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And another poem that
came out in the New Yorker

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about the same time,
a year or so ago.

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"Suicide Note."

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I take no virtue of this,
as I finger the handgun.

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Insulted, as I am, by
too much power of life.

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Too small, too hurt in
an alien place too large

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to manage belief.

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Victim of abominations.

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Beyond the horror and
the terror of the grave,

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I can make no moral
distinction of good.

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Evil overwhelmed me.

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I require obliteration,
and shall give it to myself

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with one pull.

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Impersonal, final, and timeless.

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How to cross back through the
vile tracks that have brought

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me to this sane conviction?

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I am too depressed to
know, too weak to care.

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Veils and mists,
mists, fogs and veils,

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cover my life from the
beginning to this end.

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The tricky ways of the
living were without help.

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I go useless to the
useless land of the dead.

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It was the unrighteousness
of the bad Germany,

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without the hope of
kindliness or mercy,

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has brought me to the edge
of the peace of my ruin.

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I attest.

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I cancel the letter
you sent me, God.

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