WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.570 align:middle line:90% 00:00:00.570 --> 00:00:03.930 align:middle line:84% So the next and last section I'm going to read from you 00:00:03.930 --> 00:00:08.940 align:middle line:90% is towards the end of the book. 00:00:08.940 --> 00:00:13.600 align:middle line:84% But it takes place before the book starts. 00:00:13.600 --> 00:00:15.720 align:middle line:90% So there's no spoilers. 00:00:15.720 --> 00:00:20.010 align:middle line:84% It's not really a spoilery kind of book. 00:00:20.010 --> 00:00:21.610 align:middle line:90% And this section. 00:00:21.610 --> 00:00:27.740 align:middle line:84% So some of the book is pretty straightforward, 00:00:27.740 --> 00:00:31.160 align:middle line:90% linear narrative, a story. 00:00:31.160 --> 00:00:34.215 align:middle line:84% And then there are these fairy tale sections interspersed, 00:00:34.215 --> 00:00:35.840 align:middle line:84% and then there are a few other sections 00:00:35.840 --> 00:00:40.490 align:middle line:84% that are homages to particular writers. 00:00:40.490 --> 00:00:42.950 align:middle line:84% This is a section that's an homage to Joe Brainard which 00:00:42.950 --> 00:00:45.990 align:middle line:84% many of you will recognize, who came up with this form, 00:00:45.990 --> 00:00:48.740 align:middle line:84% I remember, and there's a homage to John Ritchie 00:00:48.740 --> 00:00:53.793 align:middle line:84% and other writers who have been just-- 00:00:53.793 --> 00:00:54.960 align:middle line:90% I don't say more about that. 00:00:54.960 --> 00:00:58.490 align:middle line:84% This is the Joe Brainard section. 00:00:58.490 --> 00:01:00.800 align:middle line:90% Or one of them. 00:01:00.800 --> 00:01:03.800 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered staking out the cubbyhole with Tony Pinto 00:01:03.800 --> 00:01:06.260 align:middle line:84% because Madonna and Sandra Bernhard had once 00:01:06.260 --> 00:01:11.790 align:middle line:84% had a date there in 1987, or kissed or something. 00:01:11.790 --> 00:01:14.140 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered staying up late to watch Madonna 00:01:14.140 --> 00:01:17.070 align:middle line:84% on David Letterman, never daring to believe anything gay 00:01:17.070 --> 00:01:20.460 align:middle line:90% would happen on television. 00:01:20.460 --> 00:01:24.240 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered Hudson Street in the rain. 00:01:24.240 --> 00:01:26.520 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered the porn store around the corner, 00:01:26.520 --> 00:01:29.700 align:middle line:84% looking at vintage physique magazines, those long gone men 00:01:29.700 --> 00:01:33.120 align:middle line:84% in leopard skins and posing jocks. 00:01:33.120 --> 00:01:35.250 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered Tony Pinto making muscles 00:01:35.250 --> 00:01:37.640 align:middle line:84% to distract the shopkeeper while Paul stuffed 00:01:37.640 --> 00:01:41.010 align:middle line:90% an old Drummer down his pants. 00:01:41.010 --> 00:01:43.650 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered three packs of old gay porn mags, 00:01:43.650 --> 00:01:46.170 align:middle line:84% the good ones on the outside and the crappy third stuffed 00:01:46.170 --> 00:01:47.940 align:middle line:90% in the middle like a grab bag. 00:01:47.940 --> 00:01:49.800 align:middle line:84% The newsprint stories and letters 00:01:49.800 --> 00:01:54.840 align:middle line:84% signed, a reader in San Diego, or Horny Midshipman. 00:01:54.840 --> 00:02:00.120 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered Blueboy, Numbers, Honcho, Freshman. 00:02:00.120 --> 00:02:01.710 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered the case of the tape 00:02:01.710 --> 00:02:04.620 align:middle line:84% Tony Pinto made for him the second time they met, 00:02:04.620 --> 00:02:06.990 align:middle line:84% Tony's scratchy handwriting marking out the song 00:02:06.990 --> 00:02:09.120 align:middle line:84% titles, original artists in parentheses 00:02:09.120 --> 00:02:10.889 align:middle line:90% when the song was a cover. 00:02:10.889 --> 00:02:13.440 align:middle line:84% Who said gay men always had beautiful handwriting? 00:02:13.440 --> 00:02:16.137 align:middle line:84% Tony Pinto had spent his boyhood rolling six sided dice 00:02:16.137 --> 00:02:17.595 align:middle line:84% and sketching elves, and it showed. 