WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.982 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:00:02.982 --> 00:00:13.440 align:middle line:90% 00:00:13.440 --> 00:00:15.210 align:middle line:90% It's great to be here. 00:00:15.210 --> 00:00:19.230 align:middle line:84% It really is, and I really want to thank Manuel Muñoz 00:00:19.230 --> 00:00:21.360 align:middle line:84% for putting all of my visits together. 00:00:21.360 --> 00:00:24.240 align:middle line:84% He did a lot of work and I really appreciate him. 00:00:24.240 --> 00:00:28.440 align:middle line:84% I really appreciate him as a younger colleague, 00:00:28.440 --> 00:00:34.500 align:middle line:84% and as a writer, and for the work he does as a teacher. 00:00:34.500 --> 00:00:37.500 align:middle line:90% 00:00:37.500 --> 00:00:40.420 align:middle line:84% Being a teacher is a beautiful thing. 00:00:40.420 --> 00:00:43.830 align:middle line:84% And I have been teaching for 23 years, 00:00:43.830 --> 00:00:47.730 align:middle line:84% and it's great to win the PEN/Faulkner, 00:00:47.730 --> 00:00:52.320 align:middle line:84% but it's much nicer to walk into a classroom every other day 00:00:52.320 --> 00:00:53.880 align:middle line:90% with students. 00:00:53.880 --> 00:00:55.305 align:middle line:90% Because that feels very real. 00:00:55.305 --> 00:01:00.030 align:middle line:90% 00:01:00.030 --> 00:01:03.300 align:middle line:84% I'm going to read you a story called "The Rule Maker" 00:01:03.300 --> 00:01:08.850 align:middle line:84% but since all of my stories are so long, and all of my stories, 00:01:08.850 --> 00:01:11.580 align:middle line:90% they all want to be novels. 00:01:11.580 --> 00:01:13.000 align:middle line:90% They really do. 00:01:13.000 --> 00:01:16.080 align:middle line:84% And so, I'm just going to set it up for you, 00:01:16.080 --> 00:01:18.990 align:middle line:84% and then I'm going to read the second half of it. 00:01:18.990 --> 00:01:21.515 align:middle line:84% And I'm going to read you just the first section, 00:01:21.515 --> 00:01:23.640 align:middle line:84% and then I'm going to talk a little about the story 00:01:23.640 --> 00:01:25.650 align:middle line:84% to set it up for you, and then end it, 00:01:25.650 --> 00:01:28.140 align:middle line:84% because I think it's important to get 00:01:28.140 --> 00:01:32.970 align:middle line:84% a whole experience of a story but if I read it all, 00:01:32.970 --> 00:01:35.610 align:middle line:84% I'm afraid it would put you all to sleep, 00:01:35.610 --> 00:01:38.130 align:middle line:84% and I don't want to do that to you because you're very nice 00:01:38.130 --> 00:01:40.620 align:middle line:90% people, I'm sure. 00:01:40.620 --> 00:01:45.180 align:middle line:84% So this is "The Rule Maker," and it 00:01:45.180 --> 00:01:48.240 align:middle line:84% is about a young man who grows up in Juarez and winds 00:01:48.240 --> 00:01:52.947 align:middle line:84% up in El Paso, which is not an uncommon thing, by the way. 00:01:52.947 --> 00:01:55.530 align:middle line:84% It's just people come back and forth and they live over there, 00:01:55.530 --> 00:01:57.345 align:middle line:84% and they live over here, and all of that. 00:01:57.345 --> 00:02:01.131 align:middle line:90% 00:02:01.131 --> 00:02:04.380 align:middle line:84% We're not very respectful of borders in that way. 00:02:04.380 --> 00:02:08.892 align:middle line:84% I think Arizona always understands that. 00:02:08.892 --> 00:02:09.600 align:middle line:90% "The Rule Maker." 00:02:09.600 --> 00:02:12.470 align:middle line:90% 00:02:12.470 --> 00:02:14.510 align:middle line:84% There are things I still remember 00:02:14.510 --> 00:02:17.180 align:middle line:90% about growing up in Juarez. 