WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.930 align:middle line:90% 00:00:00.930 --> 00:00:04.260 align:middle line:84% I want to end by reading the final section 00:00:04.260 --> 00:00:09.670 align:middle line:84% from their story called "After This Life, with a Lesson." 00:00:09.670 --> 00:00:13.500 align:middle line:84% They had, at one time, reached a size of 87 in their party. 00:00:13.500 --> 00:00:15.690 align:middle line:90% 43 survived. 00:00:15.690 --> 00:00:17.670 align:middle line:90% 44 died. 00:00:17.670 --> 00:00:19.500 align:middle line:84% Some were brought out by relief parties. 00:00:19.500 --> 00:00:24.000 align:middle line:84% Others died of starvation or exposure in the snow. 00:00:24.000 --> 00:00:25.770 align:middle line:84% The rule of the relief parties was 00:00:25.770 --> 00:00:28.380 align:middle line:84% that anyone small enough to be carried 00:00:28.380 --> 00:00:33.240 align:middle line:84% or strong enough to walk on his own could come out. 00:00:33.240 --> 00:00:38.370 align:middle line:84% Donner, delirious with gangrene infecting his body, 00:00:38.370 --> 00:00:41.970 align:middle line:84% was too weak to walk and too large to carry, 00:00:41.970 --> 00:00:44.370 align:middle line:84% though he was still alive when the third relief party was 00:00:44.370 --> 00:00:46.470 align:middle line:90% leaving, the last relief party. 00:00:46.470 --> 00:00:49.230 align:middle line:84% Tamsen was strong enough to leave. 00:00:49.230 --> 00:00:51.330 align:middle line:84% She was in remarkably good health-- 00:00:51.330 --> 00:00:52.420 align:middle line:90% his wife. 00:00:52.420 --> 00:00:58.650 align:middle line:84% Their children, by means of the cannibalism they had endured, 00:00:58.650 --> 00:01:00.360 align:middle line:90% were alive. 00:01:00.360 --> 00:01:04.050 align:middle line:84% And they had to decide whether she should take them with her 00:01:04.050 --> 00:01:06.900 align:middle line:84% and abandon her husband or whether she should 00:01:06.900 --> 00:01:09.120 align:middle line:84% stay with him and give her children 00:01:09.120 --> 00:01:12.870 align:middle line:84% to the care of her sister-in-law, who 00:01:12.870 --> 00:01:16.680 align:middle line:84% was a member of the party and was going out 00:01:16.680 --> 00:01:17.820 align:middle line:90% with the relief party. 00:01:17.820 --> 00:01:20.640 align:middle line:84% There are two men mentioned here named Cady and Stone. 00:01:20.640 --> 00:01:22.980 align:middle line:84% They are the names of two people in the relief party 00:01:22.980 --> 00:01:25.710 align:middle line:84% who are there to take the children. 00:01:25.710 --> 00:01:27.240 align:middle line:90% They argue what is to be done. 00:01:27.240 --> 00:01:32.280 align:middle line:84% And Donner says, I told Tamsen you must go when the girls do 00:01:32.280 --> 00:01:35.130 align:middle line:84% and have no fear for my peace of mind. 00:01:35.130 --> 00:01:37.410 align:middle line:84% You can see how it's going to be. 00:01:37.410 --> 00:01:39.420 align:middle line:84% If you stay here, we'll both freeze 00:01:39.420 --> 00:01:40.950 align:middle line:90% or else starve in a few days. 00:01:40.950 --> 00:01:42.540 align:middle line:84% And what kind of devotion does that 00:01:42.540 --> 00:01:47.460 align:middle line:84% show to lose your life because you're my wife? 00:01:47.460 --> 00:01:51.840 align:middle line:84% We both know a man marries a woman to bring to bed 00:01:51.840 --> 00:01:54.630 align:middle line:84% and to be happy in the house of his heart, 00:01:54.630 --> 00:01:58.560 align:middle line:84% where they live like an unquiet candle that will rise and fall 00:01:58.560 --> 00:02:01.680 align:middle line:84% whichever way the wind draws the licking flame. 