00:02:17.595 --> 00:02:20.340 align:middle line:90% 00:02:20.340 --> 00:02:22.440 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered "Bizarre Love Triangle" 00:02:22.440 --> 00:02:23.950 align:middle line:90% and "A Little Respect." 00:02:23.950 --> 00:02:27.840 align:middle line:84% And "There's More To Love Than Boy Meets Girl." 00:02:27.840 --> 00:02:30.120 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered the first Saturday of the month dances 00:02:30.120 --> 00:02:32.130 align:middle line:84% at Columbia, crashing the Ivy League, 00:02:32.130 --> 00:02:35.220 align:middle line:84% being early, walking around the block 10 times, 00:02:35.220 --> 00:02:39.630 align:middle line:84% the Greek diner in Morningside Heights, cheap bad coffee. 00:02:39.630 --> 00:02:42.570 align:middle line:90% Paul remembered coffee breath. 00:02:42.570 --> 00:02:46.450 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered C. Howard's violent mints. 00:02:46.450 --> 00:02:48.660 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered the night he met Tony Pinto 00:02:48.660 --> 00:02:50.670 align:middle line:84% smoking on the steps of Earl Hall trying 00:02:50.670 --> 00:02:52.200 align:middle line:90% to tell who belonged. 00:02:52.200 --> 00:02:54.450 align:middle line:84% Tony Pinto stretching out his Gumby arms 00:02:54.450 --> 00:02:57.930 align:middle line:84% in a terrible imitation of a voguer. 00:02:57.930 --> 00:03:02.340 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered lights up, finding his stashed coat. 00:03:02.340 --> 00:03:04.200 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered the meatpacking district, 00:03:04.200 --> 00:03:06.740 align:middle line:84% clubs which changed sex, according to the night. 00:03:06.740 --> 00:03:10.170 align:middle line:84% Clit Club Fridays, Meat Saturdays, or Jackie 60. 00:03:10.170 --> 00:03:14.280 align:middle line:84% Same cinder block walls painted black. 00:03:14.280 --> 00:03:17.460 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered four AM bagels with bright pink lox 00:03:17.460 --> 00:03:21.878 align:middle line:84% flavored cream cheese at the bakery on the corner. 00:03:21.878 --> 00:03:23.670 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered the Christopher Street Pier 00:03:23.670 --> 00:03:27.480 align:middle line:84% at night, 14-year-old queers in tube tops and short shorts, 00:03:27.480 --> 00:03:31.500 align:middle line:84% cigarette cherries reflected in the oily water. 00:03:31.500 --> 00:03:33.780 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered saying, how fast they grow up, 00:03:33.780 --> 00:03:36.870 align:middle line:84% and Tony Pinto shaking his head and, saying, kids, 00:03:36.870 --> 00:03:39.520 align:middle line:90% what are you going to do? 00:03:39.520 --> 00:03:42.720 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered drinking at Max Fish with Tony's street goth 00:03:42.720 --> 00:03:45.720 align:middle line:84% friends from Fordham walking, west for miles with Tony 00:03:45.720 --> 00:03:47.670 align:middle line:84% until they hit the water, sitting 00:03:47.670 --> 00:03:51.180 align:middle line:84% on a broken concrete pylon and kissing for hours, hands 00:03:51.180 --> 00:03:53.310 align:middle line:84% down each other's pants even though Tony 00:03:53.310 --> 00:03:57.340 align:middle line:84% had a serious boyfriend of two months. 00:03:57.340 --> 00:04:00.400 align:middle line:84% Paul remember the sunburn Tony got at Pride that year, 00:04:00.400 --> 00:04:02.680 align:middle line:84% how their older friends carried sunblock. 00:04:02.680 --> 00:04:05.740 align:middle line:84% Tony's wounded red brown chest and back 00:04:05.740 --> 00:04:07.840 align:middle line:84% like a soldier wearing pukka beads. 00:04:07.840 --> 00:04:10.960 align:middle line:84% Some older lesbian with a crew cut and a squeeze tube of aloe 00:04:10.960 --> 00:04:14.200 align:middle line:84% vera sitting in the shade on the steps of a church which was 00:04:14.200 --> 00:04:18.519 align:middle line:84% really a bar, far enough away from the fray in the shade, 00:04:18.519 --> 00:04:21.700 align:middle line:84% laying Tony across his lap so he could think "Tony lay across 00:04:21.700 --> 00:04:23.980 align:middle line:90% my lap like a Pietá." 00:04:23.980 --> 00:04:26.800 align:middle line:84% And Tony's serious boyfriend of two months rounding the corner 00:04:26.800 --> 00:04:28.700 align:middle line:90% laughing. 