WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.030 align:middle line:84% A few years ago, I did this performance piece 00:00:03.030 --> 00:00:07.620 align:middle line:84% with my friend, the actor Kelvin Han Yee 00:00:07.620 --> 00:00:12.750 align:middle line:84% and the jazz pianist John Jay, and we 00:00:12.750 --> 00:00:18.420 align:middle line:84% did this piece which I call "The Paranoid Asian-American Guy", 00:00:18.420 --> 00:00:20.430 align:middle line:84% which comes from a story that a friend of mine 00:00:20.430 --> 00:00:22.440 align:middle line:90% told me from San Francisco. 00:00:22.440 --> 00:00:25.740 align:middle line:84% And it's about sitting in coffee shops in San Francisco, 00:00:25.740 --> 00:00:29.790 align:middle line:84% and this is more a performance piece than a poem. 00:00:29.790 --> 00:00:32.700 align:middle line:84% And this phenomenon starts happening to him, 00:00:32.700 --> 00:00:35.060 align:middle line:84% and he's getting all riled about it. 00:00:35.060 --> 00:00:36.120 align:middle line:90% So that's what it is. 00:00:36.120 --> 00:00:38.710 align:middle line:90% 00:00:38.710 --> 00:00:42.010 align:middle line:84% This started happening a few years ago. 00:00:42.010 --> 00:00:45.340 align:middle line:84% I'm sitting in this coffee shop off of Market, 00:00:45.340 --> 00:00:48.280 align:middle line:84% and this Asian chick walks in with one 00:00:48.280 --> 00:00:51.640 align:middle line:84% of those pasty, scraggly, long haired hippy wannabe 00:00:51.640 --> 00:00:53.830 align:middle line:90% white boys. 00:00:53.830 --> 00:00:57.640 align:middle line:84% And she and this guy sit down right next to me. 00:00:57.640 --> 00:00:58.810 align:middle line:90% And I think, "Well, OK. 00:00:58.810 --> 00:01:00.700 align:middle line:90% That's cool." 00:01:00.700 --> 00:01:02.440 align:middle line:84% Although the place is near empty, 00:01:02.440 --> 00:01:06.408 align:middle line:84% and there's a couple of tables in the other side of the room. 00:01:06.408 --> 00:01:08.450 align:middle line:84% And she doesn't look at me or anything like that. 00:01:08.450 --> 00:01:12.940 align:middle line:84% In fact, she sits with her back to me. 00:01:12.940 --> 00:01:16.660 align:middle line:84% But then, a week or so later an Asian chick walks 00:01:16.660 --> 00:01:18.320 align:middle line:84% in-- a different chick, of course-- 00:01:18.320 --> 00:01:19.990 align:middle line:84% and she's with this white guy who's 00:01:19.990 --> 00:01:23.560 align:middle line:84% got a shaved head, nose ring, Doc Martens, t-shirt, 00:01:23.560 --> 00:01:26.855 align:middle line:84% black pants, the whole artsy fartsy fit, you know. 00:01:26.855 --> 00:01:28.480 align:middle line:84% And the place is a bit crowded, so when 00:01:28.480 --> 00:01:32.780 align:middle line:84% they sit down right next to me I say to myself, 00:01:32.780 --> 00:01:35.200 align:middle line:90% "Well, it's just crowded, man. 00:01:35.200 --> 00:01:36.985 align:middle line:84% Don't get all paranoid and weird." 00:01:36.985 --> 00:01:40.080 align:middle line:90% 00:01:40.080 --> 00:01:44.970 align:middle line:84% But then a week or so later I'm in another coffee shop 00:01:44.970 --> 00:01:48.498 align:middle line:84% up in North Beach and the same thing happens. 00:01:48.498 --> 00:01:50.040 align:middle line:84% And then I'm in the Mission District, 00:01:50.040 --> 00:01:51.270 align:middle line:90% and it keeps on happening. 00:01:51.270 --> 00:01:54.240 align:middle line:84% An Asian chick walks into the place with a white guy, 00:01:54.240 --> 00:01:57.443 align:middle line:84% and they sit down right next to me. 00:01:57.443 --> 00:01:59.235 align:middle line:84% You know, and I think I can hear her saying 00:01:59.235 --> 00:02:02.235 align:middle line:90% in their own silent way "Hey. 00:02:02.235 --> 00:02:03.990 align:middle line:90% Look what I can get. 00:02:03.990 --> 00:02:06.120 align:middle line:90% I ain't looking your way." 00:02:06.120 --> 00:02:09.030 align:middle line:84% You know, but maybe I'm being paranoid. 