WEBVTT

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I just wanted to ask, what
would happen in the front row

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if there was a white
guy an Asian woman

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sitting like right there?

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[LAUGHTER]

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That's OK.

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I mean, obviously I'm married
to somebody who's white,

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my kids are mixed.

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It's not about that you don't
have the race relations,

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it's just thinking about
the different forces

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that form that.

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I mean, they did they did a
study a few years ago when

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they looked at interracial
dating and Asians at Berkeley

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and they found that the
women were out dating

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at a rate of three to one.

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So it's like what's going on?

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What was interesting
was then they

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interviewed couples, which--

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which are all white
[? men ?] and Asian women?

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And they would go
like, well, when

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I saw [? Hwa ?] I didn't see
color, I just saw a person,

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and [? Hwa ?] saying when I
saw Bill I didn't see color,

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I just saw a person.

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Well, if that was
just simply the case,

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why is it that they're out
dating a rate of 3 to 1?

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And why are they
dating black men

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or Native American [INAUDIBLE]?

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I mean, the thing is that--

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I mean, Black men understand the
position of Asian-American men.

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I mean, the
background for that--

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the poem Colors of Desire.

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One of the things is my friend
Marc Hayashi, the actor,

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once said to me, every
culture needs its eunuchs,

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and we're it, Asian-American
men are the eunuchs of America.

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And I said that to my
friend, Alexs Pate,

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who is a Black writer
and he said, yeah,

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the Black men have the
[? sexual ?] [? penis ?]..

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So those things are really--

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we don't talk
about these things,

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we don't like to talk
about race and we certainly

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don't know to talk
about race in the past.

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And people can actually have
relationships like that.

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I know people who have
interracial relationships,

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but they never talk about race.

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It's possible but-- but it's
a very different relationship,

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if you just throw
race on the table

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and say we're going to talk
about this all the time.

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And I would say that in
the second relationship

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things can be more difficult,
but there's more intimacy.

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So it's not simply the
people just falling in love,

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there's all these
different things

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and it's very complicated.

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I was very clear for instance
why I was attracted to my wife.

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I mean, I knew when
I was growing up.

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I mean, Don mentioned
that-- and mentioned

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that I grew up in
a white suburb,

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so I grew up thinking
I wanted to be white.

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And when I was in high school
a white friend would say to me,

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you know, I think of you David
just like a white person.

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And I would go great,
that's what I want to be.

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And it took me years to realize,
oh, I'm not a white person.

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What does that mean?

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And but at the time
when I was growing up,

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I felt like people expected me
to date other Asian-American

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women.

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So why should I do that?

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Just like people expect
me to speak with an accent

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or expected me to
know about Japan.

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And so I was still reacting
against the stereotype.

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And it was actually only
when I read Frantz--

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I talked about
this afternoon when

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I read Frantz Fanon,
Black Skin, White Masks,

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about the psychology of racism.

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And Fanon talks about
how the Black schoolchild

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in the French West
Indies grows up

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reading texts about the French.

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And he says, what does that
Black school child learn?

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And he says the Black school
child learns self-hatred,

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self-determination,
and identification

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with their colonial oppressor.

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And I read that and went
wow, that's what I mean.

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And then Fanon also says
the Black man constantly

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sleeps with a white
woman as the solution

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to his feelings of inferiority.

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Will be erased by
sleeping with white women?

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And I look at that well,
that's what I mean.

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I didn't mean that I
sat there and said,

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OK to my wife get
out of the house.

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I mean, it's was just OK because
your relationship is based

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on many, many different things.

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It's not the sole thing and
when we share a sense of humor,

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we share a sense of
taste, and politics,

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and all quirky little things
like, we don't have pets.

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But that's part of the
issue and then my wife

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had to figure out--
it took her years

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to figure out why she
ended up with an Asian man.

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And it had a lot to do with
her growing up in the South.

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And being very aware
of being grounded

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as a northerner in the South and
so she was always an outsider.

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And so she identified
with outsiders in a way

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that I don't think if
she'd grown up in the South

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as a white Southerner.

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I mean her greatest fear growing
up was that one of her friends

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belonged-- would belong
to the Ku Klux Klan.

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So she would-- when she
went out to people's houses,

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she would look in
their closets to see

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if they had sheets and stuff.

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[LAUGHTER]

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And she-- her high school was--

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she was in high
school at the time

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when they started to integrate
schools in the South.