00:02:17.180 --> 00:02:23.000 align:middle line:84% I remember the name of my school, Escuela Carlos Amaya. 00:02:23.000 --> 00:02:27.020 align:middle line:84% I remember my first grade teacher's name, 00:02:27.020 --> 00:02:29.360 align:middle line:90% Laura Servillos. 00:02:29.360 --> 00:02:33.950 align:middle line:84% I wanted her to be my mother, not because she was pretty, 00:02:33.950 --> 00:02:39.260 align:middle line:84% but because she was so nice and she smelled like flowers. 00:02:39.260 --> 00:02:43.460 align:middle line:84% I remember the playground-- cement and dirt and grass 00:02:43.460 --> 00:02:46.520 align:middle line:84% that never really grew up to become lawn 00:02:46.520 --> 00:02:50.510 align:middle line:84% because it was never watered and because we stomped the ground 00:02:50.510 --> 00:02:53.600 align:middle line:90% until it was fine powder. 00:02:53.600 --> 00:02:59.450 align:middle line:84% We couldn't pound anything else, but we could pound the dirt. 00:02:59.450 --> 00:03:02.120 align:middle line:84% I remember the fence around the school, a fence that 00:03:02.120 --> 00:03:05.480 align:middle line:90% was there to make us feel safe. 00:03:05.480 --> 00:03:08.870 align:middle line:84% I remember the first time I got into a fight. 00:03:08.870 --> 00:03:10.950 align:middle line:90% I wasn't any good at it. 00:03:10.950 --> 00:03:15.800 align:middle line:84% I was 8, and Marcos Manriquez punched me right in the stomach 00:03:15.800 --> 00:03:19.910 align:middle line:84% and I writhe on the ground in pain. 00:03:19.910 --> 00:03:23.000 align:middle line:84% Later on that day he screamed, but I just 00:03:23.000 --> 00:03:26.060 align:middle line:84% lay there on the ground and refused to get up. 00:03:26.060 --> 00:03:29.390 align:middle line:84% Everyone laughed at me and called me a joto 00:03:29.390 --> 00:03:33.980 align:middle line:84% all the other mean names kids call each other. 00:03:33.980 --> 00:03:37.790 align:middle line:84% I don't think I cared that they called me names. 00:03:37.790 --> 00:03:39.740 align:middle line:84% It didn't bother me because I didn't 00:03:39.740 --> 00:03:44.120 align:middle line:84% think it was a good thing to know how to fight, to use 00:03:44.120 --> 00:03:47.070 align:middle line:90% your fists on other people. 00:03:47.070 --> 00:03:51.390 align:middle line:84% I never liked the idea of hurting other people. 00:03:51.390 --> 00:03:56.750 align:middle line:84% And if that made me a joto, then I guess that's what I was. 00:03:56.750 --> 00:04:01.260 align:middle line:84% Not that I knew what a joto meant at the time. 00:04:01.260 --> 00:04:05.870 align:middle line:84% And so this young man, and this little boy grows up in Juarez 00:04:05.870 --> 00:04:07.730 align:middle line:90% and his mother is quite absent. 00:04:07.730 --> 00:04:10.700 align:middle line:90% 00:04:10.700 --> 00:04:13.500 align:middle line:84% He really grows up alone with his friends, 00:04:13.500 --> 00:04:16.339 align:middle line:84% families that lived in the neighborhood. 00:04:16.339 --> 00:04:21.890 align:middle line:84% And we get the idea in the story, 00:04:21.890 --> 00:04:24.740 align:middle line:84% although it's never really explicitly stated, 00:04:24.740 --> 00:04:26.780 align:middle line:90% that she's a prostitute. 00:04:26.780 --> 00:04:30.180 align:middle line:90% But we don't really know that. 00:04:30.180 --> 00:04:33.230 align:middle line:90% And he grows up alone. 00:04:33.230 --> 00:04:36.800 align:middle line:84% So they always go back and forth into El Paso, 00:04:36.800 --> 00:04:39.140 align:middle line:90% and he's a US citizen. 