WEBVTT

00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.410 align:middle line:90%


00:00:01.410 --> 00:00:03.360 align:middle line:90%
And now, the Cannon poem.

00:00:03.360 --> 00:00:07.350 align:middle line:90%


00:00:07.350 --> 00:00:11.190 align:middle line:84%
I don't think you'll find
it particularly funny.

00:00:11.190 --> 00:00:13.050 align:middle line:84%
What it consists
of, structurally,

00:00:13.050 --> 00:00:16.200 align:middle line:84%
is a list of scenes that,
for one reason or another

00:00:16.200 --> 00:00:17.730 align:middle line:90%
stuck in my head.

00:00:17.730 --> 00:00:20.250 align:middle line:84%
Maybe you'll recognize
some of them also.

00:00:20.250 --> 00:00:23.790 align:middle line:84%
But it ends in a
similar way that many

00:00:23.790 --> 00:00:27.990 align:middle line:84%
of Cannon's shows, programs
end-- as his program ended

00:00:27.990 --> 00:00:28.545 align:middle line:90%
last night.

00:00:28.545 --> 00:00:34.590 align:middle line:90%


00:00:34.590 --> 00:00:36.690 align:middle line:84%
Usually, although this
didn't happen last night.

00:00:36.690 --> 00:00:38.490 align:middle line:84%
Usually he's back
at his apartment

00:00:38.490 --> 00:00:41.550 align:middle line:90%
whipping up some fantastic meal.

00:00:41.550 --> 00:00:45.210 align:middle line:84%
Sniffing the spaghetti,
and another element to that

00:00:45.210 --> 00:00:46.440 align:middle line:90%
ending scene.

00:00:46.440 --> 00:00:49.350 align:middle line:84%
There always are,
or is, there always

00:00:49.350 --> 00:00:52.420 align:middle line:84%
is a beautiful woman
in the room with him.

00:00:52.420 --> 00:00:54.610 align:middle line:84%
Now, I find this
interesting because women

00:00:54.610 --> 00:00:57.460 align:middle line:84%
seem to react to Cannon as
if you were a father figure.

00:00:57.460 --> 00:01:00.250 align:middle line:84%
There's never any
sexual danger implied.

00:01:00.250 --> 00:01:03.160 align:middle line:84%
When they kiss him, they kiss
him on his bald forehead.

00:01:03.160 --> 00:01:06.990 align:middle line:90%


00:01:06.990 --> 00:01:10.020 align:middle line:84%
So apparently,
according to the show,

00:01:10.020 --> 00:01:13.830 align:middle line:84%
women are attracted to him,
but not for sexual reasons.

00:01:13.830 --> 00:01:16.200 align:middle line:84%
It makes a very safe
relationship, doesn't it.

00:01:16.200 --> 00:01:20.190 align:middle line:90%


00:01:20.190 --> 00:01:24.020 align:middle line:84%
Even fat men can be
beautiful, though he

00:01:24.020 --> 00:01:26.910 align:middle line:84%
skips like a bird
fed on garbage,

00:01:26.910 --> 00:01:32.340 align:middle line:84%
on thin legs down the beach
clutching his toy gun.

00:01:32.340 --> 00:01:36.090 align:middle line:84%
Or stands in the quarry with
a prostitute on his arm trying

00:01:36.090 --> 00:01:38.550 align:middle line:84%
to save her reputation
as a teacher, calling,

00:01:38.550 --> 00:01:43.170 align:middle line:84%
Charlie, Charlie, all night
long at the guardian moon,

00:01:43.170 --> 00:01:47.040 align:middle line:84%
puzzled over the brambles
outside Los Angeles.

00:01:47.040 --> 00:01:49.950 align:middle line:84%
Where in another day,
there were his targets.

00:01:49.950 --> 00:01:54.150 align:middle line:84%
Perfect tin foil images
of himself that popped up,

00:01:54.150 --> 00:01:56.640 align:middle line:84%
and the criminals
slaughtered one-by-one

00:01:56.640 --> 00:01:59.250 align:middle line:90%
going mad with turning.

00:01:59.250 --> 00:02:02.550 align:middle line:84%
Like all of us,
he loves animals,

00:02:02.550 --> 00:02:06.330 align:middle line:84%
but when the lion appears a
revelation around the corner,

00:02:06.330 --> 00:02:08.970 align:middle line:90%
the drugs sewn under his skin.

00:02:08.970 --> 00:02:11.850 align:middle line:84%
What else can he do
but feel real fear.

00:02:11.850 --> 00:02:15.870 align:middle line:84%
His toes curl and he yells,
back, in one black word.

00:02:15.870 --> 00:02:19.680 align:middle line:84%
Like a father and fires the
puny pistol into the air in

00:02:19.680 --> 00:02:22.080 align:middle line:90%
hopes that someone will hear.

00:02:22.080 --> 00:02:23.970 align:middle line:90%
But that is soon over.

00:02:23.970 --> 00:02:27.480 align:middle line:84%
The bad dream of which
all good things are made.

00:02:27.480 --> 00:02:29.850 align:middle line:84%
And though he is back
in his apartment,

00:02:29.850 --> 00:02:33.780 align:middle line:84%
slobbering over spring
squash and pino chardonnay,

00:02:33.780 --> 00:02:37.470 align:middle line:84%
Don's favorite beans,
or Swiss cream steak.

00:02:37.470 --> 00:02:40.740 align:middle line:84%
While he tests the
spaghetti, one eyebrow

00:02:40.740 --> 00:02:43.890 align:middle line:84%
raised like God
over his creation,

00:02:43.890 --> 00:02:47.550 align:middle line:84%
though the sauce makes a stain
down his middle, that's part

00:02:47.550 --> 00:02:49.530 align:middle line:90%
of the scene for salvation.

00:02:49.530 --> 00:02:53.640 align:middle line:84%
And at that moment, dogs
bark, grandmothers applaud,

00:02:53.640 --> 00:02:55.470 align:middle line:84%
and the girls come
running toward him

00:02:55.470 --> 00:03:00.170 align:middle line:84%
like pinwheels attracted
to words, fearing no harm.

00:03:00.170 --> 00:03:08.000 align:middle line:90%