WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.050 align:middle line:90% 00:00:01.050 --> 00:00:07.350 align:middle line:84% This is a three water reading I see. 00:00:07.350 --> 00:00:08.850 align:middle line:90% I have to use this thing. 00:00:08.850 --> 00:00:12.510 align:middle line:84% I've never used a portable microphone. 00:00:12.510 --> 00:00:15.140 align:middle line:90% Does it come out easily? 00:00:15.140 --> 00:00:16.920 align:middle line:90% I'm-- wow, it works. 00:00:16.920 --> 00:00:19.040 align:middle line:84% It makes you feel like Madonna up here. 00:00:19.040 --> 00:00:21.663 align:middle line:84% It's really fabulous, but I'm not 00:00:21.663 --> 00:00:23.080 align:middle line:84% going to use it while I'm reading. 00:00:23.080 --> 00:00:26.790 align:middle line:84% I wanted to answer questions afterwards 00:00:26.790 --> 00:00:29.910 align:middle line:84% because, in fact as the Boy's Extemporaneous 00:00:29.910 --> 00:00:33.360 align:middle line:84% Speaking champion of the Commonwealth of Kentucky, 00:00:33.360 --> 00:00:38.070 align:middle line:84% a distinction very important to people there, 00:00:38.070 --> 00:00:40.320 align:middle line:84% I like to do that sort of thing but that will 00:00:40.320 --> 00:00:42.930 align:middle line:90% have to wait until tomorrow. 00:00:42.930 --> 00:00:45.210 align:middle line:84% But it is good in a way because it enables me 00:00:45.210 --> 00:00:51.870 align:middle line:84% to sandwich what is some fairly heavy reading with-- 00:00:51.870 --> 00:00:55.170 align:middle line:84% I'll add something-- it's a little lighter in the middle. 00:00:55.170 --> 00:01:00.420 align:middle line:84% But before doing that, I wanted to say, thanks to University 00:01:00.420 --> 00:01:05.880 align:middle line:84% of Arizona for bringing me here and specifically, to Alison 00:01:05.880 --> 00:01:08.220 align:middle line:84% Deming who ran the program beforehand 00:01:08.220 --> 00:01:12.150 align:middle line:84% and who extended the invitation to me to speak. 00:01:12.150 --> 00:01:14.910 align:middle line:84% To Jim, of course, as you've heard, 00:01:14.910 --> 00:01:17.370 align:middle line:84% I had the good sense to bail out of that scene 00:01:17.370 --> 00:01:19.470 align:middle line:90% before it became a scene. 00:01:19.470 --> 00:01:21.120 align:middle line:84% That's when you know you're really 00:01:21.120 --> 00:01:23.130 align:middle line:84% on top of things is when you stop going 00:01:23.130 --> 00:01:25.380 align:middle line:90% before it hits the newspaper. 00:01:25.380 --> 00:01:31.290 align:middle line:84% But it was a great scene, and we have ambitions of recreating it 00:01:31.290 --> 00:01:33.270 align:middle line:90% in Tucson so watch out. 00:01:33.270 --> 00:01:36.060 align:middle line:90% 00:01:36.060 --> 00:01:38.220 align:middle line:90% Also, thanks to the department. 00:01:38.220 --> 00:01:39.990 align:middle line:90% I see Larry here-- 00:01:39.990 --> 00:01:42.060 align:middle line:84% Larry Evers, and it's been great. 00:01:42.060 --> 00:01:44.280 align:middle line:84% It's a real pleasure and the faculty, 00:01:44.280 --> 00:01:47.100 align:middle line:84% and Dennis Evans also has been a great host 00:01:47.100 --> 00:01:48.480 align:middle line:90% in welcoming me to town. 00:01:48.480 --> 00:01:51.870 align:middle line:90% 00:01:51.870 --> 00:01:56.620 align:middle line:84% I'll read about, probably 40 minutes or so, I would say, 00:01:56.620 --> 00:01:59.400 align:middle line:84% and then I will not answer questions, 00:01:59.400 --> 00:02:02.190 align:middle line:90% unless you catch me out front. 