WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.500 align:middle line:90% "Casa." 00:00:00.500 --> 00:00:03.200 align:middle line:90% 00:00:03.200 --> 00:00:05.990 align:middle line:84% At 3:00 or 4 o'clock in the afternoon, 00:00:05.990 --> 00:00:10.040 align:middle line:84% the hour of cafe con leche, the women of my family 00:00:10.040 --> 00:00:14.060 align:middle line:84% gathered in mama's living room to speak of important things 00:00:14.060 --> 00:00:17.030 align:middle line:84% and to tell stories for the hundredth time 00:00:17.030 --> 00:00:20.570 align:middle line:84% as if to each other meant to be overheard by us 00:00:20.570 --> 00:00:22.970 align:middle line:90% young girls their daughters. 00:00:22.970 --> 00:00:26.975 align:middle line:84% In mama's house, everyone called my grandmother mama. 00:00:26.975 --> 00:00:30.320 align:middle line:84% It was a large parlor built by my grandfather 00:00:30.320 --> 00:00:33.470 align:middle line:84% to his wife's exact specifications 00:00:33.470 --> 00:00:38.000 align:middle line:84% so that it was always cool, facing away from the sun. 00:00:38.000 --> 00:00:40.410 align:middle line:84% The doorway was on the side of the house 00:00:40.410 --> 00:00:44.010 align:middle line:84% so no one could walk directly into her living room. 00:00:44.010 --> 00:00:46.040 align:middle line:84% First, they had to take a little stroll 00:00:46.040 --> 00:00:48.350 align:middle line:84% through and around her beautiful garden 00:00:48.350 --> 00:00:51.950 align:middle line:84% where prize-winning orchids grew in the trunk of an ancient tree 00:00:51.950 --> 00:00:54.780 align:middle line:84% she had hollowed out for that purpose. 00:00:54.780 --> 00:00:58.280 align:middle line:84% This one was furnished with several mahogany rocking chairs 00:00:58.280 --> 00:01:00.920 align:middle line:84% acquired at the birth of her children 00:01:00.920 --> 00:01:03.020 align:middle line:84% and one intricately carved rocker 00:01:03.020 --> 00:01:06.770 align:middle line:84% that had passed down to mama at the death of her own mother. 00:01:06.770 --> 00:01:10.370 align:middle line:84% It was on these rockers that my mother her sisters 00:01:10.370 --> 00:01:14.570 align:middle line:84% and my grandmother sat on these afternoons of my childhood 00:01:14.570 --> 00:01:18.830 align:middle line:84% to tell their stories, teaching each other and my cousin 00:01:18.830 --> 00:01:23.030 align:middle line:84% and me what it was like to be a woman, more specifically 00:01:23.030 --> 00:01:24.920 align:middle line:90% a Puerto Rican woman. 00:01:24.920 --> 00:01:28.100 align:middle line:84% They talked about life on the island and life 00:01:28.100 --> 00:01:31.370 align:middle line:84% in Los Nueva Yores, their way of referring 00:01:31.370 --> 00:01:35.240 align:middle line:84% to the US from New York City to California 00:01:35.240 --> 00:01:39.590 align:middle line:84% that other place not home all the same. 00:01:39.590 --> 00:01:42.410 align:middle line:84% They told real life stories though as I later 00:01:42.410 --> 00:01:44.810 align:middle line:84% learned always embellishing them with a little 00:01:44.810 --> 00:01:47.090 align:middle line:90% or a lot of dramatic detail. 00:01:47.090 --> 00:01:51.680 align:middle line:84% And they told cuentos, the morality and cautionary tales 00:01:51.680 --> 00:01:55.640 align:middle line:84% told by the women in our family for generations, stories 00:01:55.640 --> 00:01:57.560 align:middle line:84% that became a part of my subconscious 00:01:57.560 --> 00:02:00.950 align:middle line:84% as I grew up in two worlds, the tropical island 00:02:00.950 --> 00:02:04.100 align:middle line:84% and the cold city, and which would later surface 00:02:04.100 --> 00:02:07.620 align:middle line:90% in my dreams and in my poetry. 00:02:07.620 --> 00:02:09.680 align:middle line:84% One of these tales was about the woman 00:02:09.680 --> 00:02:11.840 align:middle line:90% who was left at the altar. 