00:04:28.700 --> 00:04:31.580 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered giving Tony back. 00:04:31.580 --> 00:04:33.760 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered sharing grilled cheese sandwiches 00:04:33.760 --> 00:04:37.090 align:middle line:84% with Tony and that girl, what was her name? 00:04:37.090 --> 00:04:40.030 align:middle line:84% Glynis, yes, Glynis with the gay mom, 00:04:40.030 --> 00:04:43.000 align:middle line:84% from the rap group for gay teens at the center. 00:04:43.000 --> 00:04:46.690 align:middle line:84% The three of them college kids, older, not from the city. 00:04:46.690 --> 00:04:48.280 align:middle line:84% Maybe a little too old to be in a rap 00:04:48.280 --> 00:04:52.367 align:middle line:84% group, but officially still teens, still youth. 00:04:52.367 --> 00:04:54.700 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered the working group he joined because Tony 00:04:54.700 --> 00:04:57.910 align:middle line:84% Pinto was joining, meeting at an apartment of a much older gay 00:04:57.910 --> 00:05:01.390 align:middle line:84% man with a job and a leather couch and crudité in the living 00:05:01.390 --> 00:05:05.380 align:middle line:84% room while they made plans to die in the street. 00:05:05.380 --> 00:05:08.620 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered the aching hall of the center, those Monday 00:05:08.620 --> 00:05:10.600 align:middle line:84% night meetings in the belly of the whale, 00:05:10.600 --> 00:05:13.540 align:middle line:84% the incomprehensible reports from the treatment action group 00:05:13.540 --> 00:05:15.805 align:middle line:84% and the meeting's incomprehensible response, 00:05:15.805 --> 00:05:20.320 align:middle line:84% which Tony Pinto called the grown ups fighting. 00:05:20.320 --> 00:05:22.750 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered carrying store-bought frozen soup 00:05:22.750 --> 00:05:26.170 align:middle line:84% to a man he didn't know with Rina somewhere in Gramercy, one 00:05:26.170 --> 00:05:28.300 align:middle line:84% of those high rises that made him feel like he was 00:05:28.300 --> 00:05:31.900 align:middle line:84% in the 1970s Poland, leaving the soup on the dusty kitchen 00:05:31.900 --> 00:05:34.120 align:middle line:84% island, feeding the man's tropical fish 00:05:34.120 --> 00:05:37.270 align:middle line:84% while Rina changed the sheets on his hospital bed. 00:05:37.270 --> 00:05:39.100 align:middle line:84% All the while Days of Our Lives continued 00:05:39.100 --> 00:05:42.160 align:middle line:90% as if nothing were different. 00:05:42.160 --> 00:05:44.530 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered the men lined up in green plastic chairs 00:05:44.530 --> 00:05:48.520 align:middle line:84% at the center, young men with canes and liver spots. 00:05:48.520 --> 00:05:51.160 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered the cheery rattle of the day of the week 00:05:51.160 --> 00:05:53.927 align:middle line:90% pillbox compartments. 00:05:53.927 --> 00:05:55.760 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered the smell of orange medicine 00:05:55.760 --> 00:05:58.450 align:middle line:84% soap, sulfur and sweet, the gash on his palm 00:05:58.450 --> 00:06:00.850 align:middle line:90% from a fruit salad can lid-- 00:06:00.850 --> 00:06:04.090 align:middle line:84% how was it possible to get a fruit salad injury?-- 00:06:04.090 --> 00:06:05.890 align:middle line:90% wanting the sliced cherry. 00:06:05.890 --> 00:06:09.070 align:middle line:84% Glimmer of fear in the eyes of the receptionist at the center 00:06:09.070 --> 00:06:11.680 align:middle line:84% who sent him to the free clinic, fear of his blood 00:06:11.680 --> 00:06:15.130 align:middle line:90% now contaminating the can. 00:06:15.130 --> 00:06:18.187 align:middle line:90% Paul remembered colored condoms. 00:06:18.187 --> 00:06:20.020 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered a condom stretching over him 00:06:20.020 --> 00:06:23.200 align:middle line:84% like a balloon animal unlubricated, Tony squeezing 00:06:23.200 --> 00:06:25.794 align:middle line:90% out two free packets of Probe. 00:06:25.794 --> 00:06:28.900 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered Tony's pockets, his backpack, always 00:06:28.900 --> 00:06:31.570 align:middle line:84% full of giveaways and liberated rolls of toilet paper 00:06:31.570 --> 00:06:33.370 align:middle line:90% from restaurant bathrooms. 00:06:33.370 --> 00:06:36.070 align:middle line:84% Tony stopping in the foyer of every bar to fill up, 00:06:36.070 --> 00:06:37.480 align:middle line:84% the top of the cigarette machine, 00:06:37.480 --> 00:06:40.240 align:middle line:84% wherever they kept the bowl, Tony collecting condoms 00:06:40.240 --> 00:06:44.110 align:middle line:84% in all flavors and colors and brands, like baseball cards. 