00:02:09.030 --> 00:02:11.580 align:middle line:84% So I tell this to my friend Louis, 00:02:11.580 --> 00:02:17.230 align:middle line:84% the Chicago artist I know, and he starts noticing it too. 00:02:17.230 --> 00:02:19.260 align:middle line:90% Well, it is weird, man. 00:02:19.260 --> 00:02:21.780 align:middle line:84% You don't think I'm being paranoid? 00:02:21.780 --> 00:02:23.220 align:middle line:90% No, man, but it's so weird. 00:02:23.220 --> 00:02:25.620 align:middle line:84% It's like why are they doing this shit? 00:02:25.620 --> 00:02:28.020 align:middle line:84% I don't see Chicago women doing this. 00:02:28.020 --> 00:02:31.970 align:middle line:90% No way, man, so what's up? 00:02:31.970 --> 00:02:33.630 align:middle line:90% Beats me. 00:02:33.630 --> 00:02:34.560 align:middle line:90% Oh, you Asians. 00:02:34.560 --> 00:02:37.170 align:middle line:90% You're all fucked up. 00:02:37.170 --> 00:02:39.060 align:middle line:84% So you know, I'm getting all pissed, 00:02:39.060 --> 00:02:46.560 align:middle line:84% but really I have no right to because my girlfriend is white. 00:02:46.560 --> 00:02:48.990 align:middle line:84% And I know that this hardly happens anymore, 00:02:48.990 --> 00:02:51.060 align:middle line:84% but when I said some Asian woman's getting 00:02:51.060 --> 00:02:53.310 align:middle line:84% interested in me there's this feeling that I get 00:02:53.310 --> 00:02:56.280 align:middle line:84% but I say to her, well, it's not going to happen. 00:02:56.280 --> 00:03:00.210 align:middle line:84% I've got a girlfriend and she's white. 00:03:00.210 --> 00:03:02.850 align:middle line:84% And I can't really say there's not something there 00:03:02.850 --> 00:03:04.393 align:middle line:90% about getting back at her. 00:03:04.393 --> 00:03:06.810 align:middle line:84% I mean, when some of the sisters say, well, why aren't you 00:03:06.810 --> 00:03:08.010 align:middle line:90% with an Asian woman? 00:03:08.010 --> 00:03:11.490 align:middle line:84% I feel like, well, I called on you, Hun, but you weren't home. 00:03:11.490 --> 00:03:13.890 align:middle line:84% I left a message on your fucking answering machine, 00:03:13.890 --> 00:03:16.050 align:middle line:84% and you're out with different Jim or Johnny. 00:03:16.050 --> 00:03:20.107 align:middle line:90% And I just got tired of calling. 00:03:20.107 --> 00:03:21.690 align:middle line:84% They all did that Pocahontas syndrome. 00:03:21.690 --> 00:03:24.860 align:middle line:90% 00:03:24.860 --> 00:03:26.060 align:middle line:90% Well, what can you do, man? 00:03:26.060 --> 00:03:28.000 align:middle line:84% We're all just fucked up about this, 00:03:28.000 --> 00:03:31.340 align:middle line:84% I mean, I even thought about not going to coffee shops anymore, 00:03:31.340 --> 00:03:34.240 align:middle line:90% but that seems stupid. 00:03:34.240 --> 00:03:37.450 align:middle line:84% So now would I see an Asian chick walking to the place 00:03:37.450 --> 00:03:40.330 align:middle line:84% with a white guy, I just start yelling, "Hey, 00:03:40.330 --> 00:03:41.710 align:middle line:90% over here Pocahontas. 00:03:41.710 --> 00:03:44.710 align:middle line:90% There's a seat right here." 00:03:44.710 --> 00:03:47.570 align:middle line:84% They just look at me like I'm weird. 00:03:47.570 --> 00:03:50.300 align:middle line:90% Go sit somewhere else. 00:03:50.300 --> 00:03:53.260 align:middle line:90% And I think, they're right, man. 00:03:53.260 --> 00:03:56.610 align:middle line:90% You are getting weird. 00:03:56.610 --> 00:04:05.000 align:middle line:90%