00:02:11.840 --> 00:02:16.310 align:middle line:84% Mama liked to tell this one with histrionic intensity. 00:02:16.310 --> 00:02:20.660 align:middle line:84% I remember the rise and fall of her voice, the size, 00:02:20.660 --> 00:02:22.970 align:middle line:84% and her constantly gesturing hands 00:02:22.970 --> 00:02:26.480 align:middle line:84% like two birds swooping through her words. 00:02:26.480 --> 00:02:28.490 align:middle line:84% This particular story would usually 00:02:28.490 --> 00:02:31.820 align:middle line:84% come up in a conversation as a result of someone 00:02:31.820 --> 00:02:35.330 align:middle line:84% mentioning a forthcoming engagement or wedding. 00:02:35.330 --> 00:02:38.150 align:middle line:84% The first time I remember hearing it I 00:02:38.150 --> 00:02:40.310 align:middle line:84% was sitting on the floor at mama's feet 00:02:40.310 --> 00:02:42.920 align:middle line:90% pretending to read a comic book. 00:02:42.920 --> 00:02:47.270 align:middle line:84% I may have been 11 or 12 years old at that difficult age 00:02:47.270 --> 00:02:49.970 align:middle line:84% when a girl is no longer a child who 00:02:49.970 --> 00:02:53.690 align:middle line:84% can be ordered to leave the room if the women wanted freedom 00:02:53.690 --> 00:02:56.750 align:middle line:84% to take their talk into forbidden zones 00:02:56.750 --> 00:02:58.820 align:middle line:84% or really old enough to be considered 00:02:58.820 --> 00:03:01.190 align:middle line:90% a part of their conclave. 00:03:01.190 --> 00:03:03.650 align:middle line:84% I could only sit quietly pretending 00:03:03.650 --> 00:03:06.560 align:middle line:84% to be in another world while absorbing it 00:03:06.560 --> 00:03:10.010 align:middle line:84% all in a sort of unspoken agreement of my status 00:03:10.010 --> 00:03:12.290 align:middle line:90% as silent auditor. 00:03:12.290 --> 00:03:16.580 align:middle line:84% On this day mama had taken my long tangled mane of hair 00:03:16.580 --> 00:03:18.890 align:middle line:90% into her ever busy hands. 00:03:18.890 --> 00:03:22.710 align:middle line:84% Without looking down at me or interrupting her flow of words, 00:03:22.710 --> 00:03:26.270 align:middle line:84% she began braiding my hair working at it 00:03:26.270 --> 00:03:28.670 align:middle line:84% with the quickness and determination which 00:03:28.670 --> 00:03:31.520 align:middle line:90% characterized all her actions. 00:03:31.520 --> 00:03:34.010 align:middle line:84% My mother was watching us impassively 00:03:34.010 --> 00:03:36.530 align:middle line:90% from her rocker across the room. 00:03:36.530 --> 00:03:40.370 align:middle line:84% On her lips played a little ironic smile. 00:03:40.370 --> 00:03:44.000 align:middle line:84% I would never sit still for her ministrations. 00:03:44.000 --> 00:03:47.180 align:middle line:84% But even then I instinctively knew 00:03:47.180 --> 00:03:51.680 align:middle line:84% that she did not possess mama's matriarchal power to command 00:03:51.680 --> 00:03:54.470 align:middle line:90% and keep everyone's attention. 00:03:54.470 --> 00:03:56.960 align:middle line:84% This was particularly evident in the spell 00:03:56.960 --> 00:03:59.930 align:middle line:90% she cast when telling a story. 00:03:59.930 --> 00:04:04.790 align:middle line:84% It's not like it used to be when I was a girl, mama announced. 00:04:04.790 --> 00:04:09.470 align:middle line:84% Then a man could leave a girl standing at the church altar 00:04:09.470 --> 00:04:13.010 align:middle line:84% with a bouquet of fresh flowers in her hands 00:04:13.010 --> 00:04:16.790 align:middle line:84% and disappear off the face of the Earth no way 00:04:16.790 --> 00:04:19.790 align:middle line:84% to track him down if he was from another town. 00:04:19.790 --> 00:04:23.720 align:middle line:84% He could be a married man with maybe even two or three 00:04:23.720 --> 00:04:25.880 align:middle line:90% families all over the island. 