00:02:01.680 --> 00:02:04.710 align:middle line:84% So it must consume itself night after night 00:02:04.710 --> 00:02:08.850 align:middle line:84% until it dies, and darkness fills the room. 00:02:08.850 --> 00:02:10.680 align:middle line:84% Though there are no laws to tell us 00:02:10.680 --> 00:02:15.150 align:middle line:84% in what manner a mule marries or our horses or sheep, 00:02:15.150 --> 00:02:17.790 align:middle line:84% are we so different from the dumb animals 00:02:17.790 --> 00:02:23.130 align:middle line:84% that we must lie down side by side to die in the same place? 00:02:23.130 --> 00:02:27.000 align:middle line:84% Is life so cheap in the face of a fierce necessity. 00:02:27.000 --> 00:02:30.690 align:middle line:84% If it means no more to you or me than this loyalty, 00:02:30.690 --> 00:02:33.000 align:middle line:90% what good is marriage? 00:02:33.000 --> 00:02:35.130 align:middle line:84% It's a blessing and a true bargain, 00:02:35.130 --> 00:02:38.940 align:middle line:84% but it's absurd to keep me company so we can die together 00:02:38.940 --> 00:02:41.910 align:middle line:90% in our sleep. 00:02:41.910 --> 00:02:44.130 align:middle line:84% I have worse worries that need my attention, 00:02:44.130 --> 00:02:46.140 align:middle line:84% she said, and sent the men to the wagon 00:02:46.140 --> 00:02:48.540 align:middle line:84% to collect the wool clothes still in storage 00:02:48.540 --> 00:02:51.060 align:middle line:90% among the remaining supplies. 00:02:51.060 --> 00:02:52.690 align:middle line:90% She would stay, regardless. 00:02:52.690 --> 00:02:56.040 align:middle line:84% So we turned to other matters, though we exchanged glances 00:02:56.040 --> 00:02:59.760 align:middle line:84% as we dressed our daughters-- slender Eliza and Georgia 00:02:59.760 --> 00:03:01.890 align:middle line:90% and the infant Frances. 00:03:01.890 --> 00:03:03.600 align:middle line:84% All their winter clothes but their boots 00:03:03.600 --> 00:03:05.790 align:middle line:90% were a size too large or more. 00:03:05.790 --> 00:03:08.220 align:middle line:90% Three huge hoods hid their eyes. 00:03:08.220 --> 00:03:11.010 align:middle line:84% Their woolen mufflers wound twice around their throats 00:03:11.010 --> 00:03:13.020 align:middle line:90% and swung below their knees. 00:03:13.020 --> 00:03:16.515 align:middle line:84% The sleeves hung down so far that their hands didn't show. 00:03:16.515 --> 00:03:19.140 align:middle line:84% Even when they were about to go and were led out onto the snow, 00:03:19.140 --> 00:03:20.723 align:middle line:84% the girls still looked as if they were 00:03:20.723 --> 00:03:23.610 align:middle line:90% clowning in their stiff coats. 00:03:23.610 --> 00:03:25.380 align:middle line:84% Tamsen told how the men would leave them 00:03:25.380 --> 00:03:28.140 align:middle line:84% with people we could trust to treat them tenderly and see 00:03:28.140 --> 00:03:31.330 align:middle line:84% that they were well-fed when it was possible. 00:03:31.330 --> 00:03:34.440 align:middle line:84% Finally, she said, for the sake of your father and mother, 00:03:34.440 --> 00:03:37.230 align:middle line:84% wherever you live, whether you're with Elizabeth or anyone 00:03:37.230 --> 00:03:40.500 align:middle line:84% else, be kind to one another, and always remember 00:03:40.500 --> 00:03:43.680 align:middle line:84% to tell people that your name is Donner. 00:03:43.680 --> 00:03:45.120 align:middle line:90% We kissed them goodbye. 