00:02:02.190 --> 00:02:05.290 align:middle line:90% What I am going to do-- 00:02:05.290 --> 00:02:08.956 align:middle line:84% I was in a kind of dark frame of mind 00:02:08.956 --> 00:02:11.039 align:middle line:84% earlier this week when I put this reading together 00:02:11.039 --> 00:02:12.640 align:middle line:90% for a couple of reasons. 00:02:12.640 --> 00:02:15.180 align:middle line:84% One of which was the stabbing on Fourth Avenue, 00:02:15.180 --> 00:02:20.310 align:middle line:84% which was upsetting to say the least to me 00:02:20.310 --> 00:02:24.000 align:middle line:84% and which is the purpose behind the specific cause, 00:02:24.000 --> 00:02:27.280 align:middle line:84% behind the rally, which Jim referred to, 00:02:27.280 --> 00:02:29.040 align:middle line:90% which is happening on Sunday. 00:02:29.040 --> 00:02:32.250 align:middle line:84% And I want to give David Robinson credit, the faculty 00:02:32.250 --> 00:02:36.030 align:middle line:84% member who's also new, who has really been pushing 00:02:36.030 --> 00:02:37.500 align:middle line:90% forced behind that rally. 00:02:37.500 --> 00:02:41.730 align:middle line:90% 00:02:41.730 --> 00:02:44.850 align:middle line:84% That and then there was a wonderful essay in my workshop 00:02:44.850 --> 00:02:49.890 align:middle line:84% this week by Eliot Sloan, my student who 00:02:49.890 --> 00:02:54.690 align:middle line:84% wrote about those dark days of the 1980s 00:02:54.690 --> 00:02:57.120 align:middle line:84% from a very different perspective-- someone who 00:02:57.120 --> 00:03:01.980 align:middle line:84% was a teenager at the time, but they put me in that place. 00:03:01.980 --> 00:03:05.010 align:middle line:84% And I decided I wanted to go back and visit those places 00:03:05.010 --> 00:03:07.500 align:middle line:84% again, kind of in memoriam in a way, 00:03:07.500 --> 00:03:11.130 align:middle line:84% so I thought I'd start by reading some fiction. 00:03:11.130 --> 00:03:13.800 align:middle line:84% And I'll read a couple of passages. 00:03:13.800 --> 00:03:16.710 align:middle line:84% Maybe it's the frame of mind that I am in these days. 00:03:16.710 --> 00:03:18.570 align:middle line:84% There was the time in my life I would never 00:03:18.570 --> 00:03:20.280 align:middle line:84% have thought that I would have ended up 00:03:20.280 --> 00:03:22.450 align:middle line:90% in this particular journey. 00:03:22.450 --> 00:03:26.140 align:middle line:84% And certainly, a question to ask is how did I get here? 00:03:26.140 --> 00:03:28.830 align:middle line:84% I ask myself that all the time, but I 00:03:28.830 --> 00:03:32.520 align:middle line:84% seem to be, these days, engaged with issues of faith a lot. 00:03:32.520 --> 00:03:34.920 align:middle line:84% And the pieces that I put together, 00:03:34.920 --> 00:03:36.780 align:middle line:84% not all, but most of them, I would 00:03:36.780 --> 00:03:40.870 align:middle line:84% define as prayers in some way or another. 00:03:40.870 --> 00:03:43.020 align:middle line:84% And it's interesting to think about why, 00:03:43.020 --> 00:03:46.140 align:middle line:84% but that was my motivation behind choosing them. 00:03:46.140 --> 00:03:50.010 align:middle line:84% So you can make your own judgments about that. 00:03:50.010 --> 00:03:53.880 align:middle line:84% This is a passage from my novel Scissors, Paper, Rock, 00:03:53.880 --> 00:03:56.730 align:middle line:90% my second novel. 