00:04:39.140 --> 00:04:45.608 align:middle line:84% His mother's always made sure that he knows English, 00:04:45.608 --> 00:04:47.150 align:middle line:84% because she's from the United States, 00:04:47.150 --> 00:04:50.420 align:middle line:84% but she lives in Juarez, and she makes 00:04:50.420 --> 00:04:55.190 align:middle line:84% him read books in English, and he knows English. 00:04:55.190 --> 00:04:58.940 align:middle line:84% His mother makes sure, and she tests him. 00:04:58.940 --> 00:05:02.540 align:middle line:84% One day, they go to El Paso, which is not unusual, 00:05:02.540 --> 00:05:05.990 align:middle line:84% because she has her family there, her sisters, aunts, 00:05:05.990 --> 00:05:10.970 align:middle line:90% and she leaves him. 00:05:10.970 --> 00:05:13.370 align:middle line:84% He doesn't know this, but she leaves him 00:05:13.370 --> 00:05:17.900 align:middle line:84% at the steps of a father he doesn't know. 00:05:17.900 --> 00:05:21.380 align:middle line:90% she just leaves him there. 00:05:21.380 --> 00:05:24.200 align:middle line:90% He tells her that-- 00:05:24.200 --> 00:05:27.270 align:middle line:90% 00:05:27.270 --> 00:05:32.100 align:middle line:84% as she's leaving, that he hates her, 00:05:32.100 --> 00:05:35.850 align:middle line:84% but he confesses that he doesn't hate her. 00:05:35.850 --> 00:05:40.590 align:middle line:84% He can't hate her, and he gets obsessed with-- 00:05:40.590 --> 00:05:45.930 align:middle line:84% he has a picture of her and he draws it, he sketches. 00:05:45.930 --> 00:05:51.752 align:middle line:84% When he gets to his father's house whom he doesn't know, 00:05:51.752 --> 00:05:52.960 align:middle line:90% his father just looks at him. 00:05:52.960 --> 00:05:57.180 align:middle line:84% His father had no idea he had a son, and he just-- 00:05:57.180 --> 00:06:00.615 align:middle line:84% he's there, there's this boy, and he's got to raise this boy. 00:06:00.615 --> 00:06:03.180 align:middle line:90% 00:06:03.180 --> 00:06:08.130 align:middle line:84% So they're these strangers that have to get to know each other. 00:06:08.130 --> 00:06:15.060 align:middle line:84% The story picks up from there because the boy is really-- 00:06:15.060 --> 00:06:16.590 align:middle line:90% he's a sweet kid. 00:06:16.590 --> 00:06:19.170 align:middle line:84% And he worries about-- his father disappears sometimes, 00:06:19.170 --> 00:06:21.600 align:middle line:84% and he worries about him, and he doesn't 00:06:21.600 --> 00:06:23.913 align:middle line:90% know where his father is. 00:06:23.913 --> 00:06:25.455 align:middle line:84% His father doesn't really have a job. 00:06:25.455 --> 00:06:30.480 align:middle line:90% 00:06:30.480 --> 00:06:32.460 align:middle line:84% Then he discovers, actually in the story 00:06:32.460 --> 00:06:34.740 align:middle line:84% that his father a drug dealer, and that's 00:06:34.740 --> 00:06:37.230 align:middle line:90% how he makes a living. 00:06:37.230 --> 00:06:38.880 align:middle line:90% But there he is. 00:06:38.880 --> 00:06:40.110 align:middle line:90% His name is Max. 00:06:40.110 --> 00:06:42.000 align:middle line:84% So the story picks up from there. 00:06:42.000 --> 00:06:44.510 align:middle line:90% 00:06:44.510 --> 00:06:49.520 align:middle line:84% That Sunday night, I texted him, "You OK?" 00:06:49.520 --> 00:06:52.940 align:middle line:84% A few minutes later, he texted me back. 00:06:52.940 --> 00:06:55.010 align:middle line:90% "I like women. 00:06:55.010 --> 00:06:58.070 align:middle line:90% Do your homework." 00:06:58.070 --> 00:07:00.770 align:middle line:84% I like women, I like women, I like women. 00:07:00.770 --> 00:07:02.540 align:middle line:90% Bullshit, I thought. 00:07:02.540 --> 00:07:04.580 align:middle line:90% It's not just women. 