00:03:45.120 --> 00:03:47.490 align:middle line:84% Cady and Stone caught up the girls in their arms 00:03:47.490 --> 00:03:49.830 align:middle line:90% and went on their way. 00:03:49.830 --> 00:03:52.320 align:middle line:84% When they were gone, my wife walked out upon the snow. 00:03:52.320 --> 00:03:54.060 align:middle line:84% I could see her breath for a minute more 00:03:54.060 --> 00:03:58.110 align:middle line:84% beneath the branches before she turned away. 00:03:58.110 --> 00:03:59.730 align:middle line:84% Then the back of her cloth coat was 00:03:59.730 --> 00:04:03.090 align:middle line:84% all I could see while she stood by the creek and cried. 00:04:03.090 --> 00:04:05.730 align:middle line:84% A curtain of quiet snow drifted down behind her, 00:04:05.730 --> 00:04:09.840 align:middle line:84% heavy enough to hide her footprints in the frozen pack, 00:04:09.840 --> 00:04:13.560 align:middle line:84% as though this weather was a soft reproach falling 00:04:13.560 --> 00:04:16.589 align:middle line:84% all winter in the sifting trees while the ground grew 00:04:16.589 --> 00:04:19.260 align:middle line:90% indifferent to our touch. 00:04:19.260 --> 00:04:21.810 align:middle line:84% She left the creek and hurried home to the mouth of the hut 00:04:21.810 --> 00:04:24.570 align:middle line:84% and swept inside and sat on her bed of old branches 00:04:24.570 --> 00:04:27.330 align:middle line:84% to stay until the hour of our death. 00:04:27.330 --> 00:04:29.130 align:middle line:90% It wasn't my idea. 00:04:29.130 --> 00:04:30.270 align:middle line:90% I told her to go. 00:04:30.270 --> 00:04:32.470 align:middle line:90% We began to argue. 00:04:32.470 --> 00:04:33.720 align:middle line:90% How do you know it's too late? 00:04:33.720 --> 00:04:35.970 align:middle line:90% You might make it if you try. 00:04:35.970 --> 00:04:38.040 align:middle line:90% She never moved a muscle. 00:04:38.040 --> 00:04:40.770 align:middle line:84% You can't say no to Tamsen or tell her what to do. 00:04:40.770 --> 00:04:43.860 align:middle line:84% She won't hear you talking whenever she doesn't want to. 00:04:43.860 --> 00:04:45.780 align:middle line:90% So we sit and wait. 00:04:45.780 --> 00:04:47.490 align:middle line:84% And with warmer weather, the snow 00:04:47.490 --> 00:04:49.440 align:middle line:84% thaws until a green patch of the meadow 00:04:49.440 --> 00:04:52.170 align:middle line:90% may be seen close to the creek. 00:04:52.170 --> 00:04:54.360 align:middle line:84% Even in the hut, we can hear the persistent plink 00:04:54.360 --> 00:04:57.420 align:middle line:84% as the water drips on the floor in a muddy pool. 00:04:57.420 --> 00:05:00.250 align:middle line:84% We stay put or sit up and watch the birds perform 00:05:00.250 --> 00:05:01.585 align:middle line:90% outside our door. 00:05:01.585 --> 00:05:04.690 align:middle line:84% And while we do, we're never alone. 00:05:04.690 --> 00:05:07.300 align:middle line:84% Every day after dawn, the gray coyotes crawl 00:05:07.300 --> 00:05:09.400 align:middle line:84% on their bellies underneath the bushes and 00:05:09.400 --> 00:05:11.320 align:middle line:84% walk out and squat a hundred feet 00:05:11.320 --> 00:05:14.800 align:middle line:84% from our hut, ears in the air and their eyes down as they 00:05:14.800 --> 00:05:17.500 align:middle line:84% sniff at the patches of hair, rolling the pine cones 00:05:17.500 --> 00:05:19.960 align:middle line:84% with their paws while they browse beneath the trees 00:05:19.960 --> 00:05:23.110 align:middle line:84% and trickle urine on the blond bones. 00:05:23.110 --> 00:05:26.020 align:middle line:84% With a full beard flowing over the snowy breast of his silk 00:05:26.020 --> 00:05:28.570 align:middle line:84% shirt, a man looking more like a ghost 00:05:28.570 --> 00:05:31.810 align:middle line:84% goes by us on his way to see the dead carcasses, which 00:05:31.810 --> 00:05:34.330 align:middle line:84% he collects in the shelter of the low shrubs. 