00:03:56.730 --> 00:03:58.300 align:middle line:90% I think it stands alone. 00:03:58.300 --> 00:04:00.660 align:middle line:84% It's probably helpful to know there's 00:04:00.660 --> 00:04:03.540 align:middle line:90% a matriarch and a patriarch. 00:04:03.540 --> 00:04:05.520 align:middle line:84% The matriarch's name is Rose Ella. 00:04:05.520 --> 00:04:08.670 align:middle line:84% The patriarch's name is Tom Hardin. 00:04:08.670 --> 00:04:13.410 align:middle line:84% The son's name is Raphael or Raphe for short. 00:04:13.410 --> 00:04:16.230 align:middle line:84% It's at the end of a long day, a family picnic, 00:04:16.230 --> 00:04:21.480 align:middle line:84% and during the course of which this picnic is celebrating 00:04:21.480 --> 00:04:25.710 align:middle line:84% Tom Hardin's recovery from cancer surgery, 00:04:25.710 --> 00:04:29.230 align:middle line:84% but at the end of it, the son Raphael 00:04:29.230 --> 00:04:33.390 align:middle line:84% chooses the day to tell his mother that he's HIV positive. 00:04:33.390 --> 00:04:36.300 align:middle line:84% And this is at the very end of that long chapter that 00:04:36.300 --> 00:04:38.790 align:middle line:84% has included everything from dancing monks 00:04:38.790 --> 00:04:44.160 align:middle line:84% to family disputes, and Rose Ella 00:04:44.160 --> 00:04:48.160 align:middle line:90% is alone at the end of the day. 00:04:48.160 --> 00:04:51.570 align:middle line:84% I'll talk a little bit more later about how I come 00:04:51.570 --> 00:04:54.315 align:middle line:84% by my connection with monks, but for the moment 00:04:54.315 --> 00:04:55.200 align:middle line:90% [CLEARS THROAT]-- 00:04:55.200 --> 00:04:58.740 align:middle line:90% 0 Scissors, Paper, Rock. 00:04:58.740 --> 00:05:01.050 align:middle line:90% "Rose Ella lay awake alone. 00:05:01.050 --> 00:05:03.660 align:middle line:84% Tom Hardin, who slept fitfully these days, 00:05:03.660 --> 00:05:06.180 align:middle line:84% had taken to spending his nights in one of the children's 00:05:06.180 --> 00:05:09.540 align:middle line:84% empty bedrooms, so as not to disturb her with his tossing 00:05:09.540 --> 00:05:10.830 align:middle line:90% and turning. 00:05:10.830 --> 00:05:13.410 align:middle line:84% Rose Ella lay and stared at the sheet light-- 00:05:13.410 --> 00:05:17.490 align:middle line:84% at the sheet lightning flicker and dance across the ceiling. 00:05:17.490 --> 00:05:18.360 align:middle line:90% Why me? 00:05:18.360 --> 00:05:19.770 align:middle line:90% Why us? 00:05:19.770 --> 00:05:22.020 align:middle line:84% People thought they were so smart these days, 00:05:22.020 --> 00:05:24.360 align:middle line:84% going to the moon and making all this money, 00:05:24.360 --> 00:05:26.070 align:middle line:90% but that's what it came down to. 00:05:26.070 --> 00:05:28.860 align:middle line:84% That's what it always came down to, and always would 00:05:28.860 --> 00:05:30.060 align:middle line:90% come down to-- 00:05:30.060 --> 00:05:33.180 align:middle line:90% questions with no answers. 00:05:33.180 --> 00:05:34.710 align:middle line:90% Now, she was alone. 00:05:34.710 --> 00:05:37.710 align:middle line:84% Now, she-- now, she could cry, and she bit her lip 00:05:37.710 --> 00:05:39.360 align:middle line:90% to keep from crying. 00:05:39.360 --> 00:05:41.250 align:middle line:90% What did she done wrong? 