00:07:04.580 --> 00:07:07.550 align:middle line:90% It's women who like to party. 00:07:07.550 --> 00:07:12.110 align:middle line:84% By then I knew from being around my dad's customers 00:07:12.110 --> 00:07:17.060 align:middle line:84% that partying meant drugs plus sex. 00:07:17.060 --> 00:07:19.370 align:middle line:90% I knew what he was up to. 00:07:19.370 --> 00:07:25.310 align:middle line:84% I tried not to let it upset me, but it did upset me. 00:07:25.310 --> 00:07:29.030 align:middle line:84% But what the fuck was I supposed to do about it anyway? 00:07:29.030 --> 00:07:34.040 align:middle line:84% I would never rat him out and I would never run away from home. 00:07:34.040 --> 00:07:37.490 align:middle line:84% Those were things I didn't have in me. 00:07:37.490 --> 00:07:42.500 align:middle line:84% I wondered if that made me a good boy, or a bad boy. 00:07:42.500 --> 00:07:46.175 align:middle line:90% Maybe I was just an afraid boy. 00:07:46.175 --> 00:07:49.570 align:middle line:90% 00:07:49.570 --> 00:07:52.690 align:middle line:84% A couple of guys came over one evening. 00:07:52.690 --> 00:07:54.790 align:middle line:90% I knew what was happening. 00:07:54.790 --> 00:07:57.760 align:middle line:90% My father went into his room. 00:07:57.760 --> 00:08:00.550 align:middle line:84% The two guys were smoking cigarettes on the porch, 00:08:00.550 --> 00:08:03.850 align:middle line:84% and I could hear what they were saying. 00:08:03.850 --> 00:08:06.610 align:middle line:90% This connect has good shit. 00:08:06.610 --> 00:08:09.160 align:middle line:90% So that's what my father was-- 00:08:09.160 --> 00:08:11.020 align:middle line:90% a connect. 00:08:11.020 --> 00:08:14.050 align:middle line:84% After a few months, I realized that my father 00:08:14.050 --> 00:08:20.260 align:middle line:84% had what other businessmen would call a diversified portfolio. 00:08:20.260 --> 00:08:29.780 align:middle line:84% He dealt in marijuana, cocaine, crack, ecstasy, heroin, 00:08:29.780 --> 00:08:32.240 align:middle line:90% and crystal meth. 00:08:32.240 --> 00:08:35.809 align:middle line:84% I looked up all the drugs on the internet. 00:08:35.809 --> 00:08:38.600 align:middle line:90% I knew all about them. 00:08:38.600 --> 00:08:41.270 align:middle line:84% My father came into my room one night. 00:08:41.270 --> 00:08:45.080 align:middle line:84% All he said was, If you ever come into-- 00:08:45.080 --> 00:08:50.300 align:middle line:84% if you ever do drugs, I'll beat the holy shit out of you 00:08:50.300 --> 00:08:54.230 align:middle line:84% and kick your ass out on the street. 00:08:54.230 --> 00:08:58.370 align:middle line:84% When he left my room, I sort of laughed. 00:08:58.370 --> 00:09:01.490 align:middle line:84% He was like fucking Moses writing down 00:09:01.490 --> 00:09:03.920 align:middle line:90% the Ten Commandments. 00:09:03.920 --> 00:09:06.965 align:middle line:84% I put the new rule on the top of the list. 00:09:06.965 --> 00:09:09.580 align:middle line:90% 00:09:09.580 --> 00:09:13.000 align:middle line:84% My father got a credit card in my name. 00:09:13.000 --> 00:09:20.240 align:middle line:84% My allowance increased from $50 a month to $100 a month. 00:09:20.240 --> 00:09:24.910 align:middle line:84% But I was supposed to make the payments on my own credit card. 00:09:24.910 --> 00:09:27.850 align:middle line:90% He opened a bank account for me. 00:09:27.850 --> 00:09:29.830 align:middle line:90% How much money have you saved? 00:09:29.830 --> 00:09:31.630 align:middle line:90% He asked me. 00:09:31.630 --> 00:09:34.300 align:middle line:90% About $400, I said. 00:09:34.300 --> 00:09:35.680 align:middle line:90% He nodded. 