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And her first crush was
actually on a Black boy,

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but it was too
taboo and she said--

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and she also grew
up with, her father

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was head of the Center
for Disease Control.

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So she had people from
all over the world coming

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through their house.

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The people, you know, doctors
from Africa, from India,

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from South America, from Asia.

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And she says I think
I grew up feeling

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like if I was with a white guy
he would be a little boring.

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But if I was with a Black guy,
it would have been too taboo

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and would have brought up
all this legacy of slavery

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in the South.

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So you were like in between.

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[LAUGHTER]

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said it's very multicultural
where you live.

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Yeah.

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How do your kids handle
growing up as biracial?

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Are there a lot of
biracial parents?

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There are a lot of biracial.

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I think my kids tend to think
of themselves more as Asian.

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And my wife says to people,
why we do this, she says,

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because the whole culture is--

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my wife is 3/4 WASP,
1/4 Hungarian Jew.

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And she says the whole
culture is a WASP culture.

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We have to educate them on what
it means to be Asian-American.

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And they look in different--

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my daughter looks
the most Asian.

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And then my youngest
looks the least Asian.

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But they also identify with
Asian as opposed to white.

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And their friends are in the
poem, just all different races

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and stuff.

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One thing I noticed
is that sports

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allows boys to integrate
racially easier than girls,

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because you get on
the field and you

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can play sports [INAUDIBLE].

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And the girls don't have--

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if they're in sports, then
they have those activities.

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But if they're not
in sports, then they

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don't have those activities
to integrate in that way.

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But it's complicated.

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And we're always
talking about it.

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My boy is much more
[INAUDIBLE] than my daughter.

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Yeah, I'm just wondering,
as a contemporary writer,

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do you ever find yourself
censoring your writing now

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that you have children
or on some of your topics

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on sexuality?

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I'm wondering, what
dialogue do you have?

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I'll tell you a little story.

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I did this show with
my friend Alexs Pate.

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I was watching an
old video of it.

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And I did this
monologue of my father.

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And my daughter came in.

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And so I was watching
this old tape.

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And I did this monologue
about my father

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and the effect of
the internment camps.

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I did one about my mother,
arguing with my mother

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about the Rodney King decision.

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And then I started
talking on stage

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about-- it was a
piece about sexuality.

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And my daughter just
got up in bed and said,

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I got to do
something downstairs.

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[LAUGHTER]

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So I get downstairs.

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And she looks at
me, she says, I can

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understand why grandpa
and grandma don't

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like your writing.

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[LAUGHTER]

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And I said, you know,
people do that all the time,

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not just writers.

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Comics use their
parents all the time.

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She said, I could never do that.

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I could never talk
about these things.

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And she once told my wife
that her greatest nightmare

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is that one of her friends
would call her up and say,

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I'm reading your
father's book in class.

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[LAUGHTER]

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And she made me, at one point,
promise not to write about her.

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And I said, well, let's
visit this every six months.

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[LAUGHTER]

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But the thing about
it is, I ended up

00:08:34.490 --> 00:08:37.400 align:middle line:84%
writing a poem about the
argument that we had in the car

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about not writing
about her about a week

00:08:39.230 --> 00:08:40.640 align:middle line:90%
after I promised not to write.

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[LAUGHTER]

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I don't know what
she's going to do.

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There's this whole section
in the book which is about--

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really centered on
her and her coming

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aware of sexuality and reactions
to all these different things,

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like the Abercrombie
and Fitch fiasco

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that happened with those
t-shirts and stuff.

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I don't know.

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The thing is that-- what is
Philip Roth, John Updike's

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saying, writers have no shame.

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And Roth says, it's not
that we don't have shame,

00:09:14.420 --> 00:09:15.740 align:middle line:90%
but it just doesn't stop us.

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[LAUGHTER]

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And then Czesław Miłosz
has a saying where he says,

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when there's a writer
born in the family,

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that's the end of the family.

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[LAUGHTER]

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I don't know.

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It's just--

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Do your kids read your work?

00:09:29.970 --> 00:09:33.290 align:middle line:84%
Well, my daughter started to
read it when she first felt--

00:09:33.290 --> 00:09:34.340 align:middle line:90%
started reading.

00:09:34.340 --> 00:09:36.770 align:middle line:84%
But then she realized
there was sexuality in it.

00:09:36.770 --> 00:09:39.710 align:middle line:84%
And she went-- she just
closed the book [INAUDIBLE]..

00:09:39.710 --> 00:09:41.590 align:middle line:84%
Whereas, my boy is just
like, this is cool.