00:05:41.250 --> 00:05:44.130 align:middle line:84% A big country family deep enough in the hills 00:05:44.130 --> 00:05:47.790 align:middle line:84% to avoid city, influences but with enough flat land 00:05:47.790 --> 00:05:49.560 align:middle line:90% to live decent-- 00:05:49.560 --> 00:05:52.080 align:middle line:84% the family that prays together stays together, 00:05:52.080 --> 00:05:53.640 align:middle line:90% the priest had said. 00:05:53.640 --> 00:05:57.510 align:middle line:84% Well, they'd prayed together, at first anyway, a rosary a night 00:05:57.510 --> 00:06:00.690 align:middle line:84% on their knees, then every other night, then every third night, 00:06:00.690 --> 00:06:02.130 align:middle line:90% or once a week. 00:06:02.130 --> 00:06:04.410 align:middle line:90% Had they abandoned God? 00:06:04.410 --> 00:06:07.590 align:middle line:84% More like the other way around, she said this aloud, 00:06:07.590 --> 00:06:11.970 align:middle line:84% then muttered a quick act of contrition. 00:06:11.970 --> 00:06:14.370 align:middle line:84% All those children in something like a decade, 00:06:14.370 --> 00:06:16.770 align:middle line:84% and that wasn't counting the miscarriages. 00:06:16.770 --> 00:06:19.230 align:middle line:84% These no one remembered except herself, 00:06:19.230 --> 00:06:20.940 align:middle line:84% who remembered each of them as clearly 00:06:20.940 --> 00:06:25.950 align:middle line:84% as if each of those babies had been born squalling and whole. 00:06:25.950 --> 00:06:29.040 align:middle line:84% There had been too many children off in a million directions-- 00:06:29.040 --> 00:06:32.070 align:middle line:84% cheerleading practice, football, homecoming parades, 00:06:32.070 --> 00:06:36.330 align:middle line:84% graduations, births, births, births, and always the cows 00:06:36.330 --> 00:06:37.980 align:middle line:90% to milk. 00:06:37.980 --> 00:06:40.860 align:middle line:84% Rose Ella had done her part and stuck with the church. 00:06:40.860 --> 00:06:43.770 align:middle line:84% She'd raised her kids to be good Catholics. 00:06:43.770 --> 00:06:46.560 align:middle line:84% Was it her fault they'd left the church? 00:06:46.560 --> 00:06:48.240 align:middle line:90% What did she done wrong? 00:06:48.240 --> 00:06:50.940 align:middle line:84% That was no question worth lying awake over. 00:06:50.940 --> 00:06:52.950 align:middle line:84% If she was old enough to know anything, 00:06:52.950 --> 00:06:55.620 align:middle line:84% she was old enough to know that, and still she'd 00:06:55.620 --> 00:06:57.420 align:middle line:84% spent a life hiding from questions 00:06:57.420 --> 00:07:00.840 align:middle line:84% that came upon her, watching Tom Hardin's balding, 00:07:00.840 --> 00:07:04.530 align:middle line:84% jaundiced scalp, his thick silver hair lost 00:07:04.530 --> 00:07:08.520 align:middle line:84% to chemotherapy, staying busy for a lifetime around Raphael 00:07:08.520 --> 00:07:11.400 align:middle line:84% because she was afraid of what he had to say, 00:07:11.400 --> 00:07:15.930 align:middle line:84% of letting herself know what she already knew. 00:07:15.930 --> 00:07:19.710 align:middle line:84% She and her husband, she and her daughter, she and her sons-- 00:07:19.710 --> 00:07:23.310 align:middle line:90% of all them, this was true. 00:07:23.310 --> 00:07:26.100 align:middle line:84% They had been less than honest with each other 00:07:26.100 --> 00:07:29.790 align:middle line:84% because they had not wanted to speak of these matters, 00:07:29.790 --> 00:07:33.630 align:middle line:84% because none had wanted to hear what the others were 00:07:33.630 --> 00:07:36.510 align:middle line:90% unwilling to say. 00:07:36.510 --> 00:07:38.730 align:middle line:84% But wasn't this true of everyone? 