00:05:34.330 --> 00:05:36.970 align:middle line:90% Keseberg hobbles past the huts. 00:05:36.970 --> 00:05:40.150 align:middle line:84% His white hat almost hides his face. 00:05:40.150 --> 00:05:42.730 align:middle line:84% As he reaches the mound and crouches over the corpses, 00:05:42.730 --> 00:05:45.880 align:middle line:84% turning them this way and that with one end of his staff-- 00:05:45.880 --> 00:05:49.570 align:middle line:84% a walking stick cut like a crutch, a long piece of pine 00:05:49.570 --> 00:05:51.550 align:middle line:84% which he can cramp under his arm-- 00:05:51.550 --> 00:05:54.220 align:middle line:84% he plants it in the moist mulch to one side 00:05:54.220 --> 00:05:56.800 align:middle line:84% when he bends over the bodies and deliberately extends 00:05:56.800 --> 00:05:59.800 align:middle line:84% his stiff leg inches off the ground. 00:05:59.800 --> 00:06:01.930 align:middle line:90% He puts his water bucket nearby. 00:06:01.930 --> 00:06:04.390 align:middle line:84% He picks a skull from the pile beneath his knee 00:06:04.390 --> 00:06:07.390 align:middle line:84% and plucks the brains and tucks them carefully in his lap 00:06:07.390 --> 00:06:09.700 align:middle line:84% while he breaks a breast apart and hunts 00:06:09.700 --> 00:06:12.190 align:middle line:90% with one hand for the heart. 00:06:12.190 --> 00:06:14.440 align:middle line:84% He takes up his stick when he wishes to go. 00:06:14.440 --> 00:06:16.570 align:middle line:84% He carries the meat in the crook of his sleeve, 00:06:16.570 --> 00:06:18.640 align:middle line:84% and we watch him retreat toward the trees that 00:06:18.640 --> 00:06:21.790 align:middle line:84% had protected my brother's place, walking with a halting 00:06:21.790 --> 00:06:24.280 align:middle line:84% hitch in his hip, lifting his large leg 00:06:24.280 --> 00:06:26.410 align:middle line:84% like a deadweight which he has had to drag with him 00:06:26.410 --> 00:06:28.030 align:middle line:90% wherever he went. 00:06:28.030 --> 00:06:31.120 align:middle line:90% The fire glows outside the tent. 00:06:31.120 --> 00:06:33.700 align:middle line:84% When his dinner is done, he tips his bucket over the coals, 00:06:33.700 --> 00:06:36.460 align:middle line:84% and we watch as he moves down the meadow toward the woods 00:06:36.460 --> 00:06:41.110 align:middle line:84% and disappears before dusk has come quietly up to the door. 00:06:41.110 --> 00:06:43.420 align:middle line:90% This silence is soon broken. 00:06:43.420 --> 00:06:46.520 align:middle line:84% The last days are like the first mild morning, 00:06:46.520 --> 00:06:51.100 align:middle line:84% which arrives in April, when almost any noise is a surprise. 00:06:51.100 --> 00:06:52.990 align:middle line:84% Squirrels race around the roof, scratching 00:06:52.990 --> 00:06:55.000 align:middle line:90% the patchwork boughs. 00:06:55.000 --> 00:06:56.950 align:middle line:84% They tumble down the dark walls and leave us 00:06:56.950 --> 00:07:00.460 align:middle line:84% and leap onto the trees where the birds shriek and sing. 00:07:00.460 --> 00:07:02.560 align:middle line:84% Then one morning, we hear the alders rustle 00:07:02.560 --> 00:07:04.630 align:middle line:90% in the incessant rain. 00:07:04.630 --> 00:07:07.120 align:middle line:84% Later, the sun slips over the meadow, and the blue jays 00:07:07.120 --> 00:07:10.060 align:middle line:84% dive in long dips, flashing from shadow 00:07:10.060 --> 00:07:13.870 align:middle line:84% to shadow while an enormous chorus fills the air. 00:07:13.870 --> 00:07:16.510 align:middle line:84% After this life, we will listen, lying 00:07:16.510 --> 00:07:19.240 align:middle line:84% in the loose grains of dirt with our eyes sealed 00:07:19.240 --> 00:07:21.850 align:middle line:84% shut against the roots that reach for them. 00:07:21.850 --> 00:07:25.510 align:middle line:84% We will hear our breath begin again, the engine of the brain 00:07:25.510 --> 00:07:26.950 align:middle line:90% begin humming in the mulch. 