00:09:41.590 --> 00:09:43.340 align:middle line:84%
They gave their answers
that they like it.

00:09:43.340 --> 00:09:45.048 align:middle line:84%
And they like it that
I write about them,

00:09:45.048 --> 00:09:47.810 align:middle line:84%
because my daughter hates
it when I write about her.

00:09:47.810 --> 00:09:50.660 align:middle line:84%
So she's [INAUDIBLE]
and ironically, she's

00:09:50.660 --> 00:09:55.160 align:middle line:84%
the best writer
in the family, so.

00:09:55.160 --> 00:09:58.220 align:middle line:90%
But that's just what it is.

00:09:58.220 --> 00:10:01.820 align:middle line:90%
It's like, that's what dad does.

00:10:01.820 --> 00:10:05.240 align:middle line:84%
It's like, if dad or mom's a
cop, this is what life is like.

00:10:05.240 --> 00:10:07.010 align:middle line:90%
This is what it's like to be.

00:10:07.010 --> 00:10:10.677 align:middle line:84%
And they'll just have to
figure it out from there.

00:10:10.677 --> 00:10:13.260 align:middle line:84%
Yeah, of course, you're always
thinking about stuff like that.

00:10:13.260 --> 00:10:16.380 align:middle line:84%
But in the end, as
a writer, you just

00:10:16.380 --> 00:10:18.770 align:middle line:84%
have to write what
you have to write.

00:10:18.770 --> 00:10:24.200 align:middle line:84%
And the way that other people
react, that's part of the job.

00:10:24.200 --> 00:10:27.080 align:middle line:84%
And either people
accept it or don't.

00:10:27.080 --> 00:10:32.180 align:middle line:84%
But it's like if you marry
somebody who's a policeman,

00:10:32.180 --> 00:10:34.940 align:middle line:84%
you accept that they're going
to be in danger all the time.

00:10:34.940 --> 00:10:37.858 align:middle line:84%
If you marry somebody
who's a funeral director,

00:10:37.858 --> 00:10:40.150 align:middle line:84%
you accept that there's going
to be dead bodies around.

00:10:40.150 --> 00:10:40.700 align:middle line:90%
[LAUGHTER]

00:10:40.700 --> 00:10:43.038 align:middle line:90%
Otherwise, don't marry them.

00:10:43.038 --> 00:10:45.080 align:middle line:84%
If you're going to marry
somebody who's a writer,

00:10:45.080 --> 00:10:46.820 align:middle line:84%
you just know that
anything you say

00:10:46.820 --> 00:10:50.810 align:middle line:84%
may end up actually in
something that they write.

00:10:50.810 --> 00:10:57.430 align:middle line:90%


00:10:57.430 --> 00:10:58.660 align:middle line:90%
One more question, yeah.

00:10:58.660 --> 00:11:00.190 align:middle line:90%
This is going to go off topic.

00:11:00.190 --> 00:11:03.360 align:middle line:84%
But being from Chicago
as well, are you

00:11:03.360 --> 00:11:04.946 align:middle line:90%
a Cubs fan or a White Sox fan?

00:11:04.946 --> 00:11:06.850 align:middle line:90%
[LAUGHTER]

00:11:06.850 --> 00:11:08.320 align:middle line:90%
I was both.

00:11:08.320 --> 00:11:09.880 align:middle line:84%
Although, I was more
a White Sox fan,

00:11:09.880 --> 00:11:12.830 align:middle line:84%
because I grew up when the
White Sox were really--

00:11:12.830 --> 00:11:16.210 align:middle line:84%
they actually got
to the World Series.

00:11:16.210 --> 00:11:18.070 align:middle line:90%
But I was--

00:11:18.070 --> 00:11:20.200 align:middle line:90%
I will go agree with you.

00:11:20.200 --> 00:11:23.020 align:middle line:90%
It was a different era that I--

00:11:23.020 --> 00:11:26.080 align:middle line:84%
second grade, I would just go
by myself to Wrigley Field.

00:11:26.080 --> 00:11:28.960 align:middle line:84%
I can't imagine saying to my
kids, just go to the ballpark

00:11:28.960 --> 00:11:31.900 align:middle line:90%
by yourselves.

00:11:31.900 --> 00:11:33.010 align:middle line:90%
Well, thank you very much.

00:11:33.010 --> 00:11:36.360 align:middle line:90%
[APPLAUSE]

00:11:36.360 --> 00:11:38.000 align:middle line:90%