00:07:38.730 --> 00:07:41.100 align:middle line:84% What were words worth when confronted 00:07:41.100 --> 00:07:44.970 align:middle line:84% with the mute intuition of things unseen, 00:07:44.970 --> 00:07:48.870 align:middle line:84% the infinitude of grief, the high pinnacles of joy, 00:07:48.870 --> 00:07:53.910 align:middle line:84% the profundity of love, the omnipotence of desire? 00:07:53.910 --> 00:07:56.430 align:middle line:84% How could grief, joy, love, or desire 00:07:56.430 --> 00:07:59.400 align:middle line:84% be spoken of when they weren't comprehended 00:07:59.400 --> 00:08:02.010 align:middle line:90% by the words themselves? 00:08:02.010 --> 00:08:05.640 align:middle line:84% Words-- as necessary and shapeless as water. 00:08:05.640 --> 00:08:08.340 align:middle line:90% 00:08:08.340 --> 00:08:11.790 align:middle line:84% A summer afternoon, Rafe had talked about the hot light 00:08:11.790 --> 00:08:14.970 align:middle line:84% from the patio that would make it the new house sometime 00:08:14.970 --> 00:08:16.770 align:middle line:90% around 1960. 00:08:16.770 --> 00:08:18.750 align:middle line:84% Rafe would have been six or seven, 00:08:18.750 --> 00:08:21.960 align:middle line:84% and she had been so upset as to flat out cry 00:08:21.960 --> 00:08:23.820 align:middle line:84% right in the kitchen where one of the kids 00:08:23.820 --> 00:08:25.860 align:middle line:90% was sure to come upon her." 00:08:25.860 --> 00:08:28.450 align:middle line:84% In the scene where he tells her he's HIV positive, 00:08:28.450 --> 00:08:33.000 align:middle line:84% he recalls the only time he saw her cry, and he asks why. 00:08:33.000 --> 00:08:36.990 align:middle line:84% And she says she doesn't remember it. 00:08:36.990 --> 00:08:42.929 align:middle line:84% "1960-- she and Tom Hardin had been married 17, no, 18 years. 00:08:42.929 --> 00:08:44.940 align:middle line:84% They hadn't fought in a long while, 00:08:44.940 --> 00:08:47.520 align:middle line:84% not since around the time of Raphe's birth. 00:08:47.520 --> 00:08:51.360 align:middle line:84% Now, when things got tense, Tom Hardin hid out in the woodshop. 00:08:51.360 --> 00:08:53.610 align:middle line:84% She had the sewing, and cooking, and cleaning, 00:08:53.610 --> 00:08:57.330 align:middle line:84% and one hour a week for the Sacred Heart sodality, 00:08:57.330 --> 00:09:00.360 align:middle line:84% when she napped while pretending to pray. 00:09:00.360 --> 00:09:03.090 align:middle line:84% When would she have had time to cry? 00:09:03.090 --> 00:09:08.490 align:middle line:84% Merciful memory, nothing, then something-- 00:09:08.490 --> 00:09:11.760 align:middle line:84% one of the monks, Brother Edward, Brother Asaph, 00:09:11.760 --> 00:09:13.980 align:middle line:84% Brother Benedict, Brother Romuel, 00:09:13.980 --> 00:09:17.580 align:middle line:84% he had long since flown North back where he'd come from, 00:09:17.580 --> 00:09:19.800 align:middle line:90% had brought flowers. 00:09:19.800 --> 00:09:22.140 align:middle line:84% The monastery had a greenhouse in those days, 00:09:22.140 --> 00:09:24.720 align:middle line:84% where they'd grown flowers for the altar, none of that 00:09:24.720 --> 00:09:27.090 align:middle line:84% frivolousness now under the new regime. 