WEBVTT

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How many of you have
watched Yan Can Cook?

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You know that [INAUDIBLE].

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He's Martin Yan.

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He has a cooking show on
PBS, and in this show--

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can I raise the volume
on this a little bit?

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Yeah.

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And in the show, he speaks--

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I'm sorry.

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We should have this part.

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In the show he speaks
with a Chinese accent,

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but I met somebody
who's met Martin Yan

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and said Martin Yan doesn't
speak with a Chinese accent

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in real life.

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So the question is why is does
he speak with a Chinese accent?

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I don't know if
this is true or not,

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but we came up with
this piece which

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explains why Martin Yan
speaks with a Chinese accent.

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It's show on PBS done by
his brother, Martin Chan,

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and explains why his brother
talks the way he does.

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You have to remember that
like my friend, Kelvin,

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he's a wonderful actor.

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He's like an Asian-American
Larry Fishburne.

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He can do like
Shakespeare, but he's also

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got a street sense of danger.

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But on his biography,
he lists "Kelvin"

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as one of Don Johnson's
favorite villains.

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Those are the roles that he
gets as an Asian-American actor.

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So this is part of it.

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So there's two characters that
I keep weaving back and forth

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in this little piece.

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One is actually a
poem from my book,

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and one is this
performance piece.

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The second character is young
Chinese Vietnamese-American

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who comes to this country
and has to learn English

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and then has to
deal with the fact

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that once he learns
English, he has

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to take his parents
around and lead them

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to the society about
how scary it is.

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So these two characters.

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[SPEAKING CHINESE] Welcome!

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I am Martin Chan, and I
would like to welcome you

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to "Chan Can't Talk".

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This is a show where I teach you
how to make the Chinese accent

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work for you because if Chan
can't talk, neither can you.

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Today, I'm going to teach you
how to become a stereotype.

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Wow.

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I'm going to show
you how to speak

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English with a Chinese accent.

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Listen to this English with that
spicy all you can eat flavor

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because I'm talking
to you for a half hour

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in this thick
Chinese accent, you

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don't understand
a darn word I say.

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Oh, but if you're a
Asian-American actor

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you must do accents.

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You have to have that flavor.

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OK.

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Now listen up fast.

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The rain in Spain stays
mainly in the plain.

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Yeah, man, let me my
motivation [INAUDIBLE]..

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The rain in Spain stays
mainly in the plain.

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No, no, no, no, no.

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The rain in Spain stays
mainly in the plain.

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The rain in Spain stays
mainly in the plain.

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By golly, I think he's got it.

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See it's so simple.

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Just let me teach you.

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Chan can, can talk.

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I am not sitting in the
circle with a teacher.

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I am to read out loud.

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Oh, I hope these words ball,
the, I, throat, boy, girl, they

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lodge in my throat dry as
cotton balls, a cough that

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won't leave.

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My teacher wears a look
of concern or impatience,

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it doesn't matter.

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My classmates giggle
or shift in boredom.

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It doesn't matter.

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Words lie like
ammunition on the page.

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I would not fire them.

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The minutes pass.

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The day is long.

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Finally, my teacher asks
the next student to read on.

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We were Chinese from Sa
Đéc just outside Saigon.

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We escaped on a boat
so heavy with people

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we had to throw our
luggage overboard.

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That night, that first
winter in America,

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I lay in the cupola of my sheets
and rub my hands together,

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half in prayer, half like
two sticks praying for fire.

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Like those who took us
in as sponsors on Sunday,

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I was asking for the
Holy Spirit to enter me,

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to speak in tongues of flame.

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Martin Yan is my brother.

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Yan can cook, but
he can't talk too

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or he could lose that flavor.

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But then who would
watch the darn show?

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I know what you were thinking.

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Martin Yan, he don't talk right.

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He is a stereotype,
ancient Chinese secret.

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Housewives home in Peoria
think his accent is cute,

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non-threatening like
a little Pekinese.

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Woof.

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Woof.

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No bite.

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No bite.

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I knew I spoke with this accent.

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It was visible as a hump or
the limp my sister walked with,

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the metal braces that
reverberated with the steps.

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And the noise that
empty from my mouth

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contained the color I
could not eradicate,

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a grating sing-song
like horsehair

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of the violin, the
Chinese violin.

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And even as I opened my mouth.

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I could see in the eyes
of the listener spreading

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in every direction
across their face,

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the judgment as inevitable as
an evening comes the descending

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night.

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And they call me noise.

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Ugly noise.

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Ching chong Chinamen noise.

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Cavity written and
sounding the brown gums,

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yellow teeth contorted lips
struggling like some ape speak.

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And unlike the
splinter, my father

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drew with delicacy
from my palm removing

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the pain I've lived
with down the streets

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of the city the graffiti
and traffic all the day.

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There was nothing my father
could do, nor my mother.

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The words sat on my
tongue like the questions

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that sat inside my ear.

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What did you say?

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What did he say?

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Yeah.

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Even then I was moving away.

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Coming to the time when I
would stand before my teacher

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and translate to my
parents both the praise,

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which I embellished.

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The checks, which I
altered, vice on the asphalt

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schoolyard and a
rumbling in my stomach

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that spoke incessantly of fear.

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Deep in the magical jungle in
some country we traveled to,

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my parents were
wandering, and I had

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to lead them in the grocer's,
before the lawyer, my teacher,

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to mean, sweet land of
comprehension rising

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like an island from
the chaos of oceans

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back in the beginning when God
made the word and the world.

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You children, you take
your foreign parents

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into these unfamiliar streets.

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No, there's friendliness here,
and even though you speak

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for them, you cannot
speak your fear.

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You get the minutes pass.

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The day is long, and
it almost vanished

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like the words I spoke as
a child once upon a time

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long ago.

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Boy.

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Ball.

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Throw.

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Me.

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