00:09:35.680 --> 00:09:37.330 align:middle line:90% Good. 00:09:37.330 --> 00:09:40.750 align:middle line:84% You have to learn how to handle your finances. 00:09:40.750 --> 00:09:43.010 align:middle line:90% Another rule. 00:09:43.010 --> 00:09:47.050 align:middle line:84% These are the things my father bought me that year. 00:09:47.050 --> 00:09:50.620 align:middle line:90% One, driving lessons. 00:09:50.620 --> 00:09:54.550 align:middle line:90% Two, an Apple computer. 00:09:54.550 --> 00:09:57.640 align:middle line:90% Three, an iPhone. 00:09:57.640 --> 00:10:02.440 align:middle line:84% Four, a brand new Volkswagen. It's 00:10:02.440 --> 00:10:07.000 align:middle line:84% not as if I didn't know where the money came from. 00:10:07.000 --> 00:10:10.000 align:middle line:84% I did wonder how he laundered his money, 00:10:10.000 --> 00:10:12.970 align:middle line:84% but I found some lawyer's name on a business card 00:10:12.970 --> 00:10:16.630 align:middle line:90% on the coffee table one day. 00:10:16.630 --> 00:10:20.170 align:middle line:84% I didn't know many things about my father. 00:10:20.170 --> 00:10:23.680 align:middle line:84% I knew he didn't like to talk, and I also 00:10:23.680 --> 00:10:27.710 align:middle line:84% knew that he was a very smart man. 00:10:27.710 --> 00:10:31.310 align:middle line:84% I guess he was a real businessman. 00:10:31.310 --> 00:10:34.060 align:middle line:90% 00:10:34.060 --> 00:10:38.770 align:middle line:84% I had a habit of riding on the bus on weekends. 00:10:38.770 --> 00:10:42.310 align:middle line:84% I would get on a bus and ride around and think. 00:10:42.310 --> 00:10:45.700 align:middle line:84% One Sunday, two women, I guess they 00:10:45.700 --> 00:10:50.290 align:middle line:84% made a living by cleaning houses were having a conversation. 00:10:50.290 --> 00:10:52.690 align:middle line:84% I like listening to their Spanish 00:10:52.690 --> 00:10:56.560 align:middle line:84% and it reminded me of Juarez and of my boyhood. 00:10:56.560 --> 00:11:01.930 align:middle line:84% Everything had become so much more complicated since then. 00:11:01.930 --> 00:11:04.640 align:middle line:90% I just kept listening to them. 00:11:04.640 --> 00:11:06.850 align:middle line:84% One of the women was telling the other woman 00:11:06.850 --> 00:11:11.470 align:middle line:84% that the streets of Juarez were becoming rivers of blood. 00:11:11.470 --> 00:11:14.620 align:middle line:84% She spoke about a young woman the soldiers took away, 00:11:14.620 --> 00:11:17.500 align:middle line:90% and who was never seen again. 00:11:17.500 --> 00:11:19.960 align:middle line:84% And they spoke of the kidnappings, 00:11:19.960 --> 00:11:25.600 align:middle line:84% and beheadings, and houses where people were found tortured. 00:11:25.600 --> 00:11:32.370 align:middle line:84% They talked about all the women who had disappeared. 00:11:32.370 --> 00:11:35.120 align:middle line:84% I drifted away from their conversation, 00:11:35.120 --> 00:11:37.520 align:middle line:84% wondering what it would be like to take 00:11:37.520 --> 00:11:41.720 align:middle line:84% a gun to someone's head, to kidnap someone, 00:11:41.720 --> 00:11:44.720 align:middle line:90% to torture a man. 00:11:44.720 --> 00:11:48.770 align:middle line:84% What would it be like to cut someone's hands off? 00:11:48.770 --> 00:11:53.450 align:middle line:84% I knew there was a listserv that counted the bodies. 00:11:53.450 --> 00:11:56.030 align:middle line:90% I had just joined that listserv. 00:11:56.030 --> 00:11:59.300 align:middle line:84% It was all about the dead bodies. 00:11:59.300 --> 00:12:03.500 align:middle line:84% The thing was, that the bodies didn't have names. 