00:09:27.090 --> 00:09:29.730 align:middle line:84% The green house had been dismantled years ago. 00:09:29.730 --> 00:09:31.380 align:middle line:84% The monks had brought her cuttings 00:09:31.380 --> 00:09:33.480 align:middle line:84% from the flowers they'd thrown away. 00:09:33.480 --> 00:09:37.590 align:middle line:84% These she'd rooted, and planted, and tended still. 00:09:37.590 --> 00:09:41.220 align:middle line:84% This monk had brought succulents for Rose Ella's cactus garden 00:09:41.220 --> 00:09:44.670 align:middle line:84% and a single stalk of a cymbidium orchid from which 00:09:44.670 --> 00:09:47.250 align:middle line:90% there hung eight or 10 blooms. 00:09:47.250 --> 00:09:49.380 align:middle line:84% And those delicate throaty blossoms 00:09:49.380 --> 00:09:53.010 align:middle line:84% she remembered Camp Jr., the only son of a rich farming 00:09:53.010 --> 00:09:55.500 align:middle line:84% family who rode her around in his father's car, 00:09:55.500 --> 00:09:59.190 align:middle line:84% and took her to movies, and yes, bought her flowers. 00:09:59.190 --> 00:10:01.820 align:middle line:84% At the movie, she'd realized how many of the stars 00:10:01.820 --> 00:10:04.130 align:middle line:84% were just country girls who'd taken themselves 00:10:04.130 --> 00:10:06.560 align:middle line:84% to California with a little gumption and talent, 00:10:06.560 --> 00:10:08.990 align:middle line:90% and she had plenty of both. 00:10:08.990 --> 00:10:10.910 align:middle line:90% Oh, she had plans. 00:10:10.910 --> 00:10:13.880 align:middle line:84% The rich boyfriend-- well, rich to her-- 00:10:13.880 --> 00:10:16.250 align:middle line:84% took her out, and they parked on the courthouse square 00:10:16.250 --> 00:10:17.600 align:middle line:90% and looked at maps. 00:10:17.600 --> 00:10:20.570 align:middle line:84% They would drive his new car-- to be bought with money he was 00:10:20.570 --> 00:10:22.490 align:middle line:90% sure to inherit-- 00:10:22.490 --> 00:10:26.120 align:middle line:84% across route 66 to Pasadena, to Hollywood, where 00:10:26.120 --> 00:10:27.690 align:middle line:90% he would go to law school-- 00:10:27.690 --> 00:10:30.260 align:middle line:84% they must have law schools in California-- 00:10:30.260 --> 00:10:33.230 align:middle line:84% and she would try her luck in the movies. 00:10:33.230 --> 00:10:35.540 align:middle line:84% Then high school ended, and Camp Jr. Went 00:10:35.540 --> 00:10:37.190 align:middle line:90% to the state university. 00:10:37.190 --> 00:10:39.680 align:middle line:84% She wrote him letters and waited until the day 00:10:39.680 --> 00:10:42.350 align:middle line:84% when she met Tom Hardin on the courthouse square, 00:10:42.350 --> 00:10:44.630 align:middle line:90% and she had waited long enough. 00:10:44.630 --> 00:10:46.580 align:middle line:90% Tom Hardin was flirtatious. 00:10:46.580 --> 00:10:49.220 align:middle line:84% He had no money at all, but he had a truck. 00:10:49.220 --> 00:10:51.260 align:middle line:84% Even if it was an old one, it got them 00:10:51.260 --> 00:10:53.240 align:middle line:90% where they needed to go. 00:10:53.240 --> 00:10:57.980 align:middle line:84% By the time Camp Jr. returned-- in fact, his father had died. 00:10:57.980 --> 00:11:01.190 align:middle line:84% In fact, he had inherited the farm and a good deal more. 00:11:01.190 --> 00:11:04.520 align:middle line:84% In fact, he was on his way to Vanderbilt Law-- 00:11:04.520 --> 00:11:06.200 align:middle line:90% Rose Ella was married. 