00:04:25.880 --> 00:04:27.860 align:middle line:90% There was no way to know. 00:04:27.860 --> 00:04:32.000 align:middle line:84% And there were men who did this, hombres with the devil 00:04:32.000 --> 00:04:36.170 align:middle line:84% in their flesh who would come to a pueblo like this one 00:04:36.170 --> 00:04:39.980 align:middle line:84% take a job at one of the haciendas never meaning 00:04:39.980 --> 00:04:45.140 align:middle line:84% to stay, only to have a good time and to seduce the women. 00:04:45.140 --> 00:04:47.930 align:middle line:84% The whole time she was speaking, mama 00:04:47.930 --> 00:04:51.020 align:middle line:84% was weaving my hair into a flat plate which 00:04:51.020 --> 00:04:54.350 align:middle line:84% required pulling apart the two sections of hair 00:04:54.350 --> 00:04:57.860 align:middle line:84% with little jerks that made my eyes water. 00:04:57.860 --> 00:05:02.090 align:middle line:84% But knowing how grandmother detested whining and boba sissy 00:05:02.090 --> 00:05:06.860 align:middle line:84% tears as she called them I just sat up as straight and stiff 00:05:06.860 --> 00:05:11.000 align:middle line:84% as I did at La Escuela San Jose where the nuns enforced 00:05:11.000 --> 00:05:15.260 align:middle line:84% good posture with a flexible plastic ruler they bounced off 00:05:15.260 --> 00:05:17.900 align:middle line:90% a slumped shoulders and heads. 00:05:17.900 --> 00:05:22.460 align:middle line:84% As mama's story progressed, I noticed how my young Aunt Laura 00:05:22.460 --> 00:05:27.980 align:middle line:84% had lowered her eyes refusing to meet mama's meaningful gaze. 00:05:27.980 --> 00:05:32.420 align:middle line:84% Laura was 17 in her last year of high school 00:05:32.420 --> 00:05:35.660 align:middle line:84% and already engaged to a boy from another town who 00:05:35.660 --> 00:05:40.310 align:middle line:84% had staked his claim with a tiny diamond ring then left for Los 00:05:40.310 --> 00:05:42.950 align:middle line:90% Nueva York to make his fortune. 00:05:42.950 --> 00:05:45.740 align:middle line:84% They were planning to get married in a year. 00:05:45.740 --> 00:05:48.170 align:middle line:84% But mama had expressed serious doubts 00:05:48.170 --> 00:05:50.450 align:middle line:84% that the wedding would ever take place. 00:05:50.450 --> 00:05:55.100 align:middle line:84% In mama's eyes, a man set free without a legal contract 00:05:55.100 --> 00:05:56.930 align:middle line:90% was a man lost. 00:05:56.930 --> 00:05:58.940 align:middle line:84% She believed that marriage was not 00:05:58.940 --> 00:06:01.940 align:middle line:84% something men really desired but simply 00:06:01.940 --> 00:06:05.360 align:middle line:84% the price they had to pay for the privilege of children. 00:06:05.360 --> 00:06:08.930 align:middle line:84% And of course, for what no decent synonymous 00:06:08.930 --> 00:06:13.130 align:middle line:84% with smart woman would give away for free. 00:06:13.130 --> 00:06:18.530 align:middle line:84% Maria La Loca was only 17 when it happened to her. 00:06:18.530 --> 00:06:21.650 align:middle line:84% I listened closely at the mention of this name. 00:06:21.650 --> 00:06:25.280 align:middle line:84% Maria was a town character, a fat middle 00:06:25.280 --> 00:06:27.470 align:middle line:84% aged woman who lived with her old mother 00:06:27.470 --> 00:06:29.420 align:middle line:90% on the outskirts of town. 00:06:29.420 --> 00:06:32.090 align:middle line:84% She was to be seen around the pueblo delivering 00:06:32.090 --> 00:06:35.390 align:middle line:84% the meat pies the two women made for a living. 00:06:35.390 --> 00:06:38.990 align:middle line:84% The most peculiar thing about Maria in my eyes 00:06:38.990 --> 00:06:42.830 align:middle line:84% was that she walked and moved like a little girl, though she 00:06:42.830 --> 00:06:46.620 align:middle line:84% had the thick body and wrinkled face of an old woman. 00:06:46.620 --> 00:06:50.240 align:middle line:84% She would swing her hips in an exaggerated clownish 00:06:50.240 --> 00:06:55.010 align:middle line:84% way and sometimes even hop and skip up to someone's house. 