00:06:44.110 --> 00:06:46.090 align:middle line:84% His shock and horror at the condom 00:06:46.090 --> 00:06:49.180 align:middle line:84% stapled into the Bimbox page: "straight acting, straight 00:06:49.180 --> 00:06:51.370 align:middle line:90% looking, WM seeks same." 00:06:51.370 --> 00:06:54.430 align:middle line:84% Not because he didn't agree that self hating homosexuals should 00:06:54.430 --> 00:06:57.790 align:middle line:84% fuck off and die, but because that exact condom was wasted, 00:06:57.790 --> 00:07:02.110 align:middle line:84% and some proud and out queer might need it. 00:07:02.110 --> 00:07:06.370 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered flannel shirts with the sleeves cut off. 00:07:06.370 --> 00:07:09.070 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered Tony's black leather motorcycle jacket 00:07:09.070 --> 00:07:12.040 align:middle line:84% with its rectangular stickers bragging FREQUENTLY FEMME 00:07:12.040 --> 00:07:14.860 align:middle line:84% and BASICALLY BUTCH and SAFE SEX STUD 00:07:14.860 --> 00:07:17.500 align:middle line:84% in neon green, his black hair shagging 00:07:17.500 --> 00:07:20.440 align:middle line:84% over the collar like a Portuguese Leif Garrett. 00:07:20.440 --> 00:07:23.770 align:middle line:84% How was anything ever so smooth as Tony's just slightly too 00:07:23.770 --> 00:07:26.110 align:middle line:90% long hair? 00:07:26.110 --> 00:07:28.060 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered Tony's serious boyfriend 00:07:28.060 --> 00:07:33.250 align:middle line:84% of two months, then three, four, five, David, unsuitable David, 00:07:33.250 --> 00:07:36.270 align:middle line:84% the WASPy Jewish guy who'd played lacrosse at Andover 00:07:36.270 --> 00:07:38.440 align:middle line:90% and loved John Cheever. 00:07:38.440 --> 00:07:41.560 align:middle line:84% Older but recognizable to Paul, his easy law 00:07:41.560 --> 00:07:43.660 align:middle line:84% school ways, his embarrassing obsession 00:07:43.660 --> 00:07:45.430 align:middle line:90% with any dark-skinned man. 00:07:45.430 --> 00:07:48.640 align:middle line:84% How he'd settled for Tony Pinto who was not dark enough. 00:07:48.640 --> 00:07:51.740 align:middle line:84% How he cheated on Tony Pinto over and over again. 00:07:51.740 --> 00:07:54.490 align:middle line:84% And once at a demo outside St Patrick's 00:07:54.490 --> 00:07:57.010 align:middle line:84% run his index finger down Paul's chest, 00:07:57.010 --> 00:07:59.650 align:middle line:84% down to his navel, dipping then turning away 00:07:59.650 --> 00:08:04.900 align:middle line:84% from Paul who was enraged, flattered, humiliated, 00:08:04.900 --> 00:08:08.230 align:middle line:90% and never mentioned it to Tony. 00:08:08.230 --> 00:08:10.330 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered asking this friend Jimmy-- 00:08:10.330 --> 00:08:13.360 align:middle line:84% how proud he felt to say his friend Jimmy about Jimmy 00:08:13.360 --> 00:08:16.540 align:middle line:84% Batelli, the kindest and most handsome man in ACT UP, 00:08:16.540 --> 00:08:18.850 align:middle line:84% an older man who preferred older men, 00:08:18.850 --> 00:08:21.430 align:middle line:84% and that he'd allowed himself to be befriended by Paul 00:08:21.430 --> 00:08:22.780 align:middle line:90% was a miracle-- 00:08:22.780 --> 00:08:25.090 align:middle line:84% Paul remembered asking Jimmy Batelli where he'd been, 00:08:25.090 --> 00:08:27.140 align:middle line:84% why he'd missed some meeting, and Jimmy 00:08:27.140 --> 00:08:30.820 align:middle line:84% shrugging oh, another memorial service, darling, you know. 00:08:30.820 --> 00:08:34.690 align:middle line:84% Jimmy turning away from Paul kindly even in his despair. 00:08:34.690 --> 00:08:39.039 align:middle line:84% Paul's relief to be so young, his 19th year a talisman, 00:08:39.039 --> 00:08:41.950 align:middle line:84% the word containing the word teen and self-protection 00:08:41.950 --> 00:08:44.770 align:middle line:84% from what those older guys, those memorial wary men 00:08:44.770 --> 00:08:48.550 align:middle line:84% in their 20s, 30s, 40s, what they were losing. 00:08:48.550 --> 00:08:49.750 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:08:49.750 --> 00:08:52.500 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:08:52.500 --> 00:08:53.000 align:middle line:90%