00:11:06.200 --> 00:11:08.930 align:middle line:84% She had her children, and named them for movie stars, 00:11:08.930 --> 00:11:10.940 align:middle line:84% and put all that foolishness behind her 00:11:10.940 --> 00:11:12.770 align:middle line:90% until the day when that monk-- 00:11:12.770 --> 00:11:13.880 align:middle line:90% Brother Tobias? 00:11:13.880 --> 00:11:15.230 align:middle line:90% Brother Brendan? 00:11:15.230 --> 00:11:18.860 align:middle line:84% Brought orchids, and Rafe found her crying. 00:11:18.860 --> 00:11:21.200 align:middle line:84% Typical, she told herself sternly, 00:11:21.200 --> 00:11:23.720 align:middle line:84% that in a life with plenty of good reasons to cry, 00:11:23.720 --> 00:11:28.550 align:middle line:84% Raphe should have come upon her crying over nothing. 00:11:28.550 --> 00:11:32.990 align:middle line:84% California, the place where their children went. 00:11:32.990 --> 00:11:35.750 align:middle line:84% She imagined herself there now, standing in the middle 00:11:35.750 --> 00:11:37.220 align:middle line:90% of the Golden Gate Bridge. 00:11:37.220 --> 00:11:41.360 align:middle line:84% This was easy to do and on her only visit to San Francisco, 00:11:41.360 --> 00:11:43.370 align:middle line:84% Rafe had walked her halfway across, 00:11:43.370 --> 00:11:47.090 align:middle line:84% and she returned here often when she had trouble falling asleep. 00:11:47.090 --> 00:11:51.080 align:middle line:84% She felt the bridge tremble and sway beneath her feet. 00:11:51.080 --> 00:11:53.540 align:middle line:84% It's nothing but a plain old swinging bridge, 00:11:53.540 --> 00:11:56.420 align:middle line:84% was what she said to Raphe on that first visit, 00:11:56.420 --> 00:11:58.460 align:middle line:84% just like the bridge Tom Hardin built 00:11:58.460 --> 00:12:02.930 align:middle line:84% across the creek behind the old house, only bigger. 00:12:02.930 --> 00:12:04.820 align:middle line:84% And Tom Hardin had the good sense 00:12:04.820 --> 00:12:07.440 align:middle line:84% to put a high chain-link fence on his bridge, 00:12:07.440 --> 00:12:08.570 align:middle line:90% she might have added. 00:12:08.570 --> 00:12:10.250 align:middle line:84% But this was California, and there 00:12:10.250 --> 00:12:13.430 align:middle line:84% was, between her and giddy air, only a middle bannister not 00:12:13.430 --> 00:12:15.410 align:middle line:90% much higher than her waist. 00:12:15.410 --> 00:12:18.500 align:middle line:84% To look over and look down was to be sucked in. 00:12:18.500 --> 00:12:22.190 align:middle line:84% You might fall off such a bridge just by looking down too long. 00:12:22.190 --> 00:12:24.980 align:middle line:84% She thought this thin standing next to Rafe, 00:12:24.980 --> 00:12:27.320 align:middle line:84% and now she yields to temptation. 00:12:27.320 --> 00:12:28.970 align:middle line:84% She leans over and looks straight 00:12:28.970 --> 00:12:34.460 align:middle line:84% down until the scalloping waves mesmerize her and she falls. 00:12:34.460 --> 00:12:37.430 align:middle line:84% At first, she tumbles head over heels, but then she spread-- 00:12:37.430 --> 00:12:40.550 align:middle line:84% her spreads her arms like the Olympic diver she's seen 00:12:40.550 --> 00:12:41.660 align:middle line:90% on television-- 00:12:41.660 --> 00:12:44.180 align:middle line:84% thrusting her ample breasts before her, 00:12:44.180 --> 00:12:47.540 align:middle line:84% pointing her toes to the retreating sky. 00:12:47.540 --> 00:12:49.670 align:middle line:84% A flock of mud swallows attacks her 00:12:49.670 --> 00:12:52.160 align:middle line:84% with sharp beaks and beating wings. 