00:06:55.010 --> 00:06:56.870 align:middle line:90% She spoke to no one. 00:06:56.870 --> 00:06:59.210 align:middle line:84% Even if you asked her a question, 00:06:59.210 --> 00:07:03.530 align:middle line:84% she would just look at you and smile showing her yellow teeth. 00:07:03.530 --> 00:07:06.380 align:middle line:84% But I had heard that if you got close enough 00:07:06.380 --> 00:07:10.190 align:middle line:84% you could hear her humming a tune without words. 00:07:10.190 --> 00:07:15.020 align:middle line:84% The kids yelled out nasty things at her calling her la loca. 00:07:15.020 --> 00:07:19.280 align:middle line:84% And the men who hung out at the bodega playing dominoes 00:07:19.280 --> 00:07:22.280 align:middle line:84% sometimes whistled mockingly as she 00:07:22.280 --> 00:07:25.850 align:middle line:84% passed by with her funny outlandish walk. 00:07:25.850 --> 00:07:28.310 align:middle line:84% But Maria seemed impervious to it 00:07:28.310 --> 00:07:31.670 align:middle line:84% all, carrying her basket of pastels 00:07:31.670 --> 00:07:35.990 align:middle line:84% like a grotesque little Red Riding Hood through the forest. 00:07:35.990 --> 00:07:40.190 align:middle line:84% Maria La Loca interested me as did all the eccentrics 00:07:40.190 --> 00:07:42.150 align:middle line:90% and crazies of our pueblo. 00:07:42.150 --> 00:07:45.200 align:middle line:84% Their weirdness was a measuring stick 00:07:45.200 --> 00:07:49.730 align:middle line:84% I used in my serious quest for a definition of normal. 00:07:49.730 --> 00:07:54.050 align:middle line:84% As a Navy brat shuttling between New Jersey and the pueblo, 00:07:54.050 --> 00:07:56.840 align:middle line:84% I was constantly made to feel like an oddball 00:07:56.840 --> 00:08:01.010 align:middle line:84% by my peers who made fun of my two way accent. 00:08:01.010 --> 00:08:03.830 align:middle line:84% A Spanish accent when I spoke English 00:08:03.830 --> 00:08:06.110 align:middle line:84% and when I spoke Spanish I was told 00:08:06.110 --> 00:08:08.420 align:middle line:90% that I sounded like a gringo. 00:08:08.420 --> 00:08:11.900 align:middle line:84% Being the outsiders had already turned my brother and me 00:08:11.900 --> 00:08:16.010 align:middle line:84% into cultural chameleons, developing early the ability 00:08:16.010 --> 00:08:21.110 align:middle line:84% to blend into a crowd to sit and read quietly in a fifth story 00:08:21.110 --> 00:08:23.690 align:middle line:84% apartment building for days and days 00:08:23.690 --> 00:08:27.140 align:middle line:84% when it was too bitterly cold to play outside. 00:08:27.140 --> 00:08:31.430 align:middle line:84% Or set free to run wild in mama's realm 00:08:31.430 --> 00:08:33.890 align:middle line:84% where she took charge of our lives 00:08:33.890 --> 00:08:37.130 align:middle line:84% releasing mother for a while from the intense fear 00:08:37.130 --> 00:08:42.131 align:middle line:84% for our safety that our father's absences instilled in her. 00:08:42.131 --> 00:08:46.270 align:middle line:84% In order to keep us from harm when father was away, 00:08:46.270 --> 00:08:49.040 align:middle line:84% mother kept us under strict surveillance. 00:08:49.040 --> 00:08:52.130 align:middle line:84% She even walked us to and from public school number 00:08:52.130 --> 00:08:54.740 align:middle line:84% 11, which we attended during the months 00:08:54.740 --> 00:08:57.320 align:middle line:84% we lived in Paterson, New Jersey, our home base 00:08:57.320 --> 00:08:58.610 align:middle line:90% in the states. 00:08:58.610 --> 00:09:02.360 align:middle line:84% Mama freed the three of us like pigeons from a cage. 00:09:02.360 --> 00:09:05.810 align:middle line:84% I saw her as my liberator and my model. 00:09:05.810 --> 00:09:11.690 align:middle line:84% Her stories were parables from which to glean the truth. 