00:07:26.950 --> 00:07:29.380 align:middle line:84% And we will climb with our nails and teeth, 00:07:29.380 --> 00:07:33.310 align:middle line:84% biting through the damp Earth, clawing away the soil, hand 00:07:33.310 --> 00:07:35.710 align:middle line:84% and mouth tearing out of our wet tombs 00:07:35.710 --> 00:07:39.200 align:middle line:90% forever to find it is spring. 00:07:39.200 --> 00:07:42.230 align:middle line:84% The grass is wet and waving toward the trees. 00:07:42.230 --> 00:07:45.640 align:middle line:84% Their bark is yellow or brown, and the leaves 00:07:45.640 --> 00:07:48.100 align:middle line:84% are black on the underside that is so gentle, 00:07:48.100 --> 00:07:50.350 align:middle line:90% we are afraid to touch it. 00:07:50.350 --> 00:07:53.710 align:middle line:84% Come into a meadow where the crystal snow crust shrinks 00:07:53.710 --> 00:07:56.110 align:middle line:90% under the shade of the rocks. 00:07:56.110 --> 00:07:59.200 align:middle line:84% After this life, we will listen to the judgments of bears 00:07:59.200 --> 00:08:03.220 align:middle line:84% and the deer awaking, the birds over the treetops crossing 00:08:03.220 --> 00:08:05.680 align:middle line:90% and calling in the long leaves. 00:08:05.680 --> 00:08:08.200 align:middle line:84% The red eyes of berries surprise us. 00:08:08.200 --> 00:08:10.990 align:middle line:84% And the deer and the fox who know that we are there 00:08:10.990 --> 00:08:12.670 align:middle line:84% on the brink of the meadow, they can 00:08:12.670 --> 00:08:16.090 align:middle line:84% smell our fear floating into the grass like a shallow river 00:08:16.090 --> 00:08:18.400 align:middle line:90% establishing its edges. 00:08:18.400 --> 00:08:23.110 align:middle line:84% They find us and follow the cool water from the mountains. 00:08:23.110 --> 00:08:24.880 align:middle line:84% Their eyes bring the blue light of evening 00:08:24.880 --> 00:08:27.520 align:middle line:84% onto the valley, the prairie almost lost, 00:08:27.520 --> 00:08:30.130 align:middle line:84% drowning in darkness, the sparks of stars 00:08:30.130 --> 00:08:34.240 align:middle line:84% already spinning downstream, traveling in the tall weeds. 00:08:34.240 --> 00:08:37.600 align:middle line:84% After this life, we will listen to the long river running 00:08:37.600 --> 00:08:41.240 align:middle line:84% through the soil saying it is spring. 00:08:41.240 --> 00:08:43.570 align:middle line:84% The sun has begun to burn the brown needles 00:08:43.570 --> 00:08:47.140 align:middle line:84% nesting on the ground around our graves. 00:08:47.140 --> 00:08:50.470 align:middle line:84% The jays perch in the pines and cry. 00:08:50.470 --> 00:08:52.790 align:middle line:84% And wherever we may sleep among the dead, 00:08:52.790 --> 00:08:56.740 align:middle line:84% we will rise together under the trees like men who are set free 00:08:56.740 --> 00:09:00.460 align:middle line:84% from the folly of a dream into the fragrant morning 00:09:00.460 --> 00:09:04.360 align:middle line:84% to hear the heavy stream of our blood begin to sing, 00:09:04.360 --> 00:09:07.450 align:middle line:84% our souls awake and warm once more 00:09:07.450 --> 00:09:11.770 align:middle line:84% and weaving like a fire when the light begins to dance 00:09:11.770 --> 00:09:13.150 align:middle line:90% in the land of our desire. 00:09:13.150 --> 00:09:15.850 align:middle line:90% 00:09:15.850 --> 00:09:18.900 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:09:18.900 --> 00:09:44.000 align:middle line:90%