52.190 align:middle line:90% all the cans lined up. 00:05:52.190 --> 00:05:54.200 align:middle line:84% I've got it all figured out, she said. 00:05:54.200 --> 00:05:57.200 align:middle line:84% I miss being able to read, but that's about it. 00:05:57.200 --> 00:05:59.990 align:middle line:84% I was halfway through a book when this happened. 00:05:59.990 --> 00:06:02.692 align:middle line:84% Marco asked if it happened all at once. 00:06:02.692 --> 00:06:05.150 align:middle line:84% And she told him she had one day where everything went dim. 00:06:05.150 --> 00:06:06.920 align:middle line:84% That gave her a chance to prepare. 00:06:06.920 --> 00:06:09.620 align:middle line:84% And then the next day, that was it. 00:06:09.620 --> 00:06:13.220 align:middle line:84% Is it just pitch black, he said, or is it nothing at all? 00:06:13.220 --> 00:06:15.740 align:middle line:84% He wasn't sure what he meant by that, exactly. 00:06:15.740 --> 00:06:17.840 align:middle line:84% He couldn't stop watching her hands. 00:06:17.840 --> 00:06:20.240 align:middle line:90% Somewhere in between, she said. 00:06:20.240 --> 00:06:22.700 align:middle line:84% He stayed until all the groceries were put away, 00:06:22.700 --> 00:06:25.790 align:middle line:84% and then said he'd be happy to help her again. 00:06:25.790 --> 00:06:28.250 align:middle line:84% I remember what you look like, Louisa said. 00:06:28.250 --> 00:06:29.360 align:middle line:90% But do you mind? 00:06:29.360 --> 00:06:32.060 align:middle line:84% She reached out, and slowly her soft fingertips 00:06:32.060 --> 00:06:34.070 align:middle line:90% moved down his face. 00:06:34.070 --> 00:06:36.410 align:middle line:84% Yes, I said, when he told me that. 00:06:36.410 --> 00:06:38.780 align:middle line:90% I knew this was going somewhere. 00:06:38.780 --> 00:06:41.047 align:middle line:90% You know nothing, Marco said. 00:06:41.047 --> 00:06:43.130 align:middle line:84% I learned not to say things like that, eventually. 00:06:43.130 --> 00:06:44.780 align:middle line:90% It only made him stop talking. 00:06:44.780 --> 00:06:47.960 align:middle line:84% It was as if I'd sullied the way it had been between them. 00:06:47.960 --> 00:06:50.300 align:middle line:84% If I asked, he'd say to wait, be patient. 00:06:50.300 --> 00:06:52.680 align:middle line:84% He could only tell the little at a time. 00:06:52.680 --> 00:06:55.130 align:middle line:90% Otherwise, it made him too sad. 00:06:55.130 --> 00:06:57.560 align:middle line:84% The conversation at lunch would turn to other things. 00:06:57.560 --> 00:07:00.560 align:middle line:84% We'd walk to the park, stripping off our latex gloves, 00:07:00.560 --> 00:07:02.810 align:middle line:84% the sweat between our fingers going cool, 00:07:02.810 --> 00:07:04.880 align:middle line:84% the zippers of our suits pulled down 00:07:04.880 --> 00:07:07.880 align:middle line:84% and their white arms dragging behind us. 00:07:07.880 --> 00:07:10.790 align:middle line:84% The weather turned hot and dark, overcast. 00:07:10.790 --> 00:07:13.340 align:middle line:84% Trains came and went, slowly sat on the tracks 00:07:13.340 --> 00:07:15.140 align:middle line:90% behind the playground. 00:07:15.140 --> 00:07:17.660 align:middle line:84% We watched the dogs betting on which owners would pick up 00:07:17.660 --> 00:07:21.123 align:middle line:84% after theirs and which would pretend oblivion. 00:07:21.123 --> 00:07:22.790 align:middle line:84% Down there, they had dogs of all shapes, 00:07:22.790 --> 00:07:25.610 align:middle line:84% with their tails lopped off, their ears pinned up. 00:07:25.610 --> 00:07:29.113 align:middle line:84% Marco knew the names of all the breeds and what they were for. 00:07:29.113 --> 00:07:30.530 align:middle line:84% He'd have his arm across the back, 00:07:30.530 --> 00:07:33.440 align:middle line:84% with the bandaged fingers drumming next to my shoulder. 00:07:33.440 --> 00:07:35.090 align:middle line:90% I didn't mind. 00:07:35.090 --> 00:07:37.850 align:middle line:84% Once, we saw a guy crash his bicycle into a parked car 00:07:37.850 --> 00:07:39.770 align:middle line:84% as he tried to look behind him to check 00:07:39.770 --> 00:07:42.170 align:middle line:90% the ass on a girl he'd passed. 00:07:42.170 --> 00:07:43.940 align:middle line:84% Marco had a good laugh out of that. 00:07:43.940 --> 00:07:46.670 align:middle line:84% A little shift like that would bring him around again. 00:07:46.670 --> 00:07:48.290 align:middle line:84% All right, he'd say, turning to me. 00:07:48.290 --> 00:07:50.660 align:middle line:90% Where did I leave off? 00:07:50.660 --> 00:07:52.630 align:middle line:84% The next time Louisa rang his doorbell, 00:07:52.630 --> 00:07:54.380 align:middle line:84% she was holding a book in her hand. 00:07:54.380 --> 00:07:55.797 align:middle line:90% She asked him what he was doing. 00:07:55.797 --> 00:07:57.380 align:middle line:84% When he said, nothing, she asked if he 00:07:57.380 --> 00:07:59.500 align:middle line:90% wouldn't mind reading to her." 00:07:59.500 --> 00:08:00.000 align:middle line:90%