00:12:03.500 --> 00:12:08.330 align:middle line:84% Sometimes, I made up names for them. 00:12:08.330 --> 00:12:11.720 align:middle line:90% I had a whole list of names. 00:12:11.720 --> 00:12:13.970 align:middle line:84% This whole thing, I thought, this whole thing 00:12:13.970 --> 00:12:18.230 align:middle line:84% was because of men like my father. 00:12:18.230 --> 00:12:22.220 align:middle line:84% I went out with some friends that night. 00:12:22.220 --> 00:12:25.220 align:middle line:84% I got drunk and I woke up the next day 00:12:25.220 --> 00:12:28.490 align:middle line:84% and discovered I was in Pete's house. 00:12:28.490 --> 00:12:31.490 align:middle line:90% I had never felt that bad. 00:12:31.490 --> 00:12:33.830 align:middle line:84% Pete walked into the living room and laughed. 00:12:33.830 --> 00:12:37.370 align:middle line:84% "You really let loose last night." 00:12:37.370 --> 00:12:39.080 align:middle line:90% Oh shit, I thought. 00:12:39.080 --> 00:12:41.780 align:middle line:84% Had I said something about my father? 00:12:41.780 --> 00:12:42.950 align:middle line:90% I don't remember. 00:12:42.950 --> 00:12:44.850 align:middle line:90% What did I do? 00:12:44.850 --> 00:12:47.060 align:middle line:90% What did I say? 00:12:47.060 --> 00:12:48.830 align:middle line:90% "You kissed Sandra." 00:12:48.830 --> 00:12:50.090 align:middle line:90% What? 00:12:50.090 --> 00:12:51.320 align:middle line:90% "No worries, dude. 00:12:51.320 --> 00:12:53.480 align:middle line:90% She kissed you back." 00:12:53.480 --> 00:12:54.590 align:middle line:90% Really? 00:12:54.590 --> 00:12:57.290 align:middle line:84% That sort of made me a little happy. 00:12:57.290 --> 00:12:58.550 align:middle line:90% "Yeah. 00:12:58.550 --> 00:13:01.520 align:middle line:90% You sort of made out all night." 00:13:01.520 --> 00:13:04.440 align:middle line:90% "That's nice," I said. 00:13:04.440 --> 00:13:06.390 align:middle line:90% "You were really drunk. 00:13:06.390 --> 00:13:10.230 align:middle line:84% But what have you got against 420?" 00:13:10.230 --> 00:13:11.430 align:middle line:90% Why? 00:13:11.430 --> 00:13:13.200 align:middle line:84% "They've offered you a joint and I 00:13:13.200 --> 00:13:16.890 align:middle line:84% thought you were going to cut his fucking head off. 00:13:16.890 --> 00:13:21.000 align:middle line:84% We had to pull you away and cool you off." 00:13:21.000 --> 00:13:22.470 align:middle line:90% I shrugged. 00:13:22.470 --> 00:13:27.240 align:middle line:84% "I just don't do drugs," I said 420's cool. 00:13:27.240 --> 00:13:28.350 align:middle line:90% I don't do weed. 00:13:28.350 --> 00:13:29.790 align:middle line:90% I don't do drugs. 00:13:29.790 --> 00:13:31.680 align:middle line:90% End of story. 00:13:31.680 --> 00:13:33.750 align:middle line:90% "Straight edger, huh?" 00:13:33.750 --> 00:13:35.370 align:middle line:90% Pretty much. 00:13:35.370 --> 00:13:37.410 align:middle line:84% "Well that's cool," Pete laughed, 00:13:37.410 --> 00:13:41.460 align:middle line:84% "but you really did let loose on that liquor, dude." 00:13:41.460 --> 00:13:43.600 align:middle line:90% I looked at my phone. 00:13:43.600 --> 00:13:45.900 align:middle line:90% I had a text from my father. 00:13:45.900 --> 00:13:47.490 align:middle line:90% "You OK?" 00:13:47.490 --> 00:13:52.560 align:middle line:84% That made me happy that he was wondering where I was. 00:13:52.560 --> 00:13:56.280 align:middle line:90% I smiled and texted him back. 00:13:56.280 --> 00:13:57.762 align:middle line:90% "I like women." 00:13:57.762 --> 00:13:59.727 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:13:59.727 --> 00:14:00.810 align:middle line:90% And there's a smiley face. 00:14:00.810 --> 00:14:03.560 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER]