WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.620 align:middle line:90% 00:00:06.620 --> 00:00:15.420 align:middle line:84% I want to read a poem that my mother is 00:00:15.420 --> 00:00:17.940 align:middle line:90% absolutely humiliated by. 00:00:17.940 --> 00:00:23.250 align:middle line:84% And it's my one poem that's funny in the whole manuscript. 00:00:23.250 --> 00:00:26.010 align:middle line:90% And it's a poem-- 00:00:26.010 --> 00:00:28.170 align:middle line:84% well, it's not a great literary theme. 00:00:28.170 --> 00:00:29.680 align:middle line:84% It's not a literary theme at all. 00:00:29.680 --> 00:00:31.810 align:middle line:90% It's about masturbation. 00:00:31.810 --> 00:00:37.670 align:middle line:84% But my mother, who's really a very fine Catholic woman, 00:00:37.670 --> 00:00:39.150 align:middle line:84% didn't ask me, because she doesn't 00:00:39.150 --> 00:00:41.100 align:middle line:90% talk about those things. 00:00:41.100 --> 00:00:44.430 align:middle line:84% She still thinks that we believe the stork brought us. 00:00:44.430 --> 00:00:48.320 align:middle line:84% But she asked my sister, isn't he 00:00:48.320 --> 00:00:50.640 align:middle line:84% humiliated putting this-- it's such a good book, 00:00:50.640 --> 00:00:52.620 align:middle line:84% she says, and then he puts this poem in. 00:00:52.620 --> 00:00:54.690 align:middle line:84% And it's just like, this big scar. 00:00:54.690 --> 00:00:55.980 align:middle line:90% And I think that-- 00:00:55.980 --> 00:01:02.400 align:middle line:90% 00:01:02.400 --> 00:01:04.269 align:middle line:84% but she's very proud of me anyway, 00:01:04.269 --> 00:01:05.838 align:middle line:90% even though I wrote this poem. 00:01:05.838 --> 00:01:09.240 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:01:09.240 --> 00:01:14.070 align:middle line:90% And it's called "At 13". 00:01:14.070 --> 00:01:18.490 align:middle line:84% "Las Cruces, New Mexico, August 1967. 00:01:18.490 --> 00:01:22.890 align:middle line:84% At 13, I knew what it was to sin. 00:01:22.890 --> 00:01:25.500 align:middle line:90% Knew what it was to love. 00:01:25.500 --> 00:01:27.870 align:middle line:90% To love the sin. 00:01:27.870 --> 00:01:32.160 align:middle line:84% My curious hand reached down to touch what was mine alone. 00:01:32.160 --> 00:01:36.990 align:middle line:84% Rubbing, clenching, grabbing, mesmerized by a growing greed. 00:01:36.990 --> 00:01:39.660 align:middle line:90% Something of men, already in me. 00:01:39.660 --> 00:01:43.860 align:middle line:84% Hard, harder, up and down until my boyhood frenzy 00:01:43.860 --> 00:01:46.260 align:middle line:90% left me bathed in sweat. 00:01:46.260 --> 00:01:50.610 align:middle line:84% The wet of discovery, flooding my stomach and chest. 00:01:50.610 --> 00:01:54.660 align:middle line:84% A milky rain of warmth from clouds within. 00:01:54.660 --> 00:01:59.670 align:middle line:84% That smell, moist, morning cotton rose to my head. 00:01:59.670 --> 00:02:01.410 align:middle line:90% I had to taste. 00:02:01.410 --> 00:02:05.730 align:middle line:84% So bitter, awful, salty as blood. 00:02:05.730 --> 00:02:09.870 align:middle line:84% I stretched across my bed, tired, unable 00:02:09.870 --> 00:02:13.470 align:middle line:90% to return to my former sleep. 00:02:13.470 --> 00:02:18.150 align:middle line:84% For a week, I could not face my father nor my mother, 00:02:18.150 --> 00:02:23.250 align:middle line:84% afraid that their eyes knew and accused. 00:02:23.250 --> 00:02:26.220 align:middle line:84% And Saturday, I ran to church vomiting, 00:02:26.220 --> 00:02:30.030 align:middle line:84% oh, my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended thee, 00:02:30.030 --> 00:02:32.910 align:middle line:90% and I detest all my sins. 00:02:32.910 --> 00:02:38.070 align:middle line:84% My secret spilled to forgiving priest, my voice trembling 00:02:38.070 --> 00:02:40.680 align:middle line:90% repentance in every word. 00:02:40.680 --> 00:02:44.430 align:middle line:84% I could have hid forever in dark shame. 00:02:44.430 --> 00:02:49.320 align:middle line:84% And after, healing words, newness, and light. 00:02:49.320 --> 00:02:52.260 align:middle line:90% Innocent once more. 00:02:52.260 --> 00:02:54.060 align:middle line:90% I knelt and prayed. 00:02:54.060 --> 00:02:58.350 align:middle line:84% Clean and free, I went home, waited a week, 00:02:58.350 --> 00:03:05.004 align:middle line:84% then did it again, and again, in awe of the miracle. 00:03:05.004 --> 00:03:08.350 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:03:08.350 --> 00:03:11.220 align:middle line:90% 00:03:11.220 --> 00:03:13.440 align:middle line:84% My sister says, well, it's a male thing. 00:03:13.440 --> 00:03:15.290 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:03:15.290 --> 00:03:16.000 align:middle line:90%