00:12:52.160 --> 00:12:54.830 align:middle line:84% But she falls through them, and they bank and wheel 00:12:54.830 --> 00:12:57.590 align:middle line:84% back to their nests, built on the underpinnings 00:12:57.590 --> 00:12:59.120 align:middle line:90% of the bridge. 00:12:59.120 --> 00:13:02.540 align:middle line:84% She falls past screaming gulls, toward the billowing sails 00:13:02.540 --> 00:13:06.590 align:middle line:84% of the boats on the bay, past the crenelated turrets, and gun 00:13:06.590 --> 00:13:08.720 align:middle line:84% emplacements, and astonished tourists 00:13:08.720 --> 00:13:13.460 align:middle line:84% faces crowding the Civil War Fort into the sea, splashless 00:13:13.460 --> 00:13:15.230 align:middle line:90% as a pelican. 00:13:15.230 --> 00:13:18.630 align:middle line:84% The cold waters of the Golden Gate close over her. 00:13:18.630 --> 00:13:24.650 align:middle line:84% She runs her tongue over her lips and tastes salt. 00:13:24.650 --> 00:13:26.180 align:middle line:90% The tide is withdrawing. 00:13:26.180 --> 00:13:28.790 align:middle line:84% She floats sideways, west toward the sun, 00:13:28.790 --> 00:13:31.440 align:middle line:84% toward the foreign places of her imagination 00:13:31.440 --> 00:13:34.760 align:middle line:84% until pressure from the water above overcomes her buoyancy, 00:13:34.760 --> 00:13:36.260 align:middle line:90% and she sinks. 00:13:36.260 --> 00:13:39.890 align:middle line:84% Rafe, who knows such things, has told her that the channel here 00:13:39.890 --> 00:13:43.370 align:middle line:90% is very deep, 300, 400 feet. 00:13:43.370 --> 00:13:45.980 align:middle line:84% A shark swims by-- the great white shark 00:13:45.980 --> 00:13:47.600 align:middle line:90% that breeds in the bay. 00:13:47.600 --> 00:13:49.310 align:middle line:90% It bears its teeth. 00:13:49.310 --> 00:13:52.190 align:middle line:90% She faces it down smiling. 00:13:52.190 --> 00:13:56.210 align:middle line:84% She has not failed her scattered children, her dying husband, 00:13:56.210 --> 00:13:59.300 align:middle line:90% her youngest son. 00:13:59.300 --> 00:14:01.580 align:middle line:84% Above the waves the sun spreads itself 00:14:01.580 --> 00:14:04.340 align:middle line:90% across the Pacific, tons of-- 00:14:04.340 --> 00:14:07.310 align:middle line:84% tongues of livid scarlet yield to Rose, 00:14:07.310 --> 00:14:11.330 align:middle line:84% then muted yellow, then the deepening violets of dusk. 00:14:11.330 --> 00:14:13.430 align:middle line:84% On the rocks of the fair lawns, elephant 00:14:13.430 --> 00:14:15.800 align:middle line:90% seals slide into the water. 00:14:15.800 --> 00:14:20.360 align:middle line:84% Tens of thousands of birds, mirrors, puffins, petrols, 00:14:20.360 --> 00:14:25.070 align:middle line:84% cormorants, sink to darkness, finding nests and niches, 00:14:25.070 --> 00:14:27.530 align:middle line:84% tucking bills into their breasts, 00:14:27.530 --> 00:14:30.320 align:middle line:84% ruffling feathers about their young. 00:14:30.320 --> 00:14:33.590 align:middle line:84% Sinking below the waters, Rose Ella remembers-- 00:14:33.590 --> 00:14:38.500 align:middle line:84% Brother Alfred, bringer of the orchids, and she sleeps." 00:14:38.500 --> 00:14:40.000 align:middle line:90%