00:09:11.690 --> 00:09:15.530 align:middle line:84% Maria La Loca was once a beautiful girl. 00:09:15.530 --> 00:09:19.190 align:middle line:84% Everyone thought she would marry the Mendez boy. 00:09:19.190 --> 00:09:22.190 align:middle line:84% As everyone knew Rogelio Mendez was no other 00:09:22.190 --> 00:09:24.200 align:middle line:90% than the richest man in town. 00:09:24.200 --> 00:09:28.890 align:middle line:84% But mama continued, knitting my hair with the same intensity 00:09:28.890 --> 00:09:32.810 align:middle line:84% she was putting into her story, this macho 00:09:32.810 --> 00:09:36.320 align:middle line:84% made a fool out of her and ruined her life. 00:09:36.320 --> 00:09:40.880 align:middle line:84% She paused for the effect of her use of the word macho, which 00:09:40.880 --> 00:09:43.970 align:middle line:84% at that time had not yet become a popular epithet 00:09:43.970 --> 00:09:46.100 align:middle line:90% for a non liberated man. 00:09:46.100 --> 00:09:50.570 align:middle line:84% This word had for us the crude and comical connotation 00:09:50.570 --> 00:09:53.810 align:middle line:90% of male of the species, stud. 00:09:53.810 --> 00:09:58.100 align:middle line:84% A macho was what you put in a pen to increase your stock. 00:09:58.100 --> 00:10:01.410 align:middle line:84% I peeked over my comic book at my mother. 00:10:01.410 --> 00:10:05.460 align:middle line:84% She too was under mama's spell, smiling conspiratorially 00:10:05.460 --> 00:10:07.770 align:middle line:90% at this little swipe at men. 00:10:07.770 --> 00:10:11.070 align:middle line:84% She was safe from mama's contempt in this area, 00:10:11.070 --> 00:10:15.030 align:middle line:84% married at an early age an unspotted lamb. 00:10:15.030 --> 00:10:18.630 align:middle line:84% She had been accepted by a good family of strict Spaniards 00:10:18.630 --> 00:10:22.140 align:middle line:84% whose name was old and respected though their fortune had 00:10:22.140 --> 00:10:25.110 align:middle line:90% been lost long before my birth. 00:10:25.110 --> 00:10:29.430 align:middle line:84% In a rocker, papa had painted sky blue sat mama's oldest 00:10:29.430 --> 00:10:34.290 align:middle line:84% child Aunt Nina mother of three children, stepmother 00:10:34.290 --> 00:10:35.520 align:middle line:90% of two more. 00:10:35.520 --> 00:10:39.360 align:middle line:84% She was a quiet woman who liked books but had married 00:10:39.360 --> 00:10:42.780 align:middle line:84% an arrogant and ignorant widower whose main interest in life 00:10:42.780 --> 00:10:44.670 align:middle line:90% was accumulating wealth. 00:10:44.670 --> 00:10:46.800 align:middle line:84% He too was in the mainland working 00:10:46.800 --> 00:10:50.370 align:middle line:84% on his dream of returning home rich and triumphant 00:10:50.370 --> 00:10:53.200 align:middle line:90% to buy the finca of his dreams. 00:10:53.200 --> 00:10:55.650 align:middle line:84% She was waiting for him to send for her. 00:10:55.650 --> 00:10:59.100 align:middle line:84% She would leave her children with mama for several years 00:10:59.100 --> 00:11:02.310 align:middle line:84% while the two of them slaved away in factories. 00:11:02.310 --> 00:11:06.690 align:middle line:84% He would one day be a rich man and she a sadder woman. 00:11:06.690 --> 00:11:09.600 align:middle line:84% Even now her life light was dimming. 00:11:09.600 --> 00:11:13.530 align:middle line:84% She spoke little in aberration in mama's house 00:11:13.530 --> 00:11:18.240 align:middle line:84% and she read avidly as if storing up spiritual food 00:11:18.240 --> 00:11:21.870 align:middle line:84% for the long winters that awaited her in Los Nueva Yores 00:11:21.870 --> 00:11:24.330 align:middle line:90% without her family. 00:11:24.330 --> 00:11:29.670 align:middle line:84% But even Aunt Nina came alive to mama's words rocking gently 00:11:29.670 --> 00:11:32.970 align:middle line:84% her hands over a thick book in her lap. 00:11:32.970 --> 00:11:36.900 align:middle line:84% Her daughter, my cousin Sara played jacks by herself 00:11:36.900 --> 00:11:40.200 align:middle line:84% on the tile porch outside the room where we sat. 00:11:40.200 --> 00:11:43.260 align:middle line:84% She was a year older than I. We shared 00:11:43.260 --> 00:11:47.280 align:middle line:84% a bed and all our family secrets, collaborators 00:11:47.280 --> 00:11:48.870 align:middle line:90% in search of answers. 00:11:48.870 --> 00:11:53.100 align:middle line:84% Sara and I discussed everything we heard the women say, 00:11:53.100 --> 00:11:56.490 align:middle line:84% trying to fit it all together like a puzzle that 00:11:56.490 --> 00:12:00.360 align:middle line:84% once assembled would reveal life's mysteries to us. 00:12:00.360 --> 00:12:04.290 align:middle line:84% Though she and I still enjoyed taking part in boys games 00:12:04.290 --> 00:12:07.620 align:middle line:84% chase volleyball and even vaqueros 00:12:07.620 --> 00:12:11.640 align:middle line:84% the island version of cowboys and Indians involving cap gun 00:12:11.640 --> 00:12:16.080 align:middle line:84% battles and violent shootouts under the mango tree in mama's 00:12:16.080 --> 00:12:20.790 align:middle line:84% backyard, we loved best the quiet hours in the afternoon 00:12:20.790 --> 00:12:23.370 align:middle line:84% when the men were still at work and the boys 00:12:23.370 --> 00:12:27.180 align:middle line:84% had gone to play serious baseball at the park. 00:12:27.180 --> 00:12:31.080 align:middle line:84% Then mama's house belonged only to us women. 00:12:31.080 --> 00:12:34.500 align:middle line:84% The aroma of coffee perking in the kitchen, 00:12:34.500 --> 00:12:38.400 align:middle line:84% the mesmerizing creaks and groans of the rockers, 00:12:38.400 --> 00:12:42.000 align:middle line:84% and the women telling their lives in cuentos 00:12:42.000 --> 00:12:46.740 align:middle line:84% are forever woven into the fabric of my imagination. 00:12:46.740 --> 00:12:51.570 align:middle line:84% Braided like my hair that day, I felt my grandmother's hands 00:12:51.570 --> 00:12:55.260 align:middle line:84% teaching me about strength, her voice convincing me 00:12:55.260 --> 00:12:58.470 align:middle line:90% of the power of storytelling. 00:12:58.470 --> 00:13:03.300 align:middle line:84% That day mama told us how the beautiful Maria had fallen prey 00:13:03.300 --> 00:13:07.260 align:middle line:84% to a man whose name was never the same in subsequent versions 00:13:07.260 --> 00:13:08.340 align:middle line:90% of the story. 00:13:08.340 --> 00:13:13.950 align:middle line:84% It was Juan one time, Jose, Rafael, Diego, another. 00:13:13.950 --> 00:13:17.130 align:middle line:84% We understood that the name and really any of the facts 00:13:17.130 --> 00:13:21.090 align:middle line:84% were not important only that a woman had allowed love 00:13:21.090 --> 00:13:22.920 align:middle line:90% to defeat her. 00:13:22.920 --> 00:13:25.590 align:middle line:84% Mama put each of us in Maria's place 00:13:25.590 --> 00:13:29.220 align:middle line:84% by describing her wedding dress in loving detail. 00:13:29.220 --> 00:13:32.250 align:middle line:84% How she looked like a princess in her lace as she 00:13:32.250 --> 00:13:34.110 align:middle line:90% waited at the altar. 00:13:34.110 --> 00:13:39.300 align:middle line:84% Then as mama approached the tragic denouement of her story, 00:13:39.300 --> 00:13:42.330 align:middle line:84% I was distracted by the sound of my Aunt Laura's 00:13:42.330 --> 00:13:44.070 align:middle line:90% violent rocking. 00:13:44.070 --> 00:13:47.010 align:middle line:84% She seemed to be on the verge of tears. 00:13:47.010 --> 00:13:50.400 align:middle line:84% She knew the fable was intended for her. 00:13:50.400 --> 00:13:53.670 align:middle line:84% That week she was going to have her wedding gown fitted 00:13:53.670 --> 00:13:57.150 align:middle line:84% though no firm date had been set for the marriage. 00:13:57.150 --> 00:14:01.110 align:middle line:84% Mama ignored Laura's obvious discomfort digging 00:14:01.110 --> 00:14:04.770 align:middle line:84% out a ribbon from the sewing basket she kept by her rocker 00:14:04.770 --> 00:14:09.810 align:middle line:84% while describing Maria's long illness, a fever that would not 00:14:09.810 --> 00:14:12.270 align:middle line:90% break for days. 00:14:12.270 --> 00:14:14.970 align:middle line:84% She spoke of her mother's despair, 00:14:14.970 --> 00:14:18.330 align:middle line:84% that woman climbed the church steps on her knees 00:14:18.330 --> 00:14:23.430 align:middle line:84% every morning, wore only black as a promesa to the Holy Virgin 00:14:23.430 --> 00:14:26.220 align:middle line:84% in exchange for her daughter's health. 00:14:26.220 --> 00:14:30.150 align:middle line:84% By the time Maria returned from her honeymoon with death, 00:14:30.150 --> 00:14:34.920 align:middle line:84% she was ravished no longer young or sane. 00:14:34.920 --> 00:14:39.960 align:middle line:84% As you can see she is almost as old as her mother already. 00:14:39.960 --> 00:14:44.730 align:middle line:84% Mama lamented while tying the ribbon to the ends of my hair 00:14:44.730 --> 00:14:48.120 align:middle line:84% pulling it back with such force that I just 00:14:48.120 --> 00:14:51.450 align:middle line:84% knew that I would never be able to close my eyes completely 00:14:51.450 --> 00:14:53.610 align:middle line:90% again. 00:14:53.610 --> 00:14:57.240 align:middle line:84% That Maria is getting crazier every day. 00:14:57.240 --> 00:15:00.570 align:middle line:84% Mama's voice would take a lighter tone now 00:15:00.570 --> 00:15:05.150 align:middle line:84% expressing satisfaction either for the perfection of my braid 00:15:05.150 --> 00:15:07.370 align:middle line:90% or for a story well told. 00:15:07.370 --> 00:15:09.440 align:middle line:90% It was hard to tell. 00:15:09.440 --> 00:15:12.920 align:middle line:84% You know that tune she is always humming? 00:15:12.920 --> 00:15:17.000 align:middle line:84% Carried away by her enthusiasm I tried to nod 00:15:17.000 --> 00:15:21.050 align:middle line:84% but mama would still have me pinned between her knees. 00:15:21.050 --> 00:15:23.810 align:middle line:90% Well, that's the wedding march. 00:15:23.810 --> 00:15:30.200 align:middle line:84% Surprising us all mama sang out da da, 00:15:30.200 --> 00:15:33.920 align:middle line:84% then lifting me off the floor by my skinny shoulders 00:15:33.920 --> 00:15:39.080 align:middle line:84% she led me around the room in an impromptu waltz another session 00:15:39.080 --> 00:15:41.420 align:middle line:84% ending with the laughter of women 00:15:41.420 --> 00:15:46.770 align:middle line:84% all of us caught up in the infectious joke of our lives. 00:15:46.770 --> 00:15:48.695 align:middle line:90% And I wrote that. 00:15:48.695 --> 00:15:52.400 align:middle line:84% And in that essay and I hesitate to call it essay 00:15:52.400 --> 00:15:58.010 align:middle line:84% because it's really like I said creative nonfiction 00:15:58.010 --> 00:16:02.630 align:middle line:84% I have information that later appears in many of my poems 00:16:02.630 --> 00:16:04.070 align:middle line:90% but actually not later. 00:16:04.070 --> 00:16:07.580 align:middle line:84% It appears in my poems first and then 00:16:07.580 --> 00:16:11.720 align:middle line:84% I dug back in my memory to see where I had gotten it. 00:16:11.720 --> 00:16:13.610 align:middle line:84% And I would like to read you now the poem 00:16:13.610 --> 00:16:15.020 align:middle line:90% that follows this essay. 00:16:15.020 --> 00:16:18.350 align:middle line:84% One of the first poems I ever wrote 00:16:18.350 --> 00:16:21.200 align:middle line:84% was The Woman Who Was Left at the Altar. 00:16:21.200 --> 00:16:27.410 align:middle line:84% And later it occurred to me that I had retold mama's story 00:16:27.410 --> 00:16:29.750 align:middle line:90% and made it my own. 00:16:29.750 --> 00:16:32.870 align:middle line:84% This time you know I added all kinds of little things to it 00:16:32.870 --> 00:16:35.270 align:middle line:84% but it was definitely mama's story 00:16:35.270 --> 00:16:38.360 align:middle line:84% and I had used her license to change names and whatever 00:16:38.360 --> 00:16:40.360 align:middle line:90% to make a point.