WEBVTT

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This poem deals with
fertility as well.

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And I guess this is one of the
reasons I wanted to read it

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right after that poem.

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And I wrote it to a
poet friend of mine,

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and I was a little worried
that he wasn't going

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to speak to me afterwards.

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But he's a poet,
and I sent it to him

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because someone guessed
who it was about.

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So I thought, oh, shoot!

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I really better send it to him.

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And he was so generous and
kind with his response,

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and it opened up a
nice conversation.

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But you'll see maybe
what I mean a little.

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"Mastering."

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I'm in Texas at a bar with
a friend who doesn't drink

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anymore, and I've missed him.

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We order food and share and talk
about aging bodies and Mexico

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and how the mind goes mad.

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We talk about a friend
who's going blind,

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the pressure on
his brain, how much

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we admire his fierce
allegiance to this world,

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his unflagging wail
into the abyss.

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I like being at this bar with
a man I admire but don't love,

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don't need to fleece
for affection.

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It makes me feel
all grown up, like I

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should get a good-job chip too.

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We talk about marriage and
the tender skin of the other.

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I lay out the plans for
my upcoming wedding--

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a mountain named after the moon,
blooms in my hair, my beloved.

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We've known each other
for almost 15 years,

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my friend with eyes the
color of a clear cenote.

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I trust him.

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He leans in, tells
me the real miracle,

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more than marriage,
the thing that

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will make you believe there
might be a God after all,

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is the making of a child.

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He stares at me, but
I'm not there anymore.

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I don't say we've tried a long
time, been sad, been happy,

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and that perhaps the only thing
I can make is love and art.

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I want to tell him
that's enough, isn't it?

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Isn't love that doesn't result
in a seed, a needy body,

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another suckling
animal, still love?

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Isn't that supernatural?

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Screw your God.

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He's showing me a
photo now of his child,

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and I'm unfolding and
folding the napkin.

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He's pointing out how
amazing his child is.

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I order a drink because I can,
and maybe because he can't.

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He retreats in his seat.

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I take a long sip and
really look into his eyes.

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I want him to
notice what he said,

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how a woman might
feel agony, emptiness,

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how he's lucky it's
me he said it too

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because I won't vaporize him.

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I sip again.

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I want him to see
how much pleasure I

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can handle, my tongue a tuning
fork, how mute and mirror I

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can be, even with all
these ordinary wonders

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he can't see swirling